Chapter 19
Chapter Nineteen
Carter
So that’s how it’s going to be.
Fine .
I watch Eve flee the classroom like she’s fleeing the scene of a bloody crime. Only the blood is coming from my slaughtered heart. I don’t know what I thought would happen. But the complete avoidance, to the point of almost being obvious to outside observers, was not it.
I sigh as I pack up my belongings as the students trickle out the door.
At least we’re doing the right thing, I think, even if it feels like total shit.
When Violet approaches my desk after all the other students have cleared out, I tense up. She’s Eve’s friend. I need to play it cool.
“Mr. Morgan, how’s it going?”
“Just fine, Violet. What can I help you with?”
She leans on the side of my desk and juts a hip out, twirling her long brown hair around a finger. She smiles a thousand watt smile and runs a hand over the curve of her hip.
“I was wondering if you could go over the last chapter we were working on with me.”
“Are you having trouble with it?”
“Yeah,” she admits, with a coy smile. Something doesn’t sit right with me. I’m pretty sure she’s trying to flirt, but it just looks like she’s playing dumb to me. I hate that. There’s nothing that turns me on more than a smart woman.
Eve’s face flashes in my head and I push it away.
“There’s a study group that meets in the library every Wednesday evening at six p.m., Violet. I bet you can find the help you need there.”
“I was hoping for, well you know…”
“I don’t know,” I say. “Say what you want to say, please.”
“I was hoping for a little more one on one attention,” she bends over my desk, exposing even more of her cleavage, her breasts threatening to pop out of her low cut blouse.
She is so obvious. It’s a total turn off.
“I don’t do private sessions with students, Violet,” I say. “You’re welcome to email me with any specific questions you may have. I’ve set up the study sessions featuring some of my brightest students in order to ensure success. I really think it will be helpful to you.”
“Right,” she says, unable to hide her disappointment.
I don’t care one bit, though. I’m not about to take the bait.
“Give it a try. Let me know if that method doesn’t work for you,” I offer, quickly packing up my books. I give her a pointed look and she turns on her heel and heads for the exit, much to my relief.
It’s the last class of the day for me, so I head home and seek the comfort of my couch and the beer in my fridge. I keep replaying the scene with Violet in my head. She’s a beautiful woman. And yet, it was so easy to deflect her advances.
With Eve, it isn’t easy at all. Nothing about this is easy. In fact, it’s difficult as hell.
All I want now is to be alone. I mean, since I can’t be with Eve, of course. I’d choose being with Eve over being with anyone, but that’s not an option.
Unfortunately, even at home, in my boxers with a beer in my hand, while I sprawl out on the couch and watch basketball, I am still plagued with constant thoughts of her.
The feel of her kiss…
The softness of her moans…
And the image of her walking away from me, after I hurt her tremendously….
Swirling in torturous circles, my interactions with Eve seem to have dug in so deep my mind can’t help but replay them over and over.
It’s like she’s a ghost in my brain, drifting around from dark corner to dark corner, staying up all night long and turning on all the lights while I’m trying to sleep.
Will thoughts of Eve always haunt me?
Even here in my home, I can see her on the couch, walking through the door, staring up at me with expectant eyes…
I failed her.
She trusted me to be open enough to ask me to take her virginity, for fuck’s sake.
And I let her down, rejected her, turned a cold shoulder when she was already down.
The fact that I was a total and complete asshole was not lost on me.
I try to remind myself that it’s for our own good, but I can’t shake the shame of hurting her.
The thought of calling her, apologizing, groveling and asking her to let me come over and kiss away all of this pain is forefront in my mind. The strength to keep my phone out of reach is a hard thing to muster, but I try to focus on increasing my buzz until the thoughts that are torturing me relentlessly fade away.
What a way to spend my evening, I think. All alone and heartsick and not getting drunk fast enough to make it all go away.
I’m almost there, though, when my phone buzzes.
Pulling myself from the couch, I make my way to the kitchen counter to check it, more than half-hoping it’s Eve. But it isn’t. It’s my mother, the last person I really want to hear from.
“Come home on Saturday morning. I need to talk to you.”
This isn’t good.
My mother isn’t one for happy, feel good reunions. If she’s telling me to come home, it’s for a good reason. Or, most likely a bad reason.
“Fuck,” I mutter, running a hand through my hair. I pull the whiskey from the kitchen cabinet to aid in speeding up that much needed buzz, take a swig off the bottle and head for bed with it clutched in my hand.
By the time I’ve undressed and turned everything off and locked up, that buzz is forming nicely now. I throw out my intentions of not thinking about Eve in bed anymore, and opt for one last indulgent session.
I’m under the covers with my cock in my hand in no time, my eyes closed, my imagination working overtime as I try to pretend my hand is Eve’s hand.
It’s a poor substitute, no doubt, but I get there eventually and fall asleep hoping I’ll wake up with an entirely new thought pattern.
I need Eve out of my system, desperately.
Unfortunately, my dreams are filled with images of her.
Eve, spread-eagle and butt-naked on my bed, summoning me with a curled fingertip and a coy smile, begging me to take her virginity, once and for all.
In my dreams, I do just as she wishes and it’s the best thing I’ve ever felt in my life.
In my dreams, we reach mind-blowing orgasms together, our voices rising into the darkness like a sacred song the two of us are destined to sing together.
It’s all very magical, very delicate, very tender and intimate.
And all very, very fake.
The tragedy of this entire situation is that I really believe Eve and I could be good together but we’ll never get the opportunity to truly find out.
I wake up devastated and depressed, the dark cloud hanging over me appearing much darker.
Even so, I’m still completely resolved to stay as far away from Eve as I can.