Chapter 28
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Eve
My knee jitters nervously as I sit in Clarissa’s office, waiting for her to arrive for our meeting. She’d emailed me early this morning to stop by and I was filled with dread that she was going to deliver bad news to me.
My head spins as I wait. Most good news is delivered via email.
Like, if you’re at the doctor and they want to let you know a test turned out negative, nobody calls you. They send you a message through your e-chart. But if you’re fucked and have some terrible terminal disease?
Oh, no, they’re going to need you to come in. That’s how it works in the movies, right? That’s how it worked with my mother.
Misery washes over me as I think about the day she’d gotten the news she had been diagnosed with uterine cancer. I think she already knew, deep down inside. She came out of the doctor’s office to face my father who was waiting in the waiting room with me and I knew before she said a word, just by the look on her face.
Of course, nobody would deliver that news in person.
If she’d been free and clear, they’d have told her over the phone or email while she sat celebrating in her kitchen.
I couldn’t shake the fear that this meeting was similar.
The email had been short and simple, with no hints to examine, unfortunately. I vow as I sit there, to never keep my patients waiting or guessing like this. If I ever become a doctor, that is.
I can’t help but imagine my future at that moment.
If my financial aid doesn’t go through, then I will be tied to my father forever if I want to remain in med school. I want to kick myself for not applying for financial aid sooner. At this late date, the offerings would be slim and my chances were even slimmer of being the recipient of any relief.
I can’t help but wish my father wasn’t so controlling. If only he could accept that I was an adult who needed his help and support, not some possession that needed to prove their worthiness to receive that support.
He’s my father, for fuck’s sake. He should be tender and loving. Instead he was a downright tyrant.
When Clarissa finally walks in, I was deep in the darkness of impending doom.
“I’m so glad you’re here!” she says, as she sits down across from me and plops down a huge office file with my name on it.
“You are?” I ask, eyeing her suspiciously. She looks happy, but I’m hesitant to trust my perceptions at this point. Maybe she’s just being kind, softening the blow, so to speak, before she annihilates any sense of a chance at being independent.
“Yes,” she continues. “I think you’re going to be quite pleased, Eve.”
My heart skips a beat at the sound of her words, the excitement in her eyes.
“What’s going on?”
“Well, everything came through. All of it. You got everything you applied for, Eve! Isn’t that wonderful?” She cries.
I’m stunned.
“Everything?” I ask, unable to even remember what the hell everything consisted of.
“Yes, look,” she says, thankfully opening the file and sliding some papers across the desk to me. I struggle to make sense of it all. “You received almost a full ride for everything. Tuition and books, ninety percent covered. The rest you can easily take out a loan for. You don’t have to worry about it for another second, Eve.”
“I don’t understand. How did this happen? I thought I was applying for loans mostly.”
“Honestly? I think it was your essay. I took the liberty of making a few copies and applying for several other scholarships that I knew might be a long shot. But one of them came through. It’s a private scholarship from a wealthy donor. They were so impressed with your dedication to become a doctor because of your mother’s death, and your ability to express such empathy in the wake of it, instead of being bitter. They love that you turned something so incredibly traumatic into a healing event.”
“Wow,” I whisper, completely taken aback.
“And that’s not all,” she says. “I also got you a work study job, if you’re interested. It’s not much, just in the chemistry lab cleaning and scheduling and helping Professor Saman. I think you’ll like her. But it will help with expenses, and you get paid real money, not just a meal plan, or whatever.”
“That’s amazing, Clarissa, thank you,” I say, my eyes welling up with tears.
“It’s my pleasure, Eve. I’m so happy I could help you. This is the part of my job that I love so much. You’re a wonderful woman, Eve, and you’ve been dealt a shitty hand.”
“Oh, Clarissa,” I say, openly weeping now. The relief is immense. “How can I ever repay you?”
“Just go do something incredible for me, okay? I have no doubt you’re going to contribute greatly to the world of medicine.”
“I will,” I promise, standing up and going over to hug her. “I’ll never be able to thank you enough.”
“You’re free now, Eve. You can be free from trying to reach some sort of perfection for your father. You won’t have loans to repay. I’m so pleased it all worked out so well.”
“I’m incredibly blessed,” I say.
“You are,” she agrees. “In fact, I might go so far as to say you have a guardian angel looking out for you.”
I get goosebumps at her words, my mother’s sweet face flashing in my mind. Tears stream down my face as I smile at Clarissa.
“I certainly hope so,” I whisper.
When I leave a few minutes later, it feels like I’m walking on a cloud. I can’t wait to tell Carter. I imagine the look on his face and my heart swells.
It’s his love and support that’s enabled me to do this, to be strong enough to see it all through. I never expected writing that essay about my mother would fund my education entirely and the shock is still fresh.
I can barely feel my feet as I stumble through campus. Not having to worry about where my tuition is coming from — and in the absence of my father’s controlling bullshit — will open my mind up to become the best doctor I can be.
The fact that I can concentrate on my dream, with no distractions, is hugely uplifting.
I feel lucky. I feel blessed. And yes, I feel like someone else is walking with me every step of the way as I make my way back to Carter’s house to tell him everything.
When he opens the door, welcoming me in just as he always does — with his arms outstretched and ready to pull me into his warm and loving embrace. I can’t help but wonder if my guardian angel has been guiding this scenario along as well.
I’ve always thought my mother’s guidance through the difficulties in life was one of the biggest losses I’ve been saddled with.
And as Carter wraps me tightly in his arms, I sob.
I’m crying because I finally realize that maybe I was wrong all along. Maybe she’d been there the whole way through, holding me up when I didn’t know it. Maybe she’d brought Carter to me when I needed him the most.
“You’re crying again,” Carter points out.
I nod, the tears streaming freely down my face. I don’t care. It feels good. Like, a river of emotion finally released and bathing me clean.
“They’re good tears,” I reassure my love.
He bends his head, kissing them away with his warm, gentle lips. I turn my face up to him, letting him kiss them all away.
“So, tell me then,” he says. “What has happened that’s so amazing that it made you cry like this?”
I stare up at him, my heart full of pure love and joy.
“I got a full scholarship to med-school. Well, almost. I have to get a very small loan. But basically, a full ride for everything.”
“Seriously? My god, Eve, that’s incredible!”
“I know,” I whisper, incredulously. “I can’t believe it.”
“Woohoo!” He yells, before grabbing my hips and picking me up and twirling me around and around. I giggle, my hair flying out around us, and lightness filling my heart.
When he finally puts me back down and beams down at me, I can’t stop smiling.
“I’m so proud of you, princess,” he says, bending his head to kiss me. “How did this happen?”
“I wrote an essay about my mother. I didn’t tell you. I didn’t think it would make a difference. But I guess it did. A private donor is sponsoring most of my education, Carter! Can you believe it?”
“Of course I can believe it, you’re amazing. I’ve always known that. Anyone who knows you, knows that.”
“Why are you so good to me?” I ask, smiling up at him. His arms are wrapped around my waist, keeping me close.
“Because you deserve it, babe. You’re a wonderful woman, Eve. You deserve everything good in the world. I’m not surprised at all that someone else recognized your greatness. They’d have to be blind not to.”
“My father is going to have a heart attack.”
“Your father will be just fine.”
“He can’t control me anymore.”
“That’s absolutely correct, Eve. You’re the boss now. You call the shots.”
“I can have anything I want,” I whisper, my eyes darting down to his lips.
“You’re free,” he reminds me.
“Free to live my life,” I say, joy bubbling up inside of me.
“Free to kiss anyone you want. Even a frog,” he winks.
I laugh, shaking my head. “You’re hardly a frog, Carter. But yes, I can kiss anyone in the whole world that I want to.”