Chapter 30 – Renzo
Chapter Thirty
Renzo
It must be a little over eight months since I last slipped up and showed any of my true feelings to Geralynn.
I can never be so careless again, and I spend as much time as I can withholding my sexual urges and working out that energy at the gym with Gino and Peter, who both made fun of me until I just kicked their asses on our last bench press test last week.
I’m fucking shredded now compared to the day he was born and motivated by the absolute torment I have to go through every night sleeping feet away from Geralynn while I help with the baby, yet staying completely incapable of touching her and fucking up our contract.
I can’t risk screwing up and losing her.
Or Roman. I love them both so much it hurts.
The second I saw Roman, every bit of hatred in my heart melted away.
It’s hard to describe the immediate biological change that happened within me when I held my son unless it happens to you.
Every amount of sensitivity I’m capable of as a man poured out from me as I held Roman.
I knew I would die to protect him or his mother – instantly.
Thoughtlessly. I never considered my life so flippantly before.
I was never so selfless until Roman. And I wouldn’t have Roman without Geralynn.
If the baby was supposed to kill my feelings for Geralynn, the opposite happened.
I love them both more than I thought I was capable of before.
I feel lucky that Michael Corsini spared me for what I did.
If he really did what the rumors say about him, I finally understand.
I need to break out of this rut and do something that I don’t really want to do so I can keep my mind off Geralynn.
I need to date another woman. The thought fills me with a deep-seated dread but…
it’s for the best. I can’t continue to threaten her with my growing romantic feelings. I need a distraction.
Gino takes me out to the bar but unfortunately, he doesn’t intend to be my wingman.
“What the fuck is wrong with you, bro?”
I glare at Gino, who doesn’t seem bothered at all by the fact that he lied to me and promised me that he had an “easy blonde with huge tits” at this bar waiting for me. I wanted something easy, distracting, and most importantly quick. Instead, this is apparently a goddamn intervention.
“You told me you had a girl for me,” I snarl at Gino threateningly. My arms still ache from that bench workout, but I’m ready to swing on my brother if he keeps messing around like an asshole.
“You fucking dick,” Gino says, sipping on his beer. He didn’t order one for me. “You have a girl at home.”
I want to smack the shit out of this asshole. The whole point of this is that I can’t touch Geralynn. I can’t fuck with her head. I can’t possibly lose custody of my son when I live for coming home to him each night after work.
“I’ve been by her side for the past eight months and… I can’t bring myself to screw up our friendship by kissing her or trying anything.”
My anger with Gino heightens. He told me to just be there for Geralynn, but this hasn’t changed her feelings at all, and I just love her more than ever before. I’m getting ready to tie her to the bed and do something fucked up again.
I mutter under my breath as I dispel those horrific thoughts. “This is your fault.”
“How the fuck is this my fault?” Gino asks, chuckling in the most infuriating manner. My brother is such a fucking asshole.
“It’s your fault because you encouraged me to get closer to a woman who still wants nothing to do with me.”
“She won’t want anything to do with you if you pass your dick around Buffalo.”
“I can do something discreet, can’t I?”
“You have a fucking problem.”
“Yes. I have a twin brother that I should have eaten in the womb.”
He doesn’t realize that he’s a fucking menace.
“Have you tried just… asking her how she feels?”
“You’re a fucking idiot.”
“Am I?”
“Yes. Why would that work?”
“Okay. What was your plan, then?”
He’ll judge me but… Gino doesn’t understand women. He doesn’t understand much of anything except how to piss me off.
“I was going to tie her up while Roman slept and then eat her like an oyster until she finally confessed the truth.”
“I… I think I need to order you a drink.”
“It’s a good plan.”
“Eating her out is your plan. After scaring the crap out of her.”
“Is your plan better?”
“Yes. Much better.”
Gino orders me a drink, mostly to buy himself some more time on this earth.
I’m happier with a drink in my hand, which was a good call on Gino’s part. This is a pretty hoppy IPA and the painful burn down my throat and quicker drunkenness will make me happier and less likely to slap the shit out of my twin brother for bringing up yet another stupid suggestion.
“What’s your plan?”
“I knew you would ask eventually.”
“You bought me a pint,” I grumble. “I guess I can hear you out.”
Plus, he did allow me to get closer to Roman than I think I would have otherwise. I can’t admit that to Gino. He’s too arrogant about being right all the time.
“Talk to her.”
“You’re a fucking idiot.”
“I’m not.”
“How?”
“Just pour your heart out. Tell her how you feel. You have a child together, Renzo. Don’t you think everything changed for her too?”
Yes. She’ll want to protect Roman the same way that I do, and she still sees me as a dangerous and unpredictable person who she can’t trust. But I love my son.
He might not look at all like I thought my son would look, but I can’t imagine him being anything else other than Roman.
He has a strong nose already, like all the men in my family.
But his skin tone is the color of a cappuccino and already, he has thick curly black hair that reminds me of the men who live on the Italian coast where I went to business school. I want him close to me. I need Geralynn and my son to be my family.
I was wrong about… everything. And in America, we get to lose some traditions, don’t we? The Taviani family succeeded in America and we will succeed regardless of our so-called racial purity. It seems obvious now and like I should have learned the lesson before my son. I feel strangely… ashamed.
“She will never see me as the good guy.”
Gino laughs. “You’re not the good guy.”
“Exactly. That’s her problem.”
“No. She fell in love with the bad guy and knows exactly who you are. She just wants to know that the bad guy will burn down the entire world to keep her safe.”
Fuck. I hate that he might be right.
“If she says no… I’ll try the oyster thing.”
“If the oyster thing doesn’t work… I’ll get you that blonde I lied about.”
“Do you have one?”
“I’ve learned enough from watching you. I’m not interested in getting involved with a woman. It’s more trouble than it’s worth and I’m not ready to become a father.”
“It’s not so bad.”
That’s an understatement. I didn’t have a reason to live until I had Roman.
I don’t want to admit something so deeply sensitive and vulnerable to Gino.
We’re still in the mafia, which means that my son is still a massive vulnerability if I expose just how much he means to me.
I would do just about anything to keep them safe.
“Shit,” Gino says, chuckling. “You must really like it then.”
“He’s my son. I love him.”
“Do you think that’s how dad felt with us?”
“No. With Luigi… maybe.”
Gino laughs. “You’re such a cynic. Come on. You don’t really want a blonde with huge tits. You want Geralynn or you would have cursed me out before I got you that pint.”
Gino drives me home. He didn’t drink as much as I did, which I didn’t even notice. Ever since Nicki slipped me her little drug, I’ve been more sensitive to the effects of alcohol. I trust Gino not to do something fucked up.
“Okay,” Gino says, coaching me when he pulls the car up to the front of Geralynn’s new place. “I’ll wait for you to get inside and text me.”
“Thanks, brother.”
“I owe you one.”
I hate to think of his debt to me. That there might be inequality between us.
Gino annoys me, but he’s very much a part of me.
Walking out of the car back towards the house, I get so wrapped up in my thoughts about Geralynn and what will become of our relationship that I don’t notice anything wrong until I enter the house.
Her shoes aren’t by the door. I notice that first, but think that perhaps she got caught up in a fit of “nesting”. Geralynn wouldn’t leave without the baby.
“Geralynn?”
I call her name. There’s no response. I call Roman’s name.
Again, no response. But he’s a baby, so I don’t expect him to answer me.
Still, it’s strange not to hear from Geralynn.
My gut knows there’s something off but I don’t want to believe it or admit it to myself.
Taking a few steps further down the hallway, I enter the living room and immediately see Geralynn’s favorite mug knocked off the coffee table.
The rest of the room is an enormous mess that looks like there was a struggle.
I call Geralynn’s name again, my voice strained as panic settles in. I have a gun on me, but it’s not loaded because as far as I knew, I would be gone tonight and part of the contract means that we both get this distance if we need it.
I call my son’s name again, even if I logically know he can’t respond, I’m desperate to hear him crying or to get some sign that he’s still alive.
The house remains quiet. I stop thinking and sprint back to my son’s room where I find him lying fast asleep with gently lullaby music coming from a set of white speakers on the dresser.
Gino can’t leave. I scoop Roman out of the crib and run towards the front door of the house as fast as possible, shaking the poor baby awake. He starts screaming when I get outside, which only alerts Gino faster to the fact that something is wrong here.
He shuts the car off and gets out, running towards me as I hold Roman against my chest.
She’s gone.
Geralynn’s gone…