Chapter 31 – Geralynn
Chapter Thirty-One
Geralynn
Shortly Before Renzo And Gino Decide To Leave The Bar…
There’s a pit in my stomach about tonight.
Renzo acted weird all day and he’s not the type to go out drinking with his brother.
For the past few months, I feared the worst and I know it’s going to happen tonight.
Going out with his brother is a cover and Renzo is going out on a date.
I can’t blame him. Our weird co-parenting situation has been leading to this for months at this point.
I can’t expect him to stay faithful to me when I can hardly look him in the eye.
Him going out tonight “with Gino” made it all feel so real, but I didn’t even have the courage to stop him.
I just kept playing along with his obvious lie about meeting Gino for drinks, even if he dressed up in a blue shirt instead of a white one and wore cologne.
Renzo wouldn’t wear cologne just to hang out with his brother.
Renzo leaving makes me vulnerable and I do something so incredibly stupid after I put the baby down at 7 p.m. Roman will only sleep for a couple of hours, which is plenty of time for me to take a shower and a nap.
Renzo wants me to consider getting a nanny soon and if I don’t want to pay for it – even though I can afford it now thanks to the contract – he wants to cover the costs.
Doesn’t he see how this makes everything so confusing for me? He leaves to see and most likely go off to screw another girl while offering to give more than I would have ever expected the father of my child to give.
My vulnerability sends me onto my phone, which is the worst place to go when you’re feeling any type of way.
While Renzo can go off to distract himself with any of the hundreds of women lining up to throw themselves at a tall white guy with muscles and money, I’ll always have to be home with our little one. I’ll always have to put Roman first.
Sigh. I want to hate Renzo for going out but… he’s been perfect. And I can tell that he doesn’t want to screw up our friendship and the peaceful way we co-parent by kissing me or touching me or any of the other typical Renzo activities that send me into panic mode.
I pushed him away. I know I did it for a good reason. But now that it feels real – he’s out with someone else – my good reason feels stupid. And I just feel alone.
Nicki texts me. Which is possibly the worst thing and the worst time that could have happened.
Nicki: Are you busy?
Me: My baby is eight months old, Nicki.
We text back and forth occasionally, but I would be lying if I told you it’s the same. Nicki was my best friend and even if she thinks she did the right thing by “setting me up for life”... I can’t help but feel like a pawn in her game and that needs real atonement.
Nicki: Ok. So can I come over then?
Nicki: Pretty please.
Me: Why?
I’ve turned her down several times before when she’s asked to come over. I don’t want Nicki close to me when I still can’t trust her.
Nicki: I miss you.
Me: Okay.
I can’t be bothered to entertain this. What exactly did she miss about me? The opportunity to scheme on how to drug her best friend?
Nicki: I’ll help you study for the LSAT.
Okay, she must be desperate. Nicki hates everything that has to do with reading and academics. I used to think she had undiagnosed dyslexia or something when we were in school but she assured me that she just hated it and didn’t want to try.
Whatever the reason, she has never studied with me. We’ve been friends long enough that she has smoked weed, gotten drunk, and matched with six guys on Tinder in one night while I studied near her. But we haven’t ever worked together studying.
Me: Is this a trap?
Nicki: No. I need to get out of my house.
Nicki: And I’m still proving to you that I’m not a total bitch.
Me: Just a criminal?
Nicki: My whole family is criminals honestly.
Nicki: I never stood a chance
Nicki: I’m sorry, G. I’m coming over.
I don’t know why I give in to Nicki. I wonder if my friendship with her is more toxic than any relationship I could have with her brother.
Me: Ok. But Roman is asleep.
Nicki: I won’t be long.
Nicki: I’ll bring some lasagna
My stomach unwillingly throbs with desire.
This will be her third peace-offering lasagna since Roman’s birth and I have to admit to eating the entire pan of the first one without even telling Renzo she had Gino drop it off.
Yum. Nicki might be a fucking psychopathic Italian woman but she can cook the ass off a donkey.
I’m too weak to say no to homemade lasagna from an Italian woman who goes crazy in the kitchen.
Me: Promise not to put drugs in it?
Nicki: I deserve that. I promise. I love you. Be there soon.
She already had that lasagna ready, didn’t she? I never stood a chance. I sit on the couch with a cup of tea while I wait for her to come over. My phone sucks me in with the alluring infinite scroll of cooking videos available to me on Instagram.
Nothing is that far away in this part of New York, so I don’t have to wait longer than twenty minutes before I hear Nicki’s new car pull up outside. I don’t know how she makes money, but she must have access to enough money to get a brand new Elettrica Ferrari – a half million dollar car.
I’ve never known Nicki to wake up before ten in the morning – much less go to work.
I’m impressed that she had the bravery to transport a lasagna through traffic in a car that expensive, but that’s as far as it goes.
I don’t think I’ll ever trust her again the way I used to.
Nicki clearly wants things to go back to normal, though.
She greets me loudly outside and wraps me up in a hug that feels warm.
But also feels like it could possibly lead to deception. What if drugging me helps her with some other political goal within her family? Where exactly does she draw the line?
“I’m surprised Renzo isn’t here.”
Her surprise draws attention to his absence again, which I still feel so profoundly aware of in a way I wish didn’t hurt this badly.
“He’s out with Gino.”
“Oh…” I can tell from the sound of Nicki’s voice that even she thinks it sounds like bullshit. Luckily (for her) she has the lasagna to change the subject that will probably plague my subconscious thoughts for the rest of the night.
“Screw my brother. I brought a whole sheet pan of lasagna and… I want to do what I said. I’ll help you study for the LSAT but I can’t come up with any practice questions.”
Yeah, I don’t know if Nicki has studied in a very long time.
“Don’t worry,” Nicki reassures me. “I brought wine so I can get drunk enough to sit through three hours of studying. You have to be up with the baby, right?”