Chapter 36
CHAPTER 36
Holden
Five years earlier…
“You’re sure about this, Holden?” the Dean said, looking at me sternly.
The bucket seat creaked as I leaned forward and grabbed the pen from his hands, scribbling my name on the affidavit confession. “Positive,” I murmured, then did the same with the remaining three copies, finally sliding the signed contracts across the table.
I glanced at my Dad, seated beside me who made sure every ‘i’ was dotted and every ‘T’ was crossed.
He grabbed one of the copies, placing it carefully into his briefcase. “And if this gets out,” Dad said, “I’ll not only have your job, but I’ll own this whole fucking school outright, do we have an agreement?”
Dean Grichemande nodded and glanced at McCay, seated next to my father. “And Laurie McCay gets tenure, of course.”
“And Katherine Harris holds her place in the program,” I stated yet again, staring pointedly at McCay.
She and my dad exchanged a quick look that made uneasy energy radiate up my spine.
“That’s right,” McCay said. “She stays in the program this year, no matter what.”
“Then are we done here?” I asked, standing up and shoving my chair back. “I’ve got a lot of packing left to do.” I was supposed to leave for New Jersey in two days and I still hadn’t told Katherine.
Dad nodded and stood as well. “And you’ve got some goodbyes to make.”
“I know.”
How could I fucking forget?
Now, forty-eight hours later, she didn’t know I was watching her. Sitting in the back of the cafe, I arrived long before her shift started, head ducked behind the biggest economics textbook I owned.
We hadn’t spoken in three days, outside of the occasional quick text here or there.
I told her Duncan was stable. Going in for his second surgery soon. Our condo was weird without him home. Empty. Even now, days later, I didn’t really know what to think.
My car was packed with all my shit.
I was already supposed to be on the road, but I still hadn’t talked to Katherine.
What could I fucking say? How could I ever explain this? Make it right?
Across the room, I watched as Nate entered the cafe with another dude and walked up to the counter, grinning like an idiot at her.
Lovesick idiot.
I knew, because I’d fucking tamped down a similar grin for months around Katherine.
I loved her.
I loved her so fucking much that I was willing to cut out my own heart to see her succeed.
As much as it fucking hurt, it was the only scenario where we both could win.
And eventually, the bleeding would stop.
Eventually, we would both pick up the broken pieces and be able to glue them back together, right? Broken Romeo and Shattered Juliet weren’t demolished for good. This wasn’t anything I couldn’t fix later.
For now, we had to break. So we could come together again stronger later.
I only hoped Katherine would understand that, too.
I couldn’t hear what Nate was saying, but I watched as she squealed and ran around the counter, launching herself at him and hugging him tightly.
Jealousy reverberated in my body, like the ugly monster it was. Jealousy I had no right to feel. She wasn’t mine anymore…
Though she didn’t know that yet.
“You’re fucking leaving, aren’t you?” Addison said, yanking over a chair and plopping herself down at the table next to me.
“What?”
“Your car,” she clarified. “I saw it outside, fully packed with your shit.” Then, with a lift of her chin, she gestured to Katherine. “There’s no way she fucking knows yet and is smiling and giggling like that. Which means you haven’t told her. You popped her fucking cherry on stage in front of everyone and now you’re leaving her here to defend herself against assholes like me?” Addison snorted and took a sip from her coffee. “With a boyfriend like you, who needs enemies, right?”
“You don’t know a fucking thing, Addison.”
“Maybe not. But I’ve gotten to know Kate pretty damn well. And you’re a dumbass if you think she’s going to just let you go quietly into the night. Fuck, she’ll probably drop out of school and follow you to wherever you’re going like the lovesick puppy she is.”
Dad’s words echoed in my mind. You’re going to have to make sure she doesn’t want to speak to you again.
I never did quite figure out how to do that. Not in any way that wouldn’t permanently ruin her.
“Ohhhh,” Addison said. “You want her to follow you, don’t you?”
“No,” I snapped. “That can’t happen. If she… if we… it just would all be for nothing. She can’t speak to me again. At least not until after she graduates.”
“Then you’ve got to do something unforgivable. And judging from the packed car you’ve got, you need to do it soon.”
Across the room, Nate still had his arm around her even though she’d long since released him from the hug. His hand rested at the small of her back, his thumb circling in gentle little strokes.
Fuck me, this hurt.
“Holden,” Addison snapped.
I blinked, her sharp voice, tearing my gaze away from the scene in front of me and turned to look at Addison, confused. “What?”
Her elbow hit my textbook, sending it to hit the ground with a deafening crack. And before I could react, she cupped my jaw and pulled me in to kiss her.
“Mmph,” I grunted, trying to push her off of me, but she nipped my lip hard enough that when I gasped, she leveraged the moment to dive her tongue into my mouth.
When I did finally detach her from my lips, she dove on my ear and whispered loudly, “You’re fucking welcome, Holden. You owe me.”
I turned slowly to find Katherine standing in front of us at the table, holding my fallen economics book in her arms, shell-shocked, with her mouth gaping open.
“Is this for real?” she whispered. “Addison?”
I was silent for a long beat, the anguish on her face like a searing knife gliding into my gut.
Addison’s laugh covered for me. “You didn’t actually think he loved you, did you?”
“I wasn’t asking you,” she snapped. “Holden?”
There comes a time in every actor’s life they have to play a role they hate. This was my time. Curtain up.
I cleared my throat to stop it from cracking.
“I got what I needed.” It was all I could manage to say.
“And he told me all of it,” Addison cackled. “Who do you think showed me those bloody sheets after your ‘scene’? I have to say, I’m impressed. I didn’t think a little virgin like you had that sort of kinky desire in you… oh wait.” Addison hissed. “We can’t call her the little Virgin anymore, can we baby?”
Her long fingernails slid into my hair and she leaned in, pressing her breasts against me.
I wanted to throw up. My stomach churned and I closed my eyes against the dizzying nausea.
I found my voice and hardened myself to play the part. “You’re telling me I can buy your fucking panties. Buy videos and pictures of you touching yourself. Treat you like a whore. Get drunk on stage with you and even fuck you for the first time in front of hundreds of peers and strangers… and the thing that is the dealbreaker is a goddamn kiss from another woman?”
The bitterness of resentment and hatred left a sour taste in my mouth as I spoke cruel words, causing my throat to tighten with regret.
The crack of my words landed like a whip to her pale, flawless skin, breaking the last thread binding us together.
And still, I didn’t stop. There was one more nail to drive into this coffin. I felt sick even thinking about it. “You nearly murdered my best friend,” I whispered. “Maybe I can get away with fucking another girl or two, don’t you think? Isn’t that a fair trade?”
The tension in the room was palpable and there was a deafening silence as she drew back in shock. The air filled with the sound of Katherine's sharp intake of breath, her gasps mingling with the sound of my harsh words, loud enough to echo over the sound of clinking coffee cups and steaming milk.
Her eyes, wide and glistening with unshed tears, were like a reflection pool, mirroring the hurt and betrayal that built with every venomous word I spewed at her.
In a fit of rage, Katherine hurled the heavy book at me before spinning around with a wild fury. Her apron, decorated with splotches of flour and coffee stains, was ripped off her body in one swift motion as she darted out of the cafe in a blur of movement. The sharp sound of the book hitting the ground echoed through the small space, followed by the slamming of the door behind her.
The sharp aroma of hot coffee and the acrid scent of burnt toast filled my senses, a reminder that this was all part of the plan.
As I tried to steady my breathing, the ache in my chest intensified, causing me to hunch over in agony. It was unbearable. The pain consumed me and all I could do was curse it under my breath.
What have I fucking done?
I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t leave with her hating me. I couldn’t go knowing she thought I didn’t love her.
I launched to my feet, but Addison gripped my hand, looking at me with one of the most sincere glances I’d ever seen from her. “Let her go, Holden. The best thing you can do for her right now is be her enemy number one. Let her hate you. Let her blame you. Let it fuel her for the rest of her career. Trust me.”
I don’t know why I trusted Addison, but I did.
So instead of chasing her, I did the impossible…
I let Katherine walk out thinking I didn’t love her.
That I’d never loved her.
I let her leave thinking it was all a game.