46. Lucia
forty-six
Lucia
“It’s been way too long since we’ve had a girls’ night,” Ella says, stretching her legs out in front of her on the sofa.
“And we get to have Sagie with us this time, too!” Harlow exclaims, and Sage lights up from her perch on Olive’s lap.
“We have fun, Aunt Lo!”
“You’ll have a new cousin in November to play with during these,” I smile.
Ella tips her head back and laughs. “What if I have a boy, though?”
Rory shrugs. “Then he comes to girls’ nights until he decides he’s too cool to do that.”
“Screw gender norms,” I say, holding up my glass of wine.
Sage throws her juice box up in the air to mimic my position. “Yeah!”
“My little feminist,” Olive laughs, messing with her daughter’s hair.
“Speaking of feminism,” Harlow states. “How are you feeling about your presentation? You go to Brooklyn College in a couple of weeks, right?”
“I do,” I answer. “I’m nervous, but I think I can do it. My presentation looks great so far.”
“I’m seriously so glad you decided to bring the idea up with Dr. Coltrain,” Rory grins.
I laugh lightly. “I gotta thank you for coming up with it, Ror.”
“I’ve actually been looking at Brooklyn College,” Liv says softly. “I was just accepted into the psychology program.”
“Liv!” I yell. “That’s incredible!”
“Thank you,” she smiles. “I just want to do what I can to help women who have gone through what I have.”
Ella grins. “You’re going to be an amazing therapist, Liv. Your patients will be very lucky.”
“How are your brother and sister?” Lo asks.
Liv grins. “They’re doing well. Violet and Luna have started the process to adopt a baby, actually.”
Sage lights up and looks at her mom. “Like you did with me!”
“Exactly like I did with you, sweet girl!”
“And your brother?” Rory questions.
“Well, Harvey finally proposed to Michelle, so I’d say he’s doing well, too. They’re planning a really small wedding this fall. I know Chelle doesn’t want to wait too long to start trying for kids.”
“Everyone is having babies!” Ella exclaims.
Lo stares at her. “Ell, you’re the only one here having a baby.”
“For now,” Rory smirks. “You already know your brother and I are fu—” Her eyes go wide as she stops herself, remembering the darling girl she nannies is literally in the room. “…cuddling a lot.”
Harlow groans. “I thought your cuddling wasn’t going to start until fall.”
Rory winks at her. “You can never have too much cuddling practice.”
I chime in now. “I know your husband wants babies, Lo. He made that pretty clear that night at the bar.”
“He’s been talking about it a lot since Ella and Josh announced their pregnancy,” she blushes.
“Well, how long are you gonna make him wait then, girl?!” Ella asks emphatically.
“Maybe next year.”
I lean back against my chair and smile brightly. “All my besties are giving me niblings.”
Ella’s look turns devious, and I know what’s coming next. “Ari seems like he may be interested in having kids.”
Interested doesn’t even begin to describe it.
“Yeah,” I shrug. “I guess he’s open to that one day. It’s a pretty big change for him.”
“Gee,” Liv teases. “I wonder what changed his mind.”
“Who knows? You know we’re just having fun together.”
Sure, that fun heavily involves fantasies of me getting pregnant lately, but I think I’ll keep that to myself.
“I don’t buy it.” Rory crosses her arms and stares me down. “Even a couple of months ago, Ari didn’t want kids. He all of a sudden does, and you want to pretend you have no part in that?”
“Maybe I’ve just helped him see that it’s still fun when you’re only with one woman.” Since they don’t know about his bisexuality, I leave it at that.
Harlow bites down a smile. “I think he’s very okay with one woman.”
“As long as we agree that one woman’s name is Lucia Torres,” Ella smirks.
“We’re friends. That’s it.”
I choose to ignore the pit I feel in my stomach.
“Are you sure, Luc?” Rory looks at me worriedly.
No.
“Yes.”
“So, how excited is Josh about the baby?” Lo asks Ella, taking the heat off me.
“The man has already started on registries and has a list of names a mile long,” she smiles.
“I like babies,” Sage shouts.
Liv wraps her arms around her. “Then it’s a good thing that you’ll have some cousins soon, isn’t it?”
“No babies for you and Daddy, though. Only me.”
We all laugh at her assertion. Liv and Lane are in for a rough time when Sage is a teenager. She’s already got too much sass at four years old.
“You’re all we need, Sagie.”
Sage gives her a big hug, and I swear my ovaries nearly combust from the cuteness.
I can’t wait to have that for myself.
I might not appear very maternal from the outside, but inside, I’ve dreamed about having a family.
I want the white picket fence. The toys all over the front yard. The scribbles on the walls.
I want it all, and as I see my friends getting ready for it, it just makes me want it that much more.
I used to think it was far out of reach.
Now? I get the feeling that it’s a lot closer than I thought.
Ari and I aren’t actually dating, and we might not ever, but we still have more intimacy between us than typical friends do. Everything can’t be one hundred percent platonic when you literally talk about the children you want to have together.
He’s always been so against settling down, so determined that he doesn’t see the point in love.
I know now that a lot of that stems from his dad’s constant infidelity. Love must look like a pipe dream when that’s the best reference you have.
I’ve seen a change in him recently, though.
He’s kissing me just because he can. He holds me while we sleep. He’s planning a future that involves me.
Maybe Ari is more open now to finding love and settling down.
And if he is, I can’t deny that I hope he finds it with me.