9 The Unknown
Beau
Houston Methodist Hospital
“Carter,” I called, my heavy pack in hand. Being back in civilization made me feel like a hobo after spending days and days in the wilderness. I couldn’t sleep on the long flight home. There’d been a private vehicle waiting when I landed, and I’d been given directions to meet Carter in a more quiet, secluded area of the hospital where high-profile patients were placed. I maintained my quick stride as I approached him about three-quarters of the way down the hospital hall.
“How is he?” I asked, still feet away. “Where is he?” The desperation to see him ate at me until I felt I was crawling out of my own skin.
“He’s stable. They’ve decided to begin weaning him off the ventilator. I’ve vetted his care team and brought in some renowned specialists. They all agree with this current treatment plan, meaning something has to be encouraging them.” Carter glanced behind him and then back to me, speaking quieter. “But I don’t see the improvement they apparently do. He’s very sick.”
“I wanna see him.” I’d listened to that same update for the entirety of my flight, I had to know more. I maneuvered around Carter toward a decent size waiting area with the standard chairs, sofas, and coffee machine. My gear needed a drop-off point before I tossed it in the trash but Carter stopped me.
“He’s three doors down.” Carter nodded me to a room between us and the waiting area. “The window’s open. I was able to pull some strings and have a suite here for my private use, keeping me close if Dash needed me.”
A force drew me to Dash’s room. I wasn’t prepared to see my love looking like death in a hospital bed with machines and tubes hooked to his frail body. The way he breathed, his chest expanding abnormally, had my heart shattering, a dizzy light-headedness assailed. The pack in my hand dropped to the floor as I took in my surroundings. Tension tightened my neck, shoulders and upper back, locking my muscles together in instant physical pain.
Tears sprang to my eyes. I couldn’t do life without Dash. My beautiful guy was being ravaged by some unknown disease. How was that possible in today’s age?
I started for the room, but Carter’s hand rested on my forearm, stopping me. He nodded toward the red label on the door.
“They’ve set up cautionary protocols. If you go inside, you’ll have to be in protective wear.”
I didn’t give a single shit about any of that and reached for the door handle again. It was locked, keeping me from him.
“What the fuck, Carter? That’s my husband. I need to be in there with him,” I barked, slapping at the ache in my chest, taking my irrational anger out on the person who stayed by Dash’s side, and flew me halfway around the world to be here now.
“I’m his assigned nurse.” A female voice, walking stride for stride with a woman in a business suit said. She pointed toward the cart outside his door. A stack of disposable gowns, boxes of masks, and various sizes of gloves sat ready to be used. “Let’s get you in there with him.”
“What’s happenin’ to Dash? How did he get like this?” I asked as my anger found a new target. “When I left he had a fuckin’ sniffle.”
“His physician’s on the way. He can help answer your questions,” she said, assisting in the way to properly wear the gown. I forewent the gloves, my hands ached to touch my love.
The lady in the suit said, “I’m Natalie Johnson with the Houston Department of Health. I have questions for you. Can you give me a moment then I’ll leave you alone?”
“I wanna see my husband,” I said, my jaw tightening, my hands clenching into fists. The stern, unreasonable side of my personality became my dominant side. I hadn’t slept in twenty-four hours, and all I wanted was to hold Dash’s hand in mine. “I can’t be clearer. And I’m about to have a big fuckin’ fit over it.”
I shoved the straps of the mask over each ear, as I jumped through all the hoops necessary to be with my husband. My anxiety built to crippling levels.
“The code to enter his room is 1234. He’s isolated for his protection and due to Mr. Carter’s presence in the hospital. Mr. Carter’s been in and out of the room regularly.”
“You’ve just flown in from India?” Natalie asked.
I refused to acknowledge her. Two could play these games. There was literally no world where she didn’t know that answer. Dash, my only objective. The sterile-looking room with white walls and all the beeping and whooshing of the equipment messed with my senses. The chill in the air did too. I went straight to the head of the hospital bed. My love was pale, with a pretty significant beard forming. His usually meticulous styled blond hair had slightly darkening roots, and was dirty. He’d lose his mind if he knew what he looked like. Other than those obvious truths, his face was gaunt, and he’d lost significant weight. His body had deteriorated quickly.
“How’s he gettin’ his nutrition?” I asked whoever followed me in. My hand went to Dash’s head, caressing gently. If I received an answer, I didn’t hear it. “I’m here, Dash,” I said quietly, bending to be closer to his ear. “I got here as soon as I could. What happened to you, baby?”
“Did you hear me?” Carter asked, finally garnering my attention. “He has a feeding tube.”
I gathered Dash’s hand in mine, heartbroken that his remained limp. “Dashing, you’ve got to get better for me. I can’t do this without you.”
As I spoke, Dash’s long eyelashes flittered. My heart tripped, and I leaned in, getting closer to his face.
“Please wake up. I need you to wake up,” I pleaded, my palm traveled to his nape, cupping him gently.
“They’ve slowly begun to remove the sedative. They explained he’d have reflex twitching, but that’s the first time I’ve seen his eyelashes move. I think they’ll consider it a good sign,” Carter said from the end of the bed. “I’ve been moving his arms and legs like the physical therapy team showed me, but he’s been fully unresponsive.” Carter said. Then he sighed deeply, a heavy burden escaped his lips. “Dash is like a son to me. I love him dearly. I’ll step out to give you privacy.”
My gaze was fixed on Dash’s face. My thumb caressed the top of his hand. Screw the consequences, I tugged my mask down past my lips and reverently kissed his cheek, right along the edge of the beard, lingering in the feel of his soft skin.
A tear fell from my eye onto his sunken cheek. “Please don’t leave me, Dash. I’m sorry for being so me all the time. Our argument was stupid. You don’t need counselin’, I do. I was wrong. Please don’t leave me. You have to be here with me.”
I so rarely cried that when a second tear dropped to his face, it took me by surprise. I couldn’t leave him, and leaned further in to rest my cheek against his. I memorized everything about the warm touch and feel. My breath hitched as I took his hand in mine, and placed the mask securely back on, the gentlest of touches had his finger lifting against my palm.
The hope his touch gave was staggering.
“Fight for me and our family. We need you.”
“Beau, the physician’s here. They need to talk to you,” Carter said.
“I’m not leavin’ this hospital until you leave with me,” I said to Dash, knowing in my heart that he could hear me. “You can’t see that I look rough as hell, but you’d love it. Carter has a room here, because why wouldn’t he? I have to go there and shower. I’ll be back here as soon as I can.”
I swept a hand over his head again and leaned in to kiss his cheek before putting the mask back in place. The image of his frail body was all I could see inside my mind as I forced myself to leave his side.
I pushed through the door to three sets of eyes staring at me. The nurse spoke first. “You can discard all the items in this bin.” She pointed toward a red container by the door. I did. Not seeing me wearing too much more of that in my future. If I could crawl into bed with him, I would. A well of tears filled my eyes again, and I used my sleeve to wipe them away. My hand followed, scrubbing over my face. This was so much to take in.
“Dr. Wells, this is Beau, Dash’s husband,” Carter said.
“I don’t understand what’s happenin’,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest.
“I’m Dr. Wells and I’m a pulmonologist brought in by Mr. Carter to attend to your spouse. Your husband arrived in respiratory distress that required us to sedate him and put him on a ventilator because his lungs were exhausted. This helped him breathe without exertion. Our scans and X-rays show an uncharacteristic pattern and we’ve not been able to isolate the organism as of yet. We’re treating with a number of broad-spectrum antibiotics. We have expedited specimens to the CDC for further testing so we can identify and treat appropriately. Until then, we’ll keep him comfortable. We’re trying to back off on some of the sedation to see if he starts breathing on his own. Then we’ll wean him off the ventilator. We’re feeding him through a nasogastric tube. At this time, we’re in a watch and wait situation. I’m working with the rest of the team, including an infectious disease specialist, and we’re doing everything we can at this time,” Dr. Wells said.
It was so much information to take in, but sounded like Carter had really stepped up and had things moving forward to help Dash. I couldn’t be more grateful for that, even if nothing I’d heard or seen so far had lessened my anxiety.
“Is there anything I can do?” I was desperate for a way to help.
“I do have some questions for you that might help us find the origin of the disease quicker and understand better how to help Mr. Richmond-Brooks. We’ve spoken with your family, and understand you’re the closest person to him. Do you know if he’s traveled outside of the country in the last few months?” she asked.
“Not for years now, other than the cruise we took in July. We didn’t get off the ship or take any day trips. But we were around other passengers who did.”
“Mr. Carter already gave us the cruise information and the countries where it pulled into port. Has he come into contact with anyone that recently arrived from another country?” The direction of the probe for information didn’t make any sense to me, but I tried to give her everything I knew.
“He’s an attorney in Sea Springs. We’ve traveled around the US.” I glanced at Carter who nodded in encouragement. I racked my brain. “He was workin’ on a new immigration case before I left town, but I have no idea about the client or the country. He doesn’t cross those boundaries with me.” Still, I flipped through the conversations he and I had had. Why didn’t I remember more? “Dash handled this pro-bono case on his own.” I turned to Carter, hoping for his input. “Where’s his phone? Maybe I could access it and find the information, but I don’t wanna leave him to get it. I told him I would stay.” I glanced at the doctor again. “I believe he touched my palm when I was holding his hand.”
“I told them about the eyelash flutter,” Carter interjected. “I can have Linda bring his laptop if you think that’ll help get more information. Can you access his files?”
“He handles a lot of high-profile clients. I’m not sure what info I can track down, probably nothin’. He’s protective of his clients. I’m certain his laptop’s more than password secured. How’s any of this helpful?”
“You’ve provided us with a direction,” Natalie said, making notes as I spoke. “I’ll have my staff locate the court records while we wait for the CDC to get back with us. Here’s my contact information.” She handed me a business card. “Let me know if you think of anything else or have questions.”
I held the business card as I stuffed my hands inside my jeans pockets, feeling useless. “Okay.” My glance turned sideways to Carter. “I need to shower. Can you show me where?”
“Sure,” he said. “We have a back entrance to the suite.”
I went to my bag still under the window and glanced at Dash once more. My guy was ravaged by some illness the specialists couldn’t even identify. How could that happen? A grunt slipped free as I hoisted the heavy backpack over my shoulder.
“It’s heave-ho,” Carter said as I started toward him.
“Feels heavier right now,” I answered as I trudged behind him, each step heavier than the last.
Less than an hour later, I was back beside Dash’s bed, holding his limp hand in mine, gazing intently at his peaceful sleeping expression. Well, as peaceful as anyone could be while hooked to many different machines and a tube stuck down his throat. Maybe peaceful meant pained.
Different medical staff came in and out, adjusting the machines and explaining everything to me, not that I understood a whole lot of what was going on. When the doctor came back in and told me that they felt like Dash was responding well and seemed strong enough to remove the ventilator, they ushered me out of the room.
Carter placed a comforting grip on my shoulder, my immediate gratitude had me leaning into the touch, as we sat in the waiting area. The nurse promised to get me as soon as I could go back in.
Even if Dash was the obvious star of this show, the fundamental base of who I was shifted again. Another turning point in the roads of my life. I’d never do another overseas trip alone again. And had I been home, he’d have been admitted into the hospital days earlier.
The nurse let us back in the room, and I went straight to Dash’s side.
The medical staff had warned Carter and I of the possibility of days or even weeks before Dash woke, but what if he opened his eyes right away, or what if he died without ever seeing us again? Like every other time I’d let my thoughts drift to the negative, my inner guard rose swiftly and punched out the damaging thoughts until they were little more than a pile of ash.
“I wish he had woken,” Carter said my thoughts out loud.
“The illness has taken a toll.” The voice of Dr. Well’s drew my attention. “He’s breathing on his own, which is remarkable from where he’s been. Recovery will take time. We’ll continue to monitor him…”
Carter slid a reassuring hand over my back as he moved away from the bed to speak in hushed tones. Better. I only wanted to focus on Dash.
“Here, take a seat,” the nurse, whose name I didn’t remember, pushed a heavy vinyl recliner close to Dash’s bed. I’d been awake for over thirty hours. The seat was greatly appreciated.
“Thank you,” I murmured and sat. I released Dash’s hand only long enough to slide it through one of the openings in the guardrail for better access.
“They’re encouraged for your husband,” she said, speaking softly. “The recovery’s going to take time. Be patient.”
“That’s fine,” I said my truth. “Whatever it takes.”
My mom came through the room’s door, wearing all the protective kit. “How’s he doing?”
“Breathing on his own,” Carter said, relief evident in his tone.
I glanced over my shoulder, caught my mom’s eye, and she came to me.
“Son, I’m sorry you had to come home to this,” she said, pain lacing each syllable. She reached around me for a tight side hug.
“I should’ve never left. I had all sorts of bad feelin’s. How’s Amelia holdin’ up? She doesn’t like the hospital. It has to be hard on her,” I asked.
“She’s a mess,” my mom said, pulling up another smaller chair. “She’s cleaned your house thoroughly from top to bottom. She’s also made you tamales, saying they’re your favorite.” My mom pointed to the rolling tray that had been pushed aside, and my stomach instantly growled. “Shouldn’t you be wearing protective wear?”
I shook my head no. “If Amelia and the girls didn’t get sick, and if you and Carter, especially Carter because he’s been here twenty-four seven, haven’t gotten sick, I suspect he’s not contagious. They didn’t give me grief about the decision to go without. But you keep it on. If I’m wrong, you’re going back to my kids and I don’t want them anywhere near this. Where’s Kailey?”
“She’s in Sea Springs with us, doing online classes. We’re staying on the third floor. You made it a nice suite for Amelia. It’s been easy to transition from Virginia to here. Kailey’s sleeping in the girls’ bedroom at night. They adore each other. Amelia sent me with a video of West belly-scooting across the floor.” My mom’s hand caressed over Dash’s calf as she babbled about all the important things to me. “Did the nurse say that Dash has a long road to recovery?”
“I didn’t pay a lot of attention because he’s gotta wake up first. As soon as he can get home, we need to make it happen. He’ll recover faster with Amelia and the kids there,” I said. I was fucking tired. After a few hours’ sleep, maybe I could think like a normal person. “I have some money saved. Maybe the hospital has contractors that can help make our house more user-friendly for Dash. If that’s even a thing.”
“Most likely. Scott told me to tell you he’s got everything covered and to not worry about anything. He and Lauren have been helping Amelia and Belle. Lauren’s keeping the kids occupied. They’re all in a karate class now. There’s so many of them between the two families that they formed their own class. Kailey’s been involved too,” my mom explained.
“How’s Livie doin’ in karate?” I absolutely couldn’t picture her participating.
“She brings a notebook and draws the moves so everyone can practice them at home. She was kicked one time and decided against joining directly in the training again.” I grinned, easily seeing everything my mom described. “Mia’s a natural. Ava has a hard time with the discipline required. She’s always ready to pound her opponents. She takes as good as she gives.”
I nodded. Exactly what I thought would happen. “Mom, I don’t want to leave here until he does. Should I call home and talk to them, or wait since they think I’m out of town? What’s better for them?” I asked. The question caused a rawness inside me. I wanted to see my girls, but I couldn’t leave Dash while he wasn’t able to care for himself.
We stared at one another, clearly neither of us knew the right answer. The chance of Dash waking and jumping from the bed ready to go home was growing smaller by the second.
“I say tell them the truth,” the nurse interjected. “You know your children better than I do, but from what I’ve seen, they tend to act out when they know something’s not right, but can’t find the answers. You can’t go wrong with the truth.”
“They’re pretty protected children,” I said to my mom. “We don’t want ’em to learn to be bad. So I’ll call this evenin’ after dinner, but before bed.”
Mom nodded and rose from her seat. She gazed lovingly at Dash. The gentle way she touched me as if I was valued, was the way she touched Dash.
She spoke directly to Dash as she said, “Your family said we’re waiting on you to return. And Amelia wanted me to reaffirm her lesson that making people wait is rude. We love you, Dash.” She inhaled and exhaled slowly, her body shuddered, trying to fight the tears. “I brought everything you asked for, including clean clothes, his phone, and the portable speaker he uses. Playing his music was a brilliant idea. It’s in the bag by the door.”
“Thank you.” I did nothing to retrieve it or even stand for that matter. “I’ll set it up after I get some sleep…” The yawns were coming one right after another now. “You go. I’m gonna stretch out here so I don’t miss anything. I’ll set it up when there’s less traffic in here. He likes his music. The girls put together different playlists and talk to him through the songs, for his birthday or Father’s Day. He loves to listen to them explain the meaning of the songs that they’ve never heard before. I figured I’d start there.” Another yawn shot out. I suspected I had about five minutes before I crashed. The fatigue was getting the best of me.
“His physician said he hopes Dash will wake in about forty-eight hours. They’ll reevaluate after that time.” Only extreme appreciation made me rise to shake Carter’s hand. “Thank you for being here when I couldn’t. Thanks, Mom, for makin’ all this happen and takin’ care of our family. I’m gonna have a lifetime of guilt.” Stupid tears again built in my eyes but I managed to blink them away. My mom’s tears spilled silently down as she came to hug me. “Best mom ever. I always knew you were.”
She placed tissues in my hand and turned away, going for the door. Carter smiled the smallest smile ever and followed after my mother. I was barely back in my seat again when the nurse shook out the blanket and put it over me.
“I’ll keep an eye on him. Go to sleep.”
“I’m glad it went well today,” I said, lowering the seat into an almost flat surface. “Thank you.”
I let that be enough, and fell asleep thinking of Dash’s sweet lips on mine.