11 The Did It Happen
Beau/Dash
Beau
The Following Evening
Houston Methodist Hospital
As exhausted as I was when I crawled into this bed, was exactly how frustrated I was when I didn’t fall asleep. For the past two hours, I watched Dash and the ticking clock above his head. My eyes were gritty as hell, and I was damned drained, but sleep eluded me. My stomach churned, prompting me to rise and take a seat on the edge of the bed, giving another crazy long yawn. I eyed the food tray, as my stomach gave a solid grumble.
With my foot, I caught the backside and drew the rolling tray toward me. I lifted the silver cover, spotting a couple of prepackaged items. Juice, crackers, Jello, and a small bottle of water. The juice appealed the most and poked a hole in the top with my thumb.
“Dash. Dash!” I yelled watching his face. Nothing changed, of course. Why were the doctors and nurses saying my guy was doing any better? He looked gaunt and malnourished, more so than before.
In a couple of gulps, I drained the juice container and brought the cracker’s edge to my mouth to open. “The problem, Dash, is that you’re the talker between us. I need you to wake up and prove to me that the staff’s correct, and that you’re in fact gettin’ better, because I don’t see it. Wake up right now.”
I lowered down to my sock-covered feet and tossed the empty juice box on the tray. I’d pushed our beds close-ish together but still had feet between us to allow easy access to the staff. I sidled up to his bed, wishing I could be beside him, surrounding his presence. The one thing Dash and I did outstandingly well was cuddle. We did it so well that Duke and Daisy generally wanted up on the bed to join us, to get some of our love directed toward them.
“Duke’s probably gonna have to up his anxiety medication. I intended to talk to you about it when I came home. He’s duckin’ and hidin’ more than normal. Dixie stays close. She helps coax him out. I know we don’t like to over-medicate him, but it’s painful to watch him be scared. He’s so smart and such a good guy. I think it was part of the reason I was on edge before I left.” My gaze shifted back and forth over Dash’s face, seeing Duke vividly inside my head. “Maybe there’s somethin’ I’m missin’ in his trainin’. He’s protective of us and our children. I wish I wouldn’t have gotten ’em fixed so fast. I’d like to have their puppies. Silly, huh?”
No matter how he teased me about them always being underfoot, he loved those dogs and regularly took them quietly upstairs to be with him and West at night. I continued to stare at Dash’s handsome face as I put the edge of the saltine in my mouth.
“Do you remember when we first got together again the second time, and how I refused to text you durin’ the day?” I asked between chews. “I had all my excuses ready whenever you complained. The truth was, I felt mightily inferior to you. What did I have to say to someone like you? I was a hit-in-the-head jock my whole life to that point. I didn’t think I was smart enough to hold that kind of conversation. Then the spellin’ in the text messages... It freaked me out.”
I popped another cracker in my mouth, chewing as I spoke. No sound came, the cracker absorbed all the saliva. I reached for the water bottle on the tray, unscrewing the cap with two free fingers while keeping the crackers in my fist. I took a quick swig, recapped the water bottle, and turned back to Dash.
“Do you think West will wanna play…”
Dash’s eyes opened, locking on me.
“Dash.”
His lids closed again. No . I dropped the water bottle and crackers to the ground, placing both of my hands on his chest, shaking him. “Wake up, Dash! Please.”
He lifted his eyelids once more, this time with his brows slightly furrowing. He attempted to speak, but nothing coherent issued forth.
“You’re sick. You’ve been out of it for a while. Keep restin’. I’ll be here.”
His expression remained defiant for a few long seconds before his eyelids surrendered and shut again. The tears were back as I leaned forward to kiss his cheek. “Rest. We need you well. I’ll tell everyone the good news.”
I kissed him again and reached for the nurse’s call button and my cell phone. I didn’t care about the time of night. My mom needed to know, because I needed to tell her.
I had to convince myself that I truly saw Dash open his eyes because we were fourteen hours into the day, and he hadn’t done it again. What I had previously refrained from doing, and what I was currently doing right now, was googling how often medical personnel lied to patient’s families.
I wasn’t really doing that, but I was trying to figure this out.
It seemed to me what Dash was doing was normal after being intubated. The rest of the possibilities scared the shit out of me. The list of symptoms for Legionnaires’ disease seriously hit everything Dash had gone through. Google also tagged it as a possible case of rabies.
What resonated the most was the rallying event that took place at the end of life. Could that be what was happening with Dash?
My heart ached, and once again, Dash and I were alone inside his room. Mom and Carter had stayed the day, and had currently gone for something to eat, and promised to bring me food back. What I needed was for Dash to open his eyes, if nothing more, to make sure I hadn’t dreamed him awake.
From my spot on the built-in bench close to the window, I stood up, tucking my cell into my shorts pocket, a pair Dash had bought for me along with most of my other clothes.
“Wake up, Dash,” I said. With one hand, I held onto the top of the bed. The other rested on his concave belly. I couldn’t stand the weight he’d lost while lying in this bed.
I shook him like I’d done over and over today. This time though, while alone with him, I bent in and quietly whispered in his ear, “If you’ll open your eyes for me, I’ll blow you as soon as we’re alone. You can fuck my throat like you like.”
My gaze locked on his closed eyes and nothing changed. Hmm. Dash thrived on intimacy yet tended to become vulgar when trying to persuade me that sleep was bad, and sex was good.
“Dash, you know how much I like to lick your ass. I’ll do it to you the second they remove the machines. I’ll rub your prostate while I lick you like an ice cream cone. Hell, I’ll add ice cream to our good time. It’s been a long time since we added anything edible to our sex. Please open your eyes to tell me you agree.”
He didn’t.
I tried the only other thing that Dash wanted, and I’d said a hard no to. “You win. We can have more children. As many as we can afford. I only ever said no because I didn’t want to take any experiences away from the ones we were lucky enough to have. I was wrong. Please open your eyes.”
He did. For several long moments, we gazed at one another while his fingers tried to grasp mine. I smiled as my heart flip-flopped in my chest. I lifted my hand from his belly, avoiding the tubing to gently stroke his face. “I love you.”
The hospital room door swung open. My mom hurried to Dash’s bedside. Her eyes—so much like mine—filled with tears as she reached for Dash’s hand. “Dash, darling, you’re awake.” She pushed the nurse’s button as Carter came to her side.
Dash gave a valiant effort to speak. His words were soft and garbled under his oxygen mask.
“You’ve been sick, son,” Carter began. My mom stepped out of the way, allowing Carter to step closer to Dash. “You’ve been intubated for several days. It’s going to take time to get your voice back.”
Carefully, without thought of the repercussions, for him or me, I leaned in to kiss his lips then did it again. “I love you.” My face stayed inches from his. “You have to focus on getting well. We need you, Dashing.”
He managed to croak out two words, “How…long?”
“A couple of weeks. Carter and Mom came because I was unreachable. Carter’s the reason you’ve come this far. He stayed with you and had doctors all over the United States consultin’.” I lost Dash’s gaze as he searched out Carter. Their connection was palpable.
“Discount,” Dash managed to say after several moments. I wasn’t sure I heard him right, but Carter burst out in laughter.
“I’d believe free, but we can talk about that later.”
Dash tried to smile, but it didn’t reach his lips.
His gaze sought mine again. “Tired.”
“Sleep, I’ll be here.”
Dash held my hand marginally tighter. His eyelids blinked a few times before shutting all the way. He was back asleep again as the nurse stepped inside the room.
Dash
Ten Days Later
Houston Methodist Hospital
“I really don’t want the kids to see me like this,” I confessed, understanding how ridiculous I sounded since I’d be home in about an hour, a place I’d fought to be for days now. They still had no clue what had hit me, but the outcome wasn’t good. The frail weakness refused to release its grip. I felt like a limp noodle, unable to walk on my own. It exhausted me to have Beau dress me, and this relentless cough made my lungs feel like giving up by the time it ended.
“They miss you,” Beau said, bending to prop my feet on the wheelchair’s footrest. “They’re excited to see you and be here at the hospital. The staff who took care of you want to meet the kids. They’re getting balloons and teddy bears from the gift shop.”
What had really happened? In what world had Beau become the reasonable one between us?
“How’s my hair?”
“As well as I could manage. You look like a model. I like your hair longer.”
I was fully aware of my appearance, and it was nowhere close to a model.
“Do you like my beard?”
“Of course.” I always liked him with facial hair, no matter the amount. The noise at the room’s door drew both our attention, Beau standing to his full height. “Remember the carnations.”
I did forget my gifts and reached for the rolling tray to grasp the four stems that Beau had picked up from the gift store downstairs.
The door latch released. My heart softened as Mia, in her pigtails styled just how I loved, rushed for me. She wore blue jeans, a jersey T-shirt, pink sleeves and a white chest, the words I love my daddy imprinted on the front. Her runners flashed with color as she bounded forward. “Daddy, I missed you.” Her upper body fell against my thighs, hugging me. “Are you still sick?”
“I am,” I said, laying a palm on her back. “But I’m gettin’ better every day.”
Beau had Livie and Ava on each hip. Livie’s head rested on his shoulder. Ava hugged Beau around the chest, staring at me. They each wore the same outfits, only Liv’s was in blue, and Ava’s in lavender. We’d assigned them colors at birth to tell them apart and they’d stuck.
“I don’t like us being separated,” Livie added. “You’re skinny, Daddy. You don’t have the fatness on your tummy anymore.”
“Is that right?” I managed a grin before Beau had a chance to scold her for stating the truth.
“Mia, give your sisters a chance to see your dad,” Beau said, putting Livie and Ava on their feet. Mia jumped up, Beau catching her to lift into a hug. I hugged both girls too, grinning sweetly up at me from my lap.
Kailey laughed and gave me a side hug. “What’s that tube in your nose?”
“Oxygen,” Carter answered beside her. His hand rested on my shoulder, giving a squeeze.
“And he’s coming home to get better?” she asked him instead of me.
“Yes,” Carter answered again.
“Where’s Amelia and Linda? Did they bring West?” I asked, handing each girl a flower. They beamed as if I’d given them the rarest of jewels.
“Abuela and Gigi are waiting in the van for you. With West,” Ava said. “Abuela’s a big crybaby. She cries all the time now.”
“She does, Daddy,” Livie seconded, bringing the carnation to her nose. “It smells pretty. Bumble bees collect pollen from flowers to eat. Did you know that?” Her blue eyes landed on mine, waiting for my answer.
“I’ve heard something like that. Tell me more when we get in the car to go home.”
“Tell your dad thank you for the flowers,” Beau said, and in unison, they did. “Let’s go. We’re to walk the hall, ride the elevators down, and the nurses want to meet you four before we go outside. Be good and say thank you without me havin’ to tell you, okay?” Again with the unison yes, sir . “You can walk beside your dad, but don’t get in the way of his wheels. You’ll fall and he might too.”
“Maybe hold my hands as we go?” Carter asked, wiggling his finger for Liv and Ava’s small hands.
“Your muscles are still big, Paw,” Mia said, locking her legs around Beau’s waist. “You can carry me.” One less child to worry about losing their way.
“Let’s go before I change my mind and stay here with people who don’t talk about my belly size,” I said as the silent medical team member began pushing toward the door.
“Daddy, your voice is scratchy. It sounds funny.” Ava wrinkled her nose in distaste.
I couldn’t even keep from chuckling at her perfectly-timed delivery.
Beau grabbed our last bag in the room and started out. I loved watching him both coming and going. Although arousal wasn’t happening for me these days, I still appreciated his firm ass in a good pair of Wranglers.
Was I ever going to be the same again? It didn’t seem likely without a hell of a fight.