Chapter 15
Beth
“Hot chocolate?” I ask, holding a mug out to him.
He smiles. “Thanks.”
“Is everything okay?”
“That seems to be the question of the week.”
“Sorry, I have been asking that a lot lately, huh?” I slightly chuckle. “I guess you’re hard to read sometimes.”
“I’m not the only one,” he says and turns his head to look straight at me. His green eyes are steady on mine, warm yet searching.
“Well, aren’t we just the pair then?” I retort, taking a sip of my hot cocoa and nearly scalding my tongue in the process. I glance up to see Matthew holding back a laugh.
“I suppose we are.” Matthew’s phone starts ringing. “It’s Travis. I gotta take this.”
“I’m going to go to bed. Goodnight, Matthew.”
“Night.”
He answers the phone as I slip inside and softly close the door. I walk upstairs to the guest room I’m staying in.
Tomorrow will be a long day with another tournament followed by a post-tournament dinner. I’m already exhausted from traveling, and sleep hasn’t been easy to come by recently. I can’t even blame it on late-night editing or content planning.
It’s all because of one person—Matthew.
The thought of him, our pretend dating scheme, the almost kiss, all of it…it’s keeping me up at night. As I slip under the covers, I replay the conversation I had with Desi when she video called me the day after the gala.
And I told her everything.
“Is this really just pretend, Beth?” Desi asked, her eyes full of doubt.
I shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s supposed to be.”
“Well, do you want it to be?”
“I don’t know.”
That’s all I could tell her because I really didn’t know. Do I want to be with Matthew?
Say I did, how would it realistically play out?
We live in different states. He travels ten out of twelve months of the year.
So either I wouldn’t see him for most of the year or travel with him, constantly on the move?
And that’s just the logistical stuff. Let’s not forget the contract, our rules, our work relationship.
Oh and I don’t know—if he even likes me?
I sigh and roll over, clutching a pillow tightly. Surely, it couldn’t work, even if we wanted it to. It’s just too complicated.
It’s better to keep it the way it is.
But then why does my heart flutter every time he smiles at me? Why have I spent the last few nights like this, finding my thoughts obsessed with him? Why do I feel this connection with him that I’ve never felt before?
I bury my face into the pillow and let out a controlled scream. This is exhausting.
I’m supposed to be focusing on my career, not on feelings that might not even be reciprocated.
My phone pings and lights up the room.
Probably Desi checking in on me for the millionth time.
I reach for my phone on the bedside table and unlock it.
Matthew
Are you okay?
Me
Yeah, I’m fine. Why?
Matthew
I can hear you tossing and turning…and was that screaming?
Oh. My. Gosh. He heard me. I knew his room was next to this one, but I thought he’d be downstairs still and I was in the clear.
Me
Yes…I guess I had a nightmare.
Matthew
Do you want to talk about it?
I hesitate. What do I even say?
Hey, I know I was the one who said no real feelings, and we have these rules between us, but I have real feelings. My “nightmare” is that I’ll mess up this fake relationship by wanting a real one.
…wanting a real relationship . The last sentence plays in my mind again. Is that what I really want?
I shake my head and start typing.
Me
It’s okay, just silly stuff. Thanks though.
Matthew
You sure?
Me
Yeah, I’m sure.
Matthew
Okay, well, if you need anything…I’m here.
Me
Thanks, Matthew.
Matthew
Goodnight, Beth.
Me
Goodnight.
I find myself smiling at our exchange. Maybe it’s cheesy. Maybe it’s just sleep deprivation. Maybe it’s delirium. Or delirium caused by sleep deprivation. But it’s comforting, him checking in on me.
I close my eyes, taking a deep breath to steady myself. But even then, I can’t shake off his words—his offer of being there for me. It’s a small gesture, but it means something to me, and it scares me that it does.
And as much as I try to deny it, it’s clear that there’s some part of me that wants more than this fake dating scheme and work relationship.
I just wish I knew what Matthew wanted.
I must have finally dozed off because when my alarm goes off, daylight is already filtering through the curtains. Groaning, I roll out of bed and make my way to the bathroom to start getting ready.
Another tournament, another exhausting day of pretending. But maybe the pretending is not the exhausting part. Maybe it’s the not knowing where the line between reality and our charade stands.
It’s not hard to pretend to care for Matthew. It’s not hard to look at him with adoration and love.
The hard part is pretending it’s all for show. Pretending that the feelings haven’t become real in the process.
As I apply my makeup, it’s impossible to ignore my reflection in the mirror. My eyes reveal the restless nights I’ve had. I sigh, dabbing on some concealer to hide the dark circles. I’ve always been good at putting up a strong front, at putting on a mask. But right now, my mask feels as thin as tissue paper, fragile and easily torn.
Despite my inner turmoil, today is not the day to feel the feelings, at least not real ones. So I put my mask on, as thin as it might be, and walk downstairs.
I find Matthew in the kitchen, sipping coffee and scrolling through his phone.
“Morning,” he says, glancing up as I enter.
“Morning,” I reply, grabbing a mug and pouring myself a cup of coffee.
“Do you, uh, want to talk about last night?”
“What? My nightmare?”
“Yeah.” He shrugs. “I don’t mean to pry; I just want to make sure you’re okay.”
I sip my cup of coffee and offer a small smile. “I’m okay, Matthew. Promise. Thank you for asking.”
Matthew hesitates for a moment, then finally nods.
“What did Travis call about last night? Any news on sponsors?”
“He’s happy with the amount of press. As for sponsors, today and tomorrow’s results are the answer to that question.”
His face twists, and I can see the pressure he’s putting on himself.
“Hey—” I set my coffee cup down and grab his arm. “Let your game do the talking.”
He takes a deep breath, nodding as he looks down.
“Don’t even think about the sponsors today. Just do what you do best.”
His gaze flickers up to meet mine. “Yeah, you’re right.”
“I know I’m right,” I tease as I remove my hand from him. “Did you eat anything yet?”
He shakes his head. “Not yet.”
“I’ll make some breakfast then. It’s going to be a long day.”
Maggie and Alison are with me in the audience, and I really like having them here with me. I’m not alone and Matthew has his own little cheering section now. Even though he’s independent, I know he appreciates it too.
With each new tournament and practice, I’ve grown to love watching him play. He’s so intense and focused. But when he gets under par, there’s a little smirk he gets. It’s short lived, but if you watch him close enough, you’ll see it.
And unfortunately for my heart rate, I’ve been watching him closely.
Matthew sinks a particularly difficult putt when that smirk appears, and he sends a wink my way.
I shouldn’t be surprised by this, but I am. I know it’s for the sake of appearances, but the smile on my face and my heart pounding in my chest say otherwise.
“There’s that smirk,” Alison says.
“I know. He’s doing great today,” I say. Maggie laughs. “What?” I turn to them.
“I’m not talking about his. I mean yours,” Alison replies.
“Your face lights up every time he looks your way,” Maggie adds, and they both giggle.
Does it really?
Alison sighs. “I only hope to find a man who makes me feel that way. Know of any single golfers here?”
I chuckle. “Not a golfer, but Matthew’s caddy, Nick, is single.”
She pulls her sunglasses down and takes a look at Nick. “He’s hot.”
“And older than you,” Maggie says.
Alison puts her sunglasses back up. “Just stating a fact.”
“Well, if you’re done checking out the hot caddy, our man just got a birdie,” I say, nodding toward Matthew.
I capture a quick photo as Matthew and Nick fist bump.
As the tournament continues, Matthew manages to score one winning shot after another, all the way to the 18 th hole. Whatever concerns he had this morning about sponsors, coastal winds, and anything else, he didn’t let anyone see it today.
If he plays the same way for the rest of the tournament and finishes in the top ten, he’ll qualify for the Summit Pro Tour card. And my time with him will be over.