Chapter 11 Kay’lo Mensah
Trill-Land, Jungle Estate
“Prestyn boy, yo’ lil’ ass ‘bout to drown,” I chuckled while tryna hold his head right, my hand firm on the back of his neck while he kicked his legs like he was fightin’ for his life instead of learnin’ how to swim.
The water was warm, the sun hittin’ just right, and Prestyn thought this whole shit was hilarious.
He kept squealin’ and splashin’ water in my face, grippin’ my chain with his tiny hands, and every time I tried to show him how to dip his head under for half a second, he popped right back up with that wild ass grin.
“See, you good,” I told him, liftin’ him back up against my chest. “Ain’t nobody lettin’ you die today. You got too many people who’d lose they fuckin’ minds.”
I bounced him a lil’, lettin’ him feel the water move, lettin’ him feel safe, and even though I ain’t say it out loud, that shit hit me different.
I been around violence my whole life. I done took lives.
I done ordered shit that can’t be undone, but right here, holdin’ baby boy, teachin’ him somethin’ simple, somethin’ soft, it grounded me.
Kaylon was floatin’ nearby in one of them lil’ baby pool things, his chubby legs kickin’ slow and his eyes wide like he was takin’ in the whole world for the first time.
I reached over and tugged him closer with my foot, laughin’ when he squeaked and grabbed the side.
Pressure was on the grill, and when I say on the grill, I mean standin’ there with tongs in his hand like he was performin’ surgery, squintin’ at the food.
“I swear to God, if you burn them sausages, I’m orderin’ pizza, nigga,” I called out.
Pressure didn’t even look back. “Man shut the fuck up. This grill different.”
Renza was leaned back against the chair with a drink in his hand and shades on, already smilin’ like he was about to talk his shit.
“Nigga,” Renza said, slow and disrespectful, “just ‘cause you got on barbecue sandals don’t mean you can actually barbecue.”
Pressure snapped his head around. “What the fuck is barbecue sandals?”
Renza pointed at Pressure’s slides. “Them. That’s them exact shits. Every nigga who can’t cook swear these give him grill powers.”
I shook my head, laughin’ under my breath while Prestyn splashed water everywhere.
“You worry ‘bout them kids,” Pressure shot back.
“They good,” Renza said. “Kay’Lo babysittin’. That nigga got dad hands.”
I ain’t say nothin’, but just adjusted my grip on Prestyn and kissed the side of his head when he leaned back against me. He settled instantly, his body relaxin’ like he trusted me without question.
Then Pluto came out a minute later with her hair tied up, and her sundress flowin’, lookin’ calm in that way only she could. She walked straight to Pressure, wrapped her arms around his waist, and kissed him like she wasn’t worried about him smellin’ like charcoal and stress.
“Do not burn the food,” she told him, laughin’ against his chest.
“I got it,” Pressure said, confident as hell for no reason.
Pluto looked at the grill, then at Renza. “He lyin’, ain’t he?”
Renza took a sip of his drink. “Big lies.”
I laughed again, liftin’ Kaylon out the water this time, holdin’ him up so he could see Prestyn splashin’ around.
“You see yo’ brother?” I said to him soft. “That’s what reckless look like.”
Kaylon blinked slow, drool slidin’ down his chin.
Then, somethin’ in my mood switched.
I ain’t even have to turn around to know she was there.
That shift in the air hit my chest first, like somebody knocked the wind outta me without touchin’ me. My hands tightened around Kaylon without me meanin’ to, my stomach pullin’ in on itself, and when I finally glanced up, there she was.
Toni…
She walked out with Sha’Nelle, both of ‘em laughin’ about somethin’, but the sound felt far away, like my ears stopped workin’ right.
She had on this strapless sundress, a deep orange that set her skin off crazy, and made her glow without even tryin’.
The slit ran up her thigh just enough to remind a nigga exactly how sexy she was, and her titties sat perfect in that dress like they had they own mind.
The lil’ tattoos she had caught the sun every time she moved, glistenin’ against her smooth chocolate skin, and her natural hair was out, long and flowin’ down her back like she ain’t have a care in the world.
I felt my jaw tighten before I even realized it, my teeth grindin’ together while my eyes stayed locked on her longer than I meant to.
She looked too fuckin’ good, the kind of good that made a nigga chest feel weak and his pride kick in at the same time, ‘cause seein’ her like that reminded me exactly what I was missin’ and exactly why this shit hurt the way it did.
My heart started actin’ stupid.
It felt like weeks since I seen her, even though I knew it ain’t been that long. It felt like my body remembered her before my mind caught up, like every cell in me leaned toward her without askin’ permission.
She looked up, and our eyes locked.
And just like that, all the shit I been pushin’ down came rushin’ back up.
The arguments, the pills, the hurt and the shit I said that I wish I could rip back out my mouth. The way she cried and walked away. The way the house felt empty without her breath in it. All that shit.
I broke eye contact first.
I hated that I did, but I wasn’t ready.
I lifted Kaylon higher, kissed his cheek loud as hell, then dipped back into the water, swimmin’ a few feet away like that could save me from what I was feelin’. Prestyn squealed again, followin’ me on his float and splashin’ like nothin’ in the world was wrong.
Toni laughed but then it faded. I could feel her eyes on me even when I wasn’t lookin’, and that shit made my chest ache in a way I ain’t wanna sit with.
I had been tryna give her space. I been tryna respect her boundaries, and tryna do everything right for once, and that shit felt harder than any violent decision I ever made.
Pressure glanced between us, clockin’ everything without sayin’ shit. He always did that. He ain’t jump in or push. He just let shit breathe.
Pluto smiled at Toni and Sha’Nelle, and waved them over like nothin’ was tense, like this was just another family day.
And that’s what fucked me up the most.
This was family…
And we was fractured right down the middle of it.
I floated with Kaylon pressed against my chest, his head restin’ under my chin, and I stared at the water like it had answers for me.
I loved this fuckin’ woman.
Toni was the only person who ever made me want to slow down without feelin’ like I was losin’ myself. She seen me when I was ugly and still chose me. And now we was standin’ on opposite sides of a pool pretendin’ this shit didn’t hurt.
Prestyn swam back over, bumpin’ into my side with the float, laughin’ like life was sweet.
I smiled for him, but inside, my heart was screamin’.
I kissed Kaylon again, holdin’ him close, and stayed right where I was, playin’ it cool, actin’ unbothered, even though every part of me wanted to walk over to my wife and pull her into my arms like we ain’t never let go of each other before.
Instead, I swam farther out because wantin’ her and knowin’ how to love her right felt like two different fights right now.
And I ain’t know which one I was ready to win.
It was finally time to eat, and I already knew this shit was about to test my self-control in ways I wasn’t prepared for.
Pressure had been outside all afternoon actin’ like he was really that nigga on the grill when everybody here knew damn well he needed backup, so by the time the staff slid in and took over, the smell alone had the whole backyard feelin’ heavy.
Smoked ribs was glistenin’ with sauce, jerk chicken thighs was charred just right, lamb chops lined up neat, shrimp skewers poppin’ and cracklin’, lobster tails split open with butter meltin’ down the shell, and big ass trays of sides kept comin’ out like this wasn’t no regular cookout.
Mac and cheese baked golden, greens glossy and rich, grilled corn brushed with butter and herbs, dirty rice piled high, and fresh bread still warm enough to pull apart with your hands.
Drinks was already poured before we got to the table.
Brown liquor for me and Renza, tequila for Pluto and Toni, wine for Sha’Nelle, and Pressure had a lil’ bit of everything like he ain’t know when to stop.
Weed was already in rotation too, thick enough that it hung low around the table and softened the edges of the whole moment.
Pluto passed Prestyn and Kaylon off to the nanny and kissed Pressure on the cheek, tellin’ him not to burn shit next time, and Renza laughed.
Pressure shot him a look. “Nigga shut up.”
I wasn’t even payin’ them niggas no mind though, ‘cause the moment Toni walked toward the table with Sha’Nelle beside her, my whole focus locked in and refused to let go.
That orange sundress hugged her body in a way that made it hard not to stare. The slit ran up her thigh just enough to tease, and every step she took made that fabric move slow against her chocolate skin.
My jaw twitched before I could stop it.
I stayed quiet, though. I stayed grounded and pretendin’ like I wasn’t feelin’ that pull in my chest that always came with her presence. Toni hadn’t even looked my way yet and her body already knew I was there.
As she went to pull her chair out, I stepped in without thinkin’, grabbed the back of it and slid it out for her.
I stood right behind her, close enough to feel her heat and close enough that my breath brushed the side of her neck even though I wasn’t doin’ that shit on purpose.
Her shoulders tensed just a lil’, and I felt that energy shift between us like a current runnin’ low.
She sat down without sayin’ nothin’, and I scooted the chair in slow, my hands firm on the wood like I was groundin’ myself. I heard Renza mumble some slick shit under his breath, but I ignored him completely. This moment wasn’t for nobody else.
I took my seat next to Pressure and across from Toni, and once I sat down, I ain’t stop lookin’ at her.
I ain’t mean to stare, but my eyes stayed on her like she was the only thing in front of me. The way she lifted her glass. The way her lips wrapped around the rim. The way her leg crossed slow under the table and that slit opened just enough to remind me what was mine.
She glanced up at me once, quick as hell, then looked away like she caught herself slippin’. I ain’t look away though. I let her know exactly where my attention was at, and if that shit made her uncomfortable or turned on, that was on her.
Conversation flowed around us; Pressure talkin’ about some business shit. Renza jokin’ with Sha’Nelle who kept leanin’ into him like she forgot where she was, and Pluto laughin’ and clinkin’ glasses with Toni, the two of them vibin’ like sisters.
I ate. Drank. Smoked.
But my mind stayed on her…
Every laugh she let out hit me. Every time she brushed her hair back or leaned in toward Pluto, my chest tightened just a lil’ more. I had been givin’ her space ‘cause I knew I had to, but that ain’t make it hurt less, and sittin’ across from her like this made it worse in the best way.
By the time plates started clearin’ and everybody was feelin’ good, that tension between us had built up so thick I couldn’t keep swallowin’ it down.
Pluto was mid-sentence sayin’ somethin’ she thought was funny as hell when I finally had enough.
“I miss you.”
My voice wasn’t loud, but it cut through everything.
The table went quiet so fast it was damn near disrespectful.
Renza froze with his drink halfway to his mouth and muttered, “Aw shit,” under his breath like he already knew this was about to go left or real right.
Toni swallowed hard and looked around first like she couldn’t believe I said that shit out loud in front of everybody, then her eyes came back to me, wide and glossy and conflicted all at once.
She opened her mouth to speak, probably to stop me, probably to tell me not here, but I cut that shit off before it could land.
“I love you.”
Her chest started risin’ and fallin’ faster, and I saw that flicker in her eyes that always told me she was fightin’ herself. I ain’t give her time to think past it.
I stood up and walked around the table, stopped right in front of her, and pulled her chair back just enough before liftin’ her straight up into my arms.
I heard gasps, laughin’ and Pluto coverin’ her face.
“Oh Lord,” she said, already knowin’ how this was finna go.
Pressure and Renza busted out laughin’ at the same damn time.
“About fuckin’ time,” Renza said, shakin’ his head.
I ain’t look at nobody else.
“Stop actin’ like you don’t give a fuck,” I said low to Toni, my voice meant for her and her alone.
She ain’t argue or fight it. Her arms slid around my neck and tightened like she had been waitin’ on this exact moment to let go. She laid her head against my chest, and I felt that sigh leave her body like she finally exhaled after holdin’ her breath for days.
I carried her off the patio, past the laughter and the noise, and into the quiet of the house where it was just us again. As we moved down the hall, her grip tightened, her cheek pressed into me, and I knew right then that no matter how fucked up we had gotten, this bond wasn’t gone.
It was just bruised.
And I was about to remind my wife exactly how much she was missed.