Chapter 21 Kay’lo Mensah
Toni was out of her fuckin’ mind if she thought she was gon’ divorce me, and I was already on the way to her to let her know that shit.
A few minutes ago, I walked out the penthouse with my mind burnin’ hot as hell ‘cause that text she sent wasn’t makin’ no sense to me.
I wasn’t even thinkin’ about Echo. She wasn’t nothin’ but a warm body in a nice room and I knew that from the jump.
She looked good and she moaned loud and she threw that shit back like she had somethin’ to prove, but the whole time I was fuckin’ her all I could think about was how this wasn’t Toni.
I ain’t even fuck that girl like how I fuck my wife. I ain’t touch her how I touch Toni. I ain’t feel shit for her. Hell, I was smart enough to put on a condom ‘cause my dick knew better than my damn emotions.
Echo was bad as fuck. I give her that. Most niggas probably lose they damn mind over her but not me.
I knew her type the moment she walked her ass into that section.
She was pretty, confident, spoiled and used to gettin’ whatever the fuck she want ‘cause niggas fold quick. And I’m not about to let no new bitch think she got me by the nuts.
Toni was already hittin’ a nigga where it hurt and that shit had me fucked up enough.
It ain’t been nothin’ but three weeks but it felt like three damn years since I seen my wife.
It was three weeks of sleepin’ in a cold bed without her.
Three weeks of lookin’ at the door hopin’ she walk in.
It was three weeks of wantin’ her so bad my damn stomach hurt.
But she wanted to act like she ain’t need me, like she could breathe without me and like she wasn’t the same woman who used to fall asleep on my chest every damn night.
She held her pussy hostage for damn near a month so yeah, a nigga like me was gon’ poke somethin’.
I ain’t proud of it but I’m real about it.
Still, Toni was wild textin’ me about divorce. Divorce ain’t even exist in my vocabulary. She was the woman I married, the woman I done begged for kids with. She was the one I gave my last name to. I ain’t give a fuck what we was goin’ through. Break up? Maybe. Cool off? Sure. Divorce? Fuck no.
I drove through our gate and parked crooked. I hopped out the car, and went straight inside.
My heart was beatin’ too hard and it pissed me off ‘cause she always fuckin’ had me like this.
I walked through the livin’ room, checked the kitchen, called her name once, but the house was too damn quiet. So I took my ass upstairs ‘cause the silence felt wrong.
The bedroom door was cracked. I pushed it open and froze before both my feet even crossed the threshold.
Toni was curled up on her side with her face turned into the pillow, her shoulders shakin’.
She ain’t hear me at first, ‘cause she was too busy cryin’.
It was that cry that make ya body curl up on instinct.
She heard the door move and snapped her head up fast, her eyes red and puffy, and she tried to turn away but I already saw everything.
I saw the hurt, and the betrayal. It was a pain I never wanted to be responsible for.
For a second I just leaned my shoulder against the frame and looked at her ‘cause pride will make a man stall out even when his heart is crackin’. I ain’t wanna rush her and I ain’t wanna look like I was foldin’. So I kept my voice calm.
“Wussup with all this divorce shit you textin’ me about?”
She wiped her face like she hated herself for lettin’ me see her cry. She wouldn’t look at me. She breathed deep like she was tryna force her body to calm down but her tears kept fallin’. I pushed off the door and walked to the bed ‘cause I couldn’t pretend I ain’t see her hurtin’.
I sat next to her and she turned her face away more.
“Did you hear me?” I asked, softer now. “Where the fuck all this divorce talk come from?”
“Leave me alone, Kay’Lo,” she whispered. Her voice was scratchy from cryin’. “Just go.”
“Nah. You not gon’ hit my phone with some wild ass shit and expect me to walk away like I don’t care. What’s all that supposed to mean?”
“You shouldn’t give a fuck about no divorce,” she said through tears. “You already fuckin’ somebody anyway.”
My jaw flexed but I ain’t answer right away ‘cause I needed to know who the hell been runnin’ they mouth.
“Who told you that?” I finally asked. “Was it Pluto?”
She rolled her eyes hard, like I insulted her intelligence. “No. Pluto didn’t tell me nothing. I just saw some shit.”
I didn’t know if I believed her. Pluto mind her business and she don’t bring drama but her and Toni real close. Still, somethin’ about the way Toni refused to even look in my direction had me focusin’ on the pain more than the lie.
Her whole face was a deep red. Her lashes was clumped from tears, and that vein in her forehead was pressed up thick like her head hurt from thinkin’ too much.
“Instead of takin’ this time to get yo’ shit together,” she said low, “you ran to another bitch.”
I ain’t deny it but I ain’t address it either ‘cause I didn’t know how the fuck to talk about somethin’ that didn’t mean shit to me.
“You told me to get the fuck out,” I said. “You ain’t called me. You ain’t text me back. You been actin’ like you don’t give a fuck if I breathe or not.”
“That’s not true,” she whispered.
“You act like it,” I said. “You act like I ain’t been beggin’ for my family. You act like you don’t even fuck with me like that.”
She broke eye contact then, and looked toward the window. She wiped her tears again even though more fell right after.
“So what you want from me, Toni?” I asked, my voice droppin’ low ‘cause I was tired. “What you want?”
She stared at me like she was givin’ up right in front of me.
“A divorce.”
I shook my head slow, my voice calm but firm. “That ain’t even an option. Pick somethin’ else.”
She blinked and for the first time her eyes looked like she couldn’t see straight ‘cause of how hurt she was.
“Have you been fuckin’ somebody else?” she asked, her voice barely there.
I didn’t move. I didn’t breathe right. I ain’t lie but I ain’t nod either. And that silence told her everything she needed to know.
More tears fell and she whispered, “And this is exactly why I want a divorce.”
Inside, somethin’ in me cracked wide open. I felt my whole chest heat up ‘cause the thought of losin’ her was crawlin’ up my throat and I didn’t know what the fuck to do with it. She was sittin’ inches from me but felt miles away.
I reached for her knee without thinkin’. My hand didn’t even touch her yet, but she sucked in a breath like she didn’t know whether to lean into me or pull away from me forever.
And that right there scared the fuck out of me.
I had been with Toni for hours, listenin’ to her cry and just really tryna hold myself together ‘cause every sound she made kept cuttin’ into me.
But even if I fucked up, I wasn’t leavin’ her especially when she looked like this. Not when she sounded like this, and when three weeks without her had damn near hollowed me out.
She kept tellin’ me to go, and I kept actin’ like I couldn’t hear that shit.
I ordered her favorite food even though she wouldn’t touch shit.
She wouldn’t even look in my direction, and every time she wiped her face I felt my chest cave in a lil’ more.
She wasn’t yellin’, throwin’ shit or cursin’ me out like she had every right to do.
She was just quiet, and that silence was worse than any argument we ever had.
I walked over to her dresser and pulled out one of her soft gowns, the one she always wore when she was tired or hurt or just needed comfort.
I laid it across the bed, then grabbed her body oil, her bonnet, all her lil’ shit she used at night.
She watched me through swollen eyes but wouldn’t say a word.
She just looked exhausted and numb, like she had cried her body dry.
I ain’t care if she wanted me gone. I wasn’t movin’.
I went to the bathroom and started runnin’ her bath and put in the shit she liked that made the water smell sweet.
When it filled, I came back to her and reached out my hand.
Toni didn’t grab it, but she ain’t pull away either.
She got up on her own and walked to the tub while I followed behind her quiet.
She got undressed and slid into the water slow, wincin’ from how drained she was. She ain’t even look my way. I just stood there for a second, takin’ in how small she looked in this big ass tub, how tired her face was and how she kept starin’ at the wall.
I left her alone long enough to grab my tray, broke the weed down, rolled it tight, and came right back. I sat on the edge of the tub and sparked the blunt, let it burn for a few seconds, and held it out to her.
Her hand shook a lil’ when she reached for it.
Her eyelids was so swollen she could barely keep them open. She took a long pull and let the smoke slip out slow, like her whole body was too tired to do anything else.
I pulled up the stool from her vanity and sat next to her. She kept starin’ straight ahead.
After a long stretch of silence, she finally spoke.
“Do she look like me?”
Her voice was small and hoarse, like she wasn’t even talkin’ to me, but more like she was talkin’ to the ache sittin’ in her heart.
I blinked slow, feelin’ the guilt claw up my throat. “Toni, I ain’t talkin’ about no other bitch.”
She shook her head and hit the blunt again. “So you admit you stuck yo’ dick in another bitch.”
Her voice wasn’t loud. She wasn’t accusin’ me. She wasn’t tryna fight. She was just sayin’ the truth she already knew.
I ain’t say shit. My silence filled the whole room.
“You did,” she whispered. “Ain’t no point in lyin’. I know you did.”
My jaw clenched, my chest hurtin’. “What the fuck I’m supposed to do when you don’t even want me?” I finally asked. “You ice me out. You don’t talk to me. You act like you don’t even need me.”
“That’s ‘cause every time we good, you do somethin’ to fuck it up,” she said. “Every time.”