Chapter 27 Kay’lo Mensah #2
I held them stupid ass papers and I ripped them bitches from the top down. I kept ripping until the shit was confetti on the floor. The pieces fell around our feet like the whole marriage had exploded right here in the middle of the room.
“You not divorcin’ me,” I said, steppin’ in even closer until our foreheads almost touched.
“You not walkin’ away from me. You not startin’ no new life.
You not runnin’ from me like you run from everything that scare you.
We gon’ fix this shit or we gon’ fight in the middle of this room until we both crawl out bloody, but you not leavin’ me. I put that on everything I love.”
“Kay’Lo, move! Get the fuck out my face!”
But I ain’t move. I leaned in deeper, my voice low and dangerous.
“You wanna leave?” I asked. “Then you gon’ have to break every bone in my body to get out this bitch ‘cause I’m not lettin’ you go.”
“You not leavin’ me,” I said, my voice low and torn straight out my chest. “I don’t give a fuck what you tell yourself or what you think you about to do. We not done. We not over. I’m not lettin’ you walk out my life like I ain’t fight for you with my whole fuckin’ soul.”
Toni’s tears kept fallin’ but her chin lifted with all the fire she had left.
“Move, Kay’Lo!”
“No.”
She pushed me hard, but I didn’t move an inch.
She pushed me again, harder this time, hittin’ my chest with her fists when I still wouldn’t budge. She was cryin’ so hard she couldn’t breathe right. She clawed at my arms, diggin’ her nails into me, tryna peel me off her when I grabbed her waist and pulled her close.
“Let me go!” she screamed, chest heavin’, her hands still fightin’ me. “Let me go!”
“You gon’ have to scratch a nigga up, then,” I said, my voice low in her ear, rough as gravel but breakin’ all the same. “’Cause I’m not lettin’ you go nowhere.“
She cried harder, hittin’ me, pushin’ me and weak from everything she been holdin’ in for months. She tried to shove me off, and that motion sent both of us to the floor. I wrapped my arms around her tight, breathin’ heavy, my forehead pressed to hers while she sobbed.
“Toni, stop fightin’ me,” I whispered, kissin’ her cheeks, her forehead and her nose. “Please, baby… just stop. I’m right here. I’m right fuckin’ here.”
“I hate you,” she cried, her voice muffled into my neck. “I hate you so much.”
“No, you don’t.” My voice cracked for the first time. “You hurt, and it’s my fault. All of it. I’m takin’ every piece of the blame. I fucked up. I’m sorry, bae. I’m so fuckin’ sorry.”
She sobbed so hard her whole body trembled in my arms, and I held her like she was the last piece of me I had left.
“I only want you,” I whispered, kissin’ her again. “I only ever wanted you. Don’t leave me. Please, baby… don’t leave me.”
Toni cried into my chest until she couldn’t breathe, and for the first time since all this shit started, I cried too, holdin’ the woman I broke, beggin’ her with everything in me not to walk out of my life.
I’on even know how long I had been on the floor holdin’ Toni, but my arms was numb and my face was wet and I ain’t give a fuck about none of it.
She was in my lap curled into my chest, her fingers twisted in my shirt like she was tryna breathe through heartbreak, and I had her wrapped up like if I let go she was gon’ disappear.
We cried so long our clothes felt damp. The room felt like a grave we made together.
My whole body ached from how tight I held her, but I wasn’t lettin’ go.
At some point we must’ve passed out ‘cause the next thing I felt was somebody tappin’ my shoulder. It was firm and quick, like whoever it was ain’t give a fuck that I was sleep or that I ain’t wanna be bothered.
“Get up, nigga,” a familiar voice muttered.
My eyelids dragged open and reality punched me back into my chest all over again. Toni was still curled against me, small and exhausted, her cheek smashed into my shoulder. Her breathin’ was heavy and her eyelashes was stuck together from all the cryin’.
Pressure stood over us, lookin’ down like he had walked into somethin’ he been expectin’ but didn’t wanna see.
“Come on, ‘Lo,” he said, tappin’ my shoulder again. “Get the fuck up. We gotta talk.”
“Get up for what?” I asked, slippin’ my arm tighter around Toni’s waist even though my whole body hurt.
Pressure sucked his teeth. “Boy, stop actin’ like a big ass kid. Get up.”
I wanted to tell him to leave me the fuck alone, but he was the last nigga in the world I could talk to crazy right now.
He tapped my shoulder again, harder this time.
I exhaled through my nose and slid out from under Toni as gentle as I could.
The minute her body shifted, she blinked awake, dazed and tired and confused.
“You okay, bae?” I whispered.
She nodded but she didn’t speak. She just pushed off my chest and dragged herself up slow like her bones weighed double.
She didn’t even look at me. She walked straight toward the bathroom and closed the door with a soft click.
I heard the water runnin’ a second later, and the guilt in my stomach twisted until I felt sick.
Pressure nudged my arm. “Come on.”
We walked out the room and down the stairs together, each step feelin’ like my legs was fightin’ against me. I didn’t wanna be away from Toni. All I wanted was to hold her again, even if she ain’t want me touchin’ her no more.
All my cars sat in a row across the driveway, shiny as hell, expensive as hell, and completely pointless in a moment like this.
Pressure stopped beside me and stared me down like he was tryna read every part of me. His face softened just a lil’ when he saw the mess I was.
“You gotta give her space, nigga,” he said. “Both of y’all need space.”
I swallowed hard, but my throat felt raw. “She filed for divorce, Pressure,” I said, my voice low and cracked. “She had that shit sent to my shop. I opened an envelope and saw my wife droppin’ me off a cliff.”
“I know,” he said calmly. “Pluto told me, but if you wanna fix this shit, you can’t smother her and you can’t break yourself while you chasin’ her through the house. She need her air, and you need to collect yourself. Y’all too deep in the pain right now to think.”
I clenched my jaw and stared straight ahead. “I can’t leave her like this. She was cryin’ so hard she couldn’t even breathe.”
“You not leavin’ her forever,” he said. “You leavin’ for a minute so you don’t make this worse.
You think I’m happy seein’ my cousin damn near lose his mind in front of me?
No. But I know when somebody need a break before they drown.
Toni can file for divorce all she wants.
I don’t see her goin’ through with it. She just hurt. ”
His hand met my shoulder, firm and heavy. “Go get ya head right. Let her get hers right. You gon’ come back to her stronger instead of broken like this.”
I hated that he was right. I hated that my chest hurt. I hated that all this shit even existed.
I sniffed real hard out of frustration. “Alright.”
He nodded. “Good. Hit me when you get situated.”
I turned back toward the mansion, my chest thumpin’ like every step hurt.
When I got upstairs again, the door to the bathroom was open and Toni was standin’ by the window.
She had her arms wrapped around herself and her eyes was so puffy it made my heart fold in half.
Her hair was all messed up from sleep. Her cheeks was blotchy.
I walked across the room slow, watchin’ her stare out into the distance like she couldn’t see nothin’ but her own pain.
When I finally reached her, I slid my hands around her waist and pulled her back into me.
Her body tensed instantly, but I wrapped her up anyway, pressin’ her into my chest so she could feel how much her man was breakin’.
She grabbed my wrists, tryin’ to pull my hands off her, but I tightened my hold and leaned into her ear.
“Stop,” I whispered. My voice came out soft but it felt scraped raw. “Just stop, bae. Let me hold you.”
She shook her head, her voice low and tired. “Kay’Lo… please move.”
But I lowered my face into her neck and kissed that soft spot she always folded for, even when she didn’t want to.
“I love you,” I whispered, my voice thick. “I love you so fuckin’ much. I don’t want nobody but you. I’m done with everything and everybody except you.”
She let out a breath, and her hands loosened on my wrists.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered into her skin. “I’m so fuckin’ sorry for hurtin’ you. I never wanted this for us. I never wanted to lose you. I’m not signin’ no divorce papers, Toni. I mean that shit with my soul.”
She ain’t push me no more, but she ain’t lean back into me either. She just let me hold her, drained and quiet, her fingers still curled around my wrists like she didn’t know what to do with me.
I kissed her cheek, then her temple, then the side of her jaw. Every kiss felt like a promise and a plea.
“I’m comin’ back,” I whispered. “No matter what. You not losin’ me and I’m not losin’ you. I’m just givin’ you a minute to breathe.”
I slowly let her go even though my arms felt empty the second I released her. I backed up, memorizin’ the shape of her in the window light.
When I stepped outside again, Pressure was waitin’ beside my whip with his arms crossed.
“You good?” he asked.
“No,” I said truthfully. “But I’m ‘bout to take a drive, clear my head, then I’m goin’ back to the penthouse.”
“Hit me when you get settled,” he said.
We pulled each other in for a hug and he slapped my back like he was remindin’ me that I wasn’t alone in this shit.
“It’s gon’ be alright, ‘Lo,” he muttered. “Not today, but soon.”
I nodded, slid into my car, and pulled off slow, my chest still burnin’.
But I drove anyway, ‘cause comin’ back to my wife meant I had to leave her just long enough for both our hearts to remember how to beat again.