Chapter 4 Toni Roc
TRILL-LAND HIGH COURT OF JUSTICE
I couldn’t believe what the fuck I was seein’ in the courtroom and how my husband was bein’ dragged back into a cell like he was some wild animal that needed to be locked away before he tore the world up.
Everything felt unreal, like it was happenin’ behind a glass wall that kept movin’ every time I tried to understand it.
One second Abeni was standin’ there talkin’ calm as hell while Lennox damn near lost his mind, and the next a grown man dropped to the floor chokin’ like somebody sucked the life out of him.
The whole room shifted like the floor tilted under us, and even though people was runnin’ and shoutin’, all I could do was stare at Kay’Lo and pray he looked back at me.
He didn’t, and he ain’t even try to.
He kept his eyes low while the bailiffs grabbed him, and it hit me that maybe lookin’ at me hurt him worse than whatever he was already feelin’.
The judge was talkin’ in circles, sayin’ he wasn’t makin’ no decisions today, sayin’ the court needed to be cleared and order had to be restored before they could even think about discussin’ bond again.
I heard the words, but they ain’t feel real, ‘cause all I could see was Kay’Lo’s wrists bein’ cuffed and his shoulders droppin’ like the weight of the whole damn world was planted there.
My heart felt like somebody was squeezin’ it slow, and the pressure made it hard to breathe.
I kept pressin’ my stomach ‘cause even though the doctor said the baby was fine, the stress kept sittin’ on my chest like a brick.
I wanted Kay’Lo right next to me so bad, and the fact that I had to watch them pull him away again broke somethin’ in me that I ain’t even know could break no further.
Treasure squeezed my hand as if she was tryna keep both of us together.
My legs was shakin’, and I knew my face looked a mess, but I ain’t even care. I ain’t want nobody talkin’ to me, askin’ me how I was doin’, or tryna hug on me. I just wanted to go home and curl up somewhere quiet.
The courtroom emptied around us while the bailiffs shouted for people to move faster. The Mensah’s was real quiet, and it felt like even their silence was heavy enough to knock shit off the walls.
Abeni walked out with her chin high, givin’ the judge one last calm look that said she wasn’t done. I ain’t know what she was plannin’, but I knew she wasn’t lettin’ this shit go, and honestly I wasn’t mad at it. This was way bigger than me, and it wasn’t a fight I knew how to handle.
Treasure squeezed my hand again. “Come on baby, let’s go,” she whispered, and her voice was so soft it almost made me cry right there in front of everybody.
We walked down the aisle together, and I ain’t look at nobody. I ain’t even try to speak. Too much had happened, and the weight of it all sat behind my eyes like tears tryna break through.
Outside the courtroom, people was still talkin’, whisperin’, starin’, and I felt like I was watchin’ a movie about somebody else’s life.
Everything kept movin’ too fast around me except my own thoughts, which was crawlin’ slow and heavy.
Treasure helped me down the steps ‘cause my knees felt weak, and when we got to the car, she pulled me into a hug before I could even open the door.
“If you need anything, Toni, call me,” she said.
I wrapped my arms around her and held on tight ‘cause she was the only thing keepin’ me from fallin’ apart in front of all these people. “I love you,” I whispered without even realizin’ I had actually said that shit.
“I love you too, baby girl,” she said back, and she rubbed my back for a second before lettin’ go. “Get home safe.”
I nodded and got in the car, and when the door shut everything finally went quiet.
It wasn’t no damn quiet peaceful either.
It was just quiet enough for me to hear how loud my heart was beatin’ in my chest. I sat there for a second with my hands on the wheel, tryna breathe, and stop my mind from runnin’ wild.
Kay’Lo’s face wouldn’t leave my head. He looked tired and defeated, and even though he stayed strong in front of everybody, I knew him. I knew his spirit. I knew the way his pride worked, and I knew bein’ dragged away again probably made him feel like he was failin’ me all over again.
I started drivin’ slow, and my phone rang not long after I pulled off. It was Sha’Nelle.
“Hey boo, you good?” I could tell she wanted to ask me how court went but didn’t.
“I’m a’ight,” I said ‘cause that was easier than tellin’ her the truth. “I’m on my way home now.”
“Good, ‘cause the food almost ready,” she said. “Come eat somethin’ so you don’t be fallin’ out on me, bitch.”
I told her I would and we hung up, and I kept drivin’, but the closer I got to the house, the harder everything felt.
My chest felt tight again and my stomach turned, and it wasn’t just the pregnancy.
It was fear. It was love, anger and everything all mixed together until I couldn’t tell which feelin’ belonged to what.
I kept thinkin’ about how I still hadn’t told Kay’Lo what his daddy did with the therapist. Every time I thought about tellin’ him I felt wrong.
It ain’t feel like somethin’ he needed to hear while he was sittin’ in a cell tryna hold his shit together.
I ain’t wanna make him more angry or hurt or confused than he already was.
I ain’t wanna be the reason he snapped on somebody else in there and made everything worse.
And I kept thinkin’ about Abeni too. The way she just took over the entire courtroom like it belonged to her.
The way she talked to the judge like she wasn’t askin’ for shit, but was tellin’ him what needed to happen.
She scared the hell out of me sometimes, but she was also the only reason I still had hope.
She was the type of woman who made impossible shit move, and part of me trusted her more than I trusted anybody right now.
This wasn’t my world. This was the Mensah’s.
This was powerful people doin’ powerful shit behind scenes I ain’t even know existed.
But I was still Kay’Lo’s wife, and every time I thought about him sittin’ alone in that damn cell my eyes started burnin’.
Halfway home, I couldn’t take it no more.
My stomach rolled like I was about to throw up ‘cause my head felt too full.
I pulled over on the side of the road and put the car in park.
My hands shook when I let go of the wheel, and once I pressed my forehead against it everything inside me came up all at once.
I started cryin’ hard. My chest hurt, and I tried to breathe through it, but the more I thought about Kay’Lo walkin’ away in cuffs without lookin’ at me, the harder it hit.
I missed my husband. I missed his voice. I missed his smell, and I wanted his hands on my belly imagin’ our baby growin’ in there.
I was scared of losin’ him and raisin’ our baby alone. I was scared that this fight between the Mensah’s and Lennox’s was somethin’ I wasn’t built for.
I cried until my throat hurt and my eyes felt swollen, and even then I couldn’t stop. I just wanted my nigga home. I just wanted to go back to the way life felt when he was breathin’ next to me every night.
The world kept movin’ around me while I stayed parked on the side of the road sobbin’ in my hands, and all I could do was cry like my tears would bring him back.
“Kay’Lo… baby, please come home.”
But the only answer was the sound of cars passin’ by and my own heart breakin’.