Chapter 5 Kay’lo Mensah
The Trill-Land Justice Holding Center
The shit that went down in the courtroom had me feelin’ like my whole world got dropped on my fuckin’ head, and every breath I took was tightenin’ somethin’ inside me that I couldn’t fight off.
They had me cuffed and surrounded by COs like I was on some terroristic threat shit, when all I wanted was to walk back to my wife and tell her that everything was gon’ be alright.
But the judge denied my bond, and the second that gavel hit the bench, it felt like the ground disappeared.
The bailiffs gripped my arms and walked me out, and I kept my eyes straight ‘cause I couldn’t afford to look back again.
I had already seen Toni’s face once, and the shit damn near ripped a hole clean through me.
Her eyes was glossy, her breathin’ was uneven, and she was tryna hold it together in front of everybody like she wasn’t breakin’ on the inside.
My mama held her hand and rubbed her arm slow, and I wished I could trade places with her ‘cause neither of them belonged in no courtroom hurtin’ behind me.
Pressure stood up when they pulled me past him, and even though he ain’t say nothin’, I could feel him tellin’ me to stand tall.
Renza had his hand on Pluto’s shoulder like he was tryna keep himself from runnin’ after me too.
My pops clenched his jaw and looked down at his shoes, and my auntie stared at Lennox like she was choosin’ which part of him she was gon’ destroy first. Every one of the faces followed me in my head as I got dragged through that hallway.
The COs talked around me like I wasn’t even there, and the longer they walked, the hotter my skin felt.
I kept my hands in the cuffs and tried to control my breathin’ so I ain’t flash out right there on these bitches.
Every sound in the hallway bounced around too sharp, and my thoughts felt like they was stackin’ on top of each other in a way I couldn’t push down.
The more I thought about Toni bein’ home alone and pregnant while I was trapped in a cell, the more somethin’ in my chest pulled tight.
They pushed me into the transport cage to take me back, and the metal walls felt too damn close.
I leaned my head back and swallowed hard, tryna focus on anything except the way my thoughts crept up behind my eyes.
When we made it back to the jail, they walked me through intake like I was a new inmate.
The fluorescent lights felt too bright, and the noises in the background kept jumpin’ out like they was right up on me even when they wasn’t.
When they finally uncuffed me and shoved me inside my cell, the door slammed with a weight that vibrated through my ribs.
I stood there for a second, holdin’ onto the bars even though nobody was on the other side.
My mind was loud as hell, and the room felt too tight, like the walls was pressin’ in with every inhale I took.
I sat down on the bunk and leaned forward with my elbows on my knees.
I dragged a hand down my face and tried to push the thoughts back, but the harder I tried, the stronger everything felt.
The room tilted a lil’, then steadied, then shifted again, and my chest got heavy with the need to calm myself before I lost control.
I laid down on my side, facin’ the wall ‘cause it felt safer that way, and I forced my eyes to stay closed even though my mind was still runnin’.
It took a long time for sleep to come. My body jerked a few times like it ain’t wanna let go, and every time I drifted off somethin’ in my head dragged me back awake, but eventually the exhaustion pulled me under.
I ain’t know how long I was knocked out when a clinkin’ noise hit my cell bars.
At first it blended with whatever dream I was in, but the second one cut through clear.
I opened my eyes and blinked slow until the room came back into focus.
Somebody was tappin’ the metal like they was tryna wake me without makin’ a scene.
I sat up and rubbed my face, and when I finally looked toward the door, Kelli was standin’ there. He had a ripped piece of paper folded between two fingers, and he was leanin’ against the bars like he always did, unbothered and quiet.
“I’m out,” he said, holdin’ the paper.
I blinked again, makin’ sure I heard him right. “What?”
“I told you I’d be leavin’ any day now,” he said. “Today’s the day.”
I swung my legs off the bunk ‘cause the shit hit me different than I expected. It wasn’t sadness, and it wasn’t fear, but it was somethin’ that sat low in me ‘cause I ain’t think he would be gone this soon.
We had just started kickin’ it for real.
We just started buildin’ that understandin’ that only lone niggas pick up on in a place like this.
He stepped closer to the bars and slid the folded paper through the slot. “This my number,” he said. “Don’t lose it.”
I took the paper and looked down at it, then back at him. He ain’t smile, and he ain’t give me some speech about friendship or none of that corny shit. He just nodded once, real simple.
“You cool people, Kay’Lo,” he said. “If you need anything when you get out… hit my line. I’ll make sure you straight.”
For a second, I ain’t know what to say ‘cause my chest felt heavier than before but I ain’t want it showin’. So I nodded back. “Same.”
He looked at me like he already knew what I wasn’t sayin’, like he understood the type of men we both was—Men who ain’t trust easy but also ain’t forget the ones who proved they solid.
“Keep your head up,” he said, and he tapped the bars once like a goodbye.
He turned and walked down the hall with that same slow, confident stride he always had. The CO escortin’ him barely spoke as they moved, and when he hit the corner and disappeared out of sight, the silence in the hallway felt heavier than before.
I looked down at the number in my hand again and let out a breath I ain’t know I was holdin’. I folded it tighter and tucked it deep inside my mattress ‘cause I sure as hell wasn’t lettin’ nobody else get to it.
The jail felt different now.
The small comfort that came from havin’ somebody I could talk to in this bitch disappeared with his footsteps. I laid back down on the bunk and stared at the ceilin’ while the weight of the courtroom, the judge’s decision, and my family’s hurt all came slammin’ back in.
I closed my eyes ‘cause there wasn’t nothin’ else I could do. And even though the cell felt too damn small and the air felt thick with pressure, I told myself I had to make it through the night. I had to keep my mind right. I had to get back home to Toni.
And now that Kelli was gone, I was right back to bein’ by myself in this bitch.
Just me…the walls…and the wait.