Chapter 14 Toni Roc #3
Kay’Lo leaned back and blew out a slow breath.
“I know how serious it is, Ma. I been knowin’ that.
What piss me off is how they not showin’ the full footage of how it went down.
They went in my shop and tore it up like it was theirs, and they won’t even let me go in it or step foot on my own property.
They tryna make it look like I went crazy for no reason. ”
Kwame straightened his back and looked at him with that mix of fatherly concern and silent expectation that always sat between them. “You have to prepare yourself for the reality that the system will not be kind,” he said. “Things aren’t as easy as they always have been for us.”
The whole time they talked, I kept lookin’ at Kwame, waitin’ on him to mention the one thing we all needed to discuss.
He kept dodgin’ around it, and my chest started feelin’ tight ‘cause I knew this couldn’t move forward without honesty.
I ain’t wanna disrespect him, and I damn sure ain’t wanna start nothin’, but Kay’Lo was my husband and this baby was our future.
I wasn’t about to sit quiet while the truth stayed tucked away like it wasn’t sittin’ in the middle of the room with all of us.
I shifted in my seat and looked at Kay’Lo, and when he turned his head toward me, my whole heart shook ‘cause I didn’t want to hurt him, but I couldn’t let him walk into that courtroom again without knowin’ what he was really dealin’ with.
I swallowed slow and said, “‘Lo… baby… there’s somethin’ I gotta tell you. ”
His brows lowered a lil’, confused but patient ‘cause he trusted me. “Tell me what?”
I took his hand in mine and let my thumb move over his knuckles, tryna keep my voice calm. “Your diagnosis ain’t gone. You still have it.”
He stared at me like the words ain’t land right, and his breathin’ got heavier. It wasn’t loud but it was deep, and that let me know the confusion was gettin’ to him. “Toni… what you talkin’ about?”
Before I could answer, Kwame cleared his throat and finally spoke. “I had it changed.”
Kay’Lo froze. His eyes shifted from me to his daddy, slow and unsure like he was tryna rewind what he just heard.
Kwame held his son’s stare without blinkin’, lookin’ like a man who knew he fucked up but didn’t know how to admit it in a soft way.
Pride wrapped itself around every inch of his expression, even while guilt sat heavy beneath it.
Kay’Lo’s voice dropped low but sharp. “So what that mean?”
Kwame inhaled through his nose. “It means I didn’t want you labeled as something that could limit you or hold you back. I didn’t want you being a statistic. I wanted you to have opportunities without being judged before you opened your mouth.”
Kay’Lo nodded once without really noddin’. “So you changed it without tellin’ me.”
“I did what I felt was in your best interest,” Kwame said. “I was protecting you, son.”
Kay’Lo let out a breath and leaned back like he was tryna hold himself together.
“Man… I’m tired of you tryna run my life like I’m still a lil’ boy.
I’m grown, and you keep makin’ decisions like I can’t handle nothin’.
This my life. This my mind. You supposed to help me navigate it, not hide stuff from me. ”
Kwame’s voice raised a lil’. “And you think I don’t know that? You are my son, Kay’Lo. I would rather carry your pain myself than let the world tear you apart because of a label.”
Tension spread through the room like heat as Kay’Lo and Kwame went back and forth. Treasure put her hand on Kwame’s arm and said, “Kwame, enough,” but he pulled his arm back gently and shook his head.
I leaned toward Kay’Lo, whisperin’ his name soft, “‘Lo… baby… calm down. Please.”
Treasure finally snapped. She stood up and said loud, “Both of y’all need to stop because this is not helping anything and I’m not about to watch my husband and my child tear each other apart in my presence. We are dealing with something bigger now. Kay’Lo’s life is on the line!”
Everything went quiet.
Kay’Lo pushed up from the couch without sayin’ a word. He walked toward the table by the wall, grabbed a set of keys, and headed for the door.
“‘Lo!” I rushed up and went after him. “Kay’Lo, wait! Calm down!”
He kept walkin’, his jaw tight and his eyes distant.
I grabbed his hand. “So you really gon’ ignore me like I’m the problem?”
He stopped but ain’t look at me right away. When he finally did, his eyes looked tired and hurt. “I ain’t ignorin’ you, Toni. I’m just… I’m tryna cool off.”
“This ain’t the way to do it,” I said. “If you leave right now, in the middle of all this, you gon’ make shit worse between us.”
He stared at me like he was half here and half somewhere far away. Then he hit the button on the key. The car beeped, and he pulled his hand from mine. My heart dropped as he walked down the steps, got in one of his cars, and pulled off without lookin’ back.
And I stood there feelin’ every bit of the cold distance he left behind, wonderin’ how we had gone from repairin’ everything to watchin’ him shut down on me like he didn’t know how much I loved him.
Once again, we had taken five steps forward just to take twenty back.
Kay’Lo had been gone all fuckin’ day and I ain’t gon’ lie…
he had me so fucked up. I sat in the bed with my back pressed against the headboard, scrollin’ through my phone like that was gon’ make a missed call magically appear, and every time I saw his name with no new notifications my stomach twisted up even more.
I kept hearin’ the way the car door slammed behind him hours ago and the longer I replayed it, the more it felt like he walked out on me, not just out the house.
It wasn’t like him either. Kay’Lo might be wild and dramatic and throwed off in his own ways, but he always made his way back to me. He always called or texted or checked in no matter how bad his mood was. Today though… there was nothing. Not a single call, text or a single “I’m cool, baby.”
That shit hit somewhere deep and ugly, and I hated that I cared so much, but I couldn’t help it.
I was pregnant with his child, fightin’ a case with him, and tryna hold us together while he was unravelin’ and runnin’ from everything that scared him, so the least he could do was answer his damn phone.
I had already called Pluto earlier askin’ if she or Pressure seen him, and the way she said no so quick made my heart dip a lil’ ‘cause I could tell she was tellin’ the truth.
If Kay’Lo wasn’t at their spot, that meant he wasn’t blowin’ off steam with them, which meant he was somewhere by himself, and as much as I wanted to pretend I ain’t care, that scared me more than I wanted to admit.
Hours kept movin’ and I kept fightin’ with myself in the bed ‘cause half of me felt betrayed as hell. One minute he had me feelin’ like I was the most important, most beautiful woman in the whole damn world, and then the next, I was sittin’ up questionin’ if that man even loved me or if I was just somethin’ soft to run to when he was overwhelmed.
I hated that thought. I hated how fast he could make me melt and then crumble in the same breath.
It made me feel stupid, and I ain’t like feelin’ stupid. Not behind no nigga—not even mine.
The other half of me kept whisperin’ shit I ain’t wanna hear, like he was just overwhelmed, that he was hurt behind what Kwame said and that he wasn’t runnin’ from me; he was runnin’ from feelin’ like a disappointment in front of his parents.
That maybe he drove so far into his thoughts he couldn’t drive back out of them.
And I hated that too ‘cause it reminded me how much his mind could drown him if he felt too much at once.
I folded my arms tight across my chest and stared straight ahead like I was tryna convince myself I ain’t give a damn. If he wanted to disappear, fine. I could disappear too. I could be cold and quiet and unreachable the same way he was bein’ with me.
Except… I couldn’t. I never could. And the longer I sat here pretendin’, the more that lie started fallin’ apart inside me.
I spent too many nights in this damn bed missin’ his warmth while he was locked up.
I spent too many days wishin’ I could hear his voice, or feel his arms around me, or even hear him go off about somethin’ stupid just so I’d know he was okay.
I couldn’t turn off what I felt for him ‘cause it had sunk way too deep for that.
Even when he pissed me off to the point I wanted to scream, I still wanted to touch him.
I still wanted him home and I still wanted him safe.
It was midnight by the time I heard what sounded like him downstairs.
My heart jumped before my mind could catch up, and when his footsteps finally hit the hallway, my heart skipped in a way that irritated me ‘cause I wanted to stay mad and solid about this shit. He walked into the room with that heavy energy he always carried after thinkin’ too much, and even though he ain’t say a word, I could tell he had been drivin’ around all day with his head spinnin’.
He ain’t look angry. He looked tired. Tired of fightin’ his daddy, fightin’ himself and tired of tryna figure out how to be strong when half the time he felt lost.
He looked at me quick before lookin’ away like he ain’t know if he was allowed to approach me, and I hated how bad that hurt. I hated how bad everything hurt.
I rolled my eyes and tightened my arms across my chest. “Was you out fuckin’ with somebody?”
He stopped dead in his tracks and turned his head slow like he couldn’t believe I just asked him that. “Man, stop playin’ with me,” he said with his voice low and worn out. “Nah, I wasn’t out fuckin’ around.”