Chapter 14 Toni Roc #4
I swallowed hard ‘cause I wanted to believe him but the silence of my phone for the past ten hours kept rubbin’ across my chest like sandpaper.
I ain’t say nothin’ else though. I just watched him walk into the bathroom like he was carryin’ the whole damn world on his shoulders and ain’t know where to set it down.
A few minutes later, the water started runnin’, and the sound felt like it filled up the whole room.
I sat here in the dim light, fightin’ my attitude while the truth kept spillin’ out behind it.
I thought about the nights I curled up alone when he was locked up.
I thought about how empty the bed felt without his weight next to mine.
I thought about how many times I held his pillow just so I could smell him and pretend he was home.
I thought about the way my chest cracked open the second he walked out this afternoon like I was relivin’ every ache all over again.
The longer I sat, the more my anger softened into somethin’ tender and desperate, the kind of need I never liked admitin’ ‘cause I wasn’t raised to depend on nobody that heavy. But Kay’Lo wasn’t nobody; he was my husband, my baby’s father and my safe place even when he felt dangerous.
Eventually, I slid out of the bed and walked toward the bathroom ‘cause I couldn’t sit still no more.
The closer I got, the louder the water sounded, and when I stopped in front of the glass, the steam had already fogged up the door.
I wiped a small circle with my hand, and there he was…
Broad shoulders, and muscles movin’ under the spray.
His head was bowed like the water was the only thing holdin’ him together.
Seein’ him like that made somethin’ warm and painful rise all at once. No matter how mad I thought I was, that man still did somethin’ to my soul.
Without sayin’ a word, I let my silk gown fall from my shoulders.
It slid down my body and pooled around my feet, leavin’ me bare in the soft light of the bathroom.
I opened the shower door slow enough for the steam to kiss my skin, and when I stepped in behind him, the warmth wrapped around me like I had walked into him instead of water.
He didn’t turn around, but I could feel him breathe different, like he knew it was me. I pressed my chest against his back, lettin’ my hands rest on his hips, and the moment my body touched his, I felt him relax into me, all that tension he carried dippin’ just a lil’.
I leaned in and kissed the back of his shoulder, then his spine, then lower, lettin’ my lips move across every place he seemed to hold his pain. And I could feel the way his breathin’ shifted, the way his body softened and the way he leaned back into me like he finally found somewhere to fall.
And for that moment, it ain’t even matter how mad I was, or how much he scared me earlier, or how long he had been gone… He was mine, and I was his. And we was right back where we always found each other—in the quiet, in the closeness and in the love we couldn’t shake even when we tried.
Pressin’ my titties against his back, I let my lips trail over his shoulders and down the back of his arms, kissin’ him slow like my mouth already knew how to pull him back to me even when my pride was tellin’ me to walk away.
My hands slid down his waist, feelin’ every part of him that had been missin’ all damn day, and with each kiss I kept realizin’ how stupid it was for me to act like I ain’t care.
I cared too damn much. I cared so much it irritated me.
But the second my lips touched his skin, all that fake attitude melted off me.
As bad as I wanted to shut down on him, here I was behind him, pourin’ into him even when he hadn’t given me nothin’ back yet.
And when my arms wrapped around him from behind, I felt somethin’ in his body loosen, just enough for me to feel how heavy he really was inside.
Kay’Lo ain’t have to say he needed me; his body always told on him before his mouth did.
I slid my hands up his waist, slow and soft, movin’ higher until my palms was glidin’ over his abs, and Lord…
he felt so damn good under my fingers that I had to rest my cheek against his back just to take him in.
The water was hittin’ him, rollin’ down the lines of his body, makin’ his skin warm and slick under my lips, and I swear the longer I held him the more my heart kept fallin’ the same way it always did.
Then without him even facin’ me yet, he reached back and covered my hands with his.
He lifted them from his stomach to his chest, holdin’ them there like he was tryna remind both of us that he still belonged to me.
He brought my hands up to his lips and kissed them slow in the water, and that small touch did somethin’ to me…
somethin’ soft and deep that damn near broke me open.
He ain’t have to speak ‘cause that kiss told me everything.
Even in his distance, even in his mood, his heart still reached for mine.
While he kissed my fingers, I kept kissin’ down his back, lettin’ my lips follow every curve of his spine until I felt him breathe out like he didn’t even realize he’d been holdin’ it in. And finally… he turned around.
The moment he faced me, his eyes landed right on mine, and my whole soul just split open without warnin’.
I felt the tears before I even knew I was cryin’.
They slid down my face faster than I could wipe ‘em, and I hated that I couldn’t hide it, but I loved him so much it just poured out on its own.
All day I had been mad, but underneath that anger was the fear of losin’ him, the ache of missin’ him and the way his absence still messed with my head after everything we been through.
He stared at me like my tears hurt him and he ain’t know how to stop it. He broke eye contact for a second, sighin’ low, and I saw the guilt sittin’ heavy in his face like he hated himself for puttin’ that pain in my eyes.
I sniffed, tried to breathe, but the tears kept spillin’. My heart was racin’, my emotions was everywhere, and I felt like I was fallin’ apart right in front of him.
He cupped my face and bowed his head, kissin’ each tear as it came. “I’m sorry, okay,” he whispered against my cheeks, soundin’ worn out and honest.
I swallowed hard. “You always sorry.”
“I know,” he breathed, and he sounded like a man who didn’t even know how to fight against that truth no more.
He pulled me into him, wrappin’ his arms around my waist and settin’ my head on his chest. His heartbeat was strong under my ear, and even though he had been distant all day, right now he held me like he never wanted me far again.
I wrapped my arms around him and held him just as tight ‘cause no matter how mad he made me, my body always knew where it belonged.
Eventually he washed my body slow, takin’ his time the way he always did when he felt guilty and needed me close.
His hands moved over me with that quiet devotion he didn’t always say out loud but always showed.
Then he washed himself, cut the water off, and before I could even grab a towel, he scooped me up in his arms, wrappin’ my legs around his waist.
I held on tight, buryin’ my face in his neck while he carried me out the shower and through the bathroom.
Our bodies was still wet, warm and stickin’ to each other like our skin didn’t wanna let go.
He ain’t speak, and neither did I. The silence wasn’t cold no more; it was full of every feelin’ we ain’t have words for right now.
When he laid me on the bed, he ain’t kiss me right away.
He didn’t whisper in my ear. He didn’t do none of the lil’ things he used to ease into it.
He just pressed his body to mine, buried his face in the crook of my neck, and spread my legs open like he needed to be inside me just to breathe right again.
The moment he pushed into me, deep and slow, a moan slipped out my mouth that matched his.
We felt each other at the same time, and that connection hit so strong it almost hurt.
He started movin’ with this slow rhythm that dragged through my whole body, makin’ my stomach tighten and my heart feel too full at once.
There was so much emotion in the way he stroked me that it felt like more than sex…
it felt like an apology, like a confession or like a way of holdin’ on when talkin’ seemed too hard for him.
I wrapped my legs around his waist and lifted his face so he would look at me. He pressed his forehead to mine, our noses touchin’, our lips brushin’, and he kept movin’ inside me slow and deep until my breath came out in shivers.
He whispered into my mouth, “I wasn’t out cheatin’ on you, baby.”
Holdin’ his face with both hands, I whispered back, “Where was you then?”
He pushed deeper, makin’ my lips part. “Parked down the street.”
“The whole night?”
“Yes, baby.”
Before I could react, he kissed me hard, partin’ my mouth with his and takin’ my breath while he sank even deeper inside me, draggin’ his dick out slow just to push it right back in like he wanted me to feel every inch of what he couldn’t say out loud.
“Kay’Lo… you can’t fuck me like this thinkin’ it’s gon’ fix everything,” I whispered against his lips.
His voice dropped low and sinful as hell.
“Baby… I ain’t tryna fix it. I’m tryna hold you. I’m tryna feel you. I’m tryna stay right here with you ‘cause if I let go… I swear I’ll lose my mind.”
His words hit me so hard I arched clean off the bed.
I clung to him while he stroked me deeper and deeper, my nails draggin’ down his back until he hissed and tightened his grip on me. He held me close through every shake of my body, kissin’ my cheek, my jaw and my lips as my orgasm rushed through me.
He stared straight into my eyes while he fucked me, and I saw the moment his nut built up in him ‘cause that vein popped dead in the middle of his forehead. He grabbed my thigh, pulled it open wider, and started drivin’ into me harder with this raw, emotional force that made tears roll down my face all over again.
“Pussy so good… damn…” he groaned into my neck, his voice crackin’ as he held on to me like I was the only thing keepin’ him from fallin’ apart.
He came hard, shiverin’ through it while I rubbed his back and held him in place, lettin’ him bury his face into me until the trembles stopped and his breath slowed down.
We laid there afterward, our bodies tangled, our hearts heavy and neither one of us speakin’ ‘cause sometimes quite said more than any words ever could.