Chapter 8 KAY’LO MENSAH
Meridian Estates in Nzuri Hall
Two weeks later…
It had been a minute since I seen my people so I decided it was time to show up and stop lettin’ this space between us keep gettin’ wider than it already was.
I ain’t talked to my parents in months and that shit was eatin’ at me more than I wanted to admit.
Family always meant everything to me, so havin’ this distance between me and them felt wrong, like somethin’ in the foundation was crackin’ and I ain’t know how to fix it.
I drove through the long stone pathway that always made they place feel more like a resort than a home, and when I pulled up to the gate I just sat there for a second, starin’ at the keypad like it was a fuckin’ decision I had to make instead of a damn button to press.
I finally typed the code in and watched the black iron gates pull apart slow while the trees shimmered on both sides from the ocean breeze.
I pulled into one of the side parkin’ spots and cut the engine off, lettin’ the silence swallow me for a second before I climbed out.
The mansion towered over me like it always did, all glass and soft lights with that warm glow my mama loved.
It felt like a place that should’ve held peace, but today I couldn’t tell if I was walkin’ toward comfort or a fight.
The front door was already unlocked. Soon as I stepped inside, I saw them walkin’ toward me with smiles that made my chest pull tight. My mama came first, quick on her feet even though she moved soft, and she wrapped her arms around my neck while she pressed her cheek against mine.
“Baby, oh my goodness, we’ve been waitin’ on you,” she said, kissin’ my face like she used to when I was lil’ and scraped my knees.
I let myself hold her for a second ‘cause she always smelled like lavender and warm sugar, and it felt familiar in a way I missed. My pops stepped up and pulled me into a hug too, firm and proud. It was that hug men give when they mean it even if they ain’t sayin’ much.
When my mama pulled back, she glanced behind me with her eyebrows raised, then looked at me real soft. “Why you didn’t bring Toni?”
I shifted my eyes toward my father without movin’ my head, then looked right back at my mama. “You know why.”
She drew in a breath through her nose and nodded slow, not wantin’ to open that wound right here in the foyer. She touched my arm and kept her voice light. “Well, come inside, baby. Are you hungry? I can fix something for you.”
“I’m good, Ma,” I said, followin’ them into the livin’ room.
The house looked the same. Big white couches, clean marble floors, soft music playin’ somewhere far off, and sunlight pourin’ through the tall windows like gold paint streakin’ across the floors.
It was peaceful, and that made the tension in my chest feel even heavier ‘cause I wanted to match the room, but I couldn’t.
We sat down, and my father leaned back in his chair, but I saw his eyes flicker down toward my hand. He ain’t say nothin’ at first, but he stared long enough that my mama noticed too.
“What’s that on your finger?” he finally asked, his voice firm but low.
I inhaled slow. I knew this was comin’, but sayin’ the words out loud felt like steppin’ into a fire I already smelled burnin’.
“Me and Toni got married,” I said, keepin’ my voice calm. “We dipped off and did it.”
My mama’s eyes shot open a lil’ wider and her mouth parted like she was waitin’ for me to laugh and tell her I was playin’. “Married?” she whispered. “Baby… what? When?”
“Few weeks back,” I said. “We ain’t want a big thing. We just wanted it to be us.”
My pop’s face didn’t crack into no smile. He didn’t say congratulations. He didn’t look proud. He sighed, long and slow, then shook his head like the air disappointed him.
“So you just run off and get married without your family? That’s what we doing now?” he asked.
I sat up straighter. “Y’all didn’t accept what I told you the first time. I wasn’t about to keep sittin’ around waitin’ for y’all approval when I already knew what I wanted.”
“That don’t make sense, son,” he said. “We are a close family. We don’t move like strangers.”
“That’s funny,” I muttered, “’cause that’s exactly how y’all been treatin’ me. Like a stranger, and you judged my wife before givin’ her a chance.”
My pop’s eyes narrowed just a lil’ but he kept his tone even. “You don’t know the first thing about marriage.”
That hit me straight in the chest. I swallowed hard and stared at him. “I don’t get why you keep comin’ down on me like that. You don’t know what the fuck I know. You don’t know what I been dealin’ with.”
My mama leaned forward, worry pourin’ across her face, but she ain’t say nothin’.
“I been goin’ through shit,” I said. “Real shit. And I don’t know what’s goin’ on with me half the time.
I always knew I was different, but now it’s like my mind drop into these dark places and I be thinkin’ things that ain’t even real.
Toni is the one holdin’ me down through all that.
She the reason I ain’t snapped for real. ”
My pops sat up, shook his head, and waved his hand like he was brushin’ away flies. “Ain’t nothing wrong with you, Kay’Lo. You’re a strong man. You don’t have no issues. Don’t put that on yourself.”
I let out a laugh that didn’t feel like a laugh. It felt like frustration crawlin’ its way out my throat. “See, that’s exactly what I’m talkin’ about. Every time I try to say somethin’ real, you shut it down like I’m supposed to be perfect.”
“You are not weak,” he said.
“Why you so afraid to let me be weak sometimes?” I asked him, my voice raisin’ without me even tryin’. “Why I can’t be a human bein’ to you? Why I gotta pretend everything fine when it ain’t?”
My pop’s jaw clenched before he stood up slow, like he was tryna keep control over the room. I stood up too ‘cause I wasn’t about to let him look down on me like I was a boy he needed to correct. My mama stood up right after us, puttin’ her hands out in front of both of us.
“Please,” she whispered. “Please stop.”
My pop’s glanced her way, then looked right back at me. “Let him be a man, Tre,” he said. “He wanna step to me, let him.”
His voice wasn’t angry. It was cold. It was the voice of a man who didn’t know how to talk without defendin’ himself first.
My eyes burned, but I wasn’t about to let no tears fall in front of him. “You think I’m steppin’ to you?” I asked. “I’m talkin’ to you, pops. That’s it. I’m tryna tell you I’m not okay, and you actin’ like I’m speakin’ another language.”
“You are fine,” he shot back. “You letting that girl get in your head. Since when you talk like this? Since when you fall apart over nothing?”
That tore somethin’ open in me so fast I couldn’t mask it. A hot ass tear slid right out before I could stop it, and I blinked hard, suckin’ it back as much as I could.
My mama covered her mouth with her hand, her eyes fillin’ with pain ‘cause she knew exactly what that tear meant.
I looked away from my pop’s first ‘cause I couldn’t hold his stare no more. He thought he was lookin’ at a man challengin’ him. He had no idea he was lookin’ at his son beggin’ him for help without knowin’ how to say the words.
“Mama,” I said softly, my voice raw.
She reached for me, but I stepped back just enough so she couldn’t grab me, ‘cause if she touched me I knew I would break completely.
“I love you,” I told her, and I meant it with everything in me. “But I can’t do this shit.”
I turned and walked out, feelin’ her heartbreak follow me even though her feet didn’t move. I walked through the foyer, through the front door, down the steps, and back to my car like the ground was pullin’ me toward it.
Soon as I got in, I slammed the door shut and peeled off, the tires screechin’ against the stone driveway while my chest felt like it was cavin’ in.
I wasn’t just drivin’. I was fuckin’ spiralin’.
Trill-Land, ‘LoLux Estate
Later that night…
I still had that shit from earlier with my folks on my mind but I wasn’t tryna sit around and think about it, so I came outside with my niggas to play spades and drink.
The sun was long gone, the pool lights was glowin’ blue against the water, and music was floatin’ through the speakers, somethin’ smooth mixed with a lil’ old school that Renza kept hypin’ up like he was the DJ of the damn century.
Pressure was leaned back in his chair with a glass in his hand, his legs stretched out like he ain’t have a care in the world, while Renza talked shit every single time he threw a card down.
That nigga always swore he was unbeatable at spades even though he lost half the damn time.
Blaqson kept runnin’ in and out the house for drinks, ice, snacks, and whatever the hell he said he needed.
I was playin’ the game with them, holdin’ my cards, throwin’ down when I needed to, smokin’ when I felt like it, but my mind wasn’t sittin’ in the same place my body was.
Everything felt far away. I could hear them laughin’, I could hear the music, I could even hear the waves behind the mansion, but it all felt like it wasn’t touchin’ me.
Pressure kept glancin’ over at me, not in a nosy way, just in that cousin way he do when he know you ain’t all the way present. But he ain’t say shit ‘cause he knew I wasn’t the type to open up unless I want to.
Renza slapped a card down so loud the damn table shook. “Cut that shit, boy! Cut that shit! I’m on yo’ ass tonight!”
Pressure laughed and leaned back even more. “You talk more than you play, Renza. Relax yo’self, nigga.”
“Relax what? I’m winnin’, nigga!” Renza hollered.