Chapter 19 Kay’Lo Mensah #2
He hugged me again, tighter this time, and I let it happen ‘cause even though I was grown, that part of me that wanted my father’s approval never really went nowhere. When we pulled apart, he smiled, proud in a way he ain’t always show.
“Go be the man you are.”
I ain’t stay long at the crib after that. After choppin’ it up with my pops, I hopped back in my whip and drove home.
The island lights blurred past me as I replayed my pops’ words in my head, and by the time I made it home, I felt sure of myself in a way I hadn’t felt in days.
The house was quiet when I walked in. I stood there for a second with my keys still in my hand, and let out a slow breath before headin’ upstairs.
I ain’t say nothin’ when I walked in the room.
I kicked my shoes off by the door, set my phone down hard on the table, and stood there for a second just lookin’ at her back.
Toni was already in the bed, turned away from me, the covers pulled up tight like she was tryna shut the world out.
Her body was tense. I could see it in the way her shoulders was locked up and the way she wasn’t even pretendin’ to be sleep.
That attitude had been sittin’ on her ever since the therapist said I wasn’t schizophrenic, and it had been sittin’ on me too.
I walked closer to the bed and ran my hand through her hair slow, my fingers sinkin’ into it the way they always did when I needed her to feel me. She ain’t flinch, but she ain’t lean into it either.
“So now you quiet,” I said low. “You been runnin’ yo’ fuckin’ mouth on the phone all day though.”
She rolled her eyes but didn’t turn around. “I’m tired.”
I laughed once under my breath. “Nah. You mad.”
She stayed still. “Go shower, Kay’Lo.”
I stood there another second, my jaw tight, then grabbed a towel and walked into the bathroom.
I shut the door harder than I meant to and turned the water on hot, steppin’ under it like I needed it to burn somethin’ off me.
The water hit my shoulders and rolled down my chest while my thoughts ran just as loud as they had been all damn day.
Ever since that damn therapist sat there a few days ago, and said she was wrong, that I wasn’t schizophrenic, everything that had finally been calm between me and Toni went straight to hell.
Everything from sleep, the peace and the way my head felt clear.
Toni had been lookin’ at me like she was waitin’ on the other shoe to drop, and I hated that shit.
I leaned my hands against the stone tile and let the water run, breathin’ slow, tryin’ not to snap, and tryin’ not to go back to that place I been workin’ so hard to get out of. When I shut the water off, my body felt clean but my chest still felt tight.
I wrapped the towel low around my waist and walked back into the room.
Toni was still turned away, but her eyes flicked to me when I stepped close. I snatched off the towel, climbed in the bed behind her, lettin’ her feel how hard my dick was and pulled her back against my chest without askin’. She stiffened immediately.
“Kay’Lo,” she warned.
“Shut up,” I said low, my arm firm around her waist. “And don’t pull away from me.”
I shook my head and breathed into her shoulder. “I can’t believe you trippin’ about this shit, baby.”
“You actin’ like I want you to be sick,” she snapped, finally turnin’ her head enough for me to hear her voice clear. “Like I’m prayin’ on somethin’ bein’ wrong with you.”
I tightened my grip just a lil’. “That’s how it feel.”
She sat up fast and turned to face me, eyes sharp. “That’s crazy as fuck, ‘Lo.”
“What’s crazy,” I shot back, sittin’ up too, “is you lookin’ at me like I’m a bomb waitin’ to go off just ‘cause I said I feel better without them damn pills.”
“You felt better on them too,” she said, her voice risin’. “You slept. You wasn’t hearin’ shit. You wasn’t snappin’. You wasn’t tearin’ the fuckin’ house up.”
I leaned forward with my palms on the mattress, and my face right in hers. “So, what you sayin’? You liked me better medicated?”
She hesitated, and that hesitation pissed me off more than anything else.
“I liked you peaceful,” she said. “I liked us peaceful.”
I grabbed her chin and forced her to look at me. “You think I don’t want that too?”
She swallowed, her eyes shinin’ now. “Then why you fightin’ me on this?”
“‘Cause I’m tired of feelin’ like you need me broken to love me,” I said low.
I could tell that shit her.
Her face cracked just a lil’, and she shook her head. “That ain’t what this is.”
“Then what is it?” I pressed.
She exhaled hard. “I’m scared.”
Every time she said that shit, it stopped me.
“I watched you get better,” she continued, her voice shakin’ now. “I watched you come back to me, and now the therapist sayin’ she wrong and you ready to throw it all away like it ain’t mean shit.”
I softened while starin’ in her eyes. My hand slid from her chin to her cheek, then my thumb brushed under her eye. “I’m still right here. I’m the same nigga that love the shit out you.”
She laughed, bitter. “You say that every time.”
I pulled her into me, chest to chest with my forehead touchin’ hers. “And I mean it every time.”
She tried to look away, but I ain’t let her. I yanked her hair, and kissed her jaw. Then her cheek. Then her neck, slow, the way I knew unraveled her even when she ain’t want it to.
“You can be mad,” I murmured against her skin. “But don’t shut me out.”
She pressed her hand against my chest. “You don’t get to just drag me back with kisses every time.”
I smiled slightly. “Yes, I do. ‘Cause you mine.”
She huffed, but her body leaned into me anyway.
“I don’t want you sick,” she whispered. “I just want you safe.”
I kissed her again, slower this time but deeper, like I was pressin’ the truth into her mouth. My hand slid into her hair, fistin’ it gentle at first, then firmer, tiltin’ her head back so she had no choice but to feel me. “I’m safe right here,” I murmured. “With you.”
She rested her forehead against mine, her breath shaky, like she was finally lettin’ herself fall instead of bracin’ for another argument.
Her body still held that tension, and that stubborn edge she carried when she was hurt, but I felt it start to give under my hands.
I always did. She could fight me with her mouth all day, but her body never lied to me.
She turned her back on me, but I stayed behind her, my chest pressed to her back and my presence heavy.
My lips traced the side of her neck, slow, lettin’ her feel every inch of me before I took anything.
Tonight was about remindin’ my wife who she belonged to and remindin’ myself why I loved her so damn much.
My hand slid up the front of her neck, my thumb pressin’ just enough to make her gasp.
Her body leaned back into me automatically, like muscle memory kicked in before pride could stop it.
I felt that shift immediately, from the way her breathin’ changed, and the way her hips moved without her even thinkin’ about it.
“Yeah,” I said low against her ear. “There you go. Stop fightin’ me.”
She let out a soft sound she only made when she was finally lettin’ go.
I held her there for a second, my hand steady on her, lettin’ her feel anchored, claimed and protected.
Then my other hand slid down her body, slow and possessive, remindin’ her I knew every inch of her better than anybody ever could.
I moved with her then, deep, every motion intentional.
I stayed locked to her back, whisperin’ to her how good she felt, how she always felt like mine no matter how mad she got and how I loved her mouth even when it talked shit to me.
I told her she was safe, that she was wanted and that she drove me crazy in the best way.
Before I even slid my dick in, I reached back and spread her ass cheeks gently with both hands, openin’ her for me the way I loved, and the way she knew I needed.
She gasped when the air hit her, and I felt her push back just a lil’, soft and needy, like her body was callin’ me home.
The second I guided my dick inside her pussy the warmth wrapped around me so tight it took my breath from my chest. She felt hot and slick and perfect, that warm that made my forehead drop to her shoulder while a low sound slipped out of me.
“God, Toni,” I breathed against her skin, my voice shakin’ ‘cause she felt too good, too much and too damn right. “Baby, you warm as hell. You feel like you made for me.”
I pulled her hips back into me, buryin’ my dick deeper while my palms stayed cupped around her ass, still holdin’ her open and still takin’ in the sight of her lettin’ me in like this.
She melted against me and her lil’ sounds made somethin’ in my chest open up the same way her body did.
I rocked my hips slow, lettin’ the heat of her pull everything out of me that I had been holdin’ in for weeks.
“I needed this,” I whispered into her neck, my voice raw and thick. “I needed you. I swear nobody feel like you.”
She trembled under me, her back archin’, and I held her tighter, slidin’ deeper with each controlled roll of my hips.
The warmth of her kept pullin’ sounds out my throat that I couldn’t hide, and I ain’t care.
She had me exposed in a way nobody else could.
My heart felt heavy, my mind felt soft, and all I wanted was to stay inside her and love her slow.
“You mine,” I whispered again, more vulnerable this time, more real than I ever admitted out loud. “You my peace. You my headache. You my whole heart, Toni. I don’t ever wanna lose this. I don’t ever wanna lose you. I’m sorry for how I hurt you, baby.”
And the way she squeezed that pussy around me told me she heard every word. It told me she felt me just as deep as I was givin’ it.
She reached back for me, her fingers grabbin’ my arm like she needed to feel me. That shit did somethin’ to my mind. I kissed her shoulder, her jaw and the side of her face, murmurin’ her name.
“That’s my wife,” I said softly. “Right here. With me.”
The way I said it made her breath stutter.
She tried to hold onto that anger, but her body told the truth before her mouth ever could.
Her hands slid up my forearms, grippin’ me tight while I pushed deeper inside her.
She pushed back into me like she couldn’t help it, her hips meetin’ my strokes, and her voice breakin’ into these soft, frustrated moans that told me she wanted to stay mad but she wanted me even more.
“Kay’Lo,” she whispered, her voice shakin’ as she felt me open her up more. “Baby, why you do me like this? You know I love you.”
Hearin’ that made me crack. I moved deeper, pressin’ my stomach to her back, wrappin’ my arm around her waist, holding her closer to me. She gasped when I hit that spot inside her, the one only I knew, and her body tightened around my dick in a way that told me she was right on the edge again.
“I got you,” I murmured against her ear. “Just let me love you, mama.”
Her head fell back on my shoulder as she moaned, her voice full of need and pain and love all tangled together. She turned her face into my arm, kissin’ me there, bitin’ me soft, her nails draggin’ up my arms ‘cause the pleasure was hittin’ her too hard.
“You feel so good,” she whispered, her words tumblin’ out in a rush she couldn’t control. “I hate you. I swear I hate how good you feel.”
“That’s alright,” I whispered, rockin’ into her deeper, holdin’ her tighter. “You can hate me. I know you love me too.”
She tried to answer but her breath broke instead, her body pushin’ back against mine. She met my thrusts with her own rhythm, her hips tremblin’ as the pleasure took over. Every time I slid into her, she made a sound that felt like a confession.
“I love you, Toni,” I whispered into her shoulder, my voice low and torn.
Her pussy clenched around me so tight it dragged a groan out of my chest. She reached back and grabbed the side of my face, and before I knew it, I was on top of her, pullin’ her into a kiss so messy and emotional it almost made my knees buckle.
She kissed me like she wanted to fight me and keep me forever all at once.
“I love you,” she whispered into my mouth, her voice breakin’. “I love you so bad.”
When she finally broke, her body went loose against mine, all that built up frustration pourin’ out of her in one honest moment. I stayed right there with her, my dick deep in her, holdin’ her through it.
And even after she came, I ain’t let her go. I wrapped my arms around her, kissed her shoulder, kissed her neck, and whispered, “I’m right here, baby. No matter what we go through, I’m not goin’ nowhere,” while I kept lovin’ her slow, deep, and emotional the way only I ever could.
I knew sex didn’t erase the shit we’d been arguin’ about. I knew tomorrow we’d still have words to exchange and lines to straighten out, but tonight wasn’t about fixin’ everything.
Tonight was about feelin’ my wife’s heartbeat under my palm and knowin’ she was still mine and still here.
“I just needed you tonight,” I admitted low.
She ain’t say nothin’. She just curled back into me, her hand coverin’ mine like she was claimin’ me too.
And for now, that shit was everything.