Chapter 27
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Rome
D o I want to do this? No. Do I want to continue trying to avoid my feelings for Chrissy in an attempt to protect my best friend’s feelings? Also no. It’s a double-edged sword. But it’s time I start considering my wants and what will make me happy. Fear can’t keep holding me back. I won’t allow it.
The way she looks at me sets my racing mind at ease. She wraps my heart in a warm blanket, melting the ice away. She laughs with me, not at me. She cares about me, and she enjoys being around me. She doesn’t care that I’m a football player, a good one at that. She couldn’t give two shits about it. I know she won’t care if I ditch my dream of playing for the Philadelphia Eagles and become a history teacher. She would jump for joy and erase all my worries.
Ash was right, per usual. Zack is an adult, and it’s time I start treating him as such. I pull out my phone and type out the message before second-guessing myself.
Hey man, what are you up to today?
My phone vibrates within seconds after hitting the send button. It surprises me because sometimes this guy can be a pain to get a hold of. He must be holding it in his hand for some reason.
About to head over to Ash’s. Gwen promised to make me pizza if I stopped bothering Chrissy.
What kind of pizza?
No, wait, shit. That’s not the point. Focus, Rome!
Scratch that. Can I stop by for a few minutes? I have something to talk to you about.
Am I in trouble?
No, but I might be.
No, lol. It’s just not something I want to talk about over the phone. I’ll be there in twenty minutes.
Sounds good. I’ll ask Gwen to make enough for you too!
His last message makes me smile. It’s nice to have friends who think of you. Even small gestures, like having enough food, go a long way.
I don’t turn on any music during the drive. I’m trying to figure out the best way to approach this conversation. Numerous scenarios play in my head, but only a handful end in a way I’m happy with.
The majority of the scenarios don’t end well. I either lose Zack as my friend, or I lose the girl who is slowly capturing my heart. Neither instance is something I want. I hope Zack considers that I could have gone behind his back. I could have dated his sister without his knowledge, not caring about how he would feel about it. Chrissy and I didn’t do that, though, because we care about him.
I’ll keep it simple, not sugarcoat anything. I’ll be upfront and honest. I’ll explain that my feelings are genuine and that I won’t do anything to hurt Chrissy. He knows the kind of person I am, so he should trust that my intentions are genuine.
Without thinking, I turn the car’s engine off and play with my keys. I barely remember driving here... and that’s scary for two different reasons. Not only did I drive here without a coherent thought of my surroundings, but I’m now one step closer to confronting the sole reason why I’ve been an anxious mess.
With a shaky release of air, I get out of the car and head toward the front door. I don’t even get a second to prepare myself because the moment I approach, Zack opens the door and greets me with an innocent smile.
“What’s up, man?” He steps to the side so I can walk in.
The aroma of fresh dough fills the air. Gwen must be trying really hard to maintain Zack’s interest if she’s making pizza from scratch. It reminds me of Mom, and I’m thrown back to my childhood against my will. We used to paint the kitchen with flour, not caring about the mess we would have to clean afterward. I miss those moments until the heartache sets in.
“Having fun?” I ask Zack before snickering at a splotch of flour on his chin.
“Loads. I haven’t made pizza like this since I was a kid. Gwen is giving me special treatment since my sister doesn’t want to talk to me.”
“Why?” I ask with an arched brow.
Zack beckons me closer and lowers his voice. “She’s on her period.”
“Why are we whispering?” I smirk with a hint of amusement. “Periods aren’t top secret, you know.”
“Yeah, I know, but I don’t want to summon her. She’s always super cranky during her time of the month. It’s best not to say her name, trust me.”
Well, this is going to make today more difficult.
“Okay, sure, buddy.” I pat his back before nodding toward the kitchen. “Can we talk out back? Just the two of us?”
“Absolutely, let’s go.”
I follow Zack as he leads us into the kitchen. Gwen stops me in my tracks, and I have to stop myself from doubling over in hysterics.
“You left me.” She pouts, not caring about the flour scattered all over the countertop and her face. “Hi, Rome,” she greets me in defeat.
“I barely recognized you without the mustache.”
Gwen purses her lips at me while Zack spins around to look at us. “Mustache?”
“Ha, ha, very funny.” She clicks her tongue at me.
“I don’t get it. Gwen has never had a mustache.” Zack observes the two of us.
“I’ll tell you later, but don’t think you can get out of helping me, Willows.”
“Where’s Ash?” I ask while Zack opens the patio door.
“He’s watching Star Wars: A New Hope with Pickles. He wants to ‘enlighten’ him.”
I squint. “Oh, okay.” Yeah, I’m not touching that topic, not today.
Zack and I step across the threshold leading outside. The air is thick, and the sun is hot. One of the downsides of living in the Northeast is the humidity. Heat is never just heat. It’s like you’re trying to walk through the rain forest, but crank up the temperature and prepare for a sunburn.
The only solace we have is the pool. The water is clear, and the surface sparkles as the sun reflects off it. Zack sits on the edge and sinks his legs in. I don’t waste any time and follow suit. My palms burn when I press down on them to get comfortable, but when I dip my toes in, the feeling fades away.
I sigh in relief when my legs become drenched, and I splash my hands in and use the water to cool off my neck.
“So, what did you want to talk about?” Zack starts.
The worry that this might ruin our friendship is real. Zack will protect his sister until his dying days. There’s a reason she doesn’t tell him about a lot of things. She doesn’t want him to worry, and she doesn’t want to deal with the backlash. Yet here I am, readying myself to face it head-on.
“You know I never dated much and why I don’t open myself up to a lot of people,” I start.
“Yeah, between you and Gwen, I’m ninety-nine percent sure our parents’ generation is screwed in the head.”
I chuckle awkwardly. “Yeah, that’s one way to put it.” I kick my feet back and forth, trying to summon the courage to do what I have to do. “I’m about to tell you something, but I need you to make me a promise first.”
“Okay . . .” He sounds skeptical.
“No matter what I say or how you react, we’ll remain friends. You can get angry, yell at me, or ignore me. I don’t care. As long as we can get over it, we can go back to normal. Promise me nothing will change.”
He watches me for a moment, not saying a word, probably trying to gauge where I’m going with this before I continue.
“I promise,” he says without another thought.
I take in a deep breath and release it slowly. Because I’m a coward, I don’t look at him. Instead, I look down at my hands and force the words to life. “I like Chrissy. I like her as more than a friend.”
When I say it out loud, a physical weight is lifted from my shoulders. If I could, I would scream the words until everyone in this neighborhood knew how I felt. I wouldn’t stop until I lost my voice.
I smile to myself when I think of her, and I speak without thinking. “I tried, Zack. I really did. I didn’t want to like her because she’s your sister, but I do. And I can’t avoid these feelings anymore. We tried to create distance, but the universe keeps pushing us back together. She sees me for me . I want to see where it goes between her and me, but I can’t do it without your support. You have to know, and you have to approve. But I have to be honest, if you don’t, my feelings for her won’t disappear. They’ll continue to grow until they can’t be contained. You know me, all I want is a chance to?—”
“Dude, stop with the lecture,” Zack speaks up, earning my attention.
When I look at him, his cheeks are red, and his eyes bore into mine. He tongues his cheek and lets out a small chuckle.
“You and Chrissy?” he asks, and my stomach knots.
He looks over my shoulder into the distance. My chest is heaving rapidly, waiting for him to explode.
“Rome and Chrissy... my best friend and my sister,” he mumbles before looking back at me.
“You made a promise,” I state calmly.
With a tiny laugh, he starts, “Are you out of your fucking mind?”
My heart sinks into my stomach, twisting into a knot that ties around my core.
“This is absolutely fantastic!” Zack cheers and claps his hands, shaking me from the void I was teetering into.
“Wait . . . What?”
“This is perfect! I don’t have to worry anymore.” He sounds like he’s on the verge of tears. Throwing his hands to the sky, he looks up and beams. “Thank you! My torture is over! Oh, thank the fucking universe! You”—he redirects his attention my way—“are my savior. Come here. I could kiss you!” Zack wraps his arms around me and hugs me.
This was definitely not in any of the scenarios I considered. Zack is happy? The guy who would turn purple if anyone looked at his sister? I’m baffled. No, fuck that. I must have died. Zack must have killed me, and I’m in some sort of weird purgatory.
“Has the heat gotten to you?” I ask as he pulls back and plants his hands on my shoulders.
“Not at all. Do you really think I wouldn’t approve of this? How did you think I was going to react?”
“I... Not like this.” I wave my hands at him, gesturing to his wide smile. “You don’t care if I ask Chrissy on a date? If we date or if we become something more than friends?”
“Not in the slightest,” he says without hesitation.
“Huh.” I click my tongue and look at the fence behind him. “So I went through all this emotional turmoil for weeks for nothing.”
“That’s what you get for lacking faith in your best friend.” Zack jumps up and begins to head toward the door. “Come on, we can’t leave Gwen alone for too long. She’s a good cook, but she’s a klutz.”
“Zack,” I call as I stand.
With his hand on the door handle, he turns to face me.
“Promise me this isn’t a joke. You’re really okay with this?” I keep my tone steady so he knows I’m not joking with him. I don’t want him to think I’m messing around.
“I’m okay with this, Rome. You have my blessing.” He nods toward the door as he opens it. “I’m not fucking around. Follow your heart. Just do me a favor, and don’t let me see it.” He shivers as if ideas are running through his head.
“I won’t. Thank you,” I say with a sincere smile.
“Text her, then head inside. We have pizzas to cook.”
Zack heads inside, and I do exactly what he instructed. I pull my phone out of my pocket and send a long-overdue message.
Hey, bubbles, can you meet me at the football field tomorrow around 4:00 p.m.? There’s something I want to show you.