Chapter 11 #2
“You walked right up to me and asked me if I needed help,” Avery said, smiling at the memory.
“You were the first person to speak to me in decades. I think you could see I was feelin’ totally overwhelmed.
You were so gentle and kind, and you were so pretty that I could hardly speak at first. I made up some story about looking to meet my friends at some tavern nearby. You gave me directions.”
“I’m so sorry I don’t remember!” Remy said.
“Oh, don’t be sorry, darlin’. You speak to a hundred people every day! And I see how you are with everybody. You’re so gentle, so kind. Point is, you don’t have to believe in God to be a good person.”
Remy smiled and said softly, “Thank you, Avery.”
“I was smitten with you from the first moment I saw you. I knew right away that you were so much more than just a pretty face. You have a beautiful soul, too, Remy.”
Remy gazed into his eyes. “I don’t know what to say.” No one had ever said anything so lovely to her before.
“You don’t have to say a word, Remy. I’m just so happy you’re here with me.
” Avery paused for a moment, then said, “It’s strange.
I used to be able to vanish whenever I wanted to for as long as I wanted, but now?
Now it’s getting harder all of a sudden.
Like, I don’t know, almost like God is tellin’ me enough stalling.
Enough hiding. You got to come out and face your troubles already. ”
Remy drew in a deep breath and tried to quell the anxiety that brewed in her stomach when she thought about Avery crossing over. “Do you know why you’re still here? Lucy said that ghosts have some kind of unresolved issue that keeps them trapped here.”
Avery nodded slowly. “Yes. Yes, Lucy’s right about that. I do have things that I’ve left…unresolved.”
Avery seemed sad as he spoke. She wondered what had happened to him to keep him trapped on earth for so long.
“Remy,” he began gently. “You should know that when I was alive, I was married.”
Remy was stunned by Avery’s words. It had never occurred to her that he might have been married.
Avery had been alive for more than a century before she was born, and of course he had a whole other life then.
Still, the thought of Avery with another woman made her want to cry.
Not just any other woman. His bride. A wife who had shared Avery’s bed, his body, in a way that Remy never could.
“Oh, Remy, I'm sorry. Please don’t be sad,” Avery said, his eyes full of concern.
“Don’t be sorry, Avery,” Remy said. “I-I mean, of course I should have realized you would have been married. You were…how old were you when you died?”
“Thirty-one,” Avery answered, still looking sorrowful. “And how old are you, Remy?”
“Twenty-two.”
“Jaysus. I’m robbin’ the cradle,” Avery said, shaking his head.
“And I’m robbing the grave!”
Avery threw back his head and laughed heartily. It was a rich, sensual sound, and Remy was relieved to see that sad look gone from his face.
“Yes, I s’pose you are!”
Remy smiled warmly at him. She couldn’t help but be devastated at the thought of Avery marrying someone else, but she knew he had no reason to feel bad about it.
He had a right to live his life, and it wasn’t as if he had lied to her about it.
Until now, he’d been unable to talk about his past with her.
“Remy,” Avery said softly, the sorrowful look returning to his face. “I don’t want to tell you more than you want to hear, but I do want to be honest with you.”
Remy nodded, her stomach clenching. She was nervous about what he was going to say next. He’s going to say that she was the love of his life, and that no one could ever replace her in his heart.
“Me wife was a wonderful, God-fearin’ woman and— Oh, Remy, I didn’t mean anything by that. I understand you’re not religious and—”
“It’s okay, Avery. There’s no need to apologize for anything. You shouldn’t feel guilty.”
“Of course I feel guilty. I’m Catholic!” Avery said with a grin. “I did love me wife, Nora. I loved her, but…this is going to sound terrible to you…”
He looked afraid to continue, like she would think less of him after hearing what he was going to say.
“No, it won’t. I want you to be able to confide in me, too, you know,” Remy said with compassion.
Avery nodded. “I loved her but, I felt, I don’t know, trapped in my marriage. She was a wonderful woman, but it was like living with a friend, you know? A good friend, to be sure. But there was no…”
“Passion?”
“Yes!” Avery said, looking thrilled that she understood. “Yes, exactly! She didn’t really like being touched all that much. We didn’t…it wasn’t often that we…you know…”
“You didn’t have much of a sex life,” Remy finished for him. She nodded with empathy.
“Right! I mean, it wasn’t only that that made me so unhappy. But that was part of it. I had needs of course. The normal desires a man has. She would always let me be intimate with her when I wanted, but I always felt like I was botherin’ her. I think she thought of it as her wifely duty.”
Remy shook her head. How could anyone think of sex with a man like Avery as a chore? An awful thought suddenly occurred to Remy.
“Did you ever…since your wife didn’t enjoy sex…were you ever with someone else while you were married?”
“No,” Avery said, looking into her eyes as if to be sure Remy believed him.
“No, I never did that. She was me wife, and I wanted to do right by her. But I was unhappy. I know it sounds awful, but I was bored. Bored with our everyday life, just going to work and coming home where nothing ever changed. I always wanted to see the world, Remy. To travel, to meet new people, to see new things and learn everything there is to learn!”
There was a delightful spark in Avery’s eyes when he spoke of his hopes and dreams. The sad look was gone, and he was like an excited kid. Remy smiled fondly at him.
“I know it sounds so silly, so childish, but I wanted to go off on an adventure somewhere, anywhere!” Avery glanced at Remy, then suddenly looked embarrassed. “I know it’s stupid.”
“Avery! It’s not stupid. I think it’s wonderful!
Who could blame you for wanting to do something exciting with your life?
I feel exactly the same way!” Remy said, feeling like she had met a kindred spirit.
“I would love to travel. And I’m gonna do it, too, if it kills me.
Which it just might. I have to fight just to keep my apartment and keep milk in my fridge, but I’m gonna travel.
Someday I’m gonna travel the world and I’m gonna have my own travel business.
Something to do with tourism, like maybe I’ll open a bed and breakfast and I can run my own tours.
I’m gonna make my dreams come true. I’ll leave my horrible family behind and make a real life for myself! ”
“I know you will, Remy.” She could hear the pride in his voice.
She couldn’t ever remember anyone being proud of her before.
“You are an amazingly strong woman. Lucy and Jesse told me how your family has treated you,” Avery said, his voice taking on a hard edge.
“But you never let that stop you. Nothing stops you. You’re incredible. ”
Remy gazed at him gratefully.
He pointed at her and said, “You said it just right about what was missing in my marriage. Passion. I didn’t know what passion was until I met you.”
Remy stared at Avery, scarcely believing what she was hearing. It seemed impossible that someone as alluring as Avery could feel that way about her.
“I feel the same way about you, Avery. I’m always so busy working that I didn’t realize what I was missing out on by not having someone like you in my life.” She looked into his eyes, then sighed. “If I could, I would drop everything and run off to see the world with you.”
Avery’s eyes opened wide, and he whispered, “Wouldn’t that be tremendous?”
Remy nodded.
“I s’pose that’s what I tried to do,” Avery said, his face falling again as he continued his tale. “I wanted to escape. Then comes this call for young men to go off and see the country.”
“The war,” Remy said.
Avery nodded sadly. “It was utterly stupid of me, but that’s why I went off to fight.
I mean, I did want to help my country. I did!
America was so good to me, offering an escape from the poverty we were sufferin’ in Ireland.
And I thought it right that I fought for the South because Alabama was my new home. ”
Avery looked at Remy pleadingly, needing her to understand his reasons for fighting for the Confederacy.
“I understand,” Remy said quietly. As a student of history and an expert on the battle of Gettysburg, she understood that soldiers had a myriad of reasons for fighting in the war. Most of them weren’t bad guys fighting to keep slavery. It was so much more complicated than that.
“Sounds so dumb now, but I saw joinin’ up for battle as my chance to get away from my tedious life.” Avery shook his head, and Remy could see that he was disgusted with himself.
“Darling, lots of men did that,” Remy said reassuringly. “Many of them wanted to join up as fast as they could because they were afraid the war would end before they got the chance to enlist. They had no way of knowing how awful the war would be and how long it would drag on.”
Avery smiled at her.
“What?” she asked.
“Can’t help it. I love hearin’ you call me darling,” he said.
Remy laughed. “Really? That’s all you got out of what I said?”
“No, no of course not. But that was my favorite part,” Avery said with a grin.
“I understand what you’re sayin’, it’s just…
You still don’t know the whole story. I knew by joinin’ the war effort, I’d get to meet new people, see new places.
Wasn’t exactly world travel, but at least I could get away from the same old town for a while.
Thing was…there was another very special girl I left behind.
” Avery’s eyes took on a mournful, faraway look. He said quietly, “Me daughter.”