Chapter 11
The drive to nearby Little Round Top seemed to take much longer than it did on the bus tour.
Remy parked her car, then began walking on shaky legs through the trees to where Avery always sat.
There was still a handful of tourists around, but it was dinnertime and the daytime tours were over, so the big crowds were gone.
Avery had his back to her when she first approached. A surge of nervous adrenaline coursed through her body. For a moment, she wasn’t sure she could go through with this. Still, she kept walking.
Avery turned and saw her. He stood up slowly, carefully, as if not wanting to frighten her.
“Remy,” he said softly. For the first time, Remy noticed the longing in his eyes. Was he just lonely, or was he really longing for her?
Remy walked up to him and stood just a few feet away.
“It’s all right, darlin’,” Avery said softly, and his familiar Irish lilt soothed her. He really was the same man she’d been so crazy for all this time.
Avery gestured for her to sit, and she sat down on a flat surface in the rocky terrain. He took a seat near her, but not too close.
“Are you all right?” he asked her.
Remy gazed into Avery’s gentle, worried eyes and began to relax.
“Yes, I’m all right, Avery.”
He looked relieved. “I was afraid you’d never speak to me again. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I just didn’t know how.”
“I understand,” Remy said. She imagined it must have been stressful for him all this time. Knowing he’d have to tell her eventually and worrying that she might find out by accident like Lucy did.
“Remy, I’m so sorry I dragged you into all this. It’s me own damned selfishness. From the day I first met you, I haven’t been able to stop thinkin’ ‘bout ye. Think I wore Jesse out ‘til he finally said, ‘Will ye just talk to her, for the love of Jaysus!’”
Remy laughed and tucked her hair behind her ear. It was hard for her to fathom that this incredible man had become so enamored of her without her knowing. She was usually so busy working two jobs and just trying to get by that she didn’t have much time for a social life.
“The last thing I wanted was to hurt you, Remy, but I know I have. First I get you thinkin’ I don’t care…
and I do, Remy. You don’t know how much.
And then I go and scare you half to death.
‘Twas selfish of me to try to woo you like I did, knowin’ full well I could never be a proper suitor to ye.
” Avery leaned in close to her, and she felt her heart racing.
If only he could touch her, he would kiss her.
She was sure of it. “Ah, but if I could have. Oh, I’d have courted you relentlessly.
I’d do whatever it took to win your heart, and I’d take on any man who dared stand in my way! ”
Avery leaned back, laughing, but Remy got the feeling he meant every word he had said.
“I don’t think it would have been all that difficult. In case you haven’t noticed, I haven’t been putting up much of a fight.”
Remy relished the smile on Avery’s face as she spoke.
He’d been so open about his feelings for her, and she wanted to return the favor.
She moved in closer to him and said, “Avery O’Rorke, you’re the sexiest man I’ve ever met.
You’re so smart and so sweet, and you have the deepest, manliest voice I’ve ever had the pleasure of listening to.
Everything you say in that accent of yours makes me want to swoon in your arms.”
Avery blinked, taking in her words for a moment, then his eyes lit up with delight. “Never in my wildest dreams would I have expected you to say something like that to me. And here I was just hopin’ you wouldn’t hate me!”
“Of course I don’t hate you,” Remy said with great affection. “I think you’re wonderful, dead or alive. You have a beautiful soul, and that’s all that matters to me.”
They looked into each other’s eyes for a moment. Remy signed inwardly. Yes, she thought. This is the moment where he would lean in and kiss me if he could. She’d only been kissed a few times in her life, and never by anyone as handsome as Avery.
“Can I try to touch you?” Remy asked.
Avery glanced around at the tourists in the distance. “Sure. Just so long as nobody’s watching. I can’t stand scaring people.”
Remy nodded, touched by his kindness. She slowly raised her right hand toward his face.
“It will feel very cold,” Avery warned her.
Remy nodded. She gently placed her hand against his cheek. It felt like she’d dipped her hand in ice water. She let out a short gasp, both from the cold and from the sight of Avery’s image wavering slightly.
“Can you feel anything when I do that?” Remy asked him.
Avery shook his head sadly. “I wish I could. I would give anything if I could feel your touch.”
“Believe me, I would touch you a lot if I could,” Remy said seductively.
Avery let out a low moan that sounded almost like a growl. “That would have been wonderful.”
Remy felt her slumbering sex drive awaken.
Her other needs had always had to take precedence, like earning enough money to buy groceries and to keep a roof over her head.
When it came to sexual satisfaction, she’d always had to take care of her own needs.
She usually touched herself quickly and efficiently when she felt the urge, but that was it.
With Avery sitting so close, Remy found herself indulging in the now-familiar fantasy of him picking her up and carrying her to the bedroom.
A new and exciting tingle of desire stirred between her legs.
She’d never been so attracted to a man in her life, and she could hardly believe the way he was looking at her.
With actual lust. No man had ever desired her like that, and she’d never wanted a man as much as she wanted Avery.
“I’m so glad you’re not afraid of me, Remy,” Avery said.
“Not at all,” she replied. It was so easy to forget that he was a spirit when she couldn’t stop thinking of his solid form.
His tall, broad-shouldered, muscular, solid form.
She had the feeling he would have been amazing in bed.
Too bad she’d never know. “I’m not afraid. It just takes some getting used to.”
Avery nodded. “I’m just glad you gave me another chance. I know it’s not easy being friends with the dead.”
“It’s not just that. I mean, knowing that there’s an afterlife… It goes against everything I’ve ever believed.” Remy looked at Avery cautiously. “I don’t like telling people this because I don’t like people judging me.”
“I would never judge you, Remy,” Avery said softly. “I want you to be able to confide in me.”
Remy smiled at him. It was a relief to have someone like Avery in her life. She could never rely on her family, and it felt good having Avery to lean on.
“I’ve never believed in God. Lots of times people think you’re some kind of monster if you’re an atheist. Like I’m some kind of evil person who doesn’t care about anybody but myself and that I—”
Avery laughed, and for a horrible moment Remy thought he was laughing at her.
“Sorry, me darlin’. It’s just the idea that you’re a bad person is ridiculous. You’ve got such a good heart,” Avery said, smiling fondly at her.
“Thank you, Avery.”
Avery looked at her curiously. “I bet you don’t remember the first time you spoke to me.”
“Of course I do! When Jesse introduced you I remember thinking where has this sexy Irishman been all my life?”
Avery laughed. “No, no me darlin’. That wasn’t the first time we spoke.”
Remy’s eyes widened. “Really?”
Avery shook his head, his eyes dancing with amusement. “No, ma’am. You see, when you’re dead, you have a wee bit of control over your existence. You can be visible, as I am now, or invisible. When you’re invisible, you’re still here, but only other dead people can see ye.”
Remy nodded, fascinated.
“Then there’s this other form of existence.
We call it vanishing in ghost circles. When you vanish, you still exist in ghost form, but you’re not conscious.
You just disappear into a kind of limbo.
You can do it for as long as you like. Many of us do it at night, since there’s no tourists to watch and nothing to do ‘til morning.”
“So it’s kind of like sleep?” Remy asked.
“Yes. You could say that. You can vanish for years if you want. That’s what I did.
I didn’t like bein’ a ghost,” Avery said, sounding tired.
“I didn’t want to deal with it, I guess.
So I vanished for a long time. Been gone most of the time since I died.
I only checked in on the world every few decades or so,” Avery told her.
“Wow,” Remy said. It was hard to wrap her mind around how long Avery had existed.
“Some folks like to stay around all the time. That’s what Jesse did. He didn’t vanish much. He’s watched the time roll by decade by decade.”
“Incredible,” Remy said. She couldn’t imagine all that Jesse must have seen during that time!
“I’m ramblin’ here. Sorry, me dear.”
“Not at all,” Remy said, eyes wide. “This is fascinating!”
Avery looked at her with amusement, enjoying her enthusiasm.
“Well, anyways, I’d been gone a long time and I came back to this…
well…the craziness that is modern-day Gettysburg.
The crowds, the stores, and all these people dressed up like me.
I didn’t know what in the name of Janey Mac was going on! ”
Remy smiled and nodded sympathetically. She couldn’t begin to imagine how overwhelmed he must have felt. He must have felt so confused, disoriented.
“I was lookin’ around, trying to figure out what in blazes was happenin’ ‘round here. And then,” Avery smiled at her with such adoration that it made her tingle all over. “Up walks this beautiful young girl with the prettiest blue eyes I’d ever seen.”
Remy stared at him, amazed. She racked her brains, but simply could not recall meeting him before Jesse introduced him. How could I forget meeting this incredible man?