Chapter 13 #2
“Yes, I did. I got something to eat right after work,” Remy told him. She had heated up one of those tasteless frozen dinners at her apartment before changing her clothes so she could look nice for him.
“Good!”
Remy took a deep breath of fresh air and looked around at the trees.
It was nice to be able to walk and take time to enjoy the sights without being on tour.
She rarely walked through this particular path through the forest since it was more for hikers and other tourists who liked to wander around on their own.
“So last time we spoke, we talked about my family. Why don’t you tell me about yours?” Avery said.
Remy’s heart sank. Her family was not among her favorite topics.
“I know you’ve had a hard time with them,” Avery said gently.
Remy nodded. It was hard for her to talk about, but she knew she could tell Avery anything.
“Yes, you could say that,” she said. Avery looked worried about her, and it felt good to know someone cared. She wasn’t used to that. “Well, my parents got divorced when I was really young.”
“Do you have any brothers and sisters?”
“No, which is probably a good thing. I don’t think my parents even wanted me, let alone more kids. I’m pretty sure I was an accident.”
“Oh, Remy!” Avery said, horrified. “You mustn’t say that, darling. You weren’t an accident—you were a blessing!”
Remy looked over at him gratefully, but said quietly, “Not to my parents, I wasn’t.”
“To me, you certainly are. You’re a beautiful gift from God,” Avery said with affection.
Remy fell silent for a moment. She was still getting used to the idea that there really was a God.
“Thank you, Avery. I’m pretty sure neither my mom nor my dad wanted me.
My dad wasn’t around much, and when he did bother to visit me he didn’t seem interested in me at all.
Like he couldn’t wait to get rid of me. My mother had a bad problem with alcohol.
She didn’t take very good care of me, so I had to learn to take care of myself when I was pretty young.
Had to get myself dressed for school, and I learned to tell time so I could be at the bus stop on time. ”
Avery looked devastated. She didn’t like upsetting him, but it felt good to get this off her chest. So far, Lucy had been the only one she’d had confided in about all of this. Remy had told Lucy it was okay to tell Jesse and Theresa about it, so she knew they were aware of her background.
“And-and I know for sure that my parents hadn’t planned on having me because…because…” She struggled to finish as the tears welled up in her eyes. “Because one time when my mother was really drunk she…she said I was a mistake.”
Avery stopped walking, and so did Remy. She took a moment to compose herself, pulling a tissue from her pocket and wiping her eyes. She finally turned to look up at Avery, whose eyes were full of compassion.
Remy held his gaze and let out a shaky sigh of sorrow and relief.
She hadn’t realized how much she had needed to confide in him.
She could see both empathy and helplessness in his eyes.
Remy had never ached for someone’s touch so much in her entire life, which had always consisted of physical and emotional neglect.
She desperately wanted to run into Avery’s arms and let him hold her until she stopped shaking.
“Oh, Remy, darling, I’m so sorry,” Avery said. He lifted his hand and gently touched her cheek. His touch was ice cold, but she still appreciated the gesture. It helped to know that he ached to hold her, too.
“I think I believed what she said for a long time. I thought I was a mistake.” She felt the tears form behind her eyes, but then she recalled what Avery had said to her just moments ago.
He had called her a beautiful gift from God.
“I felt like I had no business being alive since nobody wanted me and I wasn’t even supposed to be here.
Now that I’m an adult, I can be a little more objective.
I understand now that I was just a child, and I didn’t do anything wrong.
My mother resented me for being born, but that’s not my fault.
I’ve come to terms with all of it as best I can, but sometimes I still feel like a little girl who wants her parents to be proud of me. I know that’ll never happen.”
“I’m so very proud of you, Remy. It’s remarkable…the brave, strong, kind woman you’ve become. But it doesn’t matter what I think. What matters most is that ye be proud of yerself.”
“I am,” Remy said truthfully. She’d worked hard to put the past behind her so she could move on.
She was proud that she’d become a responsible, hardworking adult who truly wanted to make the world a better place.
“I always felt uncomfortable, afraid at home. I think that’s why I like to put people at ease when I talk to them. Make them feel good.”
“Well, you’re a natural at doin’ that, darling. That’s the first thing I noticed about you. You have such a way with people. You know how to relate to a stranger just by lookin’ at ‘im. I don’t know how you do it. You just instinctively know how to care for people.”
Avery smiled fondly at her, and her feelings of despair over the harsh memories of her family began to fade away.
The way Avery had described her was exactly how she wanted to be.
A comforter to strangers, a friendly, knowledgeable guide not just on tours but on life in general.
That was her way of trying to make the world a better place.
It was hard for her to know if she was succeeding or not.
You never knew how others perceive you, but Avery’s kind words reassured her that she was doing just fine.
Remy thought of Ellis sitting all alone at Culp’s Hill. Maybe she really could help him if she persevered.
As if reading her mind, Avery said, “You’re always lookin’ out for everybody else, but who’s lookin’ out for you?”
“No one, until recently,” Remy said with a smile. She started walking again, and so did Avery. “I feel like everything changed for the better when Jesse started working with me. He’s such a good friend to me, and Lucy is probably my best friend. Theresa has been wonderful, too.” Remy laughed.
“What?” Avery asked, looking relieved to hear her laugh after being so upset.
“Okay,” Remy said sternly. “You have to promise not to tell anyone if I tell you this.”
“Of course I won’t! Cross me heart,” he said, making a crisscross motion across his chest.
“I had a huge crush on Jesse when he first started working with me.”
“Really?” Avery said, looking slightly wounded.
“Yup. Until I met Lucy. When I saw the two of them together, I knew it was all over. The way he looks at her. Well, you just know there could never be anybody else for him.”
Avery nodded, still looking sad. Remy stopped walking and looked up at him.
“Avery, it was just a silly crush. It was nothing compared to the way I feel about you. As soon as I met Lucy, I got over it. You, on the other hand…”
Avery looked intrigued about what she was going to say about him.
“I was completely heartbroken over you when I thought you weren’t interested.
If you don’t believe me, ask Lucy. She had to put up with me pining for you.
I called her one time, all upset because I was crazy about you and you never made a move on me.
I was afraid you had a girlfriend or just weren’t interested.
I was all upset, and that’s when Lucy decided enough was enough and insisted you guys tell me the truth.
” Remy looked at Avery and sighed. “I gave up easily when I knew Jesse wasn’t available, but there was no getting over you. ”
Avery’s smile reached all the way up to his eyes. “Thank you for telling me that, Remy.”
“So because of Jesse, I have lots of friends now. And I have you.”
“I know of someone else you should meet,” Avery told her.
“And who’s that?”
“Fillis.”
Fillis. She knew that name, but she wasn’t sure why.
“She’s, you know, like me. Deceased. She’s an older lady, maybe in her fifties and—”
“Yes! I know who you’re talking about,” Remy said, suddenly remembering. “I don’t know her, but Jesse mentioned her. She used to be a slave.”
“Right,” Avery said with a sad nod of his head. “She’s a terrific lady. She’s a nurturer, just like you. Lots of soldiers call her Second Mama since our own mothers aren’t around to take care of us anymore.”
“She sounds really nice,” Remy said. Avery spoke of Fillis in the same warm tone as Jesse had, and it made Remy happy to know there was someone looking out for Avery.
“Oh, she’s gonna love you. Take you right under her motherly wing, she would. Once she hears what you’ve been through with your family, she’ll want to adopt you like the rest of us.”
“I don’t know. I don’t want to burden any more people with my problems. Bad enough I dump all my issues on you and Lucy. Ugh, I made it most of my life without telling people about my family drama, and now it seems like everybody knows.”
Remy suddenly felt self-conscious. Exposed. She usually did her best to appear confident when she was talking with people and leading tours. Now she felt vulnerable, knowing all her new friends knew all her dark secrets.
“Remy,” Avery said softly, immediately picking up on her discomfort. “I would never force you to do anything that makes you uncomfortable, but I would really love to at least introduce you to Fillis.”
Remy looked into Avery’s eyes, feeling her resolve weakening. “When you look at me like that, how am I supposed to resist? Say it in Irish, and I’ll really be sunk.”
Avery grinned, leaned over, and said, “Beidh do thoil tú ag freastal ar mo chara, Fillis?”
“Anything you say, Avery,” Remy said in a dreamy voice.
His rich, sexy laugh made her tingle all over.