Chapter 31 – Braelyn
brAELYN
Morning comes with a stirring to an indistinct noise that tickles my senses and wakes me. Rolling over, I reach for Roman, only to find his side of the bed empty. I keep moving, shifting, and sliding until I locate what woke me. My phone.
Picking it up, I see it’s Katy calling and answer with a smile.
“Good morning, sunshine,” I chirp brightly. “How’s it going?”
“Oh, Braelyn,” a familiar voice that’s not Katy’s replies. “Good morning. And congratulations on your marriage.”
My brow scrunches, and I pull back the phone. “Oh my gosh! Katie! Hi. I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize this was Roman’s phone. Our phone cases are nearly identical. I saw the name and I thought it was my friend Katy.”
She laughs. “No worries at all. It’s a very common name and an easy mistake. Is he there?”
“I don’t see him, but I can go find him if you need.”
“No, no. Enjoy the relaxation time. I’m so excited he’s married to you. You have no idea how happy that makes me. You’re the only woman he’s ever talked about, so it makes sense.”
A smile curls my lips, and I roll onto my back. We haven’t quite figured out the marriage stuff yet, but for now, especially after last night, I’m trying to roll with it.
“Thanks. It’s good. Weird, but good.” I’ve known Katie for a long time. She’s worked for Roman for years and years. “Do you want me to pass along a message or have him call you?”
“He’s been dragging his heels, but I really need him to pick out a place in Frankfurt ASAP.
He—well, I guess both of you—will be moving there so soon and these places won’t keep for long.
We need to get the contracts signed on the residences.
But while I’m thinking about it and before he signs anything, is there something specific you’ll need while you’re there?
I’m happy to email you the places so you can see if there’s one you like or don’t like. ”
I blink about sixty thousand times. “I’m sorry. Frankfurt?”
“Yes. But I also sent him some places for Paris even though that’s six months after Germany. The sooner we get these locked up the better. London is still in flux a bit for housing, but it’ll come together. Are you leaving the hospital permanently or just taking a leave of absence?”
“Wait.” I sit up, rubbing my eyes, positive I’m missing something vital. “Are you telling me Roman is moving to Europe? To Frankfurt, Paris, and London?”
She’s silent for a very long beat. “Um. Well. I’m not sure—”
“Katie. Please.”
“Braelyn, I can’t give you the specifics. I’m so sorry. I thought you knew. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have said anything. It’s my fault. Completely.”
I would laugh at that if there were anything remotely funny about it. “It’s not your fault he didn’t tell me he’s moving to Europe. It’s his. I’ll have him call you and I’ll make sure he picks a place and signs the contract on it ASAP.”
“Uh, okay. I’m sorry.”
“Really. It’s fine.” I disconnect the call because it’s not fine. Not at all. I told Roman I loved him last night. I moved myself into his room. I’m in his fucking bed. I’m married to him. I mean, technically, we’re married.
But he didn’t tell me he’s moving to Europe. To Germany, France, and the UK.
All this time we’ve spent together over the last week. Endless hours and limitless conversations and he didn’t mention it. Not even a hint.
I can’t wrap my head around that. The betrayal of it. He’s telling me he’s fighting for me, for us all the while he’s planning a completely different life and future that doesn’t include me.
What am I supposed to do with that?
Other than leave.
I need to go. I’ve had it with men lying. With men hiding things from me. With men who I thought I could trust with anything betraying that and disappointing me. Wow. I never saw Adam cheating on me coming and I never ever saw Roman offering me forever, only for it to be a lie.
What did he expect? Me to leave my job and move with him? He had to know that would never happen. Not that he asked me to.
A tear hits my cheek, followed by another.
All I can do is sit here, staring at my hands.
I’m pulverized by this. All the things he said last night.
I told him I loved him! It felt like everything was finally coming together.
That we fit in place. I couldn’t help but fall for him.
He made it effortless despite everything I’d been through and now this.
I force myself up and use the bathroom before I go into the closet to get dressed.
I’m on autopilot even as my tears won’t stop.
They won’t slow. I keep trying to rationalize this, but there is no explanation.
Every step feels like I have lead in my feet.
My limbs are heavy and my heart is so broken I don’t think it’ll ever be able to heal.
I gasp out a sob, my shoes in my hand. I can’t do this again. I don’t know how to do this. Not with Roman. That’s not who we are to each other. We don’t lie. We don’t hide things. We don’t betray.
But that’s what he did, and nothing makes sense to me anymore.
I’ll put on my shoes, grab my purse, and go, though I don’t know where my phone is. He must have grabbed mine this morning thinking it was his. But I’ll find it and I’ll leave.
Exiting the closet, I stop short when I see Roman walking in, his eyes on the phone in his hand, which is clearly my phone.
“Hey. You’re up. Good. I grabbed your phone by accident and Sky called.”
I chuck one of the shoes in my hand at him, the sneaker rotating end over end as it sails through the air. Unfortunately, he sees it coming and ducks to the side with his annoying catlike reflexes. Ugh.
“What the hell?”
“What the hell?!” I fire back indignantly.
“Are you kidding me? You’re moving to fucking Europe, and you didn’t tell me and you have the nerve to ask me what the hell?
!” I chuck my other shoe at him and thankfully, this time he doesn’t duck.
It nails him straight in the chest, except it’s not nearly as dramatic as I was hoping.
It simply hits him and drops to the floor.
Boo.
“How did you find out?”
“That’s another good one. How did I find out?
! You son of a bitch, I should have found out from you!
” I point at him. “Katie called and I thought it was my phone and my Katy, so I picked up. Oh, she wanted me to mention that you really need to get on picking a place in Frankfurt. You know, because you’re moving there so soon! ”
He holds his hands out defensively to me like I’m a cornered animal. “It’s not what it seems.”
“Not what it seems?” My arms flail about me. “Please tell me you didn’t just say that.”
He sighs. “Fine. It is what it seems, but not the way you think.”
“Roman, I swear to god, I am at my wits’ end with everything male right now.” My hands go to the top of my head. I’m broken and dejected. I can hardly stand to be in my own skin. I hold my breath so I don’t sob and break down completely as I utter, “Why didn’t you tell me you were moving?”
“I was going to tell you after the wedding.”
I shake my head, nothing making sense. “After the wedding? When are you supposed to move?”
“In a couple of months.”
That rips me apart, and I spin around, unable to look at him.
“Roman, I called off my wedding three weeks ago. And you said nothing in all that time.”
“You got engaged to Adam, and I knew I wasn’t going to be able to sit around and watch you as the happy new bride with him.
I made plans to open three restaurants, one in Frankfurt, one in Paris, and one in London.
I was going to leave for about a year and a half to work the miracle of falling out of love with you. ”
My eyes close and I collapse to the bed, my elbows meeting my thighs and my face planting into my hands.
“When you ended things with Adam, it felt like it was finally my shot with you,” he continues.
I hear him moving closer to me, but I can’t look at him.
“I knew if I told you about Europe, you’d use that as an excuse for why we couldn’t be together, so I didn’t say anything as I worked through options on how to make everything work. ”
“You should have told me. You hid it from me. Do you have any idea how that feels?”
He moves in front of me and crouches until he’s at my feet. “What would you have done if I’d told you? What would you have said?”
“If you told me you were moving to Europe for a year and a half? I don’t know.”
He pries my hands from my face and I jerk them free of his grip. He looks as broken as I feel, but I’ve seen that face on another man who was hiding things from me recently, so it’s not doing much to thaw me.
“Yes, you do. If I had told you before we got together, you would have told me that you were happy for me and that you’d come visit me, and that would have been that.”
A tear rolls down my cheek. He’s right. I likely would have said that.
“I couldn’t have that. I couldn’t have you brush me off. Not before I made you mine. Not before I figured out how to fix this.”
“There is no fixing this. You hid this from me. You’re moving away for a year and a half.”
“I’m sorry I hid it from you, but I didn’t know what else to do. I was going to tell you. I was. I know you don’t believe that, and you have no reason to, but I swear, I was going to talk to you about it today or tomorrow. Because I’m not moving away. I can’t.”
I search his face. “What about your restaurants?”
“I’ve already signed contracts at the locations.
They’re going to happen. I think what I’ll do is I’ll go for the first few weeks at each location and after go back and forth as needed.
It will mean a lot of travel and some time when we’re not together.
I was hoping we could work it out so that maybe you come with me sometimes, and when you can’t, I’ll try to make it so that I’m not gone very long. ”
“Roman, I don’t know what to do with this.”
“I know.” He blows out a breath and inches in on me until he’s up against my knees.
“I know you’re mad, and you have every right to be.
I know you feel like I betrayed you after you’ve already been betrayed by someone you loved.
I know all of this, and I’m so, so sorry for causing you more hurt and stress.
You’re entitled to all of it, and if you want to throw more shoes or whatever you need to do to let me feel your anger and frustration, that’s fine.
Be as mad as you want. Just please don’t walk away. ”
“You keeping that from me is not a small thing. You did it with intent. How do I know you won’t do something like this again or keep other things from me?”
He takes my pinkies with his and squeezes them tight, his eyes locked on mine and nowhere else.
“I’ll never do anything like this again.
I swear. I’ll talk to you. I’ll plan everything with you.
No more hiding or withholding. Not ever.
I only did it this way so I could keep you. So I wouldn’t lose you.”
I bite my lip and shake my head when he forces his forehead to mine.
“I’m not gonna tell you I love you or that I’m sorry.
I did that and you know I meant it and I won’t be him.
I won’t fucking be him, Brae. I’m going to be me.
The guy you know. Your ride or die. The one who will never stop fighting for you or for us.
I fucked up. I was scared. I was scared and so I didn’t tell you what was happening because I was positive you’d bug out on me and I’d be left without you.
I knew I’d figure it out and I think I have if you’re willing to bend a bit with me.
If you know it won’t be perfect and we’ll have some weeks where we’re apart very long distances.
But the way I love you won’t ever change.
And how I’ll obsessively miss you will be the thing that gives you peace because there won’t be a minute of any day that you doubt me or us. ”
“I can’t do this again,” I tell him, my hand coming up to his cheek. “I can’t get a call like this and be blindsided. I can’t have another woman know more about you and your life than I do.”
“It’ll never happen again. And Katie doesn’t know more than you do. You know more than she does because I’m telling you the plan I have for the next eighteen months.”
“I’m still mad.”
“Be mad. Just don’t go.”
I think about this. About everything he’s saying. The things he’s telling me and promising. He’s rewriting everything for me. All of it was written because of me. I don’t want to go. I don’t want to run. I want to believe this is the moment that makes us.
“I’ll stay.” I press my forehead deeper into his and repeat the words I said to him in Mexico. “Don’t let this become the worst decision we’ve ever made.”