Forever Found (Lost #3)

CHAPTER 22

ADDY

The loud crash of the warehouse door being opened rips me from the restless sleep I had fallen into, too scared to fully sleep in that nightmare place. I still had no idea why I was there, or even how. Why on earth had these depraved men come to the most dull and boring town on earth, looking for women to kidnap? Surely not because they were targeting me – the most dull and boring woman on earth. It made no sense. But those were later questions. Now questions were what were they going to do with me and all of the women in the cages with and around me? Was this truly sex trafficking? It seemed like a similar set up to crime dramas I had watched on television and that thought was completely terrifying.

I’d already witnessed the violence these men were capable of. A young girl, definitely not more than eighteen years old, had been in a cage beside me the day before, and when she wouldn’t stop crying, or crying out in what ever her native language was, one of the armed men had opened the cage, ripped her out, and beaten her to within an inch of her life before us all. I hadn’t been able to watch the brutality, but I had heard enough to fuel nightmares for the rest of my life. Then the young girl had been dragged out, unconscious and bleeding, and never brought back. I knew it was likely they’d killed her and gotten rid of the body, shutting her up while also giving everyone of us left behind a warning. No one had dared to make a sound above a whimper since.

I had never been so terrified in my life. I hadn’t stopped shaking in days and the need to break down and sob was constant, but I didn’t, because I didn’t want to show these monsters weakness. I didn’t want to give them the satisfaction of dragging me out and beating me to death just like that innocent young girl who was just petrified and far from home.

I lifted my head just enough to look to the door of the warehouse, staying sat on the floor and hiding behind the other girls that filled the cage with me. My goal was to remain unnoticed as much as possible until help came. Because help would come. It had to. I couldn’t die this way.

A well dressed, middle aged man in a grey suit with a black overcoat strolled into the warehouse like it was the lobby of some fancy hotel. He nodded in greeting to the guards sat at the table in the middle of the huge, cold space, then he turned his attention to the cages, and all us trapped within.

I prayed he was there to help us. Could he be an undercover detective, maybe? He had to be there to end this whole thing and set us free. But it became very clear I was wrong when he started to peruse the cages and the women as though he was trying to pick out a new suit, or shiny pair of shoes.

I ducked even lower, pressing my head to my knees as he came closer to the cage I sat in. I was near the back of the cage and there were others before me. He probably couldn’t even see me, right? I told myself he couldn’t as I stayed hidden, my heart pounding so hard I swore it was going to burst out of my chest at any moment.

“There. That one. Bring her to me,” A well-spoken voice declared and I cowered as the cage was opened. I didn’t even know if I believed in God as I begged silently for it not to be me. Over and over I pleaded that I just be spared.

A strong hand landed hard on my head and I was wrenched up violently by my hair, crying out as I scrambled to get my bare feet under me.

“Ah, that’s the one,” the suited man declared happily from where he remained outside the cage. I turned to look at him as fear consumed me. He was watching me with so much delight, like I was his every wish come true.

I was thrown at him like a ragdoll, and before I could even try to catch myself the man in the suit had his arm around my waist and my back pressed against his front. He ran his other hand down my chest and squeezed my right breast so hard I cried out.

“Perfect,” he muttered against my ear. “Tell me, dear girl, are you a virgin?” His hand slid from my breast further down my body and I started to struggle desperate to get free of the grip of this sick pervert. “I think you are,” he sneered as he reached down and grabbed a handful of my skirt, ripping it up to my hips. “Or at least you will be for me,” he added as he cupped me between my legs and squeezed tightly.

“No!” I cried as I lost the ability to breathe in my desperate panic. He moved his hand, sliding it into my panties and I fought even harder against the iron like grip he held on me to get free, but it was no use. He roughly pushed his finger inside of me and I screamed in pain and utter terror at what I was already sure would follow.

I snapped my eyes open and tried to jump to my feet, but something was holding me in place. Him! God, he still held me!

“Addy?”

I frantically flailed, knowing I had to get away shucking my body to free myself of his grip as I hit out behind me with my elbows. A loud grunt as I hit something assured me I was winning, but still I couldn’t get free.

“Addy! Addy, stop!” The voice brought me back to reality and I looked up and found Asher in the seat before me, on his knees and looking right at me as he reached for me. I looked to the seat beside him and saw Kane, driving.

“It’s just us, beautiful. You’re safe.” Jordan was right beside me, his hand running up and down my thigh as he gently tried to reassure me. I remembered then, us all getting into the hired car and heading for home from the hospital. I glanced behind me and found Eli leaning in, his hand on my shoulder. Adam was beside him, his hand covering his lip, which seemed to be bleeding.

“Adam!” I gasped. “Wh-what happened?” I tried to pull out of Jordan’s hold to help Adam, but he didn’t let me go.

“I’m okay, baby. I’m fine,” Adam assured me as he pulled a napkin from somewhere and pressed it to his lip.

“Did I do that?” I realized as I looked around me and down to the seatbelt, which was what had been restraining me.

“It’s nothing, Addy. Stop worrying about me and just take some calmer breaths, okay?” he told me.

“I’m s-sorry, Adam,” I whispered as I turned forwards and collapsed against Jordan again.

“Sshh now, princess. Just settle down. You’re safe,” Jordan soothed as he pulled me tighter against his side and ran his thumb over the back of my hand, back and forth.

Max, I remembered as I tried to calm myself down. He was the suited man from my nightmare. Had it been real, or a conjuring of what Asher had told me earlier about Max taking girls from the warehouse? Had Max hurt me too? How could I ever know? It wasn’t like it was easy to differentiate the nightmares I concocted from the memories of what actually happened. Had that really happened, I questioned myself. Had Max hurt me too, and I hadn’t even remembered when he was right before me, pretending to be Mr. Nice Guy?

“I…I n-need to stop!” I gasped as my stomach started to turn violently.

“We’re on the highway right now, Addy,” Kane called to me.

“Oh God!” I cried. “Stop please. I have to get out. I have to get out!” I was almost screaming by the time Kane pulled over to the side of the road. I leant forward and wrenched the sliding door open, leaping out and landing on the hard verge on my knees just in time to throw up everything I had left in me.

Tears flooded my face and I fought through my agony filled sobs to wipe at the spit around my mouth. My stomach was still churning, and I retched again, but there was nothing left to come up.

“I’m here, Addy. I’m right here. I’ve got you,” Jordan told me as he dropped down behind me to his knees and wrapped his arm around me, holding my back against his chest as he used his other hand to pull back my hair. I sank against him, completely finished in every single possible way.

This hell – my personal hell – it had no end. Would my entire life be the same as that moment? Would I risk another nightmare which I would never know was truth or fiction every single time I closed my eyes? Would I ever know the full extent of what had been done to me? And even if I did, how could I ever make it all get out of my head? How could I ever drag myself from the darkness I was trapped in when it was so thick and strong, and it held me so tightly and unrelentingly? There was no escape. There was no end. There was just this – what remained of me – broken fragments, soul destroying fear and loss, and the continual despair that I would never ever be whole again.

“Jordan,” I whimpered as I turned my head and pressed it to his chest, my whole body quaking violently against him.

“I’m here, Addy. Right here,” he soothed as he picked me up and stood with me wrapping myself around him as much as I possibly could, clinging to him and praying his touch would keep me there with him. I was drowning and I didn’t know how to stop it from happening anymore.

“D-don’t let me…go,” I pleaded brokenly. “Please Jord…hold me so I d-don’t drown.”

“I’m never letting you go, princess. We’re safe here. It’s just you and me, remember? No one else can touch us. Just you and me here right now,” he uttered close to my ear.

“Y-you and me,” I whimpered as I clung on to him. I remembered. I remembered the peace of the time we spent in my room at the cabin, when all of the darkness was gone and the memories forgotten as I lost myself in him. Just him and me and nothing and no one else. I needed that. I needed that peace back before I lost myself completely.

KANE

Adam and I stood frozen, just watching as the woman we were both in love with crumbled before us. Addy was more broken than I had ever seen her, and I couldn’t even go to her like my body was desperate to, because I’d fucked it all up.

Adam and I both knew at least part of this was on us. On top of everything Addy was trying to deal with, we’d both treated her like assholes and pushed her away when she had been begging us both to pull her closer. She needed us and we’d been too lost in our selfish bullshit to help her. Now we were losing her before our very eyes and there was nothing we could do.

Asher moved very slowly with the coat he had shucked off, then wrapped it around Addy’s quaking shoulders. Jordan was holding her to his front, her legs wrapped around his waist and she held him like she truly was drowning and he was her life line. He was rocking her side to side like she were a child, and in that moment, she looked like one – a terrified, broken, innocent child.

I could hear her whispered words every now and then. ‘You and me’ over and over again between her muted sobs and her gasping breaths.

“Just you and me, princess,” Jordan repeated back to her every time, his tone soft and soothing. I didn’t know what it meant – obviously, something between them – but it seemed to be working as Addy seemed to calm down and crash in his arms.

All I wanted in that moment was for her to be in my arms. I wanted to be the one who could soothe her the way Jordan was, but I couldn’t do that. I had a feeling it would be a while before she trusted me like that again, if ever.

Instead I took a deep breath and made myself move. I couldn’t be there for Addy in that moment, but I was still the security for her and her brothers, and I could damn well do my job and keep them safe.

I moved around the parked car, assessing our surroundings. Luckily, the highway was quiet, since it was getting late, but there were trees off to the right of where we stood which posed an issue for security. If anyone had been following us, they had a good spot to hide there. I instinctively moved my hand to where my gun was tucked at the small of my back. Usually when I was working I wore it in my holster at my hip, but we’d left in such a hurry to get to Addy, Eli, and Jordan that I’d just shoved it in the back of my jeans.

“Did she pass out?” I heard Adam ask quietly and I looked to Jordan as he smoothed back Addy’s hair and studied her face. She was still now, her breathing calmer, and her eyes were closed.

“I think so,” Jordan nodded.

“We need to get back in the car. We’re too open here,” I warned as I looked from the woods to Asher.

“He’s right,” Ash agreed as he too seemed to take a look all around us for threats. “Will she be alright if we get moving again?”

“I don’t know. I’ve never seen her that bad. She was so scared,” Jordan said as he looked up to the sky and blinked furiously. “I don’t think she can take any more, Ash. I’m terrified about what she might do if anything else happens.”

“Nothing else is going to happen. We’re going to get her home and lock that place up tight, right?” Adam said as he turned to me for the answer.

“Right,” I nodded. I’d already hired several new guards, and I’d vetted their backgrounds to the point of obsession. The new security system at the house was impenetrable too. It was the safest place for us all to be with this threat looming. Asher had already agreed the plans for the demolition would have to wait.

“We won’t leave her alone, Jord. You, me, and Eli can take shifts to be with her for now. You two need to try and work things out with her, but if you do anything to upset her further, I will fucking kill you both,” Asher threatened.

“Just get in the car. You can threaten us later,” I growled. Something felt off and I didn’t like it. I had been checking for a tail since we set off. The car was a lease, since we had needed something bigger to get everyone home, so it couldn’t be traced to us with out a ton of work to connect us to my sister, who I had asked to arrange the lease for me, but I had this feeling that was putting me on edge.

Asher and Eli followed Jordan to the car, helping him as he tried to ease into the back seat without jostling Addy. Still she jolted awake as he sat and looked around in a panic.

“Easy, Addy. I’m here. We’re just getting back in the car, okay? Get some more rest for me,” Jordan soothed and I had to admit, he was way better at that gentle shit than I was.

“Don’t let me go,” she pleaded as she seemed to try and climb higher up him in a panic.

“Sshh. I’m not letting you go. I’m right here, but we need to get the seatbelt on too, so you’ll be safe, okay?”

“O-okay,” she nodded jerkily.

“Straddle my thighs for me, and I’ll wrap the seatbelt around both of us,” Jordan told her, his tone remaining calm and steady. I wasn’t sure I’d have been able to do that if she was as terrified and clinging to me that way.

She did as Jordan directed, straddling his thighs, and looping her arms around his neck as she pressed her face to his chest and just seemed to pass out. Ash helped get the seatbelt around the both of them, clicking it in place. I wanted to argue it was hardly safe, but how could I when Addy was completely terrified of letting Jordan go?

“Jump in with them Eli, incase Jordan needs to switch out. We can reassess when we stop for gas,” Asher said calmly, but I saw the stress and concern all over his face. He was just as terrified for Addy as we all were. He spent time wrapping his coat around Addy’s shoulders again, tucking it in so it wouldn’t slip off, then he quietly closed the door and moved to the passenger seat.

“I’m gonna make this right, Jord. I’m going to make her trust me again, and we’re all going to get her through this,” Adam whispered as he leaned over and pressed his forehead against the back of Jordan’s. “I’m so sorry for everything,” he added.

“We’re good, Ad,” Jordan told him, but he never lifted his gaze from Addy. It was like he dare not allow her out of his sight, and I knew exactly how he felt.

ADDY

I jolted awake, not for the first time, as my arms dropped from around Jordan’s neck and panic consumed me. I needed to be holding him. He was the only think keeping me out of the pit of darkness that used to be my thoughts.

“I’m here,” Jordan told me right away. I don’t know how many times it had happened now, but Jordan was obviously ready for it.

“Sorry,” I whispered as I lifted my exhausted arms to loop back around his neck again.

“Here, beautiful. Put your hand under my shirt against my skin instead, okay? You’re arms have to be hurting by now.”

“I’m sorry,” I uttered again. “I just…I c-can’t let you go. Not yet.”

“I don’t want you to let me go. I’m more than happy with you right here,” he told me with a half-smile that didn’t reach his eyes. He held his shirt up a little, so I slid my hand under it and rested it on his abdomen, loving the heat I could feel there. “Put your other hand on my chest, and get more comfortable. I’m not going anywhere. I won’t let you go,” he promised as he moved me in his lap so I sat sideways, facing Eli who sat at the other side of the row, watching me warily.

“How are you feeling, shortcake?” Eli asked carefully. He seemed terrified I’d lose it again, and I didn’t blame him.

“Tired,” I whispered, but I forced a smile to try and soothe him. I hated seeing him look so worried, and yet that’s all I had given him since he found me.

“There’s a rest stop ahead. Do you want to stop and get some food, angel?” Kane asked as he met my eyes in the rearview mirror.

“Not food,” I shook my head. My stomach was still in a state of revolt after the nightmare and the new confusion trying to be processed by my exhausted brain. “But w-water would be good, please.” My mouth was dry and I had the awful after taste from throwing up.

“Let’s stop, Kane. I need to use the restroom anyway, and we could all use coffee,” Asher spoke up.

“Do you need to use the restroom, shortcake?” Eli asked.

While I dreaded the thought of even leaving the car, let alone releasing Jordan from my grip, I had to nod. I definitely did need to use it. I looked up to Jordan with worry and he smiled softly.

“I’ll come with you and wait right outside, okay? I need to use them too,” he told me.

“Okay,” I nodded, but I felt ill at the thought of him being away from me for the time it would take both of us to pee, which was insanity, but I didn’t know how else to cope with what was going on inside of me.

“You can stay with me, or one of the others while Jord goes,” Eli cut into my panic. I couldn’t help but look to Adam who sat behind us, and then to Kane who was driving. I so wished things between us all were like they were before Max, so I could run to the both of them too.

When Kane parked up outside the rest stop I looked around, my anxiety already building inside of me for no apparent reason other than I had to get out of the car. It was a large rest stop, with a diner off to one side, a huge gas station storefront in the middle and a coffee place at the other side. There were people milling around and others filling their cars at the pumps.

“Deep breaths,” Jordan said to me gently.

“I’m so sorry. I…I d-don’t know what’s happening to me,” I squeaked shakily.

“No apologies. You’re exhausted and it’s been a really shitty couple of days. You’re doing just fine,” he told me. I knew he was trying to keep me calm. Because what he said was crap. I was having a mental breakdown. I was sure of that, and I was pretty sure Jordan knew it too.

Asher appeared at the door and opened it slowly, crouching until he was before me with a look of concern on his face that he couldn’t hide.

“Think you can walk, sweetheart?” he asked.

“Yeah. I’m good,” I lied as I took his offered hand and turned to get out of the car. My legs were aching from the position I’d been sat in and I was so shaky on my feet I instantly found myself leaning into my brother. Thankfully, he seemed to expect it and caught me easily.

I watched Jordan wincing as he slowly moved out of the car and knew his legs had to be completely dead after having me sat on top of him for so long.

“Can you even feel your legs, bro?” Adam joked as he too studied his brother. Jordan sent him a glare then turned to me and smiled.

“I’m fine, babe. I just need to walk a little,” he assured me.

“How about we give Jord a second, and I’ll come inside with you, okay?” Asher suggested. I looked to Jordan with concern as he stood with one leg bent up behind him, his hand wrapped around his ankle. He saw me watching him and straightened up.

“I’m good, Ash. I can stay with her,” he said, but I could see he was still hobbling as he came closer.

“I c-can stay with Ash. I’m okay. You walk around a little,” I told him as steadily as I could.

“I’ll stay with them too,” Eli volunteered as he appeared at my side and took my hand in his. I nodded to Jordan, assuring him I was alright.

“I’ll be right behind you, okay? I’ll be close if you need me,” he told me, and I nodded again, then I leant against Ash, clutching Eli’s hand as hard as I could while we walked inside the store.

I was stupidly scared of leaving Jordan, worried without him holding me and me touching him, the darkness that filled me would find a way to drag me all of the way down to its depths.

But then I sensed someone behind us, and when I turned and found Adam close at my back, I instantly calmed some. Just because things between the two of us were a mess, didn’t make me love him any less, or make me feel any less safe when he was near.

“Okay, baby girl?” he asked when he caught me glancing round to him.

“Yeah,” I nodded as I met his eyes and pleaded with him not to leave me. It wasn’t that my brothers didn’t make me feel safe – they absolutely did – but they just didn’t seem to have the same effect on me as my guys when I needed something to cling to. They didn’t have the ability to drag me back from the grip of my darkness as effectively as Jordan, Adam, and Kane. I needed that, because, right then, I was more scared than I’d ever been that I was on the very precipice of losing myself completely to that relentless dark within.

“Go with Eli to the restrooms and I’ll grab some supplies, okay sweetheart?” Ash asked, pulling me from glancing back to Adam as I turned to look at him instead. I nodded. I felt too exhausted to even speak more than I needed to. “I’ll get you some water. Do you want something to eat? Maybe some snacks?”

“Just water, please. I’m not hungry,” I told him, just the thought of food making my stomach rebel even worse than it already was.

Eli led me off to the side, towards the restrooms, and again I found myself glancing behind me in search of Adam. He smiled softly as he continued to follow us. When I stumbled, because I wasn’t looking where I was going, he lunged forward and grabbed me, as did Eli and I found myself held up between them.

“Steady, honey,” Adam rumbled from beside me, and I loved the deepness of his voice as a shiver ran up my back at the feel of his huge hands holding my waist.

“Sorry. I’m just tired,” I tried to explain.

“We know, shortcake. Stop saying you’re sorry,” Eli told me as he released his hold on me, glancing to Adam as he did so.

“This okay, Addy?” Adam asked as he pulled me into his side more closely and wrapped one of his huge arms right around my back. His arm was so long his hand landed in the center of my stomach, and again I felt safe with him holding me so securely.

“Yep.” I gave a shy, flustered nod. It just felt so right to be pressed against him like that again. It had been so long, and I had missed him so much. We’d been in the same house, but we barely even knew it with how hard Adam had worked to avoid me.

Eli pushed open the door to the restrooms and we walked through. I was taking discreet deep breaths to try and stop myself from tearing up at the relief of having Adam holding me. I knew it was probably only temporary, but it still made me feel a calm that I had been missing without him, and I needed that more than I could ever say.

Adam and Eli took turns to use the men’s room, one of them staying with me at all times, then I had to go, my anxiety overriding my exhaustion as it pushed me to move as quickly as I could. I literally came running from the ladies’ room and threw myself against Adam.

“What’s wrong?” he asked as he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close.

“I…I d-don’t know,” I uttered as I pressed my face to his chest and just breathed him in.

“Hey, look at me, baby,” he said, and I instantly lifted my head until I met his eyes. “Talk to me.”

“It’s like I told Jord,” I began. “I…I feel like I’m slipping away…like I’m drowning and you…holding onto you like this, it’s the only thing k-keeping me here.” My last words wobbled even more as more tears came.

I was pretty sure I was having some mental breakdown. Even under all of the exhaustion, anxiety, and fear, I knew the way I was acting was irrational and pretty crazy, but I just couldn’t seem to make myself think straight. All I knew was that holding onto one of the men I loved, was the only thing keeping me together enough to function as well as I was.

“I’m sorry,” I pushed out through my strangled throat. “I…I know you d-don’t want this anymore, but I can’t…my brain is messed up right now and it…I still love you Adam…I feel safe w-with you. It’s just for now, until Jord can….”

“Enough,” he cut me off as he pulled me even closer, then lifted me up so I was eye to eye with him. Eli was gone, not that I’d noticed him slip away, so it was just the two of us in the quiet area outside the bathrooms. “I love you too, Addy, and you will always be safe with me. I know I messed up before, but that will never happen again.”

“No, Adam.”

“Yes,” he cut in again. “I was an idiot that day and you were taken because I messed up. I know you want to deny it. I see you shaking your head, but that’s the way I feel, and I won’t change my mind on it. What I want to do though, is learn from it, and then put it behind us. We’re both here, whole. I don’t want to waste any more time we could have together – time I could spend loving you and giving you the life you deserve. Can you forgive me for being such an asshole?”

“There’s nothing t-to forgive, Adam. I just want things to be the way they were before,” I sniffled. “ I missed you s-so much.” I looped my arms around his neck and held him tightly as I lay my head on his shoulder.

“Thank fuck,” he sighed as he rested his head against mine for a moment, then he kissed the side of my neck just once. Tears were spilling again, but this time they were of relief that Adam still wanted to be with me – that he still loved me. I had been so terrified I’d already lost him.

The sound of the door being thrust open caused us both to turn in time to see Jordan walking in from the store.

“Everything okay?” he asked as his eyes went right to mine.

“Getting there, brother,” Adam replied.

“You good, princess?” Jordan asked.

“Better,” I nodded. “Are you?”

“Yep. Regained full use of my legs,” he chuckled as he stalked closer and pressed his warm hand against my back. He leaned in to kiss my tear streaked cheek and I reached out to grab his shoulder, not wanting him to step away. Being between him and Adam made me feel even calmer. I only wished Kane were there too.

Jordan leaned in even closer and ran his hand up by back to the nape of my neck. “I need to take a leak. You good with Ad?” he asked with a playful smile as he caressed the skin on my neck softly.

“Yeah,” I whispered as I turned to look at Adam, who looked way more relaxed than he had for weeks now. “I’m fine,” I nodded.

“Glad to hear that,” he sighed as he leaned in and slammed a kiss against my lips. “About time my asshole brother got his shit together,” he added with a laugh as he pulled back and slapped Adam in the back hard.

“Fuck off before you piss your pants,” Adam threw back with a good natured laugh, and we both watched as Jordan disappeared into the men’s room, laughing to himself quietly.

“How do you feel about cuddling up with me in the car for a while?” Adam asked as he started out into the store area, then right outside, headed for the car.

“I’d like that,” I told him as a deep yawn escaped me.

“You need to eat something and drink some water before you sleep again. You look exhausted. I’m worried about you,” he told me more seriously.

“You’re not the only one,” I sighed as I lowered my gaze from his, feeling completely embarrassed at the insane way I was behaving.

“We’re going to get you through this, all of us. No one is ever going to let you drown, baby.” I nodded, even though I was pretty sure it was getting too late for anyone to stop that from happening. My guys, my brothers – they would always be there for me and I knew that, but they would be waging a losing war if I had no strength left within for me to be able to fight for myself too, and I was pretty sure that was the case right then. Even if I could find the strength needed, I was just so sick and tired of having to fight. Did I really want to go on if all it would ever be was me surviving one nightmare to the next, over, and over until the darkness became so thick within me that I was desperate for it to just pull me under and end it all?