CHAPTER 26
ADDY
“I’m sorry of I upset you,” Jenny said as I helped her to pull on a dark blue hooded sweater with the jeans she’d already changed into.
“You didn’t. I’m good,” I assured her with a forced smile. “Do you need to grab anything else to bring with us?” I asked to end the subject before it even started.
“I let my mouth move before I think anything through. It’s totally fine if you need to tell me to shut the hell up, you know? I want us to be friends. I didn’t mean to fuck it up so quickly,” she sighed.
“You didn’t mess anything up,” I told her as I met her eyes. “And I’d love if we could be friends.” I added honestly. I’d never in my life had a real female friend, and as much as I may envy Jenny’s spark and fire, I also liked her so far, a lot.
“Everything okay in there?” Kane called, and I found myself storming towards the door, just wanting to get my eyes on him, so I could reassure my panicked mind that we were still safe.
“Go and calm him down. I’ll be out in a minute,” Jenny told me with a wave of her hand. She didn’t need to tell me twice.
In a matter of seconds I was at the end of the hall, my arms wrapped tightly around Kane where he stood between the living room and hallway.
“Easy,” he whispered when he wrapped me in his arms in return and held me securely against him. “I’m right here. You’re safe.”
“Yeah,” I whispered on a loud exhale of relief. “I know that now.”
A loud knock at the door had us pulling apart, and Kane instantly moved me behind him.
“Kane!” Jenny cried as she came out into the hall looking shaken. “Is it him?”
“I fucking hope so,” Kane growled. “Both of you in the bedroom, and lock the door. Don’t come out until I…”
“Kane? Its just us!” Asher yelled over the next hard knock.
“It’s just my brother,” I sighed deeply as I placed a reassuring hand on Jenny’s forearm, which trembled beneath my grip.
“How the fuck did you get in the building?” Kane asked with a snarl as he ripped open the door of the apartment.
“Door was propped open. Some guy was bringing in boxes of shit from his car,” Adam shrugged as he seemed to search the room the second he walked in. His eyes glanced over Jenny, but ultimately landed on me.
“Tell me you fucking shut it. It’s a secure building,” Kane barked.
“I had a word with the guy. I think he understands the error of his ways now,” Ash said calmly as he too turned to face me, kicking the door of the apartment closed behind him.
“You okay, honey?” Adam asked me as I stood frozen with Jenny, not wanting to leave her alone.
“Yep.” I gave a firm nod too.
“Jen, this is my boss and good friend, Asher, and that huge fucker is Adam,” Kane said as he stepped forward and made the introductions.
“Adam? As in Adam and Jordan? The other guys in this harem thing, right?” Jenny asked as she looked from her brother, to me, then up to Adam, who was smirking a little at her choice of wording.
“I told you not to call it that!” Kane snapped. “It’s a relationship. That’s it. No other weird fucking names!”
“Relax Kane,” Adam said, trying to hide the grin from his face as he patted Kane on the shoulder, then walked right past him and up to me and Jenny. Jenny seemed to tense the closer Adam got, hurrying back off towards her room uttering something about hair products, and I hated that the sheer size of Adam had intimidated her, but I did get it. He was huge, and she was still jumpy and unsettled after all that happened.
“I’ll go,” Kane said when Adam and I both looked to him with concern. “Ash, I called a locksmith to change the locks. He’ll be here soon.”
“I’ll handle it,” Ash assured him.
Adam and I stood a distance apart as Kane squeezed past us both and went after his sister, but as soon as he was gone I found myself being swept up and pressed against Adam’s hard body. Not that there was anywhere else I wanted to be.
“You look better. You have a little color back,” he told me as he took in my face, his eyes scanning every single inch of it.
“I didn’t want to make things harder for Kane, so I’m doing better at holding it together.”
“How was the session with Laura, sweetheart?” Asher asked as he moved a little closer to us.
“Hard. She wants me to take some pills…some anti-anxiety medication and sh-she gave me sleeping pills too.”
“Will you try taking any of them?” he questioned as he turned that damned look of worry, that I was so tired of seeing, right on me.
“Yeah. I don’t want to, but I…I can’t keep going like this either,” I admitted.
“That’s good, baby,” Adam said as he kissed the top of my head. “I don’t want you to do anything you’re not comfortable with, but I also think right now some meds might be what you need to find a little quiet in that crazy head of yours.”
“I’m alright for now,” I told the both of them. “We need to help Kane and Jenny. Jenny’s scared and really shaken up, and Kane just wants to find her ex and murder him. They need you all more than I do right now.”
“We’ll manage, between us,” Adam told me, and I nodded.
“Ad, why don’t you get Addy home. I can stay here with Kane and his sister for now,” Asher offered.
“No. I’m staying, Ash. I want to be here for both of them. I’m good,” I assured him again.
Kane and Jenny stayed in her room for some time. Eventually Adam settled into a dining chair from the small table with me in his lap, and Asher attended to the locksmith who had finally arrived. I was exhausted after the crazy morning I’d had, but I found myself feeling calmer and more relaxed as I cuddled into Adam and we chatted about nothing of importance. My mind was quieter for the time being, my worry over Jenny and Kane overriding the mess beyond, I guessed.
Jenny’s words about not giving up, or allowing doubts and fears to take from her determination to be as strong and powerful as she could be, continued to wind their way between my darker thoughts. Something started to take root amongst the madness – this feeling that I was being the complete opposite of what she had told me she wanted to be, and that made me feel so pathetic. Yes, I had gone through way more than she had, which was what my brain continued to tell me, but that didn’t mean I should be any less determined to fight, than Jenny was. It didn’t mean I should roll over and allow all of the assholes who hurt and broke me, to win. I should be as determined to stay strong and ensure I came out on top, just like Jenny was to not let her asshole boyfriend win. I knew I didn’t have the strength Jenny Chase had inside of her, but did that mean I wanted to just curl up and break? Did that mean I shouldn’t even try to rise above and find some positivity again?
My guys and my brothers had already made themselves clear – they weren’t giving up, even if I was. They wanted me to fight. They didn’t want to see me break, just as much as Jenny didn’t want to be the one to break. But I was broken already, and the idea of starting with myself in pieces and trying to find some way to paste them all back together, was terrifying and exhausting. And yet I didn’t want to just slip away. I didn’t want to die alone and unhappy the way Jenny said her mom had. Jenny had lit a spark within me, and I couldn’t seem to ignore it now that it burned away inside.
***
I was so relieved to be home as Asher pulled through the gates, Kane’s car with Jenny and her packed belongings right behind us. I was in the back with Adam, sat in my own seat, but snuggled tightly into his side as he kept his arm wrapped around me.
“Let’s get inside, baby girl. Ash is going to run out and fill your prescription and Kane’s gonna get Jenny settled into his place,” Adam explained as Asher pulled right up to the front steps of the house.
“I won’t be long,” Asher added as he glanced over his shoulder and gave me a reassuring smile.
“Can we have dinner together tonight…all of us?” I requested. I just wanted to be surrounded by my family. “I mean, I know Kane and Jenny might not want to, but the rest of us…please. I missed that.” I didn’t think we’d all sat down to eat together since before Max had orchestrated the kidnap of Eli and I.
“Sure we can. I’ll cook something for all of us. That’s a great idea,” Adam agreed enthusiastically.
“I agree. Let the others know, okay? Jordan and Eli should be inside,” Asher added, and I nodded, a genuine smile crossing my face at the idea of my family all around me for dinner, just like we used to when I first moved there.
Adam stepped out of the car, lifting me from his lap and setting me on my feet beside him. There was no longer snow on the ground, but it was freezing gold and the wind that whipped around me was biting.
“Adam!” Kane came jogging over to us as I settled myself in front of Adam, grateful for the heat of his body surrounding and sheltering me. “I need you to make sure one of you stays with Addy at all times.” Kane went on, and I saw the worry on his face.
“Kane, I’m okay. I’m not gonna do anything stupid,” I whispered, ashamed I needed to say it.
“It’s not that, angel. The security team is still low on numbers and the new guys I hired don’t start until next week. With the threat over you, I don’t want you left alone, okay?” he leaned in and pressed his forehead to mine. “You told me you’d try and I believe you, okay? I believe you,” he added more gently.
“Okay,” I agreed tearfully. The fact he said he believed what I had told him the night before meant more than he could know to me.
“We’ve got her, man. Just take care of your sister, and let us know if you need anything,” Adam offered. “Oh, and Addy wanted a family dinner tonight if you and Jenny are up for it. If not let me know and I’ll bring some food to your place for you both.”
“Appreciate it, Ad,” Kane said with a nod. He leaned down again until we were eye to eye, then his lips were on mine, the kiss slow and meaningful, if a little short. “I’ll just be at my place if you need me. I want you to call me if things get dark in here again,” he said as he tapped my temple.
“But Jenny…”
“Jenny’s tougher than she looks, and she’s safe here now. You need me, I’m there, yeah? I don’t ever want you to doubt that.”
“’kay,” I agreed a little tearful at his determined words. “Love you.”
“Love you too.” He leaned in and kissed my cheek softly. “Try to eat something for me, please.”
He and Adam shared a look I couldn’t decipher, then Kane turned away. I had noticed the little looks between the three of them – Adam, Kane, and Jordan – over the last few days. It was like the relationship between us all had given them some silent unspoken form of communication that they used to talk about me, not to me. It might have annoyed me if I didn’t have far more pressing issues trying to tear me down.
“There you are!” Jordan cried, sounding relieved as Adam and I walked into the house. Jordan jumped up from where he’d been working on his laptop on the sofa and stalked right over to me, gathering me up into his arms and holding me just a little too tight, not that I complained. “Everything alright?” he asked as he held me. I reached up on my toes and kissed him briefly then pulled back and smiled a little.
“Better now,” was my answer, making him smile too. “Kane took his sister to his house. She’s pretty shaken up.” I added, but I remained pressed against Jordan, since he seemed in no hurry to let me go.
“That asshole beat her pretty bad. She has a ton of bruises and her face was swelling when she got into Kane’s car,” Adam added.
“Is Kane out for blood?” Jordan asked.
“You know it,” I replied. “And he has a right to be. I’d help him if I were up to it. Jenny’s obviously a tough woman, but she was terrified by what that evil asshat did to her.”
“Asshat?” Jordan chuckled. “Steady with the language there, babe.”
Adam was laughing too as I pulled away from Jordan and playfully hit out at his chest.
“Sorry, princess. It’s just so cute the way you hate to curse. Just one of many things I love about you,” Jordan rushed to add as he held his hands up in surrender. “How was the appointment with your therapist?”
“Tough. I had another breakdown,” I shrugged as I leant back against the arm of the sofa, too tired to stand any longer. “I’m being medicated.”
“Medicated?” Jordan looked from me to Adam with more concern. God, I was so sick of that expression. All I wanted was for me to get myself together enough so that I saw other expressions on the faces of those around me.
“Her therapist recommended some anti-anxiety meds, and sleeping pills,” Adam clarified. “Ash went to fill the prescription.”
“But you said no to drugs. Is this what you want, Addy?” Jordan asked carefully.
“No! Of course it’s not what I want, but what choice do I have? If I don’t find a way to pull myself together I’m going to end up locked in some institute, aren’t I?”
“No! I’d never let that happen. Is that how this therapist got you to agree to these drugs, because that’s not only unethical, but it’s also total bullshit. No one is taking you from us, Addy,” Jordan ranted angrily as he turned a glare on his brother.
“Don’t look at me that way. You know I’m with you. No one is ever taking her from us, or making her do anything she’s not on board with,” Adam declared as he held his hands in the air innocently.
“She didn’t say that, Jord, but that doesn’t make it untrue. I’m barely hanging on. I was talking about suicide the other night. I’m sure that gives whoever needs it the power to lock me in a padded room if they so wish,” I sighed.
“You were exhausted. You didn’t mean what you said,” Jordan defended me, and I smiled softly as I met his beautiful eyes.
“I have to try the pills, Jord. As much as I hate the idea of them, I need some help – more than any of you can give me. The mess is in here,” I explained, tapping at my head as I spoke. “I need something that can just quieten things down while I find some strength again. Laura said these pills will help me to feel calmer and more in control.”
“I think it’s a good idea for Addy to at least give them a chance. If they don’t work for her, then we can look at other options. Maybe look into a different therapist, or ask Laura to switch the meds for something else. Addys right – something needs to give,” Adam sighed tiredly.
“And I agree for now. Let’s just see how it goes, okay?” I requested, as I looked to Jordan pleadingly.
“Okay, beautiful. As long as it’s what you want, then I’ll always be on board,” he assured me.
“Right now she needs to eat something, then I’m cooking dinner, which we will all be at, at Addy’s request,” Adam declared.
“Family dinner, with real food? Sounds good to me,” Jordan eagerly agreed. “Great idea, beautiful. It’s a long time since we all sat down together,” Jordan said as he wrapped an arm around my shoulders and urged me up, then led me to the kitchen. A comforting heat seemed to emanate from where Jordan’s arm lay across my shoulders, and where his hand touched my arm, and I sighed quietly in contentment. I may have this unattainable hope that I could be stronger and stand on my own two feet, but even if it happened, I would never ever feel safer than when one of my guys was wrapped around me.
Under the watchful eyes of both Adam and Jordan I forced down half the bowl of chicken soup Adam had made for me, but by the time I dropped the spoon and told them I was full, I was completely exhausted. It had been a long day, and it was barely mid-afternoon yet.
“Are you feeling alright, shortcake?” Eli asked. He’d just come down from his studio and sat opposite me with a sandwich and a cup of steaming coffee. The blue button down shirt he wore was splattered with paint, and his hands were stained a variety of colors too. I smiled across at him, soothed by him looking the way he used to often before Max kidnapped the both of us.
“Sure,” I nodded. “Just tired, as always.”
“Why don’t you head up and get some rest before dinner? You have a few hours,” Asher suggested.
“Yeah, I might,” I agreed. Sleep sounded good, but there was another thing I needed to address first. My eyes dropped to the innocuous paper bag from the pharmacy, that Ash had dropped on the table and said nothing else about when he arrived home. “Those are the pills?” I asked lamely. Of course they were the pills! Asher had gone to fill the prescription and come back with that bag.
“Do you want to take a look at them, honey? We can read the information leaflet, see if there’s anything that concerns you,” Adam suggested.
“No,” I whispered as I reached for the bag. “Laura told me what they’d do and how they could affect me. I trust her.” I didn’t add that it was me I didn’t trust – my judgement about anything. How could I when I had messed my entire life up so badly thus far?
“Which one’s do you want to take?” Jordan asked as he looked at the two pill bottles I poured from the bag onto the table.
“The anti-anxiety pills. I’ll only take the sleeping pills when I really need to,” I replied as I stared at those damned brown bottles that had played such a major role in my entire childhood.
“Adeline! Adeline! Get my fucking drugs and bring them here right fucking now, girl!” I heard my mom’s voice screeching through our home. I was around ten years old. I grabbed the pain pills I knew she wanted and started up the stairs, my hand shaking so hard the pills in the plastic bottle rattled. I knew nothing good could come when my mom was that worked up.
“Give them to me now, you fucking idiot!” My mom screamed the second I crept around the half open doorway into her room. She was sat up in her bed, as always. Her wild hair was sticking up around her thin, gaunt face and a cigarette hung from her lips. The TV lit the room, since she refused to open the curtains, some crappy day time show playing in the background.
“You sh-shouldn’t take these yet. F-four PM. It s-says every six hours,” I stuttered nervously as I forced my terrified body to creep closer to her.
I should have known better than to get so close when she was in such a temper. In a flash she leant forwards and grabbed my wrist, wrenching me right into the side of the bed, then holding me there as she slapped my head and face wherever she could with her free hand. I fought to cover my face, dropping the pills on her bed in the process. I didn’t want marks on my face. My teachers weren’t going to believe I had another accident again.
“Stupid little bitch! Learn to do what I tell you to do, you hear me?” she yelled at me as her slaps turned to closed fists hits to the back of my head and the top of my back. I fought to rip myself away from her grip, which made her tire quicker and finally she let me go. I dropped to the floor and scrambled to crawl away, knowing she would grab me again given half the chance.
“Baby? Can you hear me?” The flashback receded and I opened my eyes with a start. Adam was crouched before me, obviously having pulled my chair out from the table and turned me so I was facing him. His dark eyes watched me with caution as I took him in and gasped in some much needed air. “You back with me?” he asked softly.
“I…yeah. I’m okay,” I lied.
“Where’d you go, princess?” Jordan asked. I turned and found him in the seat he’d been in before, but he’d turned it so he was at my side now.
“The pills…they made me think about my mom,” I admitted.
“You’re nothing like her, Addy. Don’t you even start thinking taking some pills will ever change that,” Asher said from somewhere behind me.
“I know,” I nodded. “I’m just tired. I’ll take the pills and go to my room,” I added numbly. What choice did I have? I had to try the drugs. It wasn’t as though my efforts to pull myself together were working out too well for me.
“I’m gonna come with you, okay? I’ll stay with you,” Adam offered, and I nodded eagerly. I didn’t want to be alone.
I got to my feet and Jordan already had the pills I wanted in his hand, along with the soda I had been drinking. I dare not let myself think as I washed the two little white discs down, but still images of my mother yelling and lashing out pushed into my mind.
By the time I lay in my bed with Adam surrounding me, holding me tight, I was tearful again and that just make me angry. I had to stop being this way! I had to find a way to get stronger and be better, or I may as well just give in and end things. This – this constant state of break down that I was living in – it wasn’t a life, not for me, and not for the people who cared about me.