Chapter Fourteen
Night was beautiful here. The sky wasn’t filled with stars unless Tage willed them to be there, but it was a thick, dark blanket; a comfort I couldn’t find anywhere else. I sat outside, lazily swinging in a hammock strung between two palms.
Tage approached. “Care if I join you?”
“We’re stuck here for an eternity. Might as well.”
He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. That was a shitty thing for me to say.
“I didn’t mean it the way it came out.”
“It’s fine. I get that you don’t want to be here.”
“And you do?”
His golden eyes fastened on mine. “There isn’t anywhere else I’d rather be than with you.”
I didn’t know what to say, so I kept silent.
“How did you find Sekhmet?” he asked. “All we saw was you crushing her at the fountain.”
“Do you hate me?” I asked.
He ticked his head back. “How could I hate you?”
“For killing your sister.”
Roman hated me for killing Pierce, and I didn’t blame him. Even if we were okay now, what I did wasn’t. I couldn’t fix it, and I couldn’t ease his pain.
Tage stepped up to the hammock. “Move over.”
Uh…. I slid over as much as I could as he eased into the woven strands. We swayed back and forth while it settled, but Tage couldn’t get comfortable. There was nowhere to put his arm, so I raised my head and he slid it behind.
“Is this okay?” he asked.
“Yeah.”
It was okay. Uncomfortably comforting, but okay.
He stared at the sky as it burst with stars.
“Sekhmet was my sister. She wasn’t always evil, though.
When we were children, I didn’t spend much time with her.
Being the first born son wasn’t easy, and there were a lot of expectations surrounding the title.
I spent time learning about the kingdom while my other siblings’ nursemaids played with them.
Sekhmet resented the attention shown to me by our father, but I hated it.
I would’ve traded places with her in a heartbeat. ”
“She was still your sister, Tage.”
“She hadn’t been my sister for a very long time. Dark magic made her a shadow of her former self, a perversion of the small girl who looked longingly toward my father for attention. She was evil. The very fact that she hurt Saul meant I would have killed her myself.”
“Why?” I whispered.
“Because he raised my son when I wasn’t able to. Because he stood in my place when I couldn’t be there. And for the simple fact that you loved Saul and she took him from you. She hurt you, and I would end her for that alone.”
Again, I was speechless.
“I love you, Porschia,” he added unnecessarily. “And I’ll spend the rest of eternity telling you that. I’ll spend even longer showing you if you’ll open up to me.”
We sat in the darkness beneath the glittering sky, Tage’s fingers lazily drawing circles on my arm, until the sun rose again. It was in those moments that I realized the night was never nearly long enough here.
The days spent in The Sand slowed to a crawl while life in the real world sped by too fast. I projected to Seth, Ford and Amy, Mercedes and Roman and their kids, and Father, on a regular basis. We’d worked out a schedule and my life was mostly full.
The emptiness Saul left behind was finally filled with knowing my loved ones were still thriving, but then things took a turn for the worse. It always did. Life was peppered with sadness. It was only the moments of happiness that made it bearable.
Father, who spent more time being confused than lucid, fell asleep one night and didn’t wake up.
Mercedes came to the clearing and screamed for me until her throat was raw and her fingers frozen.
When I opened the doorway she fell inside, clinging to me and sobbing.
We cried together until the sand cooled, the night descended, and she figured her kids might be wondering if she would ever return.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there,” I confided.
“Roman stayed the night, but he didn’t know anything was wrong until he checked on him this morning,” she said. “He wanted to be buried in the cemetery. I’m sorry you can’t come to the service.”
“It’s okay.” My heart broke, but it was okay. What good would it do if I could attend? None. It wouldn’t bring him back. It wouldn’t make it easier for our family. He was gone and he left a hole in all of our hearts.
Tage hovered the same way Saul did when I thought Tage had died. Saul loved me then. Just as Tage loves me now.
“I’m sorry, Porschia.” Three words. Three tiny, insignificant words broke my heart.
“No sorrier than I am,” I answered.
Father didn’t die from a curse or from evil. Old age had claimed his body and mind; however, his death was equally as hard to bear. Death: the great equalizer. I’d read that somewhere. Didn’t matter if you were rich or poor, old or young, good or bad. Death didn’t discriminate.
Tage pulled me into his arms and kissed my hair, resting his chin on top. “You could go to the funeral. Project there and see it. Just stay out of sight.”
I shook my head. No, I couldn’t. Someone would see, and this time Seth wasn’t here to clear it up. Seth. He didn’t know yet. Neither did Ford.
“I have to tell Ford and Seth.”
He hugged me tighter. “I can call to him and have him come here.”
I nodded. “Please.”
Within minutes, Seth opened the doorway and saw the pair of us holding on to one another. “What’s going on?”
I pulled away from Tage. “I have to tell you something.”
“Mercedes?” he asked, voice shattering. She was sick, but not dying yet.
“No, it’s your grandpa. He passed away,” I told him as I took his hand and pulled him into a hug. I could hear his shuddering breaths.
“When?” he croaked.
“Roman found him this morning. He died in his sleep.”
“At least it was peaceful,” he answered sadly.
“It was. Doesn’t make it easier, though,” Tage said, hugging Seth.
“I can tell Ford,” I said to him.
He nodded. “Project after I leave. He’ll want to hear it from you.”
When he left The Sand, I forced myself to follow him, and then swallowed the knot in my throat as I told my baby brother that our father was dead. Then I cried when I couldn’t hug him in real life.
The dark cloud that appeared after Saul died descended again, but I fought it this time. I didn’t want to drown or wallow or become that person again. I didn’t want to lose the Porschia I’d finally found. Father wouldn’t have wanted that, I reminded myself a thousand times per day.
And my inner voice was right. He wouldn’t have.
Tage was always there.
When I needed to talk, when I needed to be held, or when I needed companionable silence.
We walked, swam, and laid out under the stars just because we could.
The two of us became friends again. The tension I felt by seeing him again, knowing he’d been in The Sand all along—so close—melted away. He’d had his reasons. He wanted to give me what I’d asked for: a chance at a normal life. I had exactly that with Saul and Seth.
Fighting every fiber in his body, he put me first.
And I loved him for it.
I loved Saul. I still did.
But a part of me never stopped loving Tage.
That part was awakened and was now well aware of his proximity.
Every brush of his hand in my hair, the way he stared as if trying to figure out a riddle, the way he smiled at me.
Most of his smiles were guarded, like he was half afraid to let go, or maybe he was afraid I might disappear.
That all this was an illusion, a great mirage in this endless desert.