Twenty-Six
“Failure means a stripping away of the inessential.”
~J. K. Rowling
Nadia stood in the small office, her eyes threatening to water as a haze of cigarette smoke hung beneath the ceiling. She kept her motions loose as she shook the man’s hand, his fingers holding onto hers long enough to cross the line between polite and unnerving.
“Well, look at you.” Joey C kept his grasp on her fingers and directed her in a slow twirl. “Beautiful. Mexican?”
Nadia refused the urge to roll her eyes and forced a smile. “Hungarian.”
He nodded. “Good. Exotic.”
She pulled her fingers out of his hold and reached into her bag. “I brought my resume. I’ve been teaching dance for many years.”
He took the slip of paper and placed it on his desk with barely a glance. His gaze weighed on her front, inspecting every curve and dip. “Good. Have you ever performed?”
“Not outside of recitals, but I’ve taught every sort of dance there is.”
His gaze dropped to her five-inch pumps. “Any scars or notable birthmarks?”
The breath in her lungs expanded. “I have a few birthmarks, but nothing out of the ordinary.”
He rested his hips on the desk, folding his arms over his chest. “Okay. I’ll have to take a look.”
“O—of course.”
She turned, her gaze lowering to the outdated loveseat squeezed between a filing cabinet and mini fridge against the wall. She stepped closer to the seat and remained facing the wall as her fingers trembled to untie the belt of her dress.
Cool air bathed her front as she opened her attire. The weight of her hair hung like an insignificant shield down her back as she slid the dress off her arms.
“Nice.”
She folded the garment and placed it on the arm of the loveseat then slowly turned. Her gaze clung to the floor.
“Are you nervous?”
Her head shook as her mind screamed. If she gave her feelings too much thought, she might make herself sick. “No.”
“You have a great figure.”
Her voice shrank with every breath. “Thank you.”
“Let’s see your tits.”
Her throat tightened as her fingers fumbled the clasp.
“Need a hand?”
“I have it.” Thankfully, she managed to still her fingers enough to unhook the bra. Lace pulled away from her breasts and her chest burned under his attentive inspection.
“Beautiful.” He stepped closer, making a slow circle around her back and returning to the space in front of her. “Arms up.”
She raised her arms, her nipples puckering in the cool air and lifting. Though he didn’t touch her, there seemed to be a notable weight to his gaze as it crawled over her.
“Now, the panties, please.”
The snap of a match preceded the scent of sulfur as she bent to lower her bottoms. When her body unfolded her face was hit with a cloud of exhaled smoke. She tried not to react.
Joey C eased back against the desk, staring intently between her legs. “You’ll have to take care of that hair. The girls have a waxing station in the back. One of the others will do it for you. Have a seat.”
She glanced at the loveseat, noting stains she’d missed a minute ago. She lowered herself to the edge of the cushion and folded her hands on her knees in an attempt at privacy.
“I’ll need to see everything, Nadia. You don’t have to be nervous. I’ve seen it all—before. Pussy’s pussy. It no longer shocks me.”
She blinked, finding it impossible to move. “I thought it was just topless dancing.”
“No, we do it all here. The girls that walk the bar usually wear a skirt so when they take orders the men get a nice peek down Broadway.”
Hopefully, she wouldn’t be working the bar. She unfolded her hands and rested them on the cushion beside her hips. Turning her face away, she willed her knees to part, but couldn’t move.
“Don’t be nervous, gorgeous. You have a boyfriend?”
The pounding of her heart stilled with a bludgeoning smack. A cool sweat beaded around her hairline and on the crest of her lip. “No. No boyfriend.”
“How about we grab dinner after this?”
This. What was this? Was this what her independence should feel like? Her heart ached as she tried to hide her tension. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“The girls will give you an orientation. Just show me what you got and I can introduce—”
“This was a mistake.” Her hand fluttered to her dress and she fumbled to unfold the material and slip it over her head.
“We're not finished.”
“I’m done.” She stood on unsteady legs. “Thank you for your time.” She had to get out of that smoky office before she vomited on the stained carpet.
Pushing through the door, her ears were assaulted by male voices and music. The scent of stale alcohol and cigarette smoke choked her as her emotions spun wildly in her stomach. She raced to the exit on her tall heels, thrusting open the doors and gasping for fresh air.
“You okay, lady?”
Her gaze jerked to a strange man reaching for her and she backed away. “I’m fine.”
“You sure? Why don’t you let me buy you a drink?”
Shaking her head, she walked deeper into the parking lot, unsure where to go. A cab waited in the distance and her unbalanced legs wobbled over the broken pavement, heading in that direction.
Where would she go? How would she afford her apartment if she didn’t have a job or a studio? A hundred dollars a week at Steve’s wasn’t enough to live on. She’d made so many mistakes. Finding balance again seemed a hopeless wish.
The cab window lowered as she approached. “Can you give me a ride?”
“Hop in.”
She slid onto the worn leather and shut the door, her mind a carousel of failures, her confidence an untethered thread. She was done. It was time to admit defeat.
“Where to?”
Faces of her past mistakes flooded her memory, but there was one man who hadn’t been a mistake. He’d been the only man to treat her kindly and care about her. He’d also been the only one to break her heart.
She gave the cabbie Elliot’s address and stared out the window as he drove.
Was this what the end felt like? She needed to see him one last time, to thank him for all he’d done and say goodbye.
She couldn’t leave him worried about her and she now had a financial obligation to honor back in Hungary.
She’d pull her deposit and use it to buy a plane ticket. One way.
They’d know she didn’t have what it takes once she returned home for good.
And while they hissed their I told you so’s, she’d find a job and remember where she fit in this world.
She’d tried. No one could take that away from her.
She’d tried with all of her heart to live the American dream and run her own business, but her heart could no longer take the failures and rejection.
At least at home, she knew who she was supposed to be.
Her eyes closed as she thought about her mother and Roland. Thank God for Elliot’s help with the loan. So long as her family made the payments on time Roland would no longer be necessary in their lives. But he’d weasel his way back in eventually—that’s what weasels did.
The car pulled up to the gate outside of Elliot’s. “Do you need to be buzzed in?”
She knew the code but wasn’t sure she was welcome to use it anymore. She also didn’t want to give it to a stranger. “You can let me out here.”
Once she spoke to Elliot she’d take it from there and get a ride to wherever she needed to go. She paid the cab driver and watched as he drove away. Approaching the lockbox, she entered the code and the gate opened.
The night was cool and her arms were exposed. She’d left the club in such a rush she’d forgotten her bra. Chafing her arms she took the long driveway to the front of the house. When she reached the door, she pressed the buzzer and waited.
When no one answered, she pressed the buzzer again and stared at the security camera wondering if he watched her. “I just want to talk, Elliot. Please let me in.”
Her shoulders sagged as disappointment knifed through her. She couldn’t leave things like this with him.
“I’m coming in.” She punched in the code and the door unlocked, but the house was dark and silent. “Elliot?”
She searched each room, calling his name and flipping on lights. His car wasn’t in the garage. Returning to the foyer, she dropped onto the bottom step and removed her shoes. Where could he have gone at this time of night?
She pulled out her phone and sucked in a breath, only then seeing the multiple missed calls and voicemails from Elliot since she’d set it on silent. Her heart rattled as she drew the phone to her ear.