Chapter 12 #2
“Thank you for saying that, but I’m miserable, Ava. Lily cries all the time, and I don’t know why. I keep telling people babies cry and it’s normal because I don’t want them to see how unhappy I am that I can’t seem to make her happy.”
“She cries for Marius too, though, so it’s not just with you.
Some babies are just criers. It’s okay. Once they begin to roll over and crawl, they stop because they have so much to distract them.
Or maybe she’s just really gassy. Some babies have that problem.
None of that makes you a bad mother, though. ”
I take a deep breath and let it out slowly.
“On top of all of my problems with motherhood, I’ve had to deal with my parents making the wedding planning a nightmare.
Marius is unhappy with everything my mother suggests, and since my father is the kind of husband who simply doesn’t deal with his wife, my mother has nothing to rein her in.
I try because I agree with Marius, but we end up fighting over everything because I’m so jealous of him. ”
And there it is. The truth of the matter. I’m jealous of my husband because nothing about the way I see him act with our daughter seems unnatural or miserable. Even worse, I can’t stop how I feel, which makes me feel even more terrible.
“I’m going to come over right now. You sound like you need it. Give me fifteen minutes. The kids are all down for the night and I’m not tired yet, so I’ll come over.”
Quietly, I say, “I’m not at home. I’m at a hotel.”
“Why?”
Before I can get the words out of my mouth to answer her, the tears come again. “Because I told Marius I couldn’t stay in the house with him and Lily and that the wedding probably won’t happen because we were at my mother and father’s tonight and things went awful.”
I don’t hear what she says right after I get all of that out because I’m crying too hard.
God, my life is a damn mess! I should be happy.
I have a healthy little girl and a wonderful husband.
I don’t have to worry about money. I have everything people say they want, and yet, I’m more unhappy than I’ve ever been in my life.
“Eden, tell me what hotel. And the room number. I don’t need to be wandering around some hotel like some creep knocking on strangers’ doors.”
“Room 388 at the Marriott right near the highway. It was the one closest to the house. I wasn’t exactly planning on running away from my life, so I had to figure things out as I went along.”
That’s a hell of an answer coming from me, a woman who prides herself on having her shit together. I sound like some fool who shouldn’t be allowed to go off on her own.
“Okay. Got it! I’ll be there in fifteen. Do you need me to bring anything?” Ava asks like the true friend she is.
Without thinking, I say, “Ice cream. Anything chocolate. And poundcake. The kind in the aluminum tin like my mom always had at the house when we were kids. I don’t care how much it blows my diet. I need some serious sugar right now.”
“I’ve got some here. See, you’re not the only person having troubles lately. You’re talking to a woman who keeps ice cream and poundcake in her house.”
I know she’s trying to make me feel like I’m not a trainwreck of a mother, but Eleanor’s almost obsessive need to keep the King household stocked with goodies doesn’t make me feel any better.
“Thanks, Ava. You don’t have to do this.”
“Yes, I do. You’d do it for me, and you know it. See you in fifteen. The poundcake might be frozen, but they heat up quickly. Do you have a microwave there?”
Looking around the hotel room, I see one in an alcove near the closet. “I do.”
“Great! Warm poundcake and ice cream. It’ll be like a party. See you soon!”
She ends the call as I try to imagine how this party would ever be described. Sad mom party? No, that only refers to me. Ava’s a happy mom. Pathetic adult party? Still only applies to me.
I look down at my phone as I set it on the nightstand and see a text from Marius. Dread fills me. What if he’s messaged me to say he doesn’t want me to come home because he realizes like I do that I’m a terrible wife and even worse mom?
Even worse, what if all he has to say is goodbye?
Quickly, I tap on the screen to read his text, even as my heart clenches in my chest. Tears fill my eyes as I see the man I married on a lark in Las Vegas is still the wonderful person I fell in love with.
Duck, I don’t know what’s going on, but we’re here waiting for you when you can come back. I love you. Lily loves you. We can’t wait to be with you again.
Marius
God, I miss them. Why am I so messed up?
A knock on the door tears me from my sadness of thinking I could be home with my husband and child if I wasn’t such a wreck, so I hurry to see if it’s Ava. I look through the peephole to see her smiling face and have to admit I need her and the carbs she’s brought along.
When I open the door, she drops her bag and throws her arms around me in a hug I need as much as the junk food. This time, I cry, but it’s filled with more happiness than sadness.
“Your friendly neighborhood sugar fiend is here to make things all better,” she says before stepping back to look at me. “And I can tell you need a dose ASAP!”
I close the door and follow her to the table in the corner of the room as I mumble, “I need something. Maybe my head examined.”
Ava sets out the poundcake and the gallon of chocolate ice cream. Then she digs out an ice cream scooper, a knife, two spoons, paper plates, and napkins from her bag and places them near the goodies.