Chapter 20
ALESSIA
I spent the rest of the day hiding in my apartment. Luca and my father both did me the courtesy of leaving me alone. I called in sick at work, letting my staff know that I wouldn’t be in the rest of the week. I was too upset to handle life. I needed time to decide what my next move would be.
My emotions acted like a carousel with different horses rising up and down on poles.
I’d left Leo in a haze of despair and hurt, but by the next morning, anger had trumped all the other emotions, taking the lead.
I was furious that any semblance of control I had over my life had been taken from me, manipulated in ways I’d never even known.
So many lies.
My life had been built on them.
Midway through the morning, Maria called me. I debated not answering. I was pissed at her for being included by my father and for not telling me herself about our family, but Maria never called me, and my curiosity won out.
“Hello?” My curt greeting was lukewarm at best.
“You need to stop acting like a child.”
“Excuse me?”
“Everything Dad’s done was to keep you and Sofia safe. You find out and throw an unholy tantrum, pissed you weren’t included in the secret like it’s some game.” That was Maria, always telling it exactly as she saw it.
“I know this is no game, Maria. That’s exactly why I’m so upset. This is my life, and now I’m inextricably bound to a family of criminals without any say in the matter.”
“You could always leave.”
Her words stunned me. “Is that what you want? You want me to leave?”
“I didn’t say that—don’t put words in my mouth,” she shot back, a touch of anger in her voice. “You don’t want to be a part of this, leaving is always an option. Don’t say you don’t have a choice. If you stay, then yes, to some degree, you will always be connected, especially now that you know.”
“Why did he tell you and not us?” My question was rife with hurt, and I hated myself for showing her that vulnerability.
“You and Sof were always too good for the life. Dad wanted to give you two the chance to be free of the family.”
“And you?”
“I was a different story. Surely you remember what a terror I was as a kid. Dad knew I would get myself into trouble if he didn’t guide me and give me an outlet for all my raging emotions. Hell, I broke Billie Tomlinson’s nose when I was only ten—I wasn’t like you two. Never was, never will be.”
My heart hurt for her. Why had she been so tormented as a kid? Could I have done something differently to help? She had been the closest in age to Marco, and her discipline problems had started around the time of his death. I could only assume she had taken his loss harder than the rest of us.
“I wasn’t trying to throw a tantrum,” I attempted to explain. “You have to try to understand that my life was just turned upside down. Everything I thought I knew was wrong, and now, I’m struggling to sort it all out.”
“I get it. You’ve led a charmed life, though, and you need to understand there are all sorts of ugly out there.
Just because you grew up thinking life was sunshine and rainbows, doesn’t mean it is.
You may think we’re monsters, but we are far from the worst things out there.
It’s time for you to accept that life has its darker side. ”
“So, I’ve heard. I’m surprised you’re even talking to me about this over the phone. Aren’t you worried about wiretaps or crap like that?”
She choked on a laugh. “It’s not like the movies—don’t let your imagination run away from you.
We’re very cautious—we only use iPhones because they’re encrypted, and not even the feds can get in.
We don’t have regular meetings, and the bosses are rarely ever seen at all.
Business is often done online and always very discreetly. ”
“The movies are the only thing I have to go by. This is all new to me.”
“To some extent, everything can stay exactly as its been. You don’t have to be involved. I know you’re hurt and upset, but it’s not the end of the world.”
She wasn’t entirely wrong. What I’d learned felt life-altering, but it didn’t necessarily have to be. “Alright,” I conceded. “I’ll try to calm down, but I’m still not happy about this.”
“I know, but if it’s any consolation, I’m glad you know now, and I don’t want you to leave.”
“Thanks, Maria,” I could barely get the words out over the lump that formed in my throat. Those had been the nicest words she’d ever spoken to me. Maybe our relationship might be the one silver lining to this whole nasty mess.
We said goodbye, and I went back to moping but feeling far less alone than I had minutes before. I laid down on the couch to lose myself in some mindless television, and the next thing I knew, I was woken by a knock at my door.
Shaking off the confusion of sleep, I rubbed my eyes and stumbled to the door. A glance through the peephole told me Luca had decided my time away was over and had come to talk.
“Go away, I don’t want to see you,” I called through the door.
“I’m not leaving until we talk. You can open the door, or I can break it down.” His deep voice resonated through the thick wood and twisted my insides.
I opened the door a crack, tears of frustration pricking at my eyes. “Please, stop. I don’t want to do this right now.”
Seeing him unruffled was unexpected. His normally perfectly styled hair shot up in all directions. His suit had been abandoned for a wrinkled t-shirt and jeans, and if I didn’t know better, I’d say he had bags under his eyes. Why was he so upset? I was just a means to an end for him.
“I was right, wasn’t I? I was right about your dad.”
My momentary sympathy was dashed away. His mention of my father reminded me of my dad’s warning about Luca using me. Like a metal garage door slamming down into place, I erected a wall between us.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. You need to leave.” I started to close the door, but he shot his foot out just in time.
Pushing with all his weight, he thrust the door open and forced his way inside. “Don’t play that fucking game with me. I’ve been nothing but honest with you—telling the truth when no one else in your own family offered you the same courtesy. The least you can do is talk to me.”
“Telling me the truth? Does that include using me for information about my family? All you ever wanted was to get close to my father, so don’t pretend to be some white knight,” I shot back at him.
He ran a hand through his ruffled hair, eyes darting around in frustration. “That was it at first, but then it became more.”
I huffed out a bitter laugh. “And why should I believe you now?”
“Because not one thing I’ve said has been a lie. Yes, I sought you out to get information, but my interest in you has been real. Why else do you think I’m here?”
“To hurt my family?”
“No, I’m trying to save your family. Telling you about your father put my life at risk—why would I do that if I didn’t care about you? You deserve to know the truth, and you need to know because you’re in danger.”
I wrapped my arms around my middle protectively, unsure where this was going. “What are you talking about?”
“For months, tensions have been rising because your family has been double-crossing the other families. Three weeks ago, a made man was killed the day after he met with your father. It was unsanctioned by the Commission, which is comprised of the heads of each of the New York families, along with the families of the Chicago Outfit. Used to be every family in the country had a seat on the Commission, but the feds hit organized crime so hard in the eighties and nineties, the Commission shrunk. Anyway, an unauthorized killing of a made man in our world gives the right to blood for blood—it keeps order among the families. You don’t kill a made man or his family because you or someone you love can be killed as payback.
This man was killed on the orders of someone in your family, the Luccianos.
Your father is the boss. Therefore, if he gave the order, his family would be vulnerable to retribution—not just his mafia family, his blood family.
That means you, Alessia. You and your sisters or your mother could be a target. ”
“I thought the mafia didn’t go after women and children?”
“Normally, we don’t, but the guy who was killed was the Gallo family Consigliere’s son. The Gallos have a number of men who are fresh from Sicily—they’re called Zips—their code far more stringent than ours. They want blood, and they want one of the boss’s children to make up for their loss.”
“Are you in the Gallo family?”
“I’m a part of the Russo outfit.”
“So, how does any of this involve you?”
“The Commission had reason to believe your father, the boss, wasn’t behind the Lucciano actions. They chose me to infiltrate the Lucciano outfit and find out what was going on. I have somewhat of a portfolio of investigative work, making me ideal for these kinds of operations.”
“If you weren’t sure who the boss was, how did you know to target me?”
“Some investigative work and a little luck. I followed Sal to Triton one day, and I knew your dad had met with the Gallo man before his death. It was too big of a coincidence—if your father wasn’t the boss, he was at least someone high up.
I spent a couple days studying who went in and out of Triton and decided to see if you could get me the info I needed.
” His lips pulled up in a smirk. “I decided mixing business with pleasure would make the job less cumbersome.”
He picked me because he’d wanted me. “You didn’t know I was Enzo’s daughter?”
He slowly shook his head. “Just got lucky.” His eyes heated, and my heart skipped a beat.
“Not until you told me about your Uncle Sal did the pieces fall into place. You’re in danger, Alessia.
The things that have gone on have made the other families bloodthirsty.
If we aren’t careful, we’ll have an all-out war on our hands. ”
“I don’t understand. I just talked to Maria earlier, and she said it’s not like that anymore.”
“Most of the time it’s not, but trouble’s brewing. I can’t guarantee what will happen. I’ve turned over the information I uncovered to the Commission—they call the shots, not me.” He stepped closer, making a move to reach for me, but I pulled away.
“No, Luca,” I insisted firmly, holding up my hand. “I’m not ready, and I don’t know that I’ll ever be. None of this is what I wanted for myself. I’m still trying to figure out how I feel and where to go from here.”
His jaw twitched and flexed as he mulled over my words. “I won’t push you for now, but you better not block my number, and you will answer if I text or call. Those are my conditions—take it or leave it.”
“And if I don’t agree?” I asked with a touch of sass.
“I could always kidnap you and keep you at my place. I know you’ll be safe there.” His eyes danced with challenge, begging me to try him.
“Fine,” I said insolently.
Before I could argue, he yanked me to him and placed a warm kiss on my forehead.
“I know you’re pissed, and this is a lot to take in, so I’m giving you some space.
Don’t mistake that for me walking away. This thing between us—it’s not over.
” With those parting words, he let himself out and disappeared down the hall.
I locked the door, then leaned back against it, wondering at the twists and turns of life.
One minute, life is black and white, and the next thing you know, there are only shades of grey.
Sometimes, that change occurs slowly—the death of one stage in your life setting in like an insidious virus.
Other times, change comes about dizzyingly quick like the sudden drop of a guillotine—blinding and altering reality until life is unrecognizable.
At least when change is a slow progression, the memories of where you started are grainy and distorted, your new reality the only clear picture remaining. When change is sudden and violent, it creates an open wound that is a glaring reminder of how things were, the images still fresh in your mind.
The other problem with sudden change is there’s no undoing it.
Once it’s done, there’s no going back.
I couldn’t undo the knowledge my father was a criminal any more than I could rid the stars from the sky.
Not just the knowledge of what he did, but his actions themselves.
The fact that he was a mobster would never change.
I could pack up and leave, but they would still be my family, and my dad would still be a criminal.
Not just my dad—nearly my entire family.
The most upsetting part about starting a new life would be the searing pain of losing Luca.
His relentless campaign had worn me down, and not even the fact he had used me for information could douse my desire for him.
I didn’t think there was one defining moment when he’d stolen my heart, but piece-by-piece, with each stolen kiss and whispered caress, the criminal had absconded with a part of my soul.
I had known from the beginning he would leave me in shreds, but there’d been no stopping it.
He’d battered my defenses like the blowing desert winds softening the edges of sandstone towers—my own pieces swept off in his punishing winds until there was no telling where one of us began, and the other ended.
Making the decision to leave my family would be hard enough, but adding Luca into the mix was gut-wrenching.
If I rejected my family’s way of life, he would be lost to me, and that hurt more than any of the lies I’d been forced to swallow.
If I chose to accept him, and therefore, my family, my life would be forever lies.