Chapter 15
Upon reaching the car, Steph had a smile on her face, which made me optimistic that she was in a forgiving mood.
“Hey, babe. You look happy.” I squeezed her hand as I sat in the driver’s seat.
Steph shrugged but just stared at her phone.
“Have you picked a place to eat?”
“I’m in the mood for sushi.” She didn’t look at me as she responded. Sushi was one of my least favorite foods, so it seemed deliberate.
I had hoped her prior concern might have lessened her anger, but I was wrong. I didn’t want to make any waves, so I agreed.
“Sushi is good with me. Have you decided what you want to do afterward? I’ll take you anywhere.”
But she tapped away on her phone as if she were writing a novel. Eventually, she turned to face me. “I don’t think I’m up for much.” She sighed.
I was getting frustrated because I honestly wasn’t sure how to make things better. Relationships took work, but she seemed to be thwarting my efforts, and I was helpless. The only thing I could do was allow her to make the choices and see where it went.
“If you don’t want to do anything, we don’t have to. I’ll let you decide. I want you to be happy, babe.”
Her eyes softened, and she set her phone on her lap. “Thank you, but I’m not very good company right now. I have a lot on my mind.”
“That’s okay. Why don’t we talk about it? We could always grab the food and return to the house where there won’t be any distractions.”
She smiled, but it didn’t seem to reach her eyes. “That sounds good. Why don’t we grab some Italian and go home?”
Now, she was choosing my favorite food? Maybe she realized my genuineness, and she was ready to make nice. But I wasn’t going to be selfish. I had a lot to make up for. Not just the incident, but I realized I hadn’t put in enough effort before. I’d never had to think outside of myself, so this didn’t come naturally to me, but after our lunch date, I had to make a change, or I would end up like my parents—in a relationship of convenience.
“We aren’t getting Italian. You want sushi, and I want you to have it. We can eat while curled on the couch, talk, watch TV, or whatever. I want to spend time with you, and I don’t care what we do as long as we’re together.”
Her only response was to pick up her phone and talk to someone else. I glanced at her, and she didn’t take her eyes off what she was doing. She giggled, and annoyance bubbled at the surface because she wasn’t involved in our conversation at all.
“Do you want to share what’s so funny?”
She cleared her throat. “Nothing. Sushi is fine. And hanging out at home works with my schedule.”
Her schedule? Was she making other plans? Did she have some other place she wanted to be?
I had to shake off my negative feelings, or I was bound to start an entirely different fight. “All right. Food, then home it is.”
We grabbed a few California rolls, some shrimp tempura rolls, and sashimi before going back to our place. I was trying to give her what she wanted, and hoped she would put an end to this hot-and-cold game she seemed to be playing.
After placing the food on the coffee table, I snuggled onto the couch. Steph eventually joined me, carrying the bottle of wine from last night. She poured each of us a glass, then set them next to our plates. She finally sat down on the far end of the couch and immediately grabbed her phone, letting her fingers dance across the screen.
Everything about this day was off, and it seemed like a lost cause. I wasn’t the type to give up on things, but it also shouldn’t be this hard to apologize to someone you loved and who supposedly loved you.
“Babe, if you have someone else you’d rather talk to, please don’t let me keep you.” I was afraid that I came off passive-aggressive, but I didn’t want to be with someone who didn’t want to be with me.
She set her phone face down on the table and glanced in my direction. She cocked her head to the side like a questioning pit bull. “Does it bother you that I’m talking to someone else?” Her tone was sharp, and it felt like she wanted a reaction from me.
“No. I’m not bothered by it. But we don’t have to do this right now if youre busy. I’ve been trying to make up with you, but it feels like you’re not open to that. I understand if you need time to cool off or be alone. I don’t want to push you, but I hope you realize I’m truly sorry.”
“Look, I said I wasn’t mad before, but I was wrong. The more I think about it, the more upset I am. You saying you were drawn to this other person made me believe you weren’t attracted to me anymore.”
That wasn’t true at all. I thought she was as beautiful as the day I’d met her. But I didn’t want to cut her off.
“Not to mention how complacent you are in this relationship. Before a couple of nights ago, were you even aware of how long it had been since we had sex? It was three weeks, Blake. Three weeks, you didn’t even touch me, except to sometimes give me a kiss goodnight.” She exhaled deeply, but I was pretty sure she wasn’t finished and instead was picking up steam.
“Yeah, you’re making an effort now, but how long will that last? I need attention and to be desired, but I’m not sure you can give me those things. Our situation is difficult right now because I’m between jobs, and you’re working so much, but things have to change, or I’ll find someone else to give me what I want. We’ve been together for a while now, but I think it’s time to discuss where we see this going.” She concluded her discourse, and I realized the hurt was deep.
“Babe.” I reached for her hand, but she shook me off. “I’m so sorry I’ve made mistakes. I never meant I was ‘drawn’ to someone else. It was like I was being pulled by something.” That wasn’t entirely true, but maybe I could trick my brain into believing it.
“You’re gorgeous, and I’m not sure where this doubt comes from, but I want to make things right. I’ve been absent recently because I had to be. Not because I wanted to be. And I know you’re also struggling because you lost your dream job. But we don’t need to start throwing out ultimatums, or whatever it is you’re insinuating.” The last thing I wanted was to be a pawn in a game.
“I’ll be here for you—always. And I want to know if I’m not giving you what you need. But if you can’t talk to me and instead want to make me jealous, that’s not okay with me. Besides, I don’t get jealous.”
Her eyes turned to slits, at my last sentence, but it was the truth. I had to fight my entire life not to be like my parents, and that included how I handled my issues head-on instead of making it a battle over power.
“Blake, do you even love me? Do you see us being together for the long haul? Or did you ask me to move in with you because my lease was up?”
It was true. We turned into something serious by accident, but I would do anything to make it work once I was in it. However, since this was my first time in a committed relationship, I wasn’t doing the best job, but that didn’t mean I didn’t love her.
“If you have to ask if I love you, then I must not be doing something right.” I hung my head because I never wanted her to question my intentions.
“You haven’t done anything special for me in a long time. And you might not realize this, but I have options. Other people hit on me all the time.”
I was certain that was true, but she said it like a threat, which only added fuel to my fire.
“Like right before we left your office, that guy Greg came out and was chatting me up.” Her words were like a slap to the face, and I wasn’t sure which was worse, how I made her feel, or that she believed Greg would treat her better.
“Are you interested in him?” If that was the case, there was nothing I could do. I wouldn’t go to war for someone’s attention. That wasn’t who I was, and I already began pulling away from her.
“No, Blake. I’m not interested in him. I’m just saying I have other choices, and he seems very willing to shower me with attention. He’s been texting me all afternoon, which is more than you’d even think of doing during the day. I don’t want to be your fallback. I want to be your number one.”
The words were out of my mouth before I fully processed them. “Steph, we need some time apart.” My head wasn’t in a good place, but seeing Steph right now made me physically ill.
“Wait, Blake.” She held my arm to keep me from getting up. “I don’t want you to leave, but I’m tired of feeling like you’re with me out of comfort instead of desire. I wanted you to see I was worth fighting for.”
“Steph, I don’t do games. I want open and honest communication. And I’m truly sorry if being comfortable and happy with you were bad things. When we talked at the café on Monday, I thought we’d gotten back on the same page, but it appears we both need to figure some stuff out before we have this conversation.” I stood up, and this time she let me.
“I need some fresh air. We can discuss things later.” I grabbed my shoes and started toward the door. I wasn’t sure where I was going, but I wouldn’t stay here with her any longer.
Me: Ty, I need you. Can you meet me at The Wine Bar?
Ty: Sure. When?
Me: NOW! I typed in all caps so he would understand the severity.
Ty: OMW
I was already sitting at the bar when Ty grabbed the stool beside me.
“Babe. What’s going on? Shouldn’t you be with Steph?”
I shook my head as I waved the bartender over and asked for a Corona Fog. It was a beer and tequila kind of night.
He sighed, pushing the drink away. “I haven’t seen you like this before. Tell me what happened in the two hours since you left?”
I reached for the drink, but he slapped my hand away. “Your tastebuds will thank me later. Now spill it.”
I wanted to be mad at him for telling me what to do, but he was right. That drink was nasty, but I was in a self-loathing place right now.
“She wants to fuck Greg.”
Ty began coughing incessantly. I hoped he wasn’t choking because I wasn’t in a place to give him the Heimlich. Eventually, he composed himself and cleared his throat.
“I’m sorry, what? Greg who? Your nemesis?”
“The one and only.”
“Has she seen him? Talked to him? How? Why?” He gagged, and those were my sentiments, too.
“They met outside while you and I were talking about my episode. And according to her, I wasn’t showing her I cared enough. They exchanged numbers, and in a few hours, he gave her something she needed—attention. They’ve been texting continuously since I left work.”
“That’s bullshit! She can’t seriously believe that. She was probably trying to get under your skin.”
“It doesn’t matter because I’m done. I can’t be with someone who plays these games with me. Especially after all this time together.”
“Girl, it’s obvious you’re upset. But you should cool off before making any decisions. I’m not saying what she did was right, but you said it yourself. You’ve been with her a long time. Maybe let’s take this afternoon to drink some good stuff and not this horse piss.” He waved toward the undrunk Corona Fog before ordering two glasses of Chartogne.
At thirty dollars a glass, I’d be picking up the tab tonight. Oh well. I needed alcohol therapy. When we got our fancy champagne glasses, we cheersed.
“Thanks for coming, Ty. I do need to take a breather before saying something I don’t mean. I honestly want to hang out with you and forget about this drama.”
“Good! Because guess what? I looked in the library right after you left, and I have the perfect idea of how you can figure out who your mystery dream girl is.”
I took a sip of my drink but stared at him expectantly.
“Hypnosis.” He leaned back in his stool and waved his hand in a there-you-have-it way like he’d solved all the world’s problems.
I repeatedly blinked, waiting for his actual response, but when he didn’t continue, I said, “Have you lost your ever-loving mind? I’m not getting hypnotized. What would I even ask them to do? Can you help me find this stranger in my dream? I don’t know anything about her except she has tattoos, which don’t ask me what they are because I haven’t seen them in detail, and she has short, messy brown hair. In fact, I’m not even sure she’s a real person, but if you could conjure her up in my mind, that’d be tits and gravy, thanks!”
“Okay, snarky ass. I thought the hypnotist might help open your mind so you could explore the hidden parts. You might have met this person, but your subconscious has blocked it. Under hypnosis, you’re more susceptible to let your inner wall down and discover what is hiding.”He sounded confident about his idea, but I wasn’t buying what he was selling.
“Yeah, that sounds absurd. I’m rational so there has to be a reasonable explanation for what’s happening. I want to figure it out, but I don’t need someone controlling my thoughts and actions to do it.”
“Blake, don’t be so stubborn. How about this? You let me take you to a reputable hypnotherapist and see what happens. If it doesn’t work, you’re only out an hour of your time and probably a couple hundred bucks—not the end of the world. But if it does work, you might find this time-sucking mistress.” He drank the rest of his champagne and pushed his glass away as if signifying that was his finale.
I gulped down my drink and ordered another round. If I was going to agree to this sham, I needed to be plied with lots and lots of booze.