Chapter Twenty-Six
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Finn
The harsh sound of the buzzer outside Gem’s flat rang in my ears as I bounced on the spot, wishing the past twenty-four hours had never happened. I knew I’d reacted poorly, and I also knew that was the understatement of the century, but I was an adult, and that meant I had to own up to my mistakes.
“Hello?” Gem’s voice, thick with static, sounded from the intercom.
“Hey, it’s me. It’s Finn. Can we talk?” I crossed all my fingers inside the pockets of my coat. Gem said nothing, but another buzzer sounded, and the door to the building unlocked. I took that as a good sign.
When I reached his front door, Gem was waiting for me. His face was set in a hard expression, and another wave of regret washed over me. I knew I shouldn’t have said what I said, but all I could do was hope I’d be able to undo everything. And if Gem didn’t forgive me, then that was something I’d have to live with. It would hurt every day for the rest of my life to know I’d thrown away the best thing in my life out of fear, but that wasn’t an excuse. Even if I wanted it to be one.
“Hey,” I said again, taking one hand out of my pocket and giving him an awkward wave. “Thanks for opening the door.”
“It’s fine. Do you want to come in?” He stepped back and ushered me into his flat. As I stepped through the door, memories of all the previous times I’d been there flooded my brain—from the very first time I’d come back here after a gaming session to the time we’d ended up in the shower. They all made me realise just how precious Gem was to me and how close I was to losing the man I cared for more than anything else. “Go on,” Gem said, waving me towards the living room. “Don’t stand on ceremony.”
I toed off my ratty old trainers and shuffled down the little corridor into the sitting room, perching myself on the end of the sofa. As soon as Gem appeared, I blurted out, “I’m sorry.” Gem raised an eyebrow and sat down at the other end, crossing his legs and looking at me with a clear indication to continue. I twisted my hands together in my lap, trying to remember the mental script I’d written and rehearsed on the drive. “I’m sorry for everything I said the other day. I was an asshole and incredibly rude to you, and I’m sorry.”
“I didn’t mean to corner you,” Gem said. “And I wasn’t trying to catch you out.”
“I know.” I sighed and bounced my knee. “I panicked and just stopped thinking. It’s not an excuse, but it’s what happened. I just… I never expected anyone to find out about it, and when you said you knew I was so afraid that would be the end of everything. I think I stopped really listening after that. I just kept thinking about how it was going to end, and I was going to lose you, and then when that didn’t happen, my brain decided it needed to happen anyway. That it was easier to cut my losses and run rather than risk everything. I know that’s stupid.”
“No, it’s not.” Gem gave me a small smile, and a weak ray of relief appeared among the stormy sky of my fear. “I was worried about telling you. I kinda thought something like this might happen. But I wish you would have listened to me.”
“I wish I had too,” I said. Then I stretched my hand out across the sofa, waiting to see if he’d take it. Gem’s fingers slipped into mine, warm and calloused, and I’d never felt a greater sense of relief. I knew we were going to be okay, even if we had a little way to go. “So… you, er, you follow me?”
“Yeah, I’ve been subscribing for, like, a year now?” There was a red tint at his hairline, and he suddenly seemed very interested in a spot on the wall behind my head. I chuckled. “I found a clip on PornHub, and your profile said you had a subscription site, so that was that really.”
“I want to ask you about your favourite piece, but I think that might lead to us getting sidetracked,” I said. There were a lot of other questions I wanted to ask and things I needed to say before we got to the making up part. I squeezed Gem’s hand. “Are you sure you’re okay with me running Fantasy and Filth? I know you said you were, but I need you to tell me again, and I need you to be honest with me. If you’re not, then that’s fine. We can work around that, but I don’t want you to say you are and then get jealous or upset. I don’t want whatever we are to be ruined by bad communication… at least, not again.”
Gem chuckled. “I’m sure. I promise. Cross my heart and hope to die.” He drew his hand across his chest. “I think it’s really fucking sexy, and if you enjoy it, I want you to keep doing it. At the end of the day, nobody else knows it’s you—”
“Except, er, for Chantelle… she was the one who encouraged me to do it,” I said. “And some of my siblings… They came to check on me yesterday, and it sort of came out because they’re all too bloody nosy to leave things alone and accept plot holes.”
Gem stared at me, and for a moment, I wondered if that was too much. My family had never had much of a sense of boundaries, but I often forgot that not everyone else’s family worked like that. Then Gem shook his head and grinned. “Okay then, well, none of your subscribers know who you are, and at the end of the day, I’m the one that gets to keep you. Plus, I’d be more than happy to inspire new scenarios… I’m very helpful like that.” He leant across the sofa, and I mirrored him, our lips meeting in the middle. It was a kiss filled with sweetness and certainty. The sort that made everything a little better than it had been before.
“By the way,” Gem continued. “I have to say that I’m not surprised about Chantelle knowing. I doubt the two of you have many secrets.”
“No, we don’t. But I will say that I was very drunk when I first mentioned the idea to her, so we can totally blame drunk Finn for that. He doesn’t really have a filter.”
“I’ll remember that for the future,” Gem said. “I’m not surprised about your siblings either. They’re an interesting bunch.”
“They are, but I love them. They were all for grabbing torches and pitchforks and forming some sort of angry mob until I told them it was my fault we’d… Anyway, they’re overprotective, but generally, their hearts are in the right place.”
“They’ve always seemed that way.”
“Is that why you messaged Lewis?” I asked, sliding slightly farther across the sofa.
“Yeah.” Gem nodded. “I figured you’d want some space from me, but I didn’t want you to… I don’t know… blame yourself. I figured he’d be a good person to check on you. I didn’t realise I’d be calling the whole cavalry.”
“It’s like a terrible summoning ritual,” I said. “Or a bad deal in Tesco. Message one, get two or three extra for free.”
Gem laughed, the sound beautiful and freeing. “I’ll remember that.”
There was a moment of silence, but it wasn’t a weighty one filled with pressure and expectation. More one of peace.
“So, you’re absolutely sure you don’t mind me continuing with Fantasy and Filth?” I asked finally. “I know I’ve asked already, but I just need to make sure.”
“I am. I want you to keep doing it for as long as you want. I’d be a complete bastard if I stopped you doing something you loved because I had a problem with it, and given that I love it, it would be a dick move to say I did. You’ve always supported me in everything I’ve done, so it’s my turn to return the favour, which means I won’t be cancelling my subscription either.” Gem slid across the sofa until he was pressed right against me. “And if that ever changes, then I’ll talk to you. I promise.”
“Okay,” I said, nodding my head. Happiness radiated from my chest because never in my wildest dreams had I imagined things turning out so well.
“Good.” He grinned at me. “Now I’ve got a question for you. What do you want this to be? I’m guessing since you’re here, my declaration of love didn’t totally put you off?”
“No. It didn’t. Although I’ve never been called a bloody idiot in that way before. It wasn’t quite the romantic moment I expected.”
Gem threw back his head and laughed. “I’m sorry. Next time I’ll include flowers or something.”
“I don’t want flowers,” I said, reaching down to cup his jaw and bring him closer to me. “I just want you. I love you, Gem, and I have for a very long time. I never thought you’d want someone like me, but here you are. And I know I’ll never love anyone the way I love you.”
“I love you too.” He kissed me softly, and when he went to pull away, I drew him in closer, pulling him onto my lap so we could make out lazily. My hands reached around him so I could squeeze his ass, and Gem chuckled. “Do you want to go into my room?”
“No,” I said. “I want to stay here for a bit, just doing this.”
“Okay. We can do that.” His mouth met mine again, and I lost myself in our kisses. I’d never felt so relaxed and content.
“Can I ask you another question?” Gem asked several minutes later when we came up for air.
“Of course.”
“What gave you the idea to start your blog? I know you’ve vaguely talked about it during Q&As, but I’m being nosy.”
“You listen to the Q&As?” I grinned.
“I listen to everything.”
That statement caught me off guard, even though it shouldn’t have. Gem had already said he was a fan, but knowing he’d listened to all that work made me feel both pleased and vulnerable, probably because I’d never expected to meet any of my fans walking around in reality. “Well, er, let’s see… It was a couple of years ago, and I was having a bad day. I was stressed and lonely and just feeling… Anyway, I thought it would be a brilliant idea to start drinking, and I have a ridiculously low tolerance, so about three-quarters of the way through a bottle of red wine, I decided I wanted to jerk off, and I ended up lying on my bed trying to find something that interested me when I stumbled across this guy’s audio channel. The production values weren’t great, and the audio quality was patchy, but it was… sexy. Very sexy. And this quiet voice in my brain suggested that I could do that too, only better.”
“I like this quiet voice,” Gem said. “He has good ideas.”
“You can thank that voice for us too.” I rubbed my hand over Gem’s thigh. “It was the reason I suggested we first hook up.”
Gem grinned and leant down to kiss me. “He has very good ideas, then.”
I hummed. “Sometimes. Anyway, to cut a long, boring story short, I thought it would be a brilliant idea to send the channel to Chantelle, who agreed with the quiet voice. And I tried to deny it and pretend I hadn’t said anything, but the idea wouldn’t go away. So I ended up recording a couple to upload as a test. And that was that really.”
“I’m glad you did,” Gem said. “You’ve made me very happy over the past year. The way you just…” He let out a little moan and bit his lip. “You get me off every single time without fail.”
I smirked as the little possessive symbiote in my chest purred happily. I always loved hearing from my fans, but this was truly special. “Every time?”
“Without. Fail.” He ran his hand up my chest and slid his hips forward until I could feel the press of his erection through his jeans. He tilted his head until his lips were pressed against my ear. “I don’t have just one favourite either. I have a list. But if I had to pick one… it would be the distraction one. Where you’re working and I need you.” He moaned again, starting to grind against me. I put one hand on his hip, holding him in place. It was fun watching him get so riled up, and after everything I’d done, Gem deserved a little fun. That still didn’t mean he was in charge though. He was mine, and I was going to show him that.
“The one where you’re a desperate, slutty boy for me?” I asked. Gem groaned. I reached my other hand around and slapped his ass, not hard enough to hurt, more of a gentle reminder. “Answer me properly. And look at me when you do.”
Gem sat up and nodded, but he didn’t stop grinding against me. “Yes. That one… It’s, mmm… It’s so fucking hot. The way you make me suck your cock and take it all the way down my throat until I’m gagging. Telling me how, fuck, how good I am for you. And then… then working me open and fucking me… shit, making me jerk off and come for you so I can make you feel good. I want to make you feel good, Finn. I want to be good for you.”
“Oh, baby,” I said, unable to resist the desperation in his voice. “You’re always so good for me.” I leant up and kissed him, nipping his lip and claiming his mouth with my tongue. “Do you want to be good for me now?”
“Yes!” Gem groaned. “Please.”
“Then get on your knees and suck my cock.”