Chapter Twenty-One
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Oscar
The emotion that rushed over me as I looked at Ilias should have scared me in its intensity.
It was a swirling vortex of warmth and want and a deep connection I’d never experienced. I wanted to let go and give into it, to let the feelings pull me under and overwhelm me, but there was a glint of apprehension in Ilias’s eyes that made me hesitate. Was this too much for him? Did he not feel the way I did?
Or was there something else? Something related to Daniele and everything that had happened between them.
I knew Ilias had said it had happened ten years ago, but I also knew scars like that never truly healed. It was evident from our conversations in Hawaii that Ilias was still dealing with the remnants of his emotions, even if he thought he’d processed them.
But now wasn’t the time or place to ask him about it.
I wasn’t going to bring up something like that in front of my family, and we weren’t able to escape outside because Richard and Ruby had strolled over to introduce themselves.
Then, as soon as they’d finished, the dining room door opened, and some black-clad members of staff appeared bearing trays.
“Let’s sit here,” I said, indicating some seats near the end of the table. That way Ilias and I wouldn’t be hemmed in on all sides and spend the entire meal fending off questions.
I knew Ilias could hold his own, but I didn’t want him to feel like he was being interrogated. I knew none of my family had malicious intentions; they were just nosy as fuck.
It was like giving something shiny to a flock of magpies and then expecting them not to want to play with it.
Plus, I didn’t want to detract from my mum’s birthday by making this all about me. Which, in hindsight, I’d already done by bringing my new boyfriend without any sort of warning. I’d really fucked that one up.
“You okay?” Ilias asked in a low voice as he slid into a seat next to Tristan. “You seem a little distracted.”
“Yeah, just thinking that I might have fucked up a little by not giving everyone some warning. Feels kinda like a dick move to just surprise people with a new relationship. Not that I don’t want you here. I don’t regret bringing you. I should probably have just given everyone a heads-up.”
“You’re fine,” said Finn, who was sitting on my other side at the end of the table. He gave me an encouraging smile. “Hindsight is a wonderful thing, and it’s never easy to introduce a new relationship, especially to a family like ours.”
Across the table, Jules nodded. “Yeah, we get it. It’s… difficult.”
Finn’s eyebrow twitched, and I looked at him, then at Jules, who was focusing on her beer. I was pretty sure I was missing something there. Something Finn clearly knew and thought Jules should share.
The answer was obvious, and I was surprised it had taken me that long to figure it out.
“Jules,” I said, “have you got a girlfriend?”
Her eyes widened for a second, suggesting I’d hit the nail on the head. “Er… maybe? We’re working some stuff out.” She licked her lips and tapped her finger on the table, which had always been Jules’s nervous tell. “It’s complicated because she’s got a daughter, who I fucking adore by the way. That’s not the issue. It’s just, y’know, distance and work and things get more difficult when there’s another person to think about. Especially when they’re small.”
“I get that,” Ilias said from beside me. “Sorry. I hope you don’t mind me listening. I don’t have kids, but I have a ton of niblings, and I live with my brother, his wife, and their four boys, so I get to see the good, the bad, and the really fucking ugly sides of parenting.”
“Nah, go ahead.” Jules gestured. “This is my problem. I know fuck all about kids.”
“I’ve found that the best thing to do, especially if they’re older than four or five and are more like small people, is to just treat them like that. Like, sure, you need boundaries and rules and a fuck ton of patience because they’re kids, but if you don’t talk to them like they’re babies and don’t dismiss them, then you’ll be off to a good start,” Ilias said. “You’re not trying to be another parent, so stick to what her mum has established, but get to know her as a person, and you’ll do fine. And if you’re not sure where to start, just find something she’s interested in and take it from there.”
“Thanks,” Jules said, giving him a smile. “I’ll give it a try.”
“No worries. And you’ll probably learn loads of random shit. My nephew Teddy loves sharks, like, to an almost obsessive level. And as a result, I’ve learnt more about sharks in the past six months than I have in my entire life.” Ilias chuckled. “I can even tell you all the names of the sharks at the London Aquarium since I’ve virtually lived there every weekend since I first took him.”
“My nephew is the same,” Gem said. He sat opposite Finn, next to Jules. “He’s just turned eight, and he’s a pretty cool person. Right now, he loves all things ice hockey because my brother-in-law took him to see a game in Edinburgh last November. Last I heard, he was trying to teach himself to rollerblade in the hopes it’d teach him how to skate. My sister said she’d had to move everything breakable out of the downstairs because he kept crashing into things.”
Ilias and Jules laughed, and the conversation moved on to something else as the starters were served. We’d all chosen our food from a limited menu Lewis had sent around a couple of weeks ago.
I saw him checking something on his phone as the staff slid plates carefully onto the table, and I assumed he’d made a list in case anyone had forgotten what they’d ordered.
The food was utterly delicious, but what made the meal so memorable was watching the way Ilias had slid so easily into my family. He talked about his niblings and his job, and he asked Gem about his new game store and Finn about his narrating. He got into a long discussion with Tristan about the ins and outs of medieval castles and historical architecture, which slightly stunned me because it didn’t seem like something Ilias would be interested in until I remembered the way he’d talked about exploring various cities and finding the parts where the ancient intersected with the new.
It made me appreciate just how amazing Ilias was. Heat flared in my chest, and the previous swirl of emotions picked up again.
It was probably too soon to tell Ilias how I was feeling, especially if he still had things to work through. But I didn’t want to lose him either. It was a balancing act—a tightrope for me to walk between going too hard and not telling Ilias anything.
And I’d never had much luck with tightropes.
After lunch, we headed back to Mum and Miranda’s house for a couple of hours for a cup of tea and a piece of cake. Ilias and I didn’t have to be at our next hotel until tomorrow at lunchtime, so we had a rare afternoon off.
Which was mostly because I’d asked Marcus and Vanessa ever so sweetly to make it so. I spent enough time away as it was. I didn’t want to literally just come for lunch and rush off again.
We’d needed a place to crash for the night, and Lewis and Jason had offered to let us stay with them in Lincoln since they were the only ones who’d known about our relationship.
Mum had seemed pleased when I said I was sticking around for the rest of the afternoon, and I sat on the sofa next to Ilias with Mum on another sofa opposite us while Miranda made tea in the kitchen. The house seemed quiet without the usual chaos of my siblings running around, and I wondered whether my mums relished the peace and quiet or resented it.
“I’m sorry I didn’t get to talk to you much at lunch,” Mum said. She’d swapped her low heels for a pair of old, fluffy slippers as soon as we’d come in, and the contrast between them and her smart, navy dress made me smile. “You were all the way down at the opposite end, and I kept getting snared in conversation.”
“That’s what happens when you’re the birthday girl. You’re the centre of attention.”
I grinned and Mum rolled her eyes fondly. “Well, I’m glad it’s over with. And I’m glad Lewis didn’t make a fuss. I was half expecting some enormous surprise party.”
“Lewis knows you’d hate that,” I said. “You said small, so he went small.”
“He’s a good boy,” Miranda said, sweeping in holding a tray of mugs, her many bangles jangling. “And it was nice of him to bring Jason too.”
“We’re getting quite the full house,” Mum said as she accepted a floral mug. “Next time, we’ll have to make Jules bring her girlfriend. You’d like her.”
“Is that Chantelle? Finn’s friend?”
“Yes. Did Jules finally admit it, then? I haven’t pushed her, but it’s clear something is going on.”
“Sort of. Under duress,” I said with a wry chuckle. “She’s nervous because of Chantelle’s daughter. I think Finn said her name was Kelsey?”
“Her heart’s in the right place,” said Ilias. His fingers were resting against my thigh, solid and comfortable. The perfect point of connection. “And relationships aren’t straightforward most of the time. Everyone has… baggage.”
“Yeah, they do.” I reached down and placed my hand over his, squeezing it gently. “I guess they’ll just have to talk it out.”
“They will,” Miranda said softly, offering me a mug patterned with sunflowers. “It’s a good thing she’s thinking it through though. You never want to force unstable situations on children. Not if you can help it.” She gave me a gentle smile, and I nodded.
Miranda and I had always had an odd relationship, not mean or strained but distant. I think it was because I hadn’t wanted her when I was a child, and she’d never forced a relationship upon me.
It had been hard at times, watching Finn and Jules accept her as their other parent because they couldn’t remember anything else, but I’d never kicked up a stink, and I loved them too much to cause a fuss because then they might get hurt, and even as a kid, I’d never wanted that.
Even if I’d wished they remembered our dad.
But Finn had been too little, and Jules’s memories of him were fragments at best. Mum and Miranda had never stopped me from talking about Dad, and they’d kept photos of him on the mantelpiece and shared their memories of him, but it had never quite filled the ache in my heart.
Hearing Finn and Jules call Miranda “Mum” had always stung until I’d realised it didn’t take away from my dad. It was just what made sense to them. And I couldn’t hold a ghost over their head because I wanted things to be different.
Miranda had never treated us differently, and she’d always loved us in the same way she loved Richard, Eli, and Lewis. The same way my mum loved her children. Miranda made my mum happy, and that was all I wanted because I couldn’t stand the idea of my mum being miserable and alone.
By the time I’d arrived at that place of grudging acceptance and understanding, I hadn’t known how to reach out, and Miranda had never pushed. I was grateful for it, but sometimes I wished things were different. I just didn’t know how to change it.
Maybe one day, when this trip was over, I’d come back and sit down with her, and we could talk things out. Ilias had said open communication was the basis of all healthy relationships, and perhaps it was time for me to truly put my past to rest.
I didn’t think I’d ever get to a place where I’d call Miranda “Mum”, but perhaps we could be better friends. I thought I’d like that.
“So, Ilias,” Mum said, clearly sensing it was time for a topic change. “Oscar says you’re a wonderful photographer, and he sent us some of your photos from Hawaii. How did you get started with that? Also, I have to ask, but do tell me if I’m being too pushy, if you’re ever up this way, would you consider coming into my school and talking to our photography club? I know they’d love to talk to you. They’re a bright bunch.”
“Mum’s a school librarian,” I said. “And when she finally retires, the whole school is going to cry.”
“Of course!” Ilias said with a bright smile. “That sounds fun. Just give me some dates, and I’ll see when I’m free.”
“Wonderful,” Mum said, beaming at him. She took a sip of her tea. “So tell us about you.”