Chapter 5
Five
EILIDH
Eighteen months ago
D espite my well-known sassy attitude, I had never fought with a director or producer or writer before in my life. I was a professional hired to do a job, and while I’d had careful discussions about script and direction if I wasn’t entirely happy with something, I’d never had an out-and-out barney with a director before.
The movie we were filming in Romania was a sci-fi romance. My costar was an up-and-coming actor, and I was grateful he was down-to-earth, easy to work with, and utterly devoted to his childhood sweetheart, so there was no weird sexual tension between us beyond the chemistry we brought to the screen.
That made being in Romania away from all my friends and family a wee bit easier. Especially because I was merely going through the motions of the movie. I’d realized over the last few that I’d begun rewriting parts of the scripts my manager sent me, and this movie was one of them. No one knew, but I’d started writing my own pilot script to pass the time when we weren’t filming. It was based on my family, on the Adair family and my uncle Lachlan’s members-only estate. I’d planned to write multiple episodes for a TV show.
I didn’t know if it was any good.
If I was talented enough.
But it felt better than the drivel they had me doing and spouting on this bloody film.
The truth was I was already on edge being “alone” in a Romanian forest for three months. I was missing Callie’s pregnancy and her and my brother falling back in love (or at least admitting they’d never actually fallen out of love). Lewis had bought a house, and I was the only one who hadn’t seen it yet! Moreover, Lewis had told me Morwenna confessed she felt neglected by both of us. That made me feel like utter crap, so I was trying to connect more with my wee sister but she wasn’t making it easy. I needed to be in her physical presence. And this stupid film contract was standing in my way.
Fyfe was my saving grace. Our daily texts and biweekly calls kept me sane.
When my father called to tell me Callie’s cottage had been broken into, I cracked. I had to get home. I had to check in on my brother and Callie.
My director said no.
When I threatened to walk away from the film entirely if he didn’t let me leave, he’d bellowed at me, so I’d yelled back, and Liz, the producer, had to step between us. She was calm, collected, and amazing. Somehow she managed to convince my arse of a director to do without me for the weekend. Look, I wasn’t stupid. I knew delays equaled money. But sometimes people were more important than a budget.
We got straight on the phone to Uncle Lachlan and he gave us permission to land a chartered plane on the private airfield on his estate.
I’d deal with the tension between me and the director when I returned. I was only in Scotland for two nights, and I was like a kid at Christmas as the plane landed, desperate to deboard.
Uncle Lachlan greeted me as soon as I bounded off the plane. After hugs and reassurances, he gave me the keys to one of the vehicles in his estate fleet and sent me on my way to the village. I’d called Mum and she’d told me I could find Lewis at the Gloaming. I needed to reassure myself he was all right. I knew he had to be sick with worry over Callie. It made sense to pop into the pub first since it was on the route home. When Mum mentioned he was meeting Fyfe, I experienced a mass fluttering of butterflies in my stomach.
I couldn’t wait to see him. We’d been chatting every day for months either via text or call, but this would be the first time I’d seen Fyfe in person in a few years.
Pulling the SUV into an empty spot outside the Gloaming, I jumped out and locked it, anticipation fizzing through me. So many emotions. Plus exhaustion. I was a jittery mess as I hurried into the pub, not making eye contact with anyone in the hopes of getting to Lewis and Fyfe without interruption.
Striding into the restaurant, I sidestepped a waiter and caught sight of my big brother at a booth table with Fyfe.
They were in profile, and Fyfe … Fyfe was beautiful.
I mean, I already knew that. But in real life, he was bigger than I remembered. He was now a tae kwon do instructor and the physicality of that showed in his body.
The expensive blue shirt he wore stretched across his broad shoulders and he’d turned the sleeves up to reveal thick, veiny forearms. He gestured with his large manly hands as he chatted with my brother.
Fyfe Moray had grown from a wiry, slightly nerdy but unbelievably cute teenager into a man . His brown hair swept back off his forehead in thick waves. A short beard made him look older. Older than twenty-five. Closer to thirty.
It worked for him.
He was so handsome, he took my breath away, and that was only in profile.
My attention reluctantly moved to Lewis. If Fyfe looked like a sexy businessman with a casual edge, my big brother looked like a biker. Long hair in a man bun, his beard thicker than Fyfe’s. Tattooed. Jeans that had seen better days. Biker boots. Chunky silver rings adorning his fingers. Impossibly, Lewis was taller and broader than Fyfe but not by much.
Homesickness swept over me.
I missed my brother.
As I approached the table, their conversation drifted to my ears, and I almost faltered when I realized I was the subject.
“Eilidh is getting cynical in her old age,” Lewis replied to something Fyfe had said. “And since when do you talk to Eils?”
Fyfe’s gaze dropped to his menu. “She reached out after that video call. We text now and then.”
Now and then?
Try every bloody day.
Something about his blasé demeanor bothered me.
“All above board, aye?” The warning in Lewis’s voice made my pulse leap as I drew closer to their table. They hadn’t even noticed me.
“For fuck’s sake, Lew, what kind of question is that? It’s Eilidh. I wouldn’t touch her if she was the last woman on earth.”
Fyfe’s words might as well have been bullets for the way they ripped through me.
I was at their table now, though. They were seconds from noticing me.
And I didn’t want Fyfe to look up and see the truth.
That I was in love with him and he’d just devastated me.
Good thing I was a damn good actor.
I crossed my arms over my chest, making sure the internal wound he’d inflicted had no chance to bleed outwardly. “Good to know.”
My brother’s and Fyfe’s heads whipped around in surprise. Fyfe blanched as he realized I’d overheard everything.
My smirk was firmly in place, but I couldn’t quite keep the bite out of my tone as I continued, “And for the record, I’d rather have a love affair with my right hand than repopulate the world with you, Fyfe Moray.”
Remorse flickered in his dark eyes and he parted his lips to speak, but Lewis beat him to it.
My brother slid out of the booth and yanked me into his arms.
I squeezed my eyes closed, gripping onto his strong back as I melted into him.
Home.
“What are you doing here?” Lewis huffed out in delight.
“Weekend off. Thought I’d fly home to make sure you and Callie are okay.”
My brother gently eased out of my embrace. “You came all the way from Romania for a weekend?”
“I was worried, and my production team is great.” No need to burden him with the truth. “They chartered a private flight for me in the early hours of the morning. Uncle Lachlan let us use the airfield on the estate. Are you okay?”
“Weirdly wonderful and fucked at the same time.”
Seeing the happiness in his eyes (a joy I’d worried Lewis would never find again after he and Callie broke up), I chuckled, delighted for him. I adamantly avoided looking at Fyfe because I was afraid if I did, I’d lose hold on containing my hurt. “I’ll bet. Mum knew I was coming and told me you’d be here, so I thought I’d stop in before I go home. I didn’t mean to interrupt.”
“Join us.” Lewis gestured to the booth.
The thought of sharing a meal with Fyfe after what I’d overheard filled me with panic. “No, I should check in with Mum, Dad, and Mor.”
“Are you sure?” Fyfe asked, and I could hear the plea in his tone, even though I didn’t look at him. “You’re more than welcome to stay.”
My gaze flickered in his direction but deliberately glanced past his eyes. “Nah, I’m good.” And I wasn’t here for him, I reminded myself. What I thought was between us was not what was between us. I’d built up a fantasy in my head, and it was time for a reality check.
Anyway, I was home for my family, not a man. I moved up onto my tiptoes to press a kiss to Lewis’s cheek. “I’ll stop by tonight so I can see the new house in person and check on Callie. That okay?”
“Of course.”
“See you then.” I turned on my heel and strode out of the restaurant, aware that people had noticed me, and tourists had their phones out. Ignoring the sound of camera shutters as they took photos of me, I rushed from the pub and jumped back into the SUV.
“It’s Eilidh. I wouldn’t touch her if she was the last woman on earth.”
Fyfe’s words echoed in my head, over and over, like an earworm as I drove out of Ardnoch to Caelmore. To my family home.
What were the last few months between us, then?
To Lewis, he made it seem like our friendship was merely the odd text here and there.
Did that mean he was ashamed of it? Why would he hide it from my brother? I hadn’t told Lewis, but that was because I’d been avoiding meaningful conversations with my family until I figured out what it was that needed to change in my life.
But Fyfe … obviously our daily conversations didn’t mean to him what they meant to me. In fact, maybe I’d imagined the close friendship I thought had grown between us. I’d imagined that beneath the surface, it was more than friendship.
As soon as I pulled into the driveway of my childhood home, my mum came flying out the door. I rushed from the SUV and straight into her arms.
Tears clogged my throat when we embraced as if we hadn’t seen each other in years.
“It’s so good to have you home, sweetheart,” she whispered, not hiding her tears. Mum never hid a single emotion.
I always knew, despite her not being my birth mother, that she loved me as if I were her own.
And I knew then, with sudden, jarring clarity, that I wanted to come home.
For good.
Even with Fyfe’s ugly confession ringing in my ears.
I wanted to come home.
Only … I didn’t know how to make it happen without admitting I’d failed.
An hour had passed. I’d forced a hug on my wee sister Morwenna who clearly resented my sudden desire to be more involved in her life. Dad was at work, so I knew I’d see him when he returned. Tired, I decided to take a nap. Morwenna was in what used to be my room, so I settled into my parents’ smaller guest room, a room that used to be Mor’s.
Callie and Lewis were crashing in the guest annex while damage to the cottage was being repaired after the break-in. Lewis had no furniture in his new place yet, so they couldn’t stay there. I happily took the guest room in the main house. And not just because Callie and Lewis needed the privacy of the annex more than me. I’d never told anyone, but I hated the place. I’d hated it ever since Mum’s ex-friend tied us up and left us in there when we were kids.
I was so young. I didn’t remember much from that age, but I remembered every second of that terrifying night. It was before Regan was technically our mother. She was still our nanny at the time. What we didn’t know, but I’d learned later as a teen, was that Mum was running from an old friend who was in love with her. She had no idea how obsessed he’d become until he showed up in Ardnoch and broke into the house.
Mum and Dad weren’t home. Our aunt Eredine was babysitting. It’s funny how so many of those early childhood years were a vague mashup of feeling rather than memory, but there were some moments I remembered as if they’d happened yesterday. The moment that strange man appeared and knocked out Aunt Ery, only to manhandle me and Lewis into the annex to tie us up, was vivid. I could still hear Lewis screaming my name as he tried to fight the man off. Could hear my brother’s terror for me and his little boy rage that he couldn’t protect me.
I could still smell that man’s aftershave. To this day, anytime I caught a whiff of the familiar designer cologne, I felt nauseated. It sounds awful, but I was relieved he’d been killed. He’d attacked Mum and in defending herself, he went flying over a cliff into the North Sea.
That year was traumatic. But kids are resilient. We were resilient. And we got Mum out of it.
Still.
I hated that bloody annex.
I was settling onto the guest bed for a power nap when my phone vibrated on the nightstand.
Reaching out, I swiped the screen, and a burning pang lit across my breast.
Are we okay?
Fyfe’s text glared at me.
I didn’t answer.
Instead, I put the phone down and grabbed the remote for the blackout blinds. As soon as the room plunged into darkness, I closed my eyes.
The tears leaked free.
Yet somehow, out of sheer exhaustion, I drifted to sleep.
When I woke, I had a missed call from Fyfe.
Sighing, I groggily texted back.
Why wouldn’t we be okay?
He replied immediately.
What I said to Lew came off harsher than I meant.
Hurt pierced me.
But he had meant it.
It’s all good. You and I can take a roast.
Aye, good. Glad you’re back. Hopefully see you tomorrow at Lew’s.
Yup. Anyway, gonna go spend some time with the fam. Talk later.
See you tomorrow.
I threw my phone down on the bed, abandoning it, so I could give my family the full attention they deserved. Everyone was downstairs and I realized I’d slept longer than I meant to. Dad swept me up into a bear-crushing hug that caused a painful lump of emotion to burn in my throat. It didn’t help he cupped my face in his hands and searched it like he knew there was something terribly wrong. I grinned cockily for him, trying to dissuade the concern I saw in his eyes. Shrugging on my best acting skills, I hugged Callie next, joking about her as yet nonexistent pregnant belly, and gave my family the version of me they were used to.
The version that didn’t have a care in the world.
They bought it.
Or at least they pretended to buy it.
Because any time someone tried to push me to be honest with them, I disappeared.
And I knew them so well. I knew they were scared I was going to disappear for good if they pushed too hard.
Hating myself for making the people I loved feel that way, I cloaked myself in the part I played, with the promise to figure out my bloody life. And soon. Before I missed any more of what was truly important.