Chapter 22
Twenty-Two
FYFE
M y house smelled like a home for the first time since I’d bought it.
It smelled of baby—powder, food, and quite often, poop.
This morning it also still held the lingering scent of the sauce Lewis had made to accompany our pasta dinner last night. He and Callie, despite their busy and exhausting lives, took time to make dinner for me and Millie again. It seemed it might turn into a regular thing, and I couldn’t say I didn’t like the idea. Although Harley was a good nine months older than Millie, they still babbled together. I could already see them growing up as close as sisters.
My friends made the thought of single fatherhood a less terrifying prospect.
Yes, I was relieved as fuck Millie was mine.
However, that didn’t mean I’d miraculously shed all my fears. Lewis said if I wasn’t scared, then there was a problem. “All new parents have a healthy amount of terror simmering in their system,” he promised. “But we’re just so fucking exhausted, we get through it.”
I’d laughed at that because it was true.
Last night was the first night Millie didn’t teethe, but she still woke me up three times.
As I clipped my daughter (still so surreal) into the car seat, I talked away to her about where we were going and what the day held. She interrupted me with a few baby words. Today was the first day Eilidh wasn’t here, and I wondered if Millie missed her.
Driving into Ardnoch, I kept talking to Millie because it distracted me from the rage I’d been feeling since yesterday afternoon.
We found Pamela. She was working in Newcastle at a small solicitors’ firm. I’d called her office and they patched me through. Our conversation flashed through my mind and my hands tightened on the steering wheel.
“How did you find me?” Her soft voice was harsher than I’d ever heard it. “Leave me alone.”
“If you hang up on me, I will bring the wrath of the law down on you and as a solicitor, you know after what you did, I have it in my power to ruin you. So listen up.”
I heard her heavy breathing and continued, “The DNA test came back, proving I am Millie’s father.”
“You thought you weren’t?” She had the audacity to sound pissed off.
“A mother who abandons her child outside in the open isn’t someone I particularly trust,” I snapped. “Now, my solicitor is going to serve you with a document that states you give up all parental rights to Millie. If that’s what you want, you sign it. If it’s not what you want, we’ll need to discuss that further because I need to know you’re in the right mental state to look aft?—”
“I don’t want it.”
Stunned silent, it took me a minute to choke out, “It?”
“I don’t want it. It was a mistake. You should keep it.”
“It?” I repeated through clenched teeth. “Do you mean her? Our daughter?”
“Don’t,” Pamela whispered on a sob. “Please … I can’t.”
Concern pierced my fury. “Maybe you should talk to someone, Pamela? Before you make any big decisions.”
“I don’t want it. Send me the document. I’ll sign what you want.”
“One, call Millie ‘it’ again and we’ll have a problem. Two, Pamela … you don’t sound all right. I think you should talk to someone before you make this decision. Please.”
“Not every woman wants to be a mother. I just didn’t realize that until … until she came along. I’m not built that way, Fyfe. And I don’t … I don’t want to hurt … her .” Her sniffling filled the line.
Seething, I replied quietly, “If you sign over your rights now, that’s it. If you abandon her now, I won’t let you near her in the future if you change your mind. And if you take me to court for custody, I will produce this document and the footage of you abandoning your daughter on my doorstep where she sat in the cold for twenty minutes on her own. That’s the man I am. So think carefully that this is what you want … because if you change your mind later, I will fight with everything I have to keep my daughter from you.”
“I won’t want her in the future.”
Hurt and pain and indignation on Millie’s behalf moved through me in a shudder. It took me a second to squeeze the words out around the feelings. “She’ll have a beautiful life without you. I’ll make sure of it.”
“I know you will.”
“I need her birth certificate.”
“I … I left it behind.”
Shaking my head, I exhaled slowly. “Fine. I’ll apply for a new certificate. Please tell me I’m on there as the father?”
“You are. Her … her legal name on the certificate is Millicent Moray.”
She gave her my surname. I assumed then Pamela knew there was no chance anyone else could have been the father.
“I, uh, I named her after my granny. She was the only person who … well, it seemed right to name her for my granny.”
I heard what she didn’t say. And if she’d given Millie a name that meant something to her … “Pamela, we don’t have to decide this right now,” I repeated. “Why don’t you take time to think about it?”
“No! I’m not going to change my mind. I’ll sign the document as soon as I receive it.”
Fine.
“You’ll have it by end of day.” I hung up. I’d say the woman I’d just spoken to didn’t resemble the woman I’d had an affair with, but the sad truth was, I didn’t know anything about Pamela before this. It really had just been sex between us.
Pulling myself out of the memory of yesterday’s conversation, I turned off Castle Street, heading toward the doctors’ office. “I was thinking we could surprise Auntie Eilidh?—”
“Ae!” Millie interrupted me.
“—after we visit the doctor. Maybe stop in to see Auntie Callie at the bakery and get something delicious to thank Auntie Eilidh?—”
“Ae!”
I stared at my daughter in the rearview mirror.
“Eilidh,” I repeated.
Millie smiled big and beaming, showing off her incoming two front teeth top and bottom. “Ae!”
Was she trying to say Eilidh?
“Eilidh.”
“Ae!”
Chuckling to myself, I pulled into the car park at the doctors’ office. I couldn’t wait to tell Eils about it. This morning my solicitor faxed over the signed document from Pamela. It didn’t fill me with the relief I’d hoped for. Instead, though I could tell Pamela was going through something, I still felt furious with her for so easily giving up her child. Moreover, the document held no true meaning under the law in Scotland. A parent couldn’t just give up parental rights and responsibilities. It was up to the courts to decide that. So, if one day Pamela did change her mind, I would have to fight to keep Millie.
I tried not to let that thought scare the shit out of me.
After the phone call with Pamela, I’d gone home to find Eilidh with Millie. I’d told Eils everything. She’d wisely advised I take one day at a time. Then she’d said something so profound, it rocked me.
“None of this can be about you or Pamela. This is about Millie. Even if Pamela was to show up tomorrow or next month or in ten years, you can’t let the fear of that stop you from loving Millie with everything inside you. You’re her father. It’s your job to make sure that her life is the best it can be, even knowing one day your heart might break from loving her.”
With Eilidh’s words of wisdom settled deep inside, that’s what I intended to do.
It took me a minute to transfer Millie from her car seat to the baby carrier looped around my shoulders. Once I had her warm weight nestled against me, I locked the car.
“You ready for your first doc appointment, wee yin?” I asked as we strode across the car park.
We’d discovered Millie loved the baby carrier. She stared up at me, wide-eyed, a hilarious smirk curling one side of her mouth.
“I’ll take that as a yes.” I pressed a kiss to her forehead and looked up to find the worst person imaginable exiting the doctors’ surgery.
Aisla Rankin.
Mrs. Rankin was widowed and a judgmental busybody masquerading as leader of the morality police. When Callie fell pregnant, Aisla Rankin tried to muddy Callie’s reputation. The Adairs wouldn’t stand for it and Mrs. Rankin found herself persona non grata with the most powerful family in the Scottish Highlands. Stupid auld cow. She deserved it after the rumors she’d spread about Callie.
Unfortunately, she was the worst person I could run into on my first outing with Millie in the village. News of my small companion would be all over Ardnoch by the end of the morning.
Wonderful.
“Fyfe Moray.” Mrs. Rankin peered at Millie as she passed us. “What do you have there then?”
“None of your business,” I replied calmly, snorting when I heard her huff of indignation behind me.
Millie giggled as if she were in on it.
“That’s your first encounter with the town gossip, wee yin,” I told her softly as I entered the building. “You are to avoid her from now until eternity so she doesn’t fill your head with her internalized misogyny and toxic Victorian values.”
My daughter blew a bubble at me.
“One day you’ll agree.” I patted her wee bottom and walked into reception.
There were four people in the room, most familiar faces from the village. I gave them a nod and watched them greet me, their curious gazes on Millie.
“I have an appointment for Millicent Moray,” I told the receptionist.
She gaped at me and then Millie. “Oh. Of course, Mr. Moray. Please take a seat.”
And so it began.
Even if Aisla didn’t do the work, the people at the doctors’ office would. Everyone would know by the end of the day that Fyfe Moray was now a single dad.
As soon as I sat down, Millie got antsy.
“It’s all right. Won’t be long.”
Her face crumpled in indignation.
“Fine.” I stood and began pacing. Her wee smile returned.
Brilliant. She wasn’t even a year old, and she already knew how to get her own way.
Ten minutes later, a man I didn’t recognize strode into the reception. He wore a shirt, trousers, and tie and had a lanyard around his neck. He looked around my age, maybe just a tad older. When his gaze landed on me, I could have sworn it hardened. “Fyfe and Millicent Moray?”
“Aye, that’s us.” I crossed the distance between us. “Doctor …?”
“Dr. Phillips.”
“Are you new in town?”
He gaped at me as if I’d surprised him. “Well … yes.” Shaking his head, he turned around. “This way.”
Mildly bemused by the strange welcome, I patted Millie’s bottom again and followed him. “Let’s follow the doctor, wee yin.”
Inside his office, Dr. Phillips was brisk and efficient, checking over Millie.
“Her previous doctor’s surgery said they’d email you her medical records,” I told him. Pamela had provided all that information to my solicitor.
“Yes, we got them. Nothing untoward there. And Millicent seems in perfect health.”
I was a little disconcerted by how unemotional he was with Millie, considering she was cute as fuck and it was physically impossible not to smile at her. Maybe he just wasn’t a baby person. I never thought I was until Harley came along. “We call her Millie.”
“Eilidh tells me you have full custody of Millie now.” Dr. Phillips handed my daughter back to me.
I frowned. “Eilidh?”
The doctor narrowed his eyes. “You do know that we’re seeing each other? Me and Eilidh. She’s my girlfriend. She didn’t tell you?”
What the actual fuck?
Blood rushed in my ears as a sickening roiling sensation moved through me at his revelation.
“You and Eilidh Adair?” I felt the need to confirm.
The bastard smiled smugly. “For weeks now. We’re getting quite serious.”
A jagged sharpness blazed from my heart.
Jealousy.
It was an ugly fucking emotion.
“Is that right?” I looked away because I was afraid he’d recognize my sudden need to punch his lights out. Instead, I focused on putting Millie back into the baby carrier. “Funny. If you’re so serious, why has she never mentioned you?” I felt the words bubbling up before I could stop them as I lifted my chin to meet his gaze in challenge. “She clearly mentioned me and Millie to you.”
Dr. Phillips narrowed his eyes. “Well, Eilidh’s a kind person who is happy to help out a man she considers a brother.”
That’s when I knew.
He had no idea Eilidh had admitted to being in love with me.
My gut twisted.
She’d told me she loved me not that long ago and now she was dating this prick? Make that make sense.
“Are we done here?” I stood, and Millie made grumbling noises that suggested if we weren’t, she certainly was.
“We’re done. You can make an appointment with the receptionist for Millicent’s next set of immunizations.” He turned away to tap information into Millie’s records.
I clenched my teeth, the sudden image of this fucker kissing and touching Eilidh filling my mind and then my chest with a pain I couldn’t stand. Possessiveness thrummed through every beat of my heart as I strode to the door and opened it. I blamed it for the devil that rode me as I glanced back at the doctor who watched me with a look in his eyes I did not fucking like. “Just so you know … Eilidh’s never thought of me as a brother. And I definitely don’t think of her as a sister.”
I walked out before he could respond.
Millie chatted to me in her baby voice.
“It’s okay, wee yin. Dad’s just having a life-changing, ground-shaking epiphany.”
“Ae!”
Her hopeful little expression fueled me. “Aye, wee yin. Exactly.”