Chapter 32
The sound of the doorbell echoes through the house, causing my stomach to sink. My nerves have been at an all-time high since Kai dropped me off after talking to Kevin. They both had to go to work. Kai said he would come by after work so we could finally do this.
I’ve been dreading it all day; knots of anxiety tighten in my chest with each passing moment.
No matter what I do, my body refuses to relax, and the weight of anticipation bears down on me like a heavy burden.
I’ve tried to distract myself by keeping busy to ease my stress.
I know it’s not good for the baby, but the unease still lingers.
“Blakely!” my mom yells.
Oh, God.
I can’t breathe.
This feels worse than finding out I was pregnant.
I steady my balance as I grasp the railing and head downstairs. My mind is racing with endless thoughts of what she will say.
Kai is wearing nice black pants and a button-down shirt. He must have gone home and showered before coming here.
Tiny little patters of feet run toward the front door. “It’s you again,” Bryn says.
Kai smiles and nods his head.
“What’s going on?” my mom questions. “You know you’re still grounded.”
Tears burn behind my eyes. If only he were here to ask for me to hang out.
“Bryn, can you go upstairs, please?” I ask as I avoid eye contact with my mom.
“Uh-oh. Are you in trouble again?”
“No. I want to talk to Mom and Kai for a minute.”
She looks between us three before walking upstairs with her doll in hand.
I grab Kai’s hand. Both of us are standing in the doorway. The energy of this house dropped lower than it had before. It’s like a dark cloud is swirling around us. I didn’t think I could feel lower than I’ve had these past couple of months. But here I am, feeling lower than low.
My mom crosses her arms over her chest and raises her brows, waiting for one of us to speak.
I swallow the lump in my throat. “We have something we have to tell you.”
“Blakely. I know you two like each other a lot. But you’re not ungrounded and having him come over will not make me unground you any faster.”
Fuck.
I'm praying my mom doesn’t have a heart attack if this is what she thinks he’s here for.
“That’s not it.” I pause.
Say it, Blakely.
Ripe off the Band-Aid.
Tell her.
I tear burns through my eyes and slides down my cheek. “I’m pregnant.” My heart sinks as I stare into her eyes. She stills.
“What the fuck!” she yells and turns away from us as her entire body shakes. She turns back around with both eyes red and watery. With a trembling hand, she points toward me. “What the hell has gotten into you? This is not how I raised you. Is it him?”
“Don’t blame him,” I say in a choppy voice, trying not to cry.
“Then what? Because before you met him you were not sneaking out, drinking, or having sex.”
“Mrs. Leigh, I’m going to do everything in my power to raise this family of ours,” Kai says.
She snorts. “You two think you’re so grown. You’re still in high school.” She backs up onto the couch. “Oh, my God. I can’t do this,” she says, holding her hands to her chest.
My face and neck are wet from all the tears I’m unable to contain. The pain in my mom’s eyes is one I’ve never seen before. Even when she and my dad split. I’m this big of a disappointment.
“How are you guys going to do this? You have nothing to your name!”
“Kai has a job. He works after school. We bought a car and—”
“You two bought a car? With what money?” she asks, cutting me off.
“Kai’s.”
“Do you realize how much goes into raising a family? You need more than a damn car.”
“Life isn’t about material things.” I swallow hard.
She tilts her head toward us. “I know it isn’t. But you at least need the basic materials to survive. The basic materials that will help raise a healthy baby.” She sits down on the couch, her head hangs low in her hands. “Why do you think I split from your father?” she asks, looking back up at me.
“Because of his drinking.”
“Yes. And because he wasn’t a good example for you guys.
I didn’t want you to follow his footsteps.
I did everything in my power to try and get him to understand that, but he chose his alcohol over his family.
So I let him go. Not only that but his alcoholism stopped him from being the husband and father he was in the early days.
I struggled so much with him. He made it harder to raise you and Bryn.
I let him go, not only for me, but for you guys, too.
It was one of the hardest things I had to do.
And the hard part did not stop me from letting him go.
I struggled for years to make ends meet.
I hid all of that from you guys. I woke up exhausted every single day, but I kept going because I had to.
Do you understand that, Blakely? Do you understand how hard it is going to be?
Not only to keep your relationship going but to keep yourself going so you can raise a baby. ”
“Yes,” I whisper.
“I don’t think you do. You’ve had a pretty good life because I put up with the struggle so you guys wouldn't have to. That’s what a parent does for their kids.”
“I just want to be with Kai and our family,” I plead.
She looks at me and wipes her tears. “I know you do. But you’re both so young.
You don’t know what you’re getting yourselves into.
I made it clear that I won’t be raising another kid.
I struggled so hard with the two of you.
I can’t do it again. And I won’t. I love you Blakely, but I just can’t,” she says, her tone more resolved now.
It’s the tone I heard when she finally had it with my dad.
And now, she’s finally had it with me.