Chapter 41
The intensity of each contraction surges through my body. I cling to the hospital bed with one hand, and with the other, I squeeze Kai’s hand in my own.
“Why the fuck did we do this?” I scream between breaths I can barely catch.
My knuckles are white. Beads of sweat form on my forehead, and Kai wipes them away with his free hand.
“You’re doing good, beautiful,” Kai says while squeezing my hand and rubbing his other down my cheek, probably trying to get rid of the sweat rolling down my warm cheeks.
I grit my teeth with each contraction. The room buzzes around me while the doctor and nurses do their jobs.
“One more push,” my doctor says.
I push with everything I have left—which honestly isn’t much.
Then, in a moment that felt like it would never end, my daughter’s high-pitched cries fill the room.
The doctor positions my daughter on my stomach while the nurses clean her off.
She’s in my arms. She is finally in my arms. My daughter.
A tiny, fragile little baby. Time seems to stand still as I gaze at the tiny baby on my stomach.
Overwhelmed with love, my tears pour out.
I run my finger down her tiny cheek, taking in every detail.
It wasn’t until just now, when I saw her, that I realized how much love I’m capable of.
I never knew that such a tiny, precious soul would change so much for me in such a short time.
“I love you,” Kai whispers into my ear.
“I love you, too,” I say, choking back tears.
“I can’t believe she’s here. She’s so beautiful. Just like her mother.”
“She is the most beautiful baby I have ever seen.”
I can’t help but think of my mom. She was always the one that comforted me growing up. Memories of us playing and laughing come flooding back to me, and a pang of sadness constricts my chest.
I wish she were here.
I wish I was sharing this moment with her.
And Brynlee would be so thrilled to have a baby in the family. She always asked my mom for a baby sister. Someone she was closer in age to play with. She would play house with her dolls and act as if she were their sister. Since we’re ten years apart, it was hard for us to have the same interests.
I look between my daughter and Kai. I want us to be the ones she runs to when she needs something. It gives me hope that we’ll be able to grow up together and learn from each other’s mistakes.
Kai looks at her with pure love in his eyes. There is so much love surrounding her, and I couldn’t ask for a better little family. I look down at my daughter. She gives me hope that everything will be okay. Everything will work out.
Amari Rose Madden
“Forever,” I whisper.
“And ever,” Kai says.