Chapter 26
CHAPTER 26
SUNAINA
I didn’t know that a person could have such a personality transplant in just three weeks’ time.
Sure, I knew Viren was exhausted because of the nightmares. But it was more than just that. Because he wasn’t taking it out on Daya Bua, Sufi or Aisha. This special treatment was reserved only for me.
“We show our best and worst sides to the person we love the most, beta,” said Daya Bua, trying to make me feel better. “Please be patient with him. I promise you he will behave much better once the adoption comes through.”
“I don’t believe that, Bua,” I said cynically. “Viren is showing me that he doesn’t need me anymore.”
Even though I tried to fight it every single day, my stepmother’s words had stayed with me. They had taken root inside my brain. Every time Viren rebuffed my efforts to help him, every time he pulled away from my touch, I heard her voice in my head telling me I was unloveable. That Viren was just using me to make the adoption go smoother.
At some level, I knew he wasn’t like that. I knew he was the soul of generosity. But then he went and did or said something so rude to me that I’d be convinced he hated me.
“Don’t give up on him, Sue,” urged Sufi.
“He’s given up on me, Sufi,” I retorted.
“So hold on even tighter. He needs you the most when he’s pushing you away the hardest, even if he’s not ready to admit it. Not even to himself.”
“But why is he pushing me away at all?”
“Because he’s falling in love with you, beta,” said Daya Bua. “And if there is anything that terrifies Viren, it is love.”
“No, Daima. He’s not afraid of love. He’s afraid of losing the people he loves,” corrected Sufi. “And that’s to be expected in the circumstances.”
“That hasn’t stopped him from loving you guys and Aisha,” I said wistfully. “But when it comes to me, he’s fighting it with all his might as if I’m a chudail trying to steal his soul.”
“Did he tell you what these nightmares are about?” asked Daya Bua.
“No, Bua. He just clams up when I ask.”
“Trust me, beta. Things will change for the better after tomorrow,” she said.
The home visit went very smoothly, with the social worker talking to all of us. Laxmi Aunty did do some drama about how Aisha missed her Ajit Maama and his daughters, but our brave Aisha soon put a stop to that.
“That’s not true, Naani,” she said firmly. “I don’t miss them at all. Ajit Maama’s daughters are very mean to me. I want to live here, with my Chachu and Aunty Sue, and Daima and Sufi, because I love them the most in the world.”
You could see the social worker melting at her words, and she gave Viren and me a very approving glance. I pressed his hand gently and was relieved when he wound his fingers tightly through mine.
“You will be informed of the decision soon,” she said before she took her leave.
As soon as she left, the atmosphere in the house became lighter as we all breathed a collective sigh of relief. The worst was behind us, and we could get on with our lives now. I focused all my efforts on helping Viren deal with his nightmares.
He didn’t want to discuss them, and that was fine. I found other ways to distract him when his eyes took on that faraway look, and I felt him withdrawing to another dimension mentally. He was trying to cut me out, and I refused to allow it.
I realised I could jolt him out of that state and bring him back to me by simply kissing him or touching him. Of course, it usually led to frenzied, desperate lovemaking, but I called that a silver lining. When he was pounding into me desperately, I would silently tell him how much I loved him. Over and over, I would chant those words. Never aloud, though.
I called myself a chicken because if there was anyone who needed to know he was loved, it was Viren. But I couldn’t bear to think of what it would do to me if I said it aloud and he rejected me. If he rejected my love. I didn’t think I could bear it.
Of course, the rest of the family was convinced he loved me as much as I loved him, but I wasn’t quite so sure. Viren was still very kind, and he still wanted me physically. But there was a growing distance between us emotionally. And it was bigger than it used to be before we started having sex. It was like a giant invisible wall that he’d erected between us.
I tried to say and do positive things to bridge the gap, but I was clearly fighting a losing battle.
Ten days later, we got the call! The social worker was very happy to approve the adoption, and we got the adoption certificate a few days later.
“We want a big party, boss,” declared Sufi.
“Of course! Let’s have a big blowout at the Taj,” said Viren immediately. “Invite everyone you can think of, Daima. It’s time to celebrate!”
“That’s not what I meant, Mr C,” replied Sufi, shooting him a troubled look. “Let’s do something fun and intimate for the immediate family.”
Viren smiled politely, but I got the feeling he’d stopped listening. And he did get his big blowout at the Taj, with the whole world invited to maintain the no man’s land between Mr and Mrs Chaudhry.
It was a lovely evening with great food, drinks and amazing company. Everybody was having a wonderful time. Except me.
Because I was the only one who noticed that Viren hadn’t touched his drink all evening. And while he was being the life of the party, he hadn’t so much as looked at me even once, let alone dance with me.
And yet, I knew that he was going to take me home and fuck me in my bright red stripper heels, probably with my dress still on. And that was all I’d get. Because these days, I didn’t get any cuddling or spooning. Nor any loving forehead kisses. I wasn’t his wifey anymore. I was just a fuck-buddy to slake his hunger. Nothing more.
One of the newer artists he’d signed, a pop singer from Haryana, who had given five party hits back-to-back, sidled up to him and led him to the dance floor, which was too crowded for them to do more than just sway in place. I forced myself to watch as she wound her arms around his neck and smiled into his eyes. And the rat bastard smiled back.
That was my cue to leave the ballroom. I headed straight for the loo, where I threw up everything I had eaten that night. As I stared at my haggard face in the mirror, I realised that I was living in a fool’s paradise. Viren was never going to love me back.
We had no reason to stay together now that Aisha was safe. It was time to cut my losses and walk away with my dignity intact, even if my heart was shattered.
The party was winding down when I came out of the bathroom. Daya Bua had already taken Aisha home. I didn’t want to wait and find out if Viren would come home with me or if he’d accept the open invitation to take his new skank home.
To my surprise, I found him waiting for me outside the bathroom.
“What do you want?” I asked coldly.
He fixed his brooding eyes on me, and I stared right back at him because I refused to back down. If he wanted to go home with that bitch, he’d have to tell me that to my face, and I wasn’t going to make it easy on him.
“I thought you left,” he said.
“I just got sick of seeing you make out with that skank.”
Viren turned to look at the dance floor in surprise and bit back a smile when he turned back to me.
“Myra’s not a skank,” he murmured.
“Did she have her hands on my husband?” I enquired politely.
“She did.”
“Then she’s a skank. And if you use her to piss me off, you’ll only have yourself to blame when I take her eye out with my stiletto heel,” I replied with a glacial smile.
“You’d do that?”
“Try me,” I invited. “And after I’m done with her, I’ll go after your balls.”
He shot me a feral grin.
“Bloodthirsty little thing, aren’t you?”
“So says the man who threatened to rip Dhruv’s arms off for just texting me at night.”
“Hey, he was asking for it,” snapped Viren, and then he ran a hand over his weary face. He looked exhausted. Like he was at the end of his tether.
“What are we doing, Sunaina? This wasn’t the plan, was it?”
“I don’t even remember the original plan anymore,” I admitted.
“We were supposed to walk away from this with a clean break,” he reminded me.
I reached out a hand and stroked his cheek almost unwillingly. I didn’t want to touch him or have anything to do with him, but for the life of me, I couldn’t stay away. My lips wobbled as I stared at the pain and confusion in his eyes, knowing they were reflected in mine, and I had to fight back the tears that were always close to the surface these days.
“Can you walk away from me so easily, Viren?” I asked in a little girl-lost voice that I absolutely hated.
Was I so forgettable that he was ready to move on so soon? That meant my stepmother was right. It meant she won. Even after all these years, she always won. Because no matter how hard I tried, no matter how much I gave of myself, the people I loved didn’t feel the same way about me. Baba didn’t, my stepmother definitely didn’t, and apparently, neither did Viren.
He did not answer my question, but he pushed his cheek into my hand and held my wrist as he pressed soft kisses into my palm.
“Wanna get a room for tonight?” he asked instead.
I wanted to pull my hand away and plant a sharp slap on his cheek. I wanted to walk away from this man who only had one use for me these days. Instead, I nodded slowly.
“Sure,” I said. “But only on one condition.”
“And what’s that?” he asked with a cocky smile.
“No sex,” I replied, happy to see his smile falter.
“What?”
“Spend the night with me without sex. And I know you won’t fall asleep until it’s almost morning. So, spend the night talking to me,” I said softly.
“Why?” he asked in a tortured whisper.
“We’ve spent so many nights lying in bed next to each other lately, wide awake but lying in complete silence all night. Let’s break the silence for one night, Viren. Because it’s getting to me. This silence will destroy us someday. Let’s break it before it breaks us,” I begged, pressing a soft kiss on his knuckles.
Viren gripped my hand tightly and pulled me closer, cradling my legs with his.
“Are you sure about the no sex part?” he asked in desperation.
“If you really wanted to make love to me all night, I’d say yes in a heartbeat. But I won’t let you use my body just because you’re too scared to talk to me,” I replied coldly.
“I have never used your body, Sunaina” he snapped. “I have only ever made love to you. It has never been anything less than that.”
“Then why does it leave me feeling used and cheap?” I asked quietly.
He looked at me furiously, hands gripping my shoulders so hard I was sure they were going to leave marks on my skin.
“Really? Were you feeling cheap yesterday morning when I ate you out in the shower and made you come three times? Did you feel used when I fucked you in my study three days ago? Or when you got down on your knees and took me in your mouth last night?”
I trembled with need at the memory of everything that we had done to each other but stood my ground.
“It wasn’t the sex that made me feel cheap and used. It was the fact that you used sex to change the topic every time I asked you how you were feeling,” I stated, and he flinched as if I had dealt him a body blow. “That’s all it was to you, Viren. A diversionary tactic. That’s why I’m asking you if you have the balls to stop hiding behind sex and just talk to me tonight.”
He looked tormented, and I was wondering if I’d pushed it too far, but then, he nodded. Just once. But it was enough to bring a tremulous smile to my lips.
“In that case, I’d be happy to spend the night here with you,” I replied.
We wandered over to the reception desk hand-in-hand because Viren was holding my hand tightly as if it were a lifeline that kept him from drowning.
“What do you want to do first?” he asked, throwing off his Armani jacket as soon as we entered the room.
I inspected the complimentary box of chocolate truffles and champagne the hotel had left on our bed. That looked promising, I thought happily. But first things first.
“Do you want to try the hot tub on the balcony?” I asked excitedly.
“Do you have a swimsuit?”
I lowered my lashes and gave me a sidelong look.
“Are you brave enough to go without?” I teased.
“I am, but is it safe for you to do that?” he asked with a frown.
“The balcony is sea-facing, Viren. There’s literally no one around,” I replied with an eye roll. “Let’s live a little. You know I’ve never been skinnydipping.”
He paused in the action of throwing off his shirt and gave me an incredulous look.
“Never?”
I shrugged in reply, refusing to feel embarrassed.
“I never had the opportunity,” I said.
Viren pulled out a notepad and pen from the writing desk in the corner of the room.
“Here,” he said, tossing them to me. “Make a list of everything you’ve ever wanted to try in life.”
I caught them, intrigued at the idea. I had never made a bucket list because I was too busy trying to survive. But maybe now was the time to try new things.
I threw off my clothes and slid into the hot tub when Viren said it was warm enough. He poured us some champagne and opened the box of chocolates.
I picked a dark chocolate truffle with macadamia nuts and relaxed in the tub with the chocolate in one hand and champagne in the other as I thought about all the things I wanted to try.
“There’s this thing where you go rolling down a hill in a big plastic bubble,” I said slowly.
“Do you mean zorbing?” Viren asked in surprise.
“Yeah! That looks like fun!”
“It is! And it’s even more fun on water. Here, let me write that down for you,” he said, setting his champagne aside. “What else?”
“I want to ride cross-country on a motorcycle. Like a really long trip…maybe to Manali?”
“We could do that next week,” he replied promptly. “I can take you to Manali on my Harley. What else?”
“Let me see… I’ve always wanted painting lessons, but I never got around to doing them.”
“These are all things we can do very easily, wifey. Tell me something you’ve never had. And I’ll do my best to arrange it for you,” he said with a laugh.
I stared at him, wondering if I was about to ruin everything.
“Since you ask…I’ve never had love, Viren.”
He froze for a few seconds, and I was sure he’d tip the hot tub over in his rush to leap out of it. But his hard gaze never left mine as he swallowed hard. I saw his Adam’s apple bobbing with the movement and wanted to go over to him and lick it. But he had promised me a night of just talking, and I wasn’t going to muck it up with more meaningless sex.