Chapter 13
THIRTEEN
Nick felt threatened by Callum. Bax had picked up on that during his visit to that first forging class. It had been subtle then, but as the week wore on, Nick’s tension in the morning when he would be teaching his Intro to Blacksmithing class was palpable. Bax tried to do whatever he could to alleviate Nick’s worries, from being cuddly to deliberately not mentioning Callum in conversation, but he wasn’t sure it was doing any good.
He got where Nick was coming from, to a certain point. Despite being in his early thirties, Nick was a brand new gay. Well, he was new to having a gay relationship. He probably looked at Callum the way Callum would look at him if he’d suddenly been asked to put together a sculpture rivaling Nick’s unicorn for a metalworking competition after just one class.
Then again, with Callum, he would probably face the challenge of creating a larger-than-life metal sculpture after one metalworking lesson with a smile, and then accidentally create a masterpiece that the Tate Modern wanted for their collection.
Which was the heart of the problem, really.
Bax couldn’t do anything to change their circumstances or work on Nick’s self-esteem issues for him. All he could do was love Nick as close to the way Nick needed to be loved as he could. He was still figuring out what that meant, but he was in the early days of infatuation, when his heart was still on fire and his whole world seemed to revolve around making his big bear of a man happy.
Honestly, he was ready to move past the silly, squirrely, early days of love to build a more solid, natural relationship with Nick. He didn’t mind doing things like deliberately not asking Callum for referrals to people he knew who might need an accountant, but he really could have used that resource. The Brotherhood was an excellent place for him to start building a client list on his way to forming a thriving company, but a lot of its members already had accountants they were happy with.
By the end of the week, Nick was still showing signs of strain.
“Your new classes are going well, though,” Bax said as he sat on one of the benches in the forge in the middle of Friday afternoon, watching Nick polishing the unicorn with some sort of electric polishing thing to make particular patterns in the metal of its body. “Nobody has complained to Uncle Robert, at least.”
Nick huffed a laugh and glanced up at Bax. How the man could look so sexy wearing plastic safety goggles was beyond Bax. “It’s too early for complaints,” he said. “They’ll be keeping it all inside right now and grumbling to each other for another week still.”
“Oh, come on,” Bax said, grinning. “You’re an amazing teacher. Every time I’ve snuck down here to see what you’re doing, everyone looks happy and engaged.”
Nick tensed despite the compliment, and Bax wondered if he was thinking about Callum. It was barmy, but with the mood Nick had been in all week, his darker thoughts were probably whispering that Bax had dropped by the forge briefly that morning to check Callum out instead of to bring Nick coffee and make sure he was okay.
“You’re a good teacher, Nick,” Bax said, sliding off his stool and moving across the forge so he could throw his arms around Nick’s shoulders once he put his tools down. “A very good teacher. And you’re a good father, too,” he said, knowing that was another point of stress for his sweetheart.
Nick let out a breath and circled his arms around Bax, bringing him close enough to kiss. “Thanks.”
Bax kissed him back, letting the moment between them linger and pulse with warmth. Nick responded with enthusiasm, which had even more sparks flying between them.
Good. That was the way it should be. Nick deserved a little adult time to explore himself.
“I’ve got a surprise for you,” Bax said, grinning as he rocked back, keeping his arms around Nick.
“Oh yeah?” Nick smiled, relaxing more by the second.
“Mmm hmm. I called your mother this morning and asked if she could take the kids overnight tonight,” Bax said.
“You did?” Nick’s eyebrows lifted in surprise. “You called my mum?” When Bax nodded, Nick said, “The two of you hate each other.”
“I don’t hate your mum,” Bax said. “I’m just unwilling to wither under her disapproving glare because I’m not a woman and can’t give her more grandchildren.”
Nick chuckled and rolled his eyes. “Sorry about her.”
“Good or bad, she said she’d take the kids tonight,” Bax went on. “Which means you and I can have a leisurely, romantic evening together that can last all night.”
Nick grinned sheepishly. “I’m flattered that you think I could go all night.”
“I’m sure you could, given the right motivation,” Bax said.
“And what motivation would that be?” Nick asked, flushing with lust.
“Something like….”
Bax left the sentence unfinished as he sank to a crouch, dragging his hands down the length of Nick’s body as he did. Nick was wearing his heavy, protective apron, and as Bax lifted it and ducked under to rub his face against the already growing bulge in Nick’s trousers, he sucked in a breath.
It wasn’t supposed to be anything, but as soon as Bax was close to the heat and scent of Nick’s groin, he changed his mind about how far he was willing to take things and reached for Nick’s zip. A quick blow job in the forge was just what the two of them needed to?—
“Oh! Sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt the two of you.”
Early’s gentle voice sent a shock of embarrassment straight down Bax’s spine. Nick leapt back, bumping into his unicorn as he did, which had the whole thing tipping slightly. As Nick turned to steady the sculpture, Bax bounced to his feet and turned to Early.
“Gosh, I’m sorry!” Early gasped. “Truly. It’s just that Nick wasn’t answering his phone and one of his students, John Kilpatrick, called to say he won’t be able to make it to the afternoon class.”
Nick cleared his throat and acknowledged Early’s message with a rough, “Thanks.”
“I’d better leave you to it,” Bax said, lifting his shirt a few times to get some air against his overheated skin. “I’ve got plans to execute anyhow.”
Nick sent him an adorable, embarrassed, hungry look and said, “Okay.”
“I really didn’t mean to interrupt,” Early whispered as they and Bax started back up to the house. “I know you two don’t get as much time together as you’d like.”
That simple statement surprised Bax. Had everyone at Hawthorne House noticed how difficult it was for him and Nick to just date?
As soon as he got back to the house, Bax hurried up to his flat to begin preparations. He was determined that everything should be perfect. He wanted to give Nick a night he’d never forget, an adult night he’d never forget, which involved an elaborate meal with things like oysters and steak that kids would turn their noses up at. He already had a bottle of wine at the ready that paired with the steak. After dinner, he had several things in mind for the bedroom, including a few toys that Nick might not have had a chance to play with before.
Just thinking about it all had Bax’s heart singing as he hopped around his flat, getting everything ready. Nick wasn’t the only one who needed an adult night. It wasn’t just the spiritual community of a coven that Bax missed from his life before coming to Hawthorne House. He missed unfettered sex and an adult mindset. He missed having his arse pounded by someone whose focus was on him completely and who was just as dedicated to exploring sensuality and satisfaction. He’d only begun to realize how important that part of his life was after it had gone away.
By the time six o’clock rolled around, everything was set, the candles were lit, the low music was playing, and all that the sexy night needed was Nick.
Five minutes after six, Nick still wasn’t there.
Ten minutes later, Bax gave up waiting with a sigh, buttoned up the shirt he’d left undone to give Nick a feast for his eyes, and headed out to the hall to knock on Nick’s door.
He was met by the sound of two babies crying before Nick even opened the door.
“Shoot, what time is it?” Nick asked, sending a harried glance over his shoulder, like there was a clock on the wall.
“Quarter past six,” Bax said, stepping into Nick’s flat.
It looked like a kid bomb had gone off. There were toys everywhere, the telly was on, even though no one was watching it, and the dining table off to the side was covered not only in remnants of snacks, but in wadded up tissues as well.
“I’m sorry,” Nick said, rushing in to give Bax a quick kiss, even though he had a wailing Jordan in his arms. “I didn’t think it was that late. Mum called half an hour ago to say she wasn’t able to take the kids tonight after all and Imogen wasn’t able to stay late. I tried asking Janice and Robert if they could watch the kids, but they’re off in London tonight for some fundraising thing.”
Bax vaguely remembered Aunt Janice saying something about that the day before.
“Your mum called at the last minute to cancel?” he asked, crossing his arms and watching as Nick carried Jordan over to the table and stood him there so he could wipe the wailing boy’s nose. “Did she give a reason?”
“Not a real one,” Nick said. He sent Bax an apologetic look over his shoulder that said he knew what his mum was up to as much as Bax did. She’d canceled on purpose to thwart Bax’s plans.
“We can still have supper,” Nick said, desperation in his eyes as Jordan tried to fight the nose-wiping. “We might just have to have it in here, though. The kids have come down with this cold that’s been making the rounds. They’re all sorts of snotty and out of sorts at the moment.”
“I can see that,” Bax said.
One part of him urged him to go over to the playpen and pick up Macy, since she was crying and obviously miserable. Another part of him wanted to cry and be miserable right along with her. He needed an adult night with Nick. He needed some time for the two of them that wasn’t about kids and responsibilities. He desperately missed being himself and conducting his life the way he wanted to.
“Is it too much to ask for you to bring whatever you made for supper over here?” Nick asked hopefully. He finished cleaning up Jordan, walked him over to the playpen, and exchanged him for Macy, which did not make Jordan happy.
“I’m not sure the kids would like oysters, grilled steak, and cipollini onions with Meyer lemon nori butter,” Bax said, fighting to keep the resentment out of his voice.
“Oh,” Nick said, deflating a little as he pulled a handful of tissues from the box to wipe Macy’s snotty face. “That sounds amazing, but no, they wouldn’t eat it.”
“I can pack it all up and put it in the fridge so we can have it later,” Bax suggested.
Nick’s face pinched and lifted several times as a whole set of emotions ran through him. Finally, he said, “I’m not going to be able to leave them tonight, even to go across the hall. Not when they’re sick like this.”
“I understand,” Bax said, nodding and pushing himself forward. He grabbed the rubbish bin from the kitchen and brought it to the table to help Nick by cleaning up some of the mess. “Why don’t you deal with the kids and I’ll see what you have in your pantry for all of us.”
“That would be lovely,” Nick said, gusting out a breath.
He peeled away from a clingy Macy long enough to kiss Bax’s lips, but it was a cursory, ordinary kiss and not the kind he’d been hoping for that night. As soon as it was done, he had to give his full attention to his crying, snotty kid.
It was completely unfair of Bax to feel as much resentment as he did while carrying the bin back to the kitchen, then checking the pantry. Kids always came first. They couldn’t take care of themselves. They were sick. There was no possible way he could compete with that.
But that was the problem. There was no way he could compete with Jordan and Macy for Nick’s attention. Ordinarily, someone might have been able to step in to help, but luck was against them that night. It was wrong and selfish for Bax to be as irritated by the whole thing as he was.
There was nothing to be done but to toss a frozen pizza in the oven along with some chips from a bag, then to head over to his place to blow out candles, pack his gourmet meal away in containers, and put all the toys and lube back in the drawer of his bedside table.
“We could have had so much fun,” he sighed as he shut the drawer, then headed back over to Nick’s place.
“I’m really, really sorry about this,” Nick said as Bax walked back into the flat with one smaller container filled with bits from the supper he’d made. “My mum is a cold and cruel woman. I’m certain she’s doing this as a way to convince me to give her the kids permanently.”
That statement stopped Bax’s resentment in its tracks.
“That’s awful,” he said, putting the container of supper on the counter in the kitchen, then moving to pick Jordan up from the couch. “Is she really still on about taking the kids?”
“Unfortunately, yes,” Nick sighed.
That was as far as the conversation went. The kids were done eating, they were seriously flagging, especially since Nick had just dosed them with baby cold medicine, and it was time for them to go to bed. Bax helped by carrying Jordan into the nursery that he and Macy shared, but he felt uncertain and uncomfortable about undressing a child he wasn’t technically related to.
“It’s fine,” Nick said, a hint of impatience in his voice as he stripped Macy and changed her nappy. “I know you don’t have any dubious intentions toward the kids. They’re not going to explode if you take their clothes off. Jordan’s nighttime nappies are over there.”
Bax swallowed hard, trying not to be squeamish and reminding himself that helping with toddlers was an act of love as much as cooking a gourmet meal. That didn’t stop him from dreading what he would find when he took off Jordan’s nappy.
Fortunately, it was nothing gross. Jordan cried the whole time Bax fumbled his way through cleaning him with a wipe then putting a new nappy on, which he was sure he did wrong. He’d always imagined changing nappies was something you did for sweet little infants, not snotty, groggy three-year-olds who were having a bad night.
“There we go,” Nick said, somehow managing to sound loving and in control as he settled Macy into her crib. “Sleep it off, sunshine,” he told her, then bent over the crib to kiss her head.
He then came over to Bax and Jordan, taking Jordan from the changing table where Bax was still trying to get his arm into his pajamas. Nick slipped it in with no effort at all, then carried Jordan to his crib. Jordan lay down, but it was clear from his continued, squelchy crying that he wasn’t feeling well and was miserable.
“They’ll feel better in the morning,” Nick said as he turned off the light and stepped into the hall with Bax. “At least, I hope they’ll feel better in the morning.” He sent Bax a wide-eyed look of dread.
They headed into the main room and set to work cleaning up the remnants of the hasty supper, along with what felt like a thousand used tissues. As much as he tried to bat them away, unkind thoughts kept attacking Bax. He hoped he didn’t catch the kids’ germs. He hoped they slept into next Thursday. Maybe Mrs. Turner really should take the kids.
He stopped himself at that last thought and mentally slapped himself. Mrs. Turner was a manipulative shrew who was trying to bend her son to her will. Nick loved being a dad. Taking his kids from him would kill him.
But that was part of the problem, wasn’t it?
“Can I heat up this amazing food you made for me in the microwave?” Nick asked, stepping up behind Bax as he cleaned the kitchen counter. He circled his arms around Bax to grab the container that had been left out and kissed Bax’s neck.
Bax melted, but too much of the melt was from the withering thought of how futile it was for him to vie for Nick’s attention.
“Yeah, that should be fine,” he said. He twisted in Nick’s arms and embraced him. “Whatever you want.”
He wiggled his eyebrows, hinting that he really would give Nick whatever he wanted, but instead of taking the bait, Nick smiled and said, “Good, because after that palaver, all I want is to sprawl on the couch with food in my belly and my man in my arms as we watch the football or whatever.”
Bax smiled and lifted to his toes to kiss Nick, but his heart flopped. “I’ll pour us some drinks,” he said, then peeled away.
“Just water for me,” Nick said, dousing his hopes for a romantic night even more. “I’ll need to be on top of my game if the kids wake up sick in the middle of the night.”
“Whatever you want,” Bax said, though it was harder to keep his smile in place.
They puttered around the kitchen, settling in for a painfully ordinary evening. Just before he sat down, Bax found his phone and discovered he had a message waiting. A message from Callum.
“ I know you’re not desperate to join a new coven, but we’re starting our Ostara prep, and again, we’d love, love, love you to come join us. ”
Bax swallowed hard and stared at his phone. Ostara and any number of other ceremonies and celebrations with a bunch of free-spirited, like-minded men without the encumbrance of small children or snot, nappies, frozen pizza…and Nick?
“Are you joining me?” Nick asked, patting the spot beside him on the couch.
“Yeah, just a second,” Bax said.
He turned his back to Nick and quickly typed a return message to Callum. “ I’ll think about it .”
He let his hand hover over his phone for a second. It felt wrong. It felt like cheating. Even though it wasn’t a romantic invitation. It was a coven, a spiritual group that he could belong to. Nick could join him, if he wanted to. It wasn’t a competing relationship. It would have been the same if someone had invited him to join the parish church choir.
Except it wasn’t and Bax knew it.
He sucked in a breath, hit send, then put his phone face down on the table and hurried away to join Nick on the couch.
“This is cozy, isn’t it?” Nick asked, tired and a little uncertain, if Bax was reading him right.
“Yeah, sweetheart,” Bax said, cuddling up to Nick’s side because he knew Nick needed it. “This is fine.”
His heart sank. It wasn’t fine. None of this was what he wanted. He didn’t know if he was going to be able to make this work.