Chapter 1
Chapter One
CITI
Present day.
I tense at the knock on the door, even though I know who it is. Only one person knows I’m here. Still, I’m nothing but cautious. I might not be the smartest person in the room, but you can guarantee I’m always going to be the safest. I’ll make sure of it—for myself and my daughter.
“Star, go on upstairs to the bedroom for a second. Don’t come down unless I tell you to.”
She looks up at me from the coffee table, where she’s coloring a picture. Her eyes hold knowledge far beyond her years that haunts me almost as much as my nightmares.
She nods, grabs her unicorn, and runs upstairs without a fuss.
Most people would be happy that their child is so compliant—never fussing or fighting, or throwing temper tantrums to get their way.
Me, I’d give anything for her to have a meltdown over something as trivial as wanting a different colored cup or hating peas on Tuesdays.
But Star learned the hard way that being a child didn’t buy her any favors, and it sure as shit didn’t offer her any protections.
I take a deep breath before peering out. Just like I thought, Havoc waits impatiently on the other side. It takes me a second to gather my courage, knowing he might not be alone. I don’t really believe he’d set me up, but like I said, old habits die hard.
I tug the door open, leaving the chain on as I look out. “Hey, Havoc, everything okay?”
He takes me in and immediately softens his features and relaxes his stance, trying to look less threatening.
I’d snort if I had it in me. I’m not intimidated by him because of his size or demeanor.
If anything, I’m comforted because he’s showing me he’s an apex predator and isn’t afraid to hide it.
It’s the wolf in sheep’s clothing I’m wary of.
The man who looks like he wouldn’t hurt a fly yet secretly pulls the wings off butterflies.
“It’s time, Citi.”
It takes me a second to process his words. I reach for the chain and slide it back.
“Really?”
He nods, a look of impotence crossing his face before he masks it. As good a leader as he is, there are some things even he can’t stop. Death is one of them.
“I’ll get Star. Be right back.”
“You need me to lock the rest of the place up?” he calls out to my retreating back.
“It’s already locked up, but you can arm the alarm. Shit, you’ll need the car seat from the garage—”
“I’ve got one in the truck already.”
“Right, sorry.” I blow out a flustered breath before I head up the stairs.
I head to the main bedroom and get down on my knees before lifting the edge of the blanket. Star’s wide eyes stare back at me, her unicorn tucked under her chin.
“Hey, baby. Uncle Havoc is here. He’s going to take us out in his truck. You want to grab your shoes and jacket for me?”
She scrambles out from under the bed and hurries out the door of her room.
I follow as she walks to the small wooden closet that Havoc built especially for her.
It’s pink and not much taller than she is when she stands on the little wooden step.
She can reach all the hangers herself, giving her a little taste of independence, which I’ve tried to gently nurture since the day we were set free.
I glance around the small space that used to be an office.
Now it holds a twin-sized bed with pink and white sheets, the closet, and a little bookcase filled with books and dolls.
A rug shaped like a daisy sits at the side of the bed, and just beyond that is a large toybox filled with a variety of toys she will happily play with for hours.
The room has been put to good use as long as you don’t account for the bed.
No matter what, she always ends up crawling in beside me.
My first therapist told me I needed to break that habit before I spoiled her. Instead, I held myself back from breaking the woman’s stupid, smug face. Needless to say, she wasn’t our therapist for long.
Star moves in front of me, snapping me out of my musings. She’s wearing a pair of pink sparkly sneakers that look cute with the blue jeans and pink sweater she has on. I get to my knees and lace them up for her before I press a kiss to her forehead.
“There are going to be lots of people where we’re going. You stay with me or Uncle Havoc, unless I say otherwise, okay?”
She nods, wrapping her arms around my neck.
I breathe her in, my breath hitching at the sweet smell of strawberries.
It’s her favorite shower gel and one I let her pick out for herself.
It would seem trivial to most people, but Star and I spent a whole afternoon smelling every bottle until they all started blending together.
Freedom never smelled so good as it did that day and every day since.
I pick her up and carry her downstairs, where Havoc is waiting. I place her on her feet and smile when Havoc crouches and holds his arms open for her. She looks at me, and when I nod, she runs over to him, flinging herself into his arms.
“Hey, princess. You look beautiful today.”
She blushes and buries her face in his neck. The look on his face is one of pure love. It’s why I always let him in. This man would protect Star with his life, with zero hesitation.
He looks at me. “You ready?”
I nod, grab my phone, and shove it in my bag. I grab a juice carton from the fridge and a bag of apple slices, throwing them in the bag too before snagging my keys from the counter.
“Okay, let’s go.”
He opens the door and waits for me to pass before he follows me out with Star still in his arms. I scan my surroundings, looking for possible threats—an instinct I haven’t been able to turn off—before turning back to the door and locking it.
I hit the set button on the alarm, knowing Havoc will have keyed in the code already, and follow him down to the truck.
I climb in the passenger seat as he straps Star in, and wait, wiping my sweaty palms on my jeans, feeling my skin prickly with nerves.
Havoc climbs in and looks at me. “You ready for this?”
“No. But not being ready has never stopped shit from happening before. Besides, this isn’t about me. It’s about Ambros.”
“You know he won’t care that you’re not there.”
I flinch at that, making him curse.
“Not what I meant. I mean, he’s not expecting you to be there, so if you change your mind, there will be no disappointment. You can still turn around.”
“Are you trying to get me to back off, Havoc?”
“No. I’m trying to make sure you’re ready for this. You’ve come too far for me to throw you in the deep end and watch you drown.”
“Are you worried your old lady will kick your ass?” I tease as he starts the truck.
“Oh, she’ll kill me for keeping it a secret that I’ve had you hidden away here.”
“Shit, I don’t want to cause any problems between you two. That was not my intention at all.”
“I know. Don’t worry about your sister. We’ll be fine.
Besides, you and Star are family. You asked me for help.
Of course, I was going to give it to you.
I love your sister more than anything else on earth, but I’m not blind to her antics.
She wouldn’t be able to resist coming over, inserting herself into your life, whether you were ready yet or not.
She loves you and misses you. She doesn’t know what it’s like trying to acclimate after being alone for so long.
I know it wasn’t the same thing for me, but I get how much of a head fuck it is that everyone expects you to slip into their lives with seamless ease.
But nothing about living outside of the cage is easy.
At least you know what to expect in the cage…
” He drifts off, but I nod, swallowing hard.
“Yeah. Better the devil you know and all that jazz. There are only so many times someone can ask you how you’re feeling before you snap. But we’re doing better now. Both of us are.”
“Good. I’m glad. Doesn’t mean this won’t be rough on you.”
“I’ll be fine, Havoc. I need to do this.”
He stares at my face before relenting with a sigh. “Stubbornness must run in your family.”
I grin as he pulls away from the curb. “You have no idea.”
* * *
By the time we pull up at the hospital, I’m a nervous wreck. The last time I was here was after—
Nope. Not going there. This isn’t about me. It’s about Ambros. The man who pulled me out of hell. Well, now it’s time for me to return the favor.
I jump out and walk around the truck to get Star, but Havoc beats me to it. “You get her all the time,” he complains, making me chuckle.
“I should hope so. She’s my daughter.”
“She’s my niece and I’m her favorite uncle, aren’t I, Star?”
She giggles and lifts her hands toward him.
“You’re her only uncle, doofus.”
“That’s President Doofus to you. Shit, grab my cut, would you?”
I reach over and grab Havoc’s cut from beside the car seat and hand it to him, taking Star while he slides it on. Once he’s done, he steals Star back from me and closes the door.
“Okay, ladies, let’s do this.”
I walk beside him, struggling to keep up with his long-legged stride.
He doesn’t ask anyone which way to go, so I assume he knows where we’re heading.
I feel my stomach cramp the closer we get.
When we step on the elevator, I have to squeeze my hands into fists and count in my head to distract myself.
I’m not great with small spaces. Though the elevator is a decent size, I’d still rather not fall to my death in a metal coffin.
“You okay?” Havoc asks as the numbers flick by the higher we get. I nod, focusing on my breathing. When the doors open, I practically throw myself out. It takes me a couple of seconds to calm my racing heart and pull myself together.
Havoc moves past me, looking over his shoulder as he waits for me to give him the okay to keep going. I nod and follow him once more, coming to a halt not long after when I hear a gasp.
Havoc steps aside, which is when I see Neveah staring at me.
“Citi?”
Before I answer, Ambros’s bowed head snaps up. His eyes lock on mine, stealing my voice and my breath.
I see the exact moment it hits him that everything has changed in the blink of an eye.
He wavers on his feet. I don’t think—I just react, running toward him as he stumbles, catching his weight when his legs buckle, and lowering him to the ground with me.
I wrap my arms around him and hold on tight as his body racks with sobs.
“She’s gone. My sister’s gone.”
“I know,” I whisper, feeling tears slide down my face. “But I’m here, Ambros, and I’m not going anywhere. I’ve got you.”
His arms move around me, yanking me into his lap as he buries his face in my hair and clings to me like I’m his lifeline. I look up when I feel movement close by. Nevaeh has moved closer. She holds out her hand and I take it, drawing on the strength she’s offering.
“It’s good to have you back, Citi.”
I nod, not trusting myself to speak just yet.
I sense others around us moving closer, offering their silent support. I let my eyes slip closed before it becomes too much and concentrate on Ambros, on his smell, his touch, his breath tickling the side of my neck.
“Thank you,” he whispers against my skin.
I turn my head so my lips are next to his ear. “I’ve got you, Ambros. Until you’re strong enough to stand on your own, I’ll be right beside you with a shoulder to lean on.”