Chapter 2
Chapter Two
AMbrOS
The last time I stood at the front of a church, I was burying my father, and the hand clutched in mine was Ella’s. Now she’s the one in the box. I’m the last man standing, a title I never wanted to claim.
The hand holding mine gives it a squeeze, dragging my attention from the coffin covered in white lilies and pink roses. I look down at Citi, still unable to process that she’s actually here.
She looks up at me. Her eyes are full of fear and panic, but she’s fighting it so she can stand beside me as she promised.
I want to tell her to go home, that I’ll be fine on my own, but it would be a lie.
I can’t do this without her. Hell, I’ve spent the last week living in a cloud of denial, and this beautiful broken creature is the only thing holding me together.
I don’t know how the fuck she’s doing it.
Hell, I wish I could funnel some of that strength she possesses for myself because I’ve never felt as weak as I do right now.
I dip my head and rest it against hers, taking a second to center myself. We stay like that, locked in our own little world, until the priest says Citi’s name.
I pull back and frown. “What’s going on?”
“Trust me, okay?”
I nod and reluctantly let her hand go when she tugs it free. She climbs up the steps to the pulpit and swallows hard as she looks out across the room.
I sense Brodie move beside me and glance over.
I’ve not always gotten along with Ella’s husband, but that’s just because we both have big personalities that often clash.
One thing I never doubted was his love for my sister.
He’s barely taken his eyes off the coffin since he arrived.
Watching him stand there in a room full of people, like he’s completely alone, would hurt my sister.
I move closer, my shoulder brushing his.
He lifts his head slowly, his tortured gaze locking on mine. “I can’t do this, Ambros. I don’t know how to be me without her.”
“You just take it one day at a time. That’s all you can do.” My voice comes out gruff, even to my own ears.
“Some of you here might know me. Some of you might not. Some of you might even think I’m my sister Nevaeh, but I’m not that cool.” Citi’s shaky voice falls over the pews, silencing us all.
“The first time I met Ella, she thought I was my sister, too. I don’t think I’d really understood what it meant to fangirl over someone until that moment.”
Snickers ring out, making even my lips twitch. It’s no secret that my sister was obsessed with Nevaeh’s books, and by extension Nevaeh herself, when they met.
“Eventually, she came to realize I wasn’t anything special. I was just me, and during the short time she had left, we became fast friends.”
I swallow my surprise. How? When? I look around for Havoc and Nevaeh. Nevaeh looks as confused as I do, but Havoc has a knowing expression on his face. Sneaky asshole.
Citi licks her lips before her gaze moves to Brodie and me.
“There were two people Ella loved, other than Nevaeh. Her baby brother and the love of her life. I would sit beside her and listen for hours as she told me stories about the pair of you. Part of me hopes she was embellishing a little because skinny dipping in December is really just asking for trouble.”
Brodie’s shoulders shake with laughter, even as he wipes a tear from his face.
“I never got to live my own story,” she whispers, and again the crowd falls quiet, a poignant silence laced with sorrow and grief.
“So Ella gave me the greatest gift by sharing hers with me. It’s something I will carry with me for the rest of my life.
And when my daughter is old enough to understand the dangers of skinny dipping in frigid waters, perhaps I’ll share those stories with her too.
” She smiles before her eyes move from Brodie to me again.
“Ella was a funny, sweet, kind, and loving woman. She made more of an impact on me than most people will likely make in a lifetime. I found peace listening to her voice, just as she did, borrowing my ear. So before I step down, there was one thing she made me promise to tell you. Please don’t shoot the messenger. ”
She takes a deep breath, pulls a letter from the pocket of her dress, and smooths it out on the stand before she starts reading.
“If Citi is reading this, then I’m gone, and I’m really sorry for leaving you both behind.
If the love you both filled me with could have been converted into life, I’d have been immortal.
Not a day went by, nor a minute, or even a second, where I questioned that.
Some women wander through their whole lives alone, looking for the right man.
And then there was me, with the two best ones on the planet.
No wonder God called me home. Bitches be up here getting jealous. ”
Citi’s face flames red as we all laugh. I rest my hand on Brodie’s shoulder and give it a squeeze.
“Now, as I go off on my next adventure—and when I say adventure, I mean finding a reading spot in a library with unlimited books and a ladder—know I’ll be watching you both.
I was amazing. You were both lucky to have me, so no using me as an excuse to do stupid shit, or I’ll haunt you.
Brodie, I know it will be hard having had all this awesomeness in your life, but I don’t want you to be alone.
You have so much love to give. I was a better person because you loved me.
Promise me you won’t shut yourself off to loving someone else, or I’ll teach myself some tricks and steal all your left shoes and hide your keys for an eternity. ”
Brodie’s shoulders shake once more, but this time under the weight of his grief.
“And Ambros? I know you think you’re alone now, but it’s my job as your big sister to remind you that you’re an idiot. Look around you. You found a family, and because of that, I got to share them with you for a little while. Best brother ever.”
Citi folds the paper and looks out at us, her gaze glancing around the whole room.
“I never really understood the saying, full of life, until I met Ella. Ironic, I know. How can someone who was dying be so full of life? But she was. And god, it was contagious. She made me want to live, even on the days when I would have traded places with her in a heartbeat.”
She waves her arm over the crowd. “Look at how loved she was. Look at the smiles and tears, the holding hands and heads on shoulders. She loved with her whole heart, and she brought that out in others. I’m sorry she’s leaving us far too soon, but my god, we were so lucky we had her for as long as we did. ”
* * *
I wait outside the restroom, leaning against the wall with my eyes closed, needing a minute away from the crowd. Everyone means well, with their wishes and prayers. But if I have to hear someone’s condolences one more time, I’m going to scream.
When the door clicks, I crack one eye open and turn my head as Citi walks out. She jolts when she sees me, pausing before her eyes drift to the main doors, then back to me.
“You wanna escape?”
She winces. “No, of course not.”
“Liar. Come on, let’s get the fuck out of here.” I hold my hand out for her and watch as she bites her lip before placing her smaller one in mine.
I tug her to me. She tenses, but she doesn’t pull away.
“Where’s Star?”
“With Kruger, Delphi, and Theo. I think she has a crush on Theo.”
I narrow my eyes at that. She’s far too young to be crushing on boys. I keep my mouth shut, though. I’ll just keep a lookout and make sure she doesn’t make googly eyes at anyone else.
“She’s in good hands.”
“I know,” she says softly as I lead her outside and down to my bike. She hesitates when we get to it.
I take in her knee-length black dress with the slightly flared skirt and the black Converse on her feet. “Not really dressed for the bike.”
She looks down at her outfit before holding up her finger to me. I watch as she walks over to Havoc’s truck and pulls a key from her pocket. She looks at me and shrugs. “He gave me a spare in case I got overwhelmed and had to hide out.”
She reaches in the back and pulls out a messenger bag.
She rummages around inside before she pulls out a pair of leggings.
Toeing off her Converse, she shimmies into them, tugging them up under her dress before slipping her Converse back on.
Next, she swaps out her black cardigan for a black leather jacket before putting the bag back into the truck and relocking it.
“There. It’s not perfect, but it’s better, right?”
I nod and hold my hand out for her again.
Something about having her touch me helps keep me grounded.
She comes willingly, and when I pull her to my chest, just needing a second, she lets me.
Her hands fist the side of my cut as I press my chin to the top of her head, and we stand there in the quiet parking lot of the church.
“We’d better go before someone comes looking for us,” she mumbles into my chest.
“Good idea. Have you been on the back of a bike before?”
She gives me a look that has me mentally cursing. Of course, she hasn’t been on a fucking bike, you idiot. She spent most of her life in captivity.
“Sorry, I wasn’t thinking.”
“It’s fine, Ambros. I don’t expect you to pussyfoot around my triggers.”
I don’t know what to say to that. With my head in the weird fucked-up place it is, I decide it’s better not to try. Instead, I grab my bike helmet from the seat, slide it over her head before she can protest, and fasten the strap.
“But what about you?”
“I don’t have a beautiful little girl waiting for me to come home.”
I straddle the bike and hold my hand out so she can climb on, giving her a rundown of dos and don’ts. The last thing I want is for her to burn herself on the pipes.
She grips my cut as I rev the engine. I need her closer, so I reach up and take her hands, moving them to my stomach so her front is plastered to my back.