7. Chapter Seven #2
I cross my arms to defend myself from how open and raw I feel.
“Well, in fairness, I could have handled it better too. Truce?” I offer my hand but he stares at it as if it’s some foreign object he’s never seen before.
Also fair. A handshake? This man has kissed me more times than I can count, and I’m trying to shake his hand?
“I’m…I don’t…I don’t want you to take the blame for that. I need to stop assuming how you feel and try to communicate better.” He means it, too. He is really, truly trying. That much was clear from the free trip to Ireland, but seeing it in person is another thing altogether.
“Then let’s start over. Let’s say that incident was just nerves and now that it’s out of the way, we can start fresh.” I brush my hair behind my ear and nod toward the door. “So, want to take me to town? We can talk about how Hayden managed to convince Alexandra he’s not a hooligan.”
Rafe rolls his eyes and laughs. “You got the email, too, I guess?”
I nod. “I did. I haven’t read the whole thing yet, but color me shocked.”
“She might live to regret that decision, but I’m happy for them,” he says and grins.
A laugh bubbles up from my chest, and I head towards the door.
Since old habits die hard, it seems, Rafe’s hand settles on my lower back and he guides me outside and onto the porch.
Once there, he must realize what he’s done, because he pulls his hand away and stuffs it into his hoodie pocket.
Already, I feel myself longing for those touches.
I lock the door and wander across the yard towards the car parked in his drive.
All the while, my heart is racing over that simple touch, the same action he’d performed countless times when we dated.
Rafe was always considerate in that way, always kind and thoughtful, and took care of me.
I’d forgotten that. Rather, it was overshadowed by my foolish desire for more.
Something bigger. Something…that just isn’t his style.
He’d not an over-the-top guy. I knew that about him when we started dating, and expecting him to become one wasn’t fair.
“It’s a very small market, but you should be able to get what you need.
There are quite a few small businesses around, too.
It’s really quaint and sweet. I love it here so far,” he says just before shutting the car door behind me.
He crosses in front of the car, and a wave of nostalgia takes me back to the days when our biggest worries were what college we might get into, whether we passed our final exams, and graduation flutters.
Once in the car, I waste no time with inquiries.
“Did you read the whole email?”
“I did,” he admits and laughs again. “It’s so strange even though I’ve talked to Hayden.”
“You have?”
He nods and a shadow crosses his face. Something sad. Hayden must have asked about us. Rather than ask, I go another route to keep the conversation going.
“Okay, I really need to know how all of this played out.”
“Short version is they ran into each other in Virginia, did the typical Alex and Hayden thing, then she got stranded, he saved the day, and I guess the rest is history. I still never would have guessed they’d end up together.
” He glances at me before pulling out of the little dirt drive and onto the road.
I have to remind myself we’re not driving on the wrong side of the road, which, admittedly, takes most of my brainpower.
“Alex always liked Hayden. I can’t believe neither of you picked up on that.” I cross my arms to stave off the chill while the heat gets going.
“I guess us guys were always a little dumb,” he says, but it doesn’t take an idiot to figure out he’s including our devastating breakup in that statement.
“Yeah, well, she might have pretended to get annoyed with him, but it was all a show.”
“I fail to see how dumping spaghetti on his head and screaming at him at lunch was for show,” he says, glancing at me again.
“Okay, that time she really was mad at him, but overall, she had a thing for him. I think she mostly got mad that he didn’t figure that out.”
“I did not see that coming. I had money on her killing him and dropping his body in the nearest lake, if I’m honest.” He chuckles and glances at me, then says, “I talked to Hayden before I came over. He asked about us.”
“Oh, I haven’t had a chance to call Alex, but we don’t really talk much. Maybe once a year. She doesn’t know about…this.”
He returns his attention to the road and adjusts his grip on the wheel.
“Yeah, I gathered that from his surprise.” He clears his throat and makes a left turn.
“Still, never would have guessed those two would end up together. I guess that’s life, though.
Just when you think you’ve got it figured out—”
“I’m not seeing anyone right now,” I say, curt and final. I don’t know why. A sudden urge for him to know that I’m here, I’m open to this, and I’m ready to work it out overtakes me.
He blinks and glances at me. “Oh…uh…I mean I kinda…” He lets out a long breath. “When I planned this trip, I actually hadn’t thought about you dating someone else, and now I’m a little sick to my stomach.”
My cheeks warm again, but honesty is best, right? “I have gone on some dates. I want to tell you the truth about that, but they all ended horribly. Never any follow-up dates.”
“Me too. I mean, obviously. I wouldn’t invite you to join me here if I were dating someone. I haven’t. Seen anyone, I mean.”
“You haven’t dated? At all?” I ask, suddenly embarrassed to admit that I have.
“No, but that was a personal choice. You’re single. You can do what you want, Luna.” It stings hearing it, but he says it…and means it.
“Rafe, I—”
“I mean it. It’s okay. You’re here, and I hope that means something.
Whatever happened before you got here is none of my business.
” He glances at me again and I nod, unable to speak without tearing up.
He offers me a sweet half smile and looks back at the road, which still freaks me out.
It’s the wrong way, my brain says, so I look out the side window and try not to think about it. “How is the exhibit going?”
“You know about that?”
“Yes?” he drawls as if I’m an idiot. I am. I screamed about the exhibit to him when I broke up with him. How could he forget it? “I was curious about it, so I looked it up on the museum website. It looks like challenging work, but I’m sure you’re amazing at it.”
“It’s hard, but yeah, there are a lot of great things about it. Unfortunately, I’ve been assigned some interns that have no idea what they’re doing, but it’s almost ready to open.”
“I’d love to see it sometime. I’m sure it’ll be great. Your determination and drive were always…” He fades and leaves the sentence unfinished as he pulls into a little market.
He’s not wrong. The market is cute as a button. Rafe parks and I wait as he rounds the car to open my door. I try not to let too many memories flood my mind. We can’t live in the past, constantly comparing the then and now. It’s the future we’re trying to work out.
“I need to dip into the shop next door, but take your time,” he says, and escorts me to the door of the market before splitting off to do his errands.
I can’t stop myself from watching him, hands in his pockets, striding toward the shop next door.
He looks the same walking away as he did back then, and my heart pinches.
“Oh, you shut up,” I mumble, putting my heart back in place. I have to be intentional here, focus on what will be over instead of what was.
Rafe stops midstride and glances over his shoulder. “Did you say something?”
My cheeks flush. “No, sorry, just talking to myself.” I rush into the market without waiting for a reply.
Heaven help me, I feel like I did when I was just a teenage girl—head full of fluffy, gooey feelings, heart racing, and my whole body screaming at me that he’s my match.
I have to get it together. I’ve spent an hour in his presence, and I’m already falling apart.
I straighten my back with determination. “All right, Luna, get it together.”
I remind myself of that as I browse the shop, trying to figure out what to cook for the next few days at least. Maybe I can just get a few things, and Rafe can bring me back when I need more? That would be nice, another trip with him.
Among other things like moonlit strolls, watching sunrises and sunsets, maybe some kissing and—no.
No, no. I need to focus. We have issues to work through before any more kissing can take place.
This can’t go down like the wedding where we shared one dance and ended up in a coat closet together.
If there is a future for us, we have to build it together on more than physical attraction and memories.
At least, that’s what I tell myself, but my heart has its own thoughts on the matter.