11. Chapter Eleven
Chapter Eleven
Luna
Rafe stiffens and looks down at me. “What do you mean when you say you’re coming back home? Exactly? Spell it out like I’m five.”
I realize he thinks I mean permanently, and I’m not sure I can burst his bubble.
But I have to. We can’t have any misunderstandings, and my job is in Chatswain City.
It isn’t like I can make the almost two-hour commute daily, but I find myself wondering if things go well, would he be willing to move to the city?
I never asked him before. I was too afraid he wouldn’t want to, and my worst fears would be confirmed—that he doesn’t love me the way I love him.
So I made the idiot move and broke it off before he could.
“I meant that I’m coming back to Coldstone Creek for a little while. My job is in the city, but I can come on weekends. I’ll come home when I’m off, and we can keep working on this even after we leave Ireland.”
This clarification hasn’t dashed the hopeful sparkle in his eyes, which I take as a win. We’re getting somewhere for the first time in a long time.
“You’d come back to Coldstone for me?” He shakes his head and clarifies. “I mean, for a little while? To spend more time together?”
This is so easy. Such an easy answer, that I cannot fathom what was so hard about it before.
I think, for the first time since I left, I’m realizing what I walked away from.
I see my part in how it all went wrong, and I think I’d be a little crazy not to take full advantage of this second chance to use my voice.
To say what I need from him. Especially when he seems so willing to do the same, something unheard of even a few months ago.
“I would. When I have to go back to work, I could come home on some weekends. Would you come to the city with me for a while?”
Rafe takes a deep breath and presses his hand to the countertop. He’s grounding himself, something that he’s done for as long as I’ve known him, and he only does it when he’s about to do or say something that puts him far, far out of his comfort zone.
“I would, yes. If you really wanted me to, I’d move there.” He shrugs a little. “If we were getting married, I mean.”
And there you have it. None of this had to happen.
None of the heartache, the miscommunication, the sleepless nights, and wasted dates.
He could be with me now, or at least planning to be since we wouldn’t live together until marriage, but neither of us used our words.
We messed up but now is the time to fix it.
To make it stronger and better than ever before.
I remind myself there is still a lot to work out, but at least we’re talking now rather than making assumptions.
Nodding, I settle my hand on his.
“Okay, so we have the beginning of a plan. We spend time together on this trip where no one can bother us, talk—like really talk—and even though it goes without saying that we still love each other, let’s…” I fade, suddenly shy and embarrassed with his beautiful eyes staring down at me.
He turns his hand palm up and clasps mine, bringing it close to his chest. “If you are under some assumption that I don’t fall in love with you again every day, then you are mistaken.
But yes, let’s fall in love again together, here in this beautiful place where there aren’t nine of my brothers constantly invading our space. ”
I giggle and squeeze his hand. “Deal. And when we head home, I’ll have to stop by the museum for a day or two for the exhibit’s pre-opening gala and, of course, the opening, then I’m on my way to Coldstone for some relaxation and family time.”
“Sounds amazing. Then I’ll get some time to come see you, explore the city, and from there…I guess we’ll decide that together?”
“Yes. Promise me you will always tell me what you think so I don’t have to guess or worry?”
He snickers and arches his eyebrows. “I’ll try. I can’t promise it will always work, but I won’t keep my mouth shut if you wrongly assume something. Promise me the same?”
“I promise. Ready to head out before we miss all this beautiful morning sunshine?” I tug his hand but he only pulls me closer.
“You sure we can’t stay inside and—”
I swat him and pull free. “As tempting as that is, we already did that at Beck and Vivien’s wedding. No more making out in broom closets until we’ve mended this relationship fully.”
His smirk says he’s thinking about that night, all the kissing that led to me freaking out and ghosting him. Though, certainly, that’s not the part on his mind.
“I was thinking more on the couch since there’s no one to hide from this time.
It’s a super comfortable couch.” He’s pulling me closer to it, tempting me to blow off our plan.
I’m not gonna lie, it is quite tempting, but I want to talk to him.
To hold his hand while we walk along the shoreline.
To be with him in more ways than physical affection.
A firm glare has him groaning. “All right, fine. We’ll do it your way, even though I think you’d like my plan better.”
“Tell you what, take me for a walk on the shore, and I’ll come back here and nap on the sofa with you.”
He scratches his scruffy chin and pretends to weigh his options. “Hmm, I don’t know. Snuggle naps aren’t quite the same as kisses, but I do like a good early-afternoon snooze. Decisions, decisions.”
I put both hands on my hips and tilt my head, intensifying my glare. “Rafe Thomas, you know you love snuggling me. And don’t pretend that all that snuggling doesn’t lead to kissing.”
He snatches his jacket from the back of a chair and slips his arms through. “You have a deal.” Once his jacket is zipped up, he pulls a hat over his head and I’m a goner. Dang it. All these Thomas boys and their good looks are only made better when paired with a hat and a smirk.
And he knows it.
“Ugh, never mind.” I grab the front of his jacket and tug him closer before kissing him. I catch his satisfied smirk going in, but I can’t be bothered to care.
This is the Rafe I remember from so long ago, the one who was just so thrilled to be with me that he couldn’t stop smiling.
The whole first month we were boyfriend and girlfriend in school, I don’t think he could wipe the smile from his face.
The Thomas brothers were all popular in one way or another.
Some had amazing athletic ability, while others were practical jokesters with a penchant for causing trouble, and still others were social butterflies.
But Rafe?
Rafe Thomas did his own thing. He wasn’t great at sports, didn’t care much for getting into trouble, had zero interest in arts or music, and often disappeared during lunch period.
People didn’t dislike him, but he wasn’t as popular as his brothers.
Certainly, no one would have anticipated him finding the courage to ask one of the popular girls on a date.
Boy did he, and even though the whole cafeteria watched him with bated breath, he maintained eye contact with me the entire time.
He stumbled and blushed through it, but managed to spit it out.
I sat in my cheer uniform, stunned. All I could do was grasp my carrot stick and nod, because despite knowing who the brothers were, I never truly paid much attention to Rafe.
Until that moment. The moment I realized how hot the semi-brooding, quiet, gamer boy of the tribe actually was.
How sweet and even charming. All it took was one date for me to know I couldn’t lose him, could never let him out of my life, despite all the other cheerleaders telling me I could do better—with another Thomas, of course.
One less mysterious, less preoccupied with silly games.
I did, though. I didn’t just let him go, I pushed him away.
“Hey, hey, whoa,” Rafe pulls back and I realize how aggressively I’d been kissing him. His lips are red and mine are nearly numb. I press my fingers against them and feel tears building in my eyes, threatening to spill over any moment. “What happened? What’s wrong?”
A sob breaks free. “Why did I do this to us? Why did I throw away something that was always so precious to me?”
“Luna,” he whispers. “This was both of us. Maybe we got too comfortable or took each other for granted, I don’t know. I do know it wasn’t all on you. We both made mistakes, but that’s why we’re here, right?”
His rubs his hands up and down my arms, drawing me back in. “Let’s go for that walk and talk this through, okay?”
I shake my head. I don’t ever want to leave this cottage. I’d stay here with him forever if I could, but Irish immigration might have something to say about that. Still, I want to be here for as long as I can, savoring every moment with him.
“Luna, we’ll come back here right after. You need some fresh air,” he insists. There is no debating him on this, not when his tone is so firm. No sense in trying, so I wipe my tears and take his hand as he leads us out into the cool morning air.
Outside, I admittedly feel better. Taking in a few deep breaths soothes me and helps me refocus and center on what’s important. We’re both here now. We both want this, and for the first time in many months, things look promising again.
He guides me down the lane and onto a beaten path that leads into a thick patch of trees. On the other side, the path drops onto the beach. I hesitate because people always seem to miscalculate steep drops, especially for their shorter friends.
Like me. I’m the shorter friend.
“It’s okay,” Rafe says. “I’ll go down and you can jump.”
“Jump?” I ask, eyes wide.
“You trust me, don’t you?”
He doesn’t know. It’s as much a probing question as ever, but I do.
I trust him with everything, which leads me to one question—can I trust myself at all?
I talked myself into thinking he didn’t love me enough to marry me.
I talked myself into believing going to Chatswain City was best for me, but that he would never want to go.
I even convinced myself to break it off with him to save us both the heartbreak.
Everything I did was wrong, and only now, looking over the edge of this drop, do I realize why that’s true.
I was scared. I was afraid if I told him about the job, he wouldn’t go with me.
Afraid I’d fail at the job and dragged him away from his family for nothing.
Worst of all, I was afraid I wouldn’t be the best wife for him, the best mother for our future kids, that I wouldn’t measure up to what he might expect from me.
“Okay, Luna, I need you to look at me.” Rafe’s insistent tone brings me out of my thoughts and back to him. “I’m going to catch you. I was always going to catch you.”
“How can you still love me?” I whimper, uncaring who hears or sees me coming apart.
He drops his hands to his sides. “I could ask you the same thing. I think we grew up together, but at some point forgot to actually grow up, and when we had to…well…we got scared. I didn’t know how to talk to you about it, and I think maybe you felt the same?”
I nod, almost fanatically.
“Can we start over? From this point, both of us knowing we messed up, we just start clean and do it better this time like you said yesterday?”
I nod again. He shimmies down the embankment and puts both feet on the ground, securing his stance before turning around and looking up at me.
He puts his arms out, ready to catch me.
It’s so much more than that, though. It’s him asking me to trust that he has our future’s best interest at heart, that he is strong enough to bear the burden of my insecurities, he can accept and account for his own flaws, and through it all, we can keep growing together.
I wipe my cheeks again and throw caution to the wind. It’s not so much a jump as it is a controlled fall down the side of the embankment, but he’s there. He’s got me, and as he rights me onto my own feet, he kisses my forehead.
“See, you still got it, Pom Poms.” He winks and dodges my swatting hands.
“I still hate it when you call me that, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say I missed it just the littlest bit.”
Hand in hand, we follow the shore in silence, taking in the beauty of it all.
It’s quiet, serene in ways you can’t get back home, not even in Coldstone.
We both needed this. It’s soothing our souls, bringing us closer to God together, and every moment feels more and more like home. Like it’s supposed to be.
When we turn and head back to the path, he wraps his arm around my shoulder. “Want me to make you lunch today?”
“Yeah, that sounds good. I really do think I’m going to need a nap, though. All of this fresh air is definitely going to make me tired after so many months stuck inside at work.”
“Me too. Good thing I have a comfortable couch.”
I don’t miss the not-so-subtle suggestion attached to that statement, but rather than tease him about it, I opt for more honesty.
“I regret leaving like I did. I should have talked to you about the job and how I was feeling, but I kept thinking you should know how I felt. You should have known that I was ready to get married and start a life with you, right?” It’s a rhetorical question, but he answers anyway.
“I did know, but I was foolish too. I thought I had to accomplish certain things before we could get married. I wanted to make sure I could provide for you and give you all that you deserve, and in that race, I forgot that the most important thing you needed from me was for me to be present. To experience life with you, not race to reach some self-imposed goal.”
“In fairness, you deserve to have a career you love as much as I do.”
“Not at the expense of your happiness, Luna. I wanted…no, I still want you to be my wife. Showing and telling you that should have been my priority. Instead, I kept this crazy timeline to myself and never told you that was part of it.”
My cheeks warm and I realize I’m blushing.
He still wants me to be his wife. This love between us never waned, not even a little.
It merely got lost in the rush to accomplish goals we could have achieved together, but failed to do so because we were distracted by society’s standard of what it all has to look like.
“Do you think we’ll get there?” I ask, wondering if we’re actually closer to it than we think.
Rafe looks down at me and squeezes me tighter. “I hope so.”