12. Chapter Twelve
Chapter Twelve
Rafe
Talking to Luna this way, with openness even through the fear and worry of it, is more freeing than I could have ever dreamed.
Who would have thought such a thing? I let fear and a preconceived notion of success blind me to a lot, but worst of all, it blinded me to what she really needed.
Just me. She needed me. And knowing that now makes all the difference.
It’s like my mind and heart have opened up, forcing my mouth to let it all out.
When we reach the cottage, there’s a distinct change in the air between us. It wasn’t bad before, but there were still so many questions. Now, I’m more confident. She’s more relaxed. We’re both getting a feel for this again.
“Feel like going into town and browsing the shops?” I ask.
Luna shakes her head and clings to my arm as we walk up the stairs. “No, I want to be with you.”
“I’m pretty sure I’ll be there,” I tease.
“Oh stop, you know I mean in the quiet. My cottage has a stash of board games. Do you want to play with me for a while, then have some lunch?”
“Anything you want, baby girl.” I almost freeze when I realize I let that old nickname slip out. She doesn’t say anything, but hums her approval. Good. Wonderful, but I’m not sure I want to fall back into the old routine. There’s a good chance we fall all the way back, which would be terrible.
Luna leans in and whispers, “Don’t think so hard. I like when you call me baby girl.”
I breathe a sigh and try to relax again. “It slipped out.”
“Doesn’t matter. I said it’s okay, and it is. I like it, Rafe. I want to be your girl again. I want more than that. Keep talking to me, telling me the truth, and there’s no reason to believe we won’t work.”
I unlock and open the door to my cottage, forgetting we were supposed to go to hers to play games. She follows me in and sheds her jacket, draping it over the lounge chair.
“Let me grab a few things from the pantry, and we can walk up to your place,” I say, and head to the kitchen, more to catch my breath than anything else.
While I had hoped this trip would rekindle what we lost, I wasn’t anticipating it going so well so fast. In many ways, I worry it’s fleeting, and once we return to real life, it’ll disappear or disintegrate back to the mess we had.
The mess I had is probably more accurate.
I’m not so sure she was as miserable as I was while we were apart, but I wouldn’t wish that on her.
Rummaging around in the kitchen gives me some time to get my head screwed on straight, but when she enters to help me gather things for lunch, I’m all mixed up again.
“You okay?” she asks.
“Yeah…uh…not sure what to make for lunch. Any ideas?”
She peers around me into the sparsely filled pantry to see what I have.
Her proximity stirs all those old feelings again, the ones where I think she’s way too good for me and there is no chance at a real future for us.
I’m pretty sure I spent the first six months of our relationship waiting for the other shoe to drop and for everyone to admit it was all a joke.
Or for her to realize she had a momentary lapse in good judgment and ditch me for someone else.
She runs her fingers up my back and leans against me for what amounts to a side hug. “I don’t know about you, but I could be satisfied with peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I’m not starving.”
“That would be great if I had peanut butter. Or jelly.” I peer deeper into the pantry. “Or bread.”
Luna chuckles and slides her hand down my arm to take my hand. “I have all three at my cottage. We’re going there for board games anyway, so we might as well go.”
“Sorry. Maybe I can make you something for dinner.” I shrug and lead her back to the living room area to grab our jackets.
The walk back up the hill is quiet, but not uncomfortably so. I’m lost in thought, and one glance in her direction is all I need to see that she is too. Luna chews on her bottom lip and stares at the ground while we walk. As we approach her cottage, I pause.
“Do you think we should go ahead and take some more logs in?”
She chuckles and swipes her hair behind her ear. “I think we have plenty for now.”
Heading up the stairs, my heart stutters.
I have no idea why I’m so nervous right now, not after the spectacular morning we’ve had together.
Still, my nerves are in overdrive. I try to convince myself I’m overreacting while Luna heads to the kitchen and gathers things for us to eat.
Spying the stack of board games, I decide to set something up while she works.
There are several of the well-known games, but I decide to go with a favorite—Clue.
I arrange everything and double-check for missing pieces.
I’ll never forget the time half the Thomas family was in an uproar because one card was missing.
It threw the whole game and had everyone thinking poor Silas was a cheater for a solid week.
Then Mom found the missing card in the Monopoly game box.
“Almost done!” she calls from the kitchen, then emerges three seconds later with triangle-shaped peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, fruit bowls, and slices of cheese. She puts the tray in the middle of the coffee table then flops on a chair opposite me. “Oh, Clue. Are you ready to lose?”
I shrug, accepting my position in the family—Family Game Night Epic Loser.
I’ve never, not once, won a family game night.
It’s not for lack of trying. I’ve teamed up with all nine of my brothers in different combinations, with Luna and my parents, and so many other friends it’s ridiculous.
No arrangement has ever helped me to a win.
I’m the black cloud of family game night.
“Won’t be the first time.”
And I’m not wrong. Twenty minutes in, and it’s clear that Luna is going to discover who the murderer was, where it was done, and how in about three more moves. Meanwhile, I’m still not sure I didn’t do it.
Luna checks her phone for the time and frowns.
“What’s up?”
“Well, I was hoping for a status update from Natasha about the exhibit, but it’s okay.
I’ll send her an email before bed later.
” She puts the phone back onto the coffee table and takes her move.
For some reason unknown to my conscious mind, I decide this is a good way to begin a conversation about work.
“I’m working on a new game with Veronica Reynolds. Actually, she has it right now, which is why I was free to come here,” I say and finish the last bite of my sandwich.
“Another project?” her brow furrows as if this is a surprise to her, and her tone surprises me.
“Yeah?” I ask, suddenly unsure if it actually is my job.
“You’re working on multiple projects now?” The worry in her tone cannot be missed this time.
“Well, yeah. It’s my job. I’ll be doing it until I retire.
” I’m slightly confused by the look of utter annoyance that crosses her features.
This isn’t new. I’ve wanted to be an app and game programmer for as long as she’s known me, but judging by the scowl forming on her face, I get the impression she thought it was a one and done situation.
Then what, though? What did she think I’d do with the rest of my life?
“I get that it’s your job, Rafe. Maybe a lot of people would disagree, but my work is actually important to more people than teenage boys and men living in their parents’ basements,” she snaps, seemingly out of nowhere.
“Wait…what?” I ask as adrenaline swarms my body.
Luna sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose. “You act like your app thing is the most important thing in the world. Like my work is just putting things in a display for old people to look at or something.”
Ok, now I’m annoyed. “That is not fair. I never said that. I think what you do is incredibly important. It’s documenting and cataloging history, which is foundational for the success of future generations.
But that doesn’t mean what I do is somehow just games for kids.
The one I’m working on right now is an educational app for kids with—”
“Rafe, that is not the point. The point is that our ideas about what should be priorities are still so different.”
I’m so lost. I have no idea what is happening. One minute, I was eating a sandwich and losing at a board game, and now we’re in the beginning stages of an argument I’m not even sure I know the rules for, let alone how to diffuse it.
And it all goes downhill from there.
“Besides, it’s not like you ever say anything. You assume I know what you’re thinking.” Luna crosses her arms, cutting herself off from me even more.
“Well, I mean…I didn’t think I’d have to explain to you what a job entailed. I thought you would naturally know that I would have multiple projects going, especially since I’m trying to do my own start-up.”
“Yes, I know how jobs work, Rafe.”
I’m digging deeper and I don’t have a shovel. How can a man dig a hole this deep without the use of a tool? I’m about to defend myself again, try to explain my way out of this when I realize…this actually isn’t my fault. And what she said was mean.
I stand and brush crumbs from my shirt, determined not to let her pretty face and the way I feel about her dictate my actions. She can feel how she feels, right or wrong, but that doesn’t mean I have to sit here and be ridiculed because she can’t listen to me when I do speak.
After I put my dishes in the sink, I grab my jacket and slip it on.
Her scowl deepens. “Where are you going?”
I take a deep breath to control my sudden urge to loudly defend myself.
Instead, I say, “I think I should go down to my cottage for a little while before we end up in an argument. We’ve spent a lot of time together, and we have things to work out that are difficult.
I think we need a few minutes to sort it out apart. ”
All of the fight leaves her body.
“You’re leaving?” Her eyes search my face, seeking something.
“I didn’t say I was leaving. I’m going down to my place for a while so we can think before this goes too far.
I’d never leave Ireland or you, Luna.” When I reach the front door and turn the knob, I remember the promise we made, that we would tell each other one thing we liked and one thing we disliked about our day.
Since I’m not so sure I’ll be seeing her again today, I go for it.
With another deep sigh, I say, “I loved connecting more deeply with you today. Spending time with you has always made me happy, but I hate that I always seem to bring out the part of you that doesn’t trust others, especially me.
” I wait for a moment, but she says nothing.
Her eyes are locked on the area rug between us, so I turn the handle and open the door.
She doesn’t try to stop me.
What’s worse is, I didn’t expect her to.