Chapter Ten
Landon
Kansas. The most boring state in America.
It feels like we have been driving for days on end when we have only been in the state for less than an hour.
The road trip that started off being from fucking hell has been smooth sailing since we left Allie’s hometown. A series of drive for hours, stop at a hotel, make sure the clerk isn’t a psychotic asshat, sleep, then wake up to do it all over again the next day.
The only issue being sleep. That term has taken on a new meaning the past year, but has really reared its ugly head since meeting Allie. When I offered driving back, I didn’t stop to think how it would affect my…habits.
They have made me on edge, thus causing me no sleep. Then add on the idiotic hotel clerks, the stress of my brothers, and the constant helplessness I feel around Allie—sleep is basically nonexistent.
Not that I was getting much back home anyway, but at least there, I could disappear into the safety of my home. At home, no one is there to notice me breaking apart at the seams and letting the voices inside my head win.
Ever since we left Alabama, Allie has been quiet. Even more than before. I expected her to ask me questions, but she hasn’t.
Not that I blame her. After the hotel incident, then the disaster that asshole left her room in, she has every right to shut down. Part of me wishes that I could have stopped her from going inside, but she needed to say goodbye. I have no idea how her parents passed, but if it is anything close to what runs through my head of what he did to her, I bet it wasn’t quick and painless.
Glancing over at Allie, I see her leaning her head against the window, staring at the gloomy sky above. Guilt rears its ugly head in the form of fire, heating me from the inside out.
She wouldn’t have gone through one of those things if you hadn’t been so busy with your own shit.
Fuck. Not now. I beg the voices to shut up, but they are screaming louder and louder.
I need a drink.
No, I don’t.
Yes, you do.
“Shut up.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Allie move and when my eyes meet hers, I freeze. I quickly avert my gaze back to the road.
Shit. I must have said those words out loud, and now she thinks I just told her to shut up when she has been silent for hours.
Way to fucking go, Landon.
I brush my hand up and down my thigh and sneak a glance at Allie. Her gaze has moved back to staring out the window.
“Um. Sorry. That wasn’t directed at you. It was—yeah. Sorry.” I keep my eyes locked on the road ahead of me. I don’t want to watch the reaction on her face. She probably thinks I’m a damn psycho.
The minutes tick by like hours and the long straightaway through farmland extending for miles in every direction causes me to get lost in the monotony.
My mind takes on one of its own and no matter how hard I try to focus on the soft rain hitting the windshield, I keep seeing them.
I see the faces of the ones where we were minutes too late. The ones where I got so lost in the guilt that it hindered me from saving the ones that needed help in the present. I see the ones that we made it to, but not fast enough. I see the life drain from their eyes. I hear the cries of their parents as I tell them that their children are gone at the hands of a cruel monster.
The rain grows harder on the windshield, but it does nothing to drown out the voices.
I need a drink.
No, I don’t.
A gust of wind hits the car, and my grip tightens on the wheel. This is nothing compared to the torrential downpours in Washington.
The rain grows harder. The voices grow louder. The fire inside my veins grows into a blazing inferno.
I am so lost in my head that when the next big wind gust hits the car, it scares the shit out of me, causing me to practically jump out of my seat.
Fuck.
I glance over at Allie and see fists clenched on top of her thighs but her eyes are locked on me.
“Landon.” I can hear the worry in her voice.
eyes to the road, I try to look for a place to pull off but I can’t see much through the pounding rain.
The last thing we need is to get slammed by a tractor trailer speeding through here because they can’t see us in the rain.
Checking my surroundings again, I grip the steering wheel tighter and sit up closer to the wheel.
“Don’t pull over. Maps says there is an underpass coming up in a quarter mile.” The fear in her voice is gone; sounding calm and collected.
I nod. I don’t want to take my eyes off the road for a split second.
“I can do this. Just get to the underpass. Just get her to a safe space. Don’t fail her Landon.”
I repeat the same words to myself over and over until the bridge comes into view. The rain beating down on the car is deafening and grows harder and harder by the second.
My foot slowly starts pressing the brake so we don’t speed underneath and miss our only chance at escaping the storm.
The moment the car slips under the bridge, I let out a breath that I didn’t know I was holding and pull off onto the shoulder. My hands stay gripped on the steering wheel and I see Allie reach over and turn on the hazards.
The car falls nearly silent, the only sound coming from the consistent clicking of the hazards. The wind and rain are on a warpath to destroy anyone out there who is braving the storm.
My eyes stay fixed on the road ahead. My grip tightens and the fire returns.
No. I got her to safety. Please no.
My hands begin to shake, and I beg for them to stop.
Come on, Landon. You cannot let her see you fall apart. You can not let anyone see you crumble and give into your demons.
I beg silently for it all to stop, but they don’t. Not until her voice echoes throughout the silent car.
“What did you mean by you would tell me anything I wanted to know?”
Her questions shocks me. I thought she abandoned the idea of wanting to know anything that day at her parents'.
I hesitate before looking over at her. And when I do, I see she has shifted her body to lean her back slightly against the door, her hand resting on the door handle.
Her light blue eyes stare into mine for a moment before they fall to look at the hand tugging at the hem of her sweater.
Shaking my head, I focus back on her question. Clearing my throat, “I meant you can ask me anything. I know what I told you that day wasn’t like describing a normal job. I know Logan will tell you eventually, but truthfully, I don’t think Grayson has told her the full story.”
“What’s the full story?” Her boldness takes me by surprise, but I promised her I would tell her anything she wanted to know. And we are stuck here until the rain slows down, so I start from the beginning.
“I will tell you whatever you want to know. But it isn’t a story of sunshine and rainbows,” I preface. The last thing I want to do is send her into a tailspin.
She lets out a sigh and says, “I understand. But like I said the other day, please stop treating me like I’m a child or that I can’t handle anything. If this road trip has proven anything, it’s that I am not going to crumble and let the world swallow me whole. I’m a big girl. I can handle it. And if I can’t, I will ask you to stop.”
“I know. But that doesn’t mean that I’m going to jump into my life story without giving you a heads up. It’s not treating you with kid gloves. I haven’t known you that long, but I can see you possess a strength I will never come close to. But even the strongest have cracks beneath the surface.”
I am shocked at my own words, but wait for her to give me a sign that I stepped over the line, or to continue. I watch as she takes a deep breath, glances out at the rain, and when her eyes return to mine, she nods.
“My mother, Michelle, grew up in an abusive household. Her father beat on her and her mother, and one day it became too much, forcing them to run away. They somehow ended up in Cliff Haven, where she met my father. And she made a promise to herself that she would help the ones that weren’t lucky enough to escape. She became a lawyer and specialized in cases of domestic violence or victims of abuse.
“When my brothers and I were growing up, she would sometimes bring people home to stay with us. Some would stay for days and some would stay for months. Most of the time, they would stick with Mom while she helped them get to the next step in their journey.
“Mom never shied away from answering our questions. And as I got older, I asked her why she does what she does. She told me about times where her father would keep her up for days with his screaming. She told me some days he would be so drunk that he was shouting absolute bullshit just for the sake of trying to prove his place as the head of the house. But then the stories turned to when he started laying his hands on her and that’s when things changed for me.”
I pause and take a deep breath. My hands shift to grip the base of the steering wheel and I glance at Allie before I continue. She is more relaxed in her seat, but her hand is still hovering near the door handle.
She nods and I continue. “At first she glossed over the days where he got physical, but as I got older, she stopped censoring herself. I asked her to. I made a promise to myself the minute I graduated high school I would find him and make him suffer the same way he did my mom and grandma. But I never got the chance because the bastard died of a heart attack a few weeks before I graduated.
“I was pissed. I wanted revenge but wasn’t given the chance. Then, a few years later, Mom brought a girl home. Her name was Eliza, and she became best friends with Noah and Gray. But there was a different level between Gray and Eliza. They formed a deep friendship in a short amount of time. Eliza’s story is not one that I want to go into right now. Not because I don’t want to tell you, but it’s not my story to tell. And it is a boundary that I refuse to cross, even if my brothers aren’t here to listen.”
This time, instead of nodding for me to continue, she stares out at the rain and taps her finger on her leg. She isn’t telling me to stop, so I take the tap as a sign to continue.
“One day while I was coming home from work, I got a phone call Eliza had died. My brothers were a mess. Grayson wanted revenge, and he came to me begging me to find a way to do it. And I did. We all helped him get revenge, but I didn’t do it for Eliza. I did it to feel an ounce of the revenge I desperately wanted with my mom’s father. And from there, we realized that there was a bigger purpose staring us right in the face.
“Eliza and Mom are not the only ones that are affected every single day by a madman taking out his sick and twisted agenda on them. There are hundreds that disappear every day. And most fall through the cracks of the system that is put in place to find and protect them. What we do is not ethical. It’s not morally correct, but the family members that hire us don’t want what is correct. They want revenge. And that’s a common ground we all stand on.”
Silence fills the car and I wait for her to take off running. I wouldn’t blame her. It’s a lot to take in. So much so that sometimes I can’t even wrap my mind around it some days.
Moments tick by and I wonder why I made the stupid decision to open my damn mouth. But then her voice fills the car.
“I have a million questions, but I need a moment to wrap my mind around everything you just said. But I do know one thing. Your mom is a badass.” Her eyes lock with mine for a split second, then she turns to look back out at the rain.
I can’t help the laugh that escapes me as I stare at her for a second longer. All of that, and Mom’s story, is the piece that stuck out to her the most.
I look down to notice my hands are no longer holding the wheel in a death grip.
And that’s when I notice the rain has stopped. And so have the voices.
I’m not sure how she did it, but Allie calmed the storm wreaking havoc inside me. I have never had a panic attack or whatever the hell just happened, but this girl that I barely know silenced it all in a matter of minutes.
I take in the moment of utter silence and smile.
Shifting the car into drive and turning off the hazards, we make our way back onto the road. And just as the sun hits the car, I mutter, “She is. She really is.”