Chapter Twelve
Allie
They weren’t kidding when they said the weather in the Pacific North West is dreary and depressing. The sky is one giant gray cloud just waiting to open up and drench the city below it. Not a single sunray shines through and it makes me wonder what is so magical that makes people stay.
This long road trip is hours from coming to an end, and I’m full of mixed emotions. I think I was staying as far as I can in the land of denial for this entire trip. But crossing over the Washington state line, forced me to face one of the many demons knocking at my door.
And that’s the fact that I will not only have to face my best friend, but I will also be living in the home she used as her hideaway from the man that wrecked us both.
To say I was shocked when Landon told me where I will be staying was an understatement. I know it’s stupid, and it’s just a cabin, but it’s not just any old cabin in the woods. It’s the place where my best friend ran away from a maniac, found her peace, fell in love, and conquered her demon.
Now here I am, following in her footsteps, but our reasons couldn’t be more different. She ran here to find solace and a place to fly free. And I’m here to somehow try to find something worth fighting for in this never ending tunnel of darkness. There’s no way for me to seek justice. I don’t have a job. I can’t talk to the one person I have left in this insufferable thing we call life because the facts are simple.
I would not be in this weird state of living if it wasn’t for her. And do I really know her at all? She lied to me throughout our entire friendship. I assume it was to protect me, but maybe if I had known, I could have prepared myself. I could have warned my parents.
I just had to say goodbye to my childhood home and have someone I have known for a minuscule amount of time hire someone to pack up the belongings. Because a psycho on a warpath decided to deliver some sick agenda that included killing the two most important people in my life.
I have gone through every possible explanation why she might have kept this piece of her life hidden and it always comes back to her trying to protect me. Which I admire and appreciate, but I also feel slighted. So the question is: who really is Logan Sawyer and will I ever be able to move on from the pain that was a catalyst of meeting her?
Hopefully, one day I can, because I know deep down her intentions and how amazing of a person she is. But right now, all I see is red and not an ounce of forgiveness insight.
Anger rises in my chest and I feel the urge to scream. I feel the urge to scream in Logan’s face, which is the opposite of what I know I should do. I know if my parents could talk, they would give me the biggest lecture on redirecting my anger. She did not make him do this. She did not ask for him to be in her life. She did not push you into his path in attempts to let him destroy you instead of her.
I want to listen to the invisible voices of my parents, but I can’t. No matter how much I try to talk myself into that perfect universe, where I can see the obvious understanding that Logan isn’t the one to blame. I can’t. And the closer we get to Cliff Haven. The anger is growing. And it’s hard to push away any other emotion.
She got her revenge. And from the brief explanation I got, she didn’t escape unscathed or without more scars. But where does that leave me? Where is my revenge? Where is my light at the end of this long, dark tunnel?
I feel my hands clench into fists and it brings me out of my thoughts. I take a few breaths to calm the anger bubbling in my chest and repeat the phrase that I have been for the past few days.
She is not your enemy. She loves you. Mom and Dad love her. She did not do this. He did. You love her.
I repeat the mantra over and over until I feel the anger slowly dissipate. And I beg my mind to try to believe it. Even if it is a tiny ounce. Just try so I don’t completely destroy her when we meet.
I may be changed forever and not give a fuck what people do or think of me anymore, but I know deep down one thing. Just because I am broken doesn’t mean I need to stomp on someone while they are trying to put the pieces of their broken self back together.
I glance at Landon. He is staring straight ahead, his body a little tense, almost robotic. This man has proven to be a complete mystery to me. One minute he is acting like he has a hand up his ass and the next he is somehow understanding what I need without me saying a word. How he is doing so? I have no idea.
Landon may think he is hiding behind his hats and his ability to sit and stare at the winding roads for hours on end without saying a single word, but I can tell he is hiding something. I have no idea what it is, but it’s not something he’s proud of. I can see the moments where his panic rises or something puts his mind in a place where he doesn’t want to be. His hands grip the steering wheel until his knuckles turn white. The veins in his inked neck pop out and his jaw tenses.
I didn’t fully notice until the storm in Kansas turned his world upside down. Before I knew what I was doing, I was helping him. If I didn’t, we were going to crash. And after the panic attack I had on the highway on the way to the airport, a car crash is far from the way I want to leave this miserable world.
Sitting there while he told the story of what he and his brothers do and why was unexpected. I hung on to every word, especially when he spoke about his mom. His voice was calm and even and for the first time, his eyes seemed clear of whatever drags him down every other minute of the day. And for some odd reason, in that moment, I felt an overwhelming sense of something I haven’t felt in so long. Safety with an underlying sense of comfort.
Then that night in Denver. I may not know him well, but being forced to sit all night in a room with a man I just met, while people outside partied until the sun came up gave me a stronger sense that if he was going to hurt me…he would have done it already.
Since that moment, we have spoken a ton, because in the moments where the voices grew too loud, I’d ask him a random question. They ranged from small things like what his brothers do outside of missions, which is the term they use instead of rescues, to asking about his mom. It wasn’t many, but they silenced the voices and seemed to get him out of his head as well.
As the days turned into the next, the fear of him turning on me slowly started fading away.
And now here we are, and it’s all coming to an end. In just a few hours, it will no longer just be me and Landon.
I repeat my mantra a few more times but it’s starting to not help as I see the sign for Seattle. I am just about to ask Landon a random question when Wesley’s name appears on the screen and ringing fills the car.
Landon clicks the button on the steering wheel and steals a brief glance in my direction. “Hello.”
“Where are you?” Wes’s deep vibrato filters through the car and sends a chill up my spine. One thing I have learned over the past week on this road trip is that the Hayes brothers all have very different personalities. And although I have never seen Wesley in person, this man sounds scary as hell.
“About forty minutes outside of Seattle. Why?”
“We got a hit on the Tanner case. Carter said it’s a code one situation.”
Landon scrubs his hand down his face and mutters, “Fuck,” under his breath. His hands tighten on the steering wheel and he shakes his head.
“Alright. Are you on your way? Where is she?” Gone is the calm and seemingly collected Landon, and in its place is a robotic version of himself.
“Thirty minutes outside of Seattle. Landon, you need to meet us there. You will get there and be able to watch where he goes if he takes off with her.”
“What the hell? I have Allie in the car! I can’t go on a mission right now, Wes. How far out are you?” His chest is rising and falling rapidly. The vein in his neck is popping out and stretching the vine that is weaving out from beneath his collar.
Whatever is going on is not good and I want to be anywhere but here right now.
“You really need to stop saying shit I don’t already know. I wouldn’t tell you unless it’s necessary. And it is. So just do it. Logan and Rowe were with Gray and Noah when I got the call. They were coming back from a doctor’s appointment in the city and they turned around. But I was just getting off a flight and didn’t have time to stop and get supplies, so they had to stop at the storage unit to get the emergency kits. Meaning you are the closest.”
“Why is Rowe with them?”
“She had an appointment with Gray and since she had to go back into the city for work for the day, and Gray and Lo had to go get her meds, they were going to drop Rowe at home on the way back.”
Landon takes a deep breath. He glances over at me and I can see the apology in his eyes. So when he opens his mouth to ask what I already know he is going to, I stop him.
“Go.”
Landon’s eyebrows hit his forehead and his head whips from the road to me. “What?”
I point at the microphone on the dash, and he taps the button to mute the speaker. “Get the address and let’s go.”
“But–”
Shaking my head, I stop him. “I have seen and been through enough. Trust me when I say anything I see tonight, even if it is beyond awful like you say these missions are, will be just another dark memory to add to my already pitch black mind.”
I watch as Landon swallows the lump in his throat and tries to process my dark but extremely truthful statement.
I can see that he wants to protest, but he stops himself and nods. Because he can see the truth, even if it’s dark and broken.
Landon presses the speaker and says, “Send me the address. And tell me the plan to keep the girls safe. I want to hear it twice before I get in the area. The last thing I need is Carter’s sister calling me and cussing me out that her best friend just went for a tattoo and somehow got involved in one Carter’s cases.” His robotic mannerisms are back, almost like the person who was just fighting for me not to go on this mission wasn’t here seconds before.
A text from Wes appears on the screen and with a simple click, we are following the GPS to an address less than ten minutes away from where we are.
“You will stay with the girls since you haven’t had time to learn the layout of the house. Carter will be close by, but hiding in between our locations in case one of us needs assistance. Logan should stay in the truck and you can stay in yours as long as you are watching. Grayson told her this is not the place or time for a reunion,” Wes says, his voice of full emotion.
What is it with these Hayes brothers and being so in tune with emotions? I’m starting to think Michelle ingrained into their minds to look beyond surface level and taught them how to read a situation before it even occurs.
Landon glances at me, shock prevalent on his face too, and I shrug. Because what else am I supposed to do? Grayson is right, I’d prefer to avoid having my first meeting with my best friend in a car while in a highly intense and dangerous situation.
I don’t think any mantra or plea could counteract that level of intensity.
Just as Wes is answering the millionth question from Landon, he pulls the car to a stop on a dark, barely lit street covered in tall trees on both sides. The only light coming from a house a few hundred feet down the road.
Panic rises in my chest and my mind starts racing and the reality of the situation settles in.
This is a trap. There is no mission. He is bringing you here to kill you.
I try to shake the voice in my head, but they grow louder and I feel my hands begin to shake.
No! Not now! I tell myself.
My shaky hand reaches out to grab my water in the cup holder at the same time Landon goes to hand me it. Our pinky’s brush and I immediately pull my arm back.
“Sorry. I–uh—Are you okay?”
I nod and watch as he takes the water from the cup holder and hands it to me. My hands are still shaking and I beg my mind to shut up.
“Allie.”
My eyes meet Landon’s and I see the worry on his face. I turn my face away to avoid his look of pity and sadness.
“Allie. I know I have said this before. But I promise I will never hurt you. We are here to help my brothers get this woman back to her husband. I will not let anything happen to you.”
I nod and let his words sink in. Once again, he could somehow read me like a damn book and I am not sure at this point if I like it or absolutely hate it. But for now, I am choosing to not think about it. Or anything else.
My mind settles and I bask in the silence before the storm I know is coming.
And just as the first raindrop hits the windshield, a truck pulls up in front of us. I glance over to Landon and see he is completely unphased so it must mean one thing. This is Grayson and Logan.
It’s dark, but a light inside the truck flashes and I see her. Logan is staring directly at me and although we are in our own cars, and I can’t make out her expression, I can already tell this is going to be one hell of a reunion.
I just hope that silly little mantra I’ve been playing on repeat works. More for her sake than mine.