Chapter Twenty-Two
Allie
“You need stitches Allie,” Landon insists, while leaning against his truck.
Something is off with him and it’s not him probably being scarred for life after what he just walked in on. His eyes are glassy and his hands are shaking. And maybe it’s the blood loss causing me to hallucinate, but I swear I smelled whiskey on his breath as he was helping me out of the tub.
“Can you please let me drive you?” he asks, while kicking off the wheel of his truck and moving to stand in front of my car. His body sways slightly and I furrow my brows at him and move from leaning off my car.
Shit. I am very lucky Landon came in and helped me out of the shower. Even if it was embarrassing and not something I wanted him to see. We have built some sort of silent bond through whatever messed up situation we are attempting to heal within our own minds.
It truly was an accident, but from the outside, I can see what it looked like. And now here we are. I need stitches, my mind is spinning from the blood loss and the only person I trust to come within five feet of me seems to be…unsteady.
Pulling my sleeves over my hands, I scrub my uninjured hand over my face. Tilting my face up to the sky, I inhale the crisp December air.
“Allie,” Landon says, interrupting my attempt to figure out what the hell to do.
Shifting my gaze to look at him, I find his dark blues staring directly at me, fear and concern evident on his face.
Taking a deep breath, I steel my spine and cross my arms over my chest, willing the dizziness to go away as I say, “I can drive myself.”
Landon shakes his head in almost a panic, and I retrace the last few moments to figure out how he went from seemingly calm to completely distraught. Taking a risk, I step close to him, the tips of my shoes touching his, shuffling my feet slightly to make it seem like they slipped on the icy ground.
Glancing up at him, I see the confusion on his face. “Uh. A-are you okay? Do you feel sick?”
As the words leave his mouth, the scent of cinnamon and cloves hits my nose, and my suspicions are confirmed. Not wanting to make him feel bad or that I am accusing him of something, I say, while taking a step back, “Sorry. I was slipping on the ice. Didn’t mean to get so close.”
Landon nods and the confusion slips off his face.
For a moment, my heart breaks at the idea that maybe this man isn’t just fighting an invisible battle, but one in the form of liquid death that, from my experience with patients in the past, is one hard uphill battle to climb.
My heart is telling me to try to help him, but my brain is telling me that maybe he just had too much at the holiday party before coming over. And because I cannot take much more, I decide to let my mind win this battle, even though there have been so many subtle clues that this isn’t just a single instance.
Pushing the thoughts out of my mind, I head back to my car and open the door. Glancing over my shoulder, I see Landon’s confused expression back on his face. “The adrenaline is wearing off and my hand is really starting to hurt, so I’m going to head to the hospital. I–umm…I’ll text you when I get there.”
Landon's face morphs once again into pure panic, and he steps slightly closer before realizing what he did and backs away. “Sorry. I–Can I come with you? I’m just worried you will get dizzy while driving and crash.” His words come out rushed and full of fear and for some odd reason, I want to hug him and tell him it will all be okay.
Exhaustion hits me like a rogue wave, and I lean against the car. “Is there a closer ER than Seattle?”
Landon nods. “Yeah. There is a small ER in town, but I’m not sure if they are open. It’s run by a doc that has been in this town for decades.”
Shrugging, I push off the car. “Let’s try. If not, is there a taxi or something that comes this far out?”
Landon shakes his head. “No, but I can call someone.” His eyes cast downward as he makes the suggestion and I can tell we are thinking the exact same thing. Whoever he is going to call is going to open a can of worms I do not want to take on today.
Stepping back, I open the car door and signal for Landon to get in. We both settle into the car, and I glance over at Landon. His hands are shaking and the smell of cloves is stronger now that we are closer together.
Panic starts to rise in my chest as assumptions run rampant in my head.
Not now Allie. He will not hurt you. You are safe. Focus on you.
My hand drifts to the door and I roll down the window, inhaling the crisp winter air, attempting to calm the panic that is trying to overtake me.
I am lost in daze, staring out the windshield when movement catches my eye and I watch as he pops a piece of gum in his mouth and rubs his hands on his jean covered thighs. The muscles in his neck tick and his hands ball into a fist in his lap before he unfurls them and wipes them on his pants.
My mind is filled with everything under the sun and I mentally kick myself for missing the signs staring me in the face every time we were together.
Not wanting to start a conversation neither of us are ready for and wanting to get out of this situation as fast as possible, I buckle my seatbelt but just as I am about to reverse out of the driveway, Landon reaches over and turns up the heater.
Landon must feel me staring because his head snaps to me. “Sorry. I just didn’t want you to get cold with the window down. The mountain air works wonders for clearing one’s mind, but you—uh…sorry.” His voice trails off and he turns to look out the window.
Unsure what to do or say, I mutter, “Thank you.” And with that, I make my way towards to the road.
Trees covered in snow weighing down their branches line both sides of the road. The fresh snow from this morning blankets the sides of the roads and in the breaks of the trees where the sun can shine through, the light causes the snow to almost sparkle. I take it slow because getting in a wreck from a patch of black ice would just add to this already shitty day.
Everything in me wishes I wasn’t broken beyond repair so that I could revel in the beauty before me. And help the man sitting silently next to me, but because of the monster who shall not be named, I can’t.
The car comes to a stop with a slight slip on the ice at the stop sign that borders the entrance into downtown Cliff Haven. Without having to ask, Landon speaks up.
“Take a left and your first right. Be careful, the back parking lot of The Handle is there and your car will get stuck, so make sure you turn on the street, not the parking lot. It’s hard to tell with the snow and slush. Then the doc’s office is on the left. It shares a lot with the vet and Dr. K has a giant Pitbull statue out front, so you can’t miss it.” His voice is soft with only a hint of his robotic self and for some odd reason, I find myself happy that he’s dropping his facade that he shows everyone else.
Following Landon’s directions, I send up an omen that this place is open because the drive to Seattle will be excruciating.
For once, luck is on my side and I breathe a sigh of relief when I pull into the lot to see the lights on. There is one car in the lot and I really hope that they are at the vet or it’s a nurse, so I don’t have to sit in the waiting room for long. The pain in my hand is becoming unbearable, which is saying something since I have felt nothing but numbness for months.
Turning off the car, I open my door and take a moment to gather myself. Tear prick my eyes as the pain seems to take over my entire body and the weight of what happened in the kitchen rips through me. I squeeze my eyes shut and lean my head against the wheel.
Panic rises in my chest and I feel the weight of the world suffocating me. My chest tightens and all I want to do is scream. But I can’t because I know there will already be questions from the doctor and I do not want him thinking I need to be sent for a psych evaluation.
Come on Allie. Get your shit together.
A freezing blast of cool air whips around me, sending chills over my entire body. Tears threaten to fall and I beg them not to.
Suddenly, a weight is on the hand that is resting in my lap and my head whips up to see Landon crouched down at the door. My eyes dart to my lap and see his pinky running up and down mine.
My chest heaves as I allow the emotion to take over for just a moment. Landon’s pinky doesn’t stop, and I focus on his touch to help bring me back. And once my breathing slows, I risk looking at Landon. Our eyes meet and I stare into his storm filled eyes. I can see the war raging just like the one inside of me. Tears fill my eyes once more at the thought of two very broken souls attempting to keep an unspoken agreement to help each other on the darkest days despite not knowing a why.
My heart aches at the thoughts of our combined pain taking over, but then a small smile spreads across Landon’s scruff covered face. And for some odd reason, his infectious smile finds its way to mine and without thinking, I loop my pinky with his.
My head rests on the steering wheel and my eyes stay locked with Landon’s. We sit there for a moment and I let the rest of the world fall away. I let the pain fade into the distance and focus on the man who was a stranger a few weeks ago and has become a very unusual definition of a friend. And I’m not even sure ‘friend’ is what I would call him. Because what do you call the person who is the brother-in-law to the person who changed your life but is now the silence in your world full of chaos?
Minutes pass and the sound of a door shutting breaks us out of our trance. Landon’s head snaps to the side, not letting go of my pinky, and I lean forward to see where the noise came from.
A blonde woman with a golden retriever is walking toward the only other car in the lot. The pup sees us, barks, and makes a break for us, catching their owner off guard and causing her to drop the leash. The pup runs right over to Landon and jumps on him, causing him to lose his grip on me and fall back on his butt to the ground.
“Maggie, no! Oh my gosh, I am so sorry! I–” the woman says, running over to us but stops in her tracks when she catches a glimpse of Landon, who is getting kiss attacks from the adorable pup.
“Landon?” the woman asks, her eyes darting between me and Landon.
Landon moves the pup, who we now know as Maggie, and wipes his hand down his face to clear the dog slobber, but keeping a grip on Maggie’s leash. “I thought I recognized this fluff ball. Hey Lainey.” Maggie goes to attack Landon again, and a laugh escapes him as he pets her. “Hi to you too Mags.”
“Oh my gosh, I am so sorry! Maggie, leave the poor man alone,” Lainey says, while attempting to peel the dog away from Landon. Maggie finally settles and Landon stands and attempts to knock off the slush caked on the back of his pants. When he gives up at the thought of his now very wet jeans, he angles himself to me while adjusting his beanie back on his head.
“Lainey. This is Allie. Allie, this is Lainey. I went to the police academy with her cousin, Lachlan. He ran some missions while we were coming back from New York. And he runs his own version of what we do up in Park Ridge.”
I nod and move to get out of the car when a wave of dizziness overtakes me, causing me to be a little unsteady on my feet. My eyes flutter and I feel hands land on my shoulders, steading me. A wave of nausea hits me out of nowhere, and I close my eyes for a brief moment to push the urge to toss the contents of my stomach in front of everyone.
I take a few deep breaths and when it subsides, I open my eyes to find Landon searching my face as he anxiously chews his gum. His eyes search mine and I nod, signaling I’m okay. He searches for a moment longer, before moving to stand next to me, shoulder to shoulder, giving me no choice but to lean against him.
A cold nose nudges my hand and I look down to see Maggie staring up at me, her golden tail wagging back and forth. And I can’t help but smile and give her the pets she is desperately waiting for.
“Maggie. No more, you attention ho,” Lainey whisper yells. I can’t help the laugh that escapes me as Maggie completely ignores her mom.
Shifting my focus, I shake my head and say, “It’s okay. She is super sweet. Sorry for that. Not my best day. It’s nice to meet you.” Keeping my injured hand hidden under the sleeve and petting Maggie, I extend my uninjured hand out to Lainey.
Her blonde hair flies in the wind and her bright green eyes stand out against her white snowflake sweater.
“Don’t apologize! You’re at the doctor’s on Christmas, which means you really must not feel good. I’m sorry about Mags. She hasn’t seen Landon in forever.” I hear the hint of a southern accent as she pokes at Landon and I watch him shake his head out of the corner of my eye.
“Sorry Loo. It’s been busy. What are you doing here, anyway?” Landon asks.
Lainey rolls her eyes and shakes her head, “I hate that you, Miles, and Lach started that damn nickname.” She directs her words to me, “Him and my twin cousins started calling me that because one of my kids called me that at graduation a few years ago.”
Kids? This girl can’t be older than twenty-four?
Confusion must be evident because she continues. “Sorry. It’s been a long day and I’m so used to the ‘we live in a small town and everyone knows everyone’ shtick. I am a kindergarten teacher and Landon was in town during my first class’s graduation. A few of the kids called me Loo and the twins and Landon just copied them.” I nod and she continues.
“But to answer your question, I got a job at Cliff Haven elementary so decided to come into town early since I will be taking Logan and Grayson’s photos, anyway. I figured why not get a head start so I am not scrambling to unpack while catching up on the shit storm the other teacher left behind for me?”
The mention of Logan’s name sends a wave of anxiousnesses through me, but it doesn’t last long when I feel Landon subtly lean into me.
“That’s great, Loo. I’m happy for you. I’m sure I’ll be getting a call from the twins, putting me on guard duty soon.”
Lainey laughs and nods, “Oh, I’m sure.---Ugh how rude of me! Allie, how do you know this big dummy?”
“I–um.” What the hell do I say? This is new territory and I sure as hell do not want to tell her the real reason.
“She’s a family friend who just moved from Alabama,” Landon says, jumping in once again and saying the words I couldn’t. I tap my pinky against his in a silent thank you.
Lainey looks between us, and the look on her face tells me she is reading between the lines. And if her family is just as involved with missions as Landon’s is, I know she is probably putting two and two together.
“Well. I hope you feel better Allie with whatever brings you to the doc on Christmas. I need to get this girl home so she can rest. Sweet girl got excited about Santa Paws and ran into the Christmas tree. She knocked the entire thing over and an ornament cut her belly.” She pauses and I pet Maggie one last time, but Lainey steps back and continues. “Allie, if you ever need someone to explore the town together, I’m your girl. Us newbies need to stick together.”
I nod. “Thank you. Maybe some day,” I say with a smile. “Feel better Maggie.”
Lainey waves goodbye, Maggie trotting beside her.
As she gets in her car, I let out a sigh of relief. That is the most interacting I have had to have other than Landon and I forgot how exhausting keeping a mask on can be sometimes.
Landon nudges me and I look at him. “Ready?”
I nod and Landon and I walk in to the doctors. I send up another silent omen that this goes smoothly, and the doctor doesn’t ask too many questions I really don’t want to answer.