Chapter Twenty-Nine
Allie
Sunlight streams brightly through the window. I turn to bury my face in my pillow, but instead I‘m met with something hard.
My eyes fly open and I see Landon laying on his back with his arm draped over his face, completely shirtless. And that’s not the most shocking part of it all. It’s the fact that my body is wrapped around him like a damn spider monkey clinging to a tree.
What the hell is going on right now?
I close my eyes for a moment, and last night’s events replay in my mind.
Stabbing Landon. His blood ruining my mattress. Landon convincing me to stay at his place.
But how did I end up in his arms? I close my eyes, and then it hits me.
My dream . His hands on me. His constant lies.
Screaming. My hand burning as the stitches rip open. The undeniable need to feel hands on me that were not his . The feel of Landon holding me tightly and the pain drifting away like a paper floating in the wind.
Suddenly, his face blankets my vision and I want to scream, but I don’t. His green, almost yellow eyes glare into my soul, and his face spreads into his signature grin. Goosebumps spread across my arms and my heart stops as the feeling of someone grabbing my arm in a vise grip overtakes my entire body.
All I can see is him . All I can hear is the haunting laugh that always clued me in that something was about to happen. I feel his hands on me and I want to scream.
No! This is a dream. He’s not real. He’s dead.
Open your eyes Allie.
My chest tightens and I feel like my throat is closing, as if someone is holding my throat in a grip so tight I am seconds from passing out.
“Open your eyes, Allie Girl. He’s not here.”
My eyes fly open and see Landon staring down at me. He flashes me a smile. “You’re safe, okay?”
I nod and try to slow my breathing, but the anxiety is now replaced with frustration. I hate feeling his hands on me. I hate hearing his voice. I hate feeling this excruciating pain. I just want it to all go away.
Landon’s hand moves to loop with my pinky that rests on his chest. He stares down at me and the concern is evident on his face. I know he is about to ask me if I’m okay or to talk about it and I ready myself to give the same generic answer I have been giving for months.
I’m fine.
He clears his throat, tightens his pinky around mine, and says, “I’m not going to ask you if you’re okay, because that is a stupid question. And I know you will just follow it with I’m fine when you are the furthest from fine. So instead, I am going to ask you this instead. What do you need? How can I take the pain away, even if it’s just for a second? What can I do? Do you want me to leave? Because I can. I just wanted you to wake up feeling safe for…yeah.”
Taking a deep breath, “I don’t want you to leave.”
My shoulders deflate and I shift my focus to his tattoos as I think of answers to his questions. But the silence isn’t long because Landon continues, but I don’t hear a word he says. My mind is consumed with trying to find a way to escape.
What can he do? How can he fix it? How can he make it so I never feel his hands on me again? How can he make me forget the pain that he caused? How can I just forget who I am for a single moment and pretend I am not this shell of a human floating through the day?
My mind comes up with a thousand and one ways, but none of them truly silence everything. I am about to give up, and that’s when my eyes zero in on the word written on Landon’s arm.
Overleve.
The answer hits me like a high-speed collision and my cheeks heat with embarrassment at the idea forming in my head. But as the seconds tick on and on, I allow myself to become present in the moment, and the idea doesn’t seem as crazy. Or maybe it is and I’m just out of options?
“And maybe I am not the person to do that for you, but last night when you asked me to stay, I thought I was, but if you need to be alone I–”
Landon looks like a deer in headlights as I lean in and cup his face. His mouth opens to speak, but I cut him off by pressing my lips to his. His body goes rigid and I instantly feel like I messed up. I know that I just ruined the only friendship I have because of my own selfish agenda.
I go to pull back, refusing to open my eyes, but as I do, one of Landon’s arms wraps around my waist and pulls me towards his chest. His other hand cups my face and I freeze.
Landon isn’t pushing me away. He is kissing me back.
All the tension fades from my body, and I relax into his chest. Our lips move against each other’s as if we have been kissing for years and tears spring to my eyes.
The first tear hits my cheek and I feel Landon try to pull away, but I chase and he stops. The tears are not because of him. They are from the realization that I’m feeling absolutely nothing at all.
Kissing Landon Parker Hayes silences the voices and calms the raging storm inside my head, trying to drag me under. In this moment, the voices, the unwanted touches and the lies spurred on by hatred are gone and what lies in its wake is the feeling of peace and welcomed silence.
Landon pulls back, and this time, I let him.
“Sorry…I know that was selfish. I—”
Landon leans forward and places a quick kiss on my lips before laying back down, his arm going behind his head, the other running up and down my back.
His eyes are dark gray, and his cheeks have a tint of red on them. I expect him to move or go back to his room, but he doesn’t. He moves me to lie completely on top of him, my head resting on his chest while his arms wrap securely around me.
“That was unexpected and surprising. That kiss…I have no words to explain what it did to me, but I know that your mind will spiral if I don’t try. So here it is. That kiss was more than a kiss. It felt like for the first time in years the lights came on. The fire inside my veins was extinguished, and the sun started to shine again. But most of all, the voices went completely silent. And I don’t know your intentions beyond this kiss, but I can tell you one thing, if you believe it’s selfish, then I guess I’m selfish too, because I will do anything to feel that at peace again.”
We sit in silence and I try to formulate a thought beyond his words that feel like he is speaking straight from my soul, but I cannot focus on anything other than basking in what feels like sitting in front of the most beautiful rainbow after a long rainstorm.
“So not to be that person, but we clearly feel the same, so I want to be clear on where I think this may be headed.”
Landon’s laugh vibrates in his chest, and I look up at him. “Oh Allie Girl, I think we both know where it’s going, but you need to be the one to say it. Because you are driving the car and I am the passenger. But just know, whatever path you choose, I’m on board. Whatever I can do to turn my mind off that doesn’t involve a silent killer causing me to do stupid shit. I will blindly walk down that path, especially if it’s with a strong and beautiful woman like you.”
“Look alive Allie Girl!”
My head snaps back just as Landon is tossing a deck of cards at me. I barely have time to react and move to the side so I don’t get smacked in the face by flying Uno cards.
I turn my attention back to Landon, who is putting popcorn into a bowl. A smile spreads across his face and I shake my head.
“Appreciate the heads up, asshole. You could have hit me!”
Landon doesn’t meet my gaze and says, “Do you need any medicine or an ice pack for your hand?”
“No, I’m good. Thank you.”
He gives me a thumbs up, pushes his sleeves up his forearms, picks up the bowl of popcorn, and heads into the living room.
Today has been…different.
If you would have told me five months ago that I kissed Landon Hayes, I would have told you that you were insane. Maybe I am, but the way I see it is that we both need a way to escape. We already trust each other, so what can go wrong?
Landon hands me the bowl of popcorn and drags the small living room table closer to the couch and tosses a pillow on the ground in front of me and points to the pack of Uno cards.
I do as he asks and place the bowl of popcorn on the table before I move to sit down on the pillow, my back resting against the base couch.
Just as I’m getting comfortable, Landon sets down two steaming cups of hot chocolate and hands me a sweatshirt that was hanging on his shoulder.
My brows furrow in confusion as I reach out and take the sweater.
“You’re always freezing. I rarely keep blankets down here. I’m either at The Hideout or in my room, but I’ll go steal some from Grayson’s place or order more.” Landon says as he sits down on the ground and quickly adjusts his gray joggers to cover his ankles.
“Thanks.” I say as I put on The Needle sweater and get comfortable while Landon deals out the Uno cards.
Landon takes a sip of hot chocolate, fans his cards out in his hands, leans forward on his elbows. “Want to make this interesting?”
My brows furrow. “I can see your wheels turning and I don’t know if I even want to know what’s going on in that head of yours.”
A laugh escapes him. “You definitely don’t, but what do you say Allie Girl? Do we make this interesting or do you want to spend the day losing to the best Uno player in the world?”
Shaking my head, my eyes roll and I lean forward on the table, “Oh you’re on Storm, but just know, whatever you’re about to say, you better like the consequences just as much as the reward because you are about to return your self proclaimed ‘Best Player’ Trophy.”
I have no idea what’s happening and what episode of the twilight zone I woke up in, but I can say this day is shaping up to be one of the best I’ve had in a long time. And I owe it all to the man sitting in front of me.