Chapter Thirty-One
Landon
“Landooo!! It’s about time you show up, big bro!”
Noah rushes me as soon as I walk in the door of my parents. “Mom said four. It’s 3:59.” I say as I hug Noah and make my way past him to the living room full of people.
Every year my parent’s host a New Year’s Eve party. This year, we have a few more people than normal since one can make it to the city and the bar is having a power outage because of the storm that is still clinging on.
I take a quick glance around and see the familiar faces of my family, Grayson’s coworkers from The Needle, Seb and Travis, the bartender from The Handle, Leo, Lainey, and Harper.
Grayson meets my gaze over the top of Logan’s head, who is sitting in his lap while talking to Harper. He gives a questioning look and I immediately know he is asking about Allie. I give him a quick nod and move into the kitchen to say hello to Mom.
She immediately pulls me into her arms. “Hi honey. I’ve missed you.”
“Missed you too Mom.”
She lets me go, but not far. “How is she?” she asks in a low whisper.
“Taking it one day at a time.”
Mom nods and pats my arm. “Are you doing okay since…”
“Yes Mom. I’m fine,” I say, not hiding my slight annoyance.
“Sorry honey, you know I worry.”
“I know, and I appreciate it. I’m sorry you had to see that. It will never happen again.”
“Don’t apologize. I will always be here for you. If it happens again, that’s okay. Just know you can always come to me or your father. Or maybe your new friend?”
I give her a knowing look. “Mom.”
She finally releases me and moves to stand next to me as we look out at the crowd of people. We stand there for a moment until she bumps my shoulder. “Just know that I am very proud of you for being there for her. She needs someone in her corner and I’m glad it’s you. You are stronger than you believe, and I know you are doing wonders for her during this time.”
I know she means on a deeper level, but my mind immediately goes to last night.
After our hundredth round of Uno, we both went to bed, but it wasn’t long before Allie crawled into bed with me. She kissed me and we practically melted into the bed and fell asleep in each other’s arms. Our arrangement came out of nowhere, but I am so fucking happy it came when it did because Allie stabbing me was the closest I have been to rock bottom.
Dad walks up and gives me a pat on the back. “Glad you could make it, son. Wes still in Canada?”
I nod, “Not sure. Last time I spoke to him, he said he was coming home, but didn't say when he'd be back.”
Dad nods in agreement. “Sounds good. Hopefully, he will make an appearance today. You know how your mother gets when her boys are away for too long.”
Mom leans forward and glares at Dad. “Heard that. And yes, I do worry. That’s what a mother does. It’s my job.”
She is about to continue when Grayson calls my name, “Landon.” He waves his arm to come into the living room.
I go to grab a beer from the cooler sitting next to the island and stop.
I cannot be drunk. I will not drink when Allie is waiting for me at my place. Instead, I grab a Dr. Pepper and make my way into the living room.
Lainey moves to sit on the arm of the sofa next to Noah and Noah leans over to whisper something in her ear, causing her to laugh.
I guess they have been hanging out and getting to know each other since she came into town.
As I’m sitting down in one of the chairs, Leo comes back from the bathroom and searches for a place to sit. He looks around and I’m about to get up and offer him my seat when Noah motions for him to sit down on the ground in front of his legs. Leo flashes me a smile and sits down.
“So Lan, how’s it been? I haven’t seen you around much.” Lainey says.
I shrug. “It’s been fine. Work has been busy, and the storm has made it hard to get around. Plus, I got hurt the other day, so I’ve been resting.”
Fuck. As soon as the words leave my mouth, I know I messed up. Even Harper stops her conversation with Sebastian. She normally has no care in the world and tries her hardest to not get involved with what we do. She has adopted the philosophy of, “If I don’t pay attention or avoid it, I am not involved”. But we all know she would drop everything if any of us asked for help.
The room is silent, and I wait for the questions to start.
I really need a fucking drink.
To no surprise, Noah is the first one to speak up. “What heroic act got you to come out of your cyber cave and ended up hurting you?“
“Maybe I slipped on the ice or something. Why do you assume it was a heroic act? That’s not my norm.” My voice is full of sarcasm and a hint of coldness.
Logan’s brows furrow and she says, “Did you slip on the ice?”
Taking a deep breath, I shake my head. “No.”
“For fuck’s sake man, just tell us what happened? Why make it harder than it needs to be?” Travis says, surprising all of us, since he is usually the quiet one. He may be full of tattoos and look like he could live in the mountains for years at time and bite your head off, but he is one of the nicest people I know and an incredible artist. He has done just as many of my tattoos as Gray has.
Despite the shock, Mom still pipes in, “Trav. Glad you finally feel comfortable saying what everyone else is thinking, but keep the language to the shop. I like to pretend you are all six and don’t know curse words.”
Trav nods. “Sorry Mama Hayes.” He turns his focus to me. “Just tell us Landon.”
“Allie stabbed me.”
Good job, idiot. That was exactly the way you needed to say that.
Logan’s head whips back and forth from me to Gray to Harper. “What did you just fucking say?” Before Mom can interrupt, Logan turns to her and says, “Sorry, Shelly.”
Mom shakes her head, “No Lo. That one was okay.”
I sigh. They need to know, but I don’t want to reveal Allie’s state of mind since she is still adamant that she needs more time before facing her best friend. I hate this mental gymnastics.
Part of me wants to protect Allie and her mind, but the other part of me sees the pain and hurt that is coming from Logan. I see both sides so clearly and truthfully, the “right” answer lies so close to the “wrong” one.
Scrubbing my hand down my face, I sit up in my chair. “I was exhausted one night after coming home from a mission. It was late, and I went to check on Allie since it had been a few days. My mind wasn’t clear, and I used the code instead of calling her. She thought I was an intruder and popped out of nowhere and stabbed me in the shoulder.”
Everyone’s eyes go wide as I move my shoulder around to break up the tension in my muscles and continue, “I deserved it. I shouldn’t have gone in without talking to her first. She did exactly what we want everyone here to know how to do. I was more impressed at her strength and ability to take me down than I was hurt by the knife.”
The room falls to a stunned silence and after a few moments, Logan speaks up.
“Well, you should never underestimate her. She has a strength in her that only people wish to have. Back in Alabama, she went to every self defense class with me and we learned how to take down people twice the size of us. Now I have no idea what he did to her, but I will wait forever to to hear her story. However, I know what he’s capable of and how he acted when he didn’t get his way. Allie doesn’t take shit from anyone, even if they think they’re better than her. So I love you Landon, but you definitely deserved to be stabbed. You’re lucky that girl didn’t kill you.”
“You’re right. Every single word.” I say, my voice full of sincerity. What I did was stupid and it will never happen again.
Silence fills the room again, and I look at Logan. Tears are not flowing down her face and she isn’t closing herself off into Gray. I expected her to break down and have a bigger reaction, but instead she spoke the hard truth and is now looking at me like she wants to either punch me in the face or give me an earful. Both I probably deserve.
“Can I see your scar? I want to see how big of a badass Al is.” Noah says. Leo smacks his leg and whispers something to him and Noah loudly says, “What? I want to see!” Leo rolls his eyes and sits back against Noah’s legs.
“I assume you didn’t go to the hospital like the rest of your crazy brothers, so I want to see the stitches. Allie is a baby whisperer and must have the hands of an angel when it comes to stitches.” Harper leans forward, giving me an insistent look.
I roll my eyes. How did I end up with people that can handle a bomb being dropped on them and then two seconds later want to see the aftermath?
Leaning forward, I lift my shirt when Wes’s voice echoes through the room. “I lost the bet within the first hour. Great.”
I pause and give him a questioning look as he moves to stand behind Harper. She gives him a pointed look over her shoulder and he scowls at her.
“Bet for today was that Noah would be the first person to take his clothes off.” Grayson says.
“Hey! That’s not fair!”
“Noah, even you bet against yourself.” Lainey says.
“Whatever! Landon. Show us the scar!”
I turn in my chair and lift the back of my shirt. Of course, Logan, Harper, Noah, Leo, and Mom are the ones that crowd around me. This is what happens when you have a bunch of nurses, a soon to be nurse practitioner, and nosey people in your family.
“Damn. She got you good!” Noah exclaims.
Logan laughs and shakes her head.
“Her stitch work is incredible. Told you, angel hands.” Harper says.
“That must have been a serrated knife. Your scar will look weird, but it should heal up nicely.” Leo says matter of factly.
“You definitely deserved it, but don’t let it happen again. I don’t need to have a heart attack before one of you gives me a grandchild.” Mom proclaims, while pulling my shirt down and kissing me on the top of the head.
I turn back around and watch as Gray shakes his head, Wes squeezes Harper’s shoulder, and Lainey, Leo, and Noah all laugh at something one of them said in hushed voices.
I take a good look around the room and watch the laughter, smiles, and love filtering throughout every inch of my parents’ home, and that’s when it hits me. This is what Allie wants. She wants me to be clear minded, so I can be present in the moment. She isn’t just asking me not to drink when it comes to touching her, she wants to show me what it’s like to not be in a constant state of blurry vision.
The fire may be burning inside my veins and everything in me wants to run and grab the first sip of alcohol, but I can’t. Because if I do, not only will I miss out on an opportunity to feel absolute silence and peace, but also how clear small moments like these can truly be.
“Honey, I’m home!” I say, stepping into the doorway of my house.
Allie sits up from her spot on the couch and rolls her eyes. “Nope.”
“Come on! That was a good one!” I say, kicking off my boots and locking the door.
Before sitting on the couch, I set the containers of food Mom insisted I bring home on the counter and make my way to the living room. Allie flashes me a questioning look and I shake my head.
“Had a few Dr. Peppers and enough food to feed a basketball team.”
Tension drains from her shoulders and I sit on the couch next to her, bringing her legs to my lap.
“Bad day or good day?” I ask, getting a good look at her. Her hair is down in braids on each side of her face and she is curled up in a blanket, only her black leggings being visible in my lap. Her light blue eyes are red, and I know she’s been crying.
I go to ask her again, but she hands me her phone.
Harrison : Image
In the photo is a smaller man with longer light brown hair who is standing by the enormous Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center kissing a photo of Allie’s parents.
Under the image is a message.
Harrison : Guess who is spending the New Year in the Big Apple? Me! Figured I’d bring Mom and Dad along for the ride. Missing you today. Hope to see you soon!
Who the hell is this fucking guy and why is he sending her this?
I hand her back her phone. “Who is that?”
Allie drops her phone in her lap. “That’s Harrison. Mine and Logan’s friend from college I told you about?”
I nod.
“Well, he was close to my parents and I guess he took a photo of them with him in New York. He means well, but it just…yeah.”
My hand goes to her legs, and I run my hand up and down her calf. “I know, and I’m sorry. If I had the power to bring them back or trade places with them, I would.”
A tear rolls down her check, and she shakes her head. “Please don’t say that, but thank you. It means a lot.” She swipes the tear away and pulls the blanket tighter around her. “How was the party?”
“It was fine. Told them about how you stabbed me.” Her eyes go wide. “I didn’t go into super detail, but they all said I deserved it. Lo—.” I stop myself and wait for Allie’s reaction to my speaking of her best friend.
“It’s fine. What did Logan say?”
“She said that you have strength that people only wish they could have and that if you would have killed me, I deserved it for messing with you.” I give her a chance to stop me, but she doesn’t, so I continue. “She also said she would wait forever to hear your story and that no one should ever underestimate you and I told her I agree with her completely…on everything.”
Allie nods and turns her focus to look out at the snow falling outside. Minutes tick by and I keep my hands on her legs. The need to feel her close while the voices inside my head are screaming for what I refuse to give them is almost overwhelming.
I allow Allie to sit and process, but she doesn’t take long before she is sitting up.
I give her a questioning look, and she leans forward. “I need to not feel.” Her voice cracks and I can see the pain and hurt, but mostly I feel the dire need to take it all away.
“Come here.” I open my arms and she crawls in my lap, her legs straddling my lap.
Her light blues stare into mine and I can see the desperation and need to forget. Slowly, I move my hands to cup her face, my thumbs brushing along her cheek.
“What do you need, Allie?”
Allie’s shoulders sink for just a moment before she shakes her head, clears her mind, and says, “Make me forget.”
“Tell me if it’s too much.”
I wait for her to lean in because the last thing I want to do is misread the situation, even if everything in me is screaming to feel the silence that comes with her lips against mine.
“Landon. I need you to take it away. I need you to make me forget. I just want to not think for one second. Take what you need and I promise if it gets to be too much, I will tell you to stop. Just help me escape.”
As the last words leave her mouth, I bring her face to mine and crush my lips against hers in a bruising kiss. Allie melts into me and I wrap my arms around her waist as the voices in my head fall silent.
Our bodies move on their own accord and I can feel myself growing hard beneath her. I try to shift her off my cock multiple times, but she keeps moving back.
A sexy as fuck groan comes from Allie and I have to fight to not toss her tiny ass to the couch and fucking devour her. Sex is always a means to an end for me and half the time I never remember it, but this is different. I don’t want to forget. I want to feel nothing and everything at the same time.
Allie bites my lip and moans escapes me. Abruptly she pulls back, her cheeks flushed and our chest rising and falling rapidly. “Stop fighting it. Fuck me to the point I pass out and then wake me up and do it again because I want to live in the moment of utter silence for as long as I can.”
She tries to kiss me again, but I stop her with my hand on her throat. “Oh sweetheart, you have no idea what the hell you just asked for.” I hold her there for a moment and squeeze her neck slightly. I wait to see how she will react and when her eyes roll back and a whimper escapes her, my control snaps.
In seconds, she is on her back on the couch and my cock strains against my jeans. Her eyes go wide as my hand returns to her throat and I ground my dick against her pussy. “If you want to forget, I can do that, but you better hang on.” Allie rapidly nods her head yes and I slam my mouth against hers.