Chapter Thirty-Nine
Landon
“Wake up.”
Groaning, I flip off the loud voice that’s screaming at me and shining a bright light directly in my face.
“No. Get up.”
My eyes peek open to see Wes standing above me in the shed behind Allie’s burnt down cabin.
My stomach churns and I turn on my side to throw up the entire contents of my stomach.
“Nice. Keep it going because I would rather not go back to the hospital. Kicking your ass will be much more fun.”
Groaning, I move to sit back against the shed wall and shield my eyes at the small crack in the ceiling, allowing the sun to shine through.
Wes looks around the shed with a look of disgust on his face before turning his attention back to me. Great. Out of all of my brothers to find me, Wes would be the one. This is going to be fucking fun.
“Should I punch you now or later?”
“Whatever.”
“You have a lot of people looking for you Landon and here you are wasting everyone’s time by hiding away and consuming this shit,” he says, kicking an empty bottle of whiskey, the clinking of the bottle sounding like a firework going off in my head.
“Well, you found me. What do you want?” I say, my voice void of emotion.
“I want you to get your ass off the ground so I can kick it for making Mom and Logan cry.”
“No, thanks.”
My eyes close and suddenly, I am being lifted off the ground by my shirt and pinned against the wall.
“Open your eyes Landon.”
“Just punch me already, Wes. Can’t be worse than what I am feeling right now.” As the words leave my mouth, Wes’s fist meets my face and my head instantly screams in pain.
It takes a moment, but when my vision clears, I look into Wes’s eyes that mirror mine, but tell two different stories. He looks disgusted and I can’t disagree with him.
“Are you done wallowing yet, or do I need to hit you again?”
I shrug, and he hits me again.
“Fucking hell. Fine.”
Wes rolls his eyes and drops me to the ground, and I stumble as I try to catch my balance.
“You’re a fucking mess, Landon.”
“I know.”
“You need help.”
“No, I don’t.”
Punch.
“You need help.”
“No, I don’t!” I say, blood spewing from my mouth.
Punch.
“STOP!”
“You need help.”
“N-”
Punch.
This time I don’t get up. Instead, I crumble to the ground, all the pain and hurt coming to the surface.
“Talk. My fist may be tired, but my legs aren’t.”
“I almost lost her. I’ve lost so many. I couldn’t save them. I can’t save myself. I just want to disappear. I just want to forget. The alcohol used to silence the voices, but now it doesn’t. They won’t shut up, no matter how much I drink. They won’t shut the hell up!” Tears fall down my face and mix with the blood pouring from my split lip and cheek.
“What are they saying?”
“That I failed. That it’s all my fault. That I am worthless and don’t deserve help or anything good. That I am a horrible person and should just stop trying.”
Wes stares down at me for a moment before crouching in front of me. I expect him to hit me again, but he doesn’t. “Those voices are inside your head. They are your insecurities screaming at you, telling you everything you already think about yourself daily.”
My eyes go wide and I know he’s right. This isn’t me. This isn’t who I want to be, and I know that. I am not the man that deserves to be running a company that saves people that can’t help themselves. I am not the man that my parents and brothers would be proud of. I am not the man that deserves the title of best friend.
Somewhere along the way, I lost myself and forgot who Landon was and left in its place is a shell of a man who doesn’t even know who he is anymore.
“I–I don’t want to live like this anymore, Wes. I-I need help. Please.” My voice cracks as I stare into Wes’s eyes and beg for him to save me before another wave crashes over me and drags me under.
Wes looks up to the ceiling and when his eyes return to mine, they are glistening with unshed tears and he stands.
“Let’s go then,” he says, holding out a hand to help me stand.
I stand on shaky legs and follow him out of the shed.
Today I finally saw what rock bottom truly looked like. It’s as dark and miserable as I imagined, and I just hope I have the strength to climb back out.