Chapter Forty-One
Allie
The sunshine hits my face as I step out the front doors of Lila Park Rehabilitation Center.
Dr. Kim squeezes my hand and I turn to look at the woman who has taken me far beyond I could ever have imagined.
Her dark brown eyes stare down at me. “I am so proud of you. When you got here six months ago, you were a shell of a girl. Now you are shining bright and beautiful. You have come so far and I know this is just the start of your new journey.”
Tears fill my eyes. “Thank you for everything. I would not be standing here without you.”
“Yes, you would, because you are stronger than you know Allie.”
I smile through the tears. “Can I hug you?”
She huffs a laugh and pulls me into her arms. “Don’t be afraid of setbacks. Take every good day and bad day with confidence. I’ll see you next week for our session. Remember, I am always a phone call away. I am so proud of you.”
“Thank you.”
We separate and she pushes my suitcase towards me, waving a final goodbye before she steps back inside.
Grabbing the handle of my suitcase, I turn around and stop. In the parking lot, Logan is there, leaning against the front of her white jeep. We both stand there, stuck, staring at each other, neither one of us moving.
The past six months have been a whirlwind, and I have worked harder than I ever have. I have learned more about myself than I ever thought possible.
After I sent the first letter to Logan, it became a routine. We made a promise to have the harder conversations in person, but wanted to make strides back to the friendship we once had. Every letter that came brought me a step closer to the truth that was stolen from me.
Logan is not the monster that he said she was. She is my best friend. My sister.
I walk towards her and she takes a step forwards and pulls something out of her back pocket, unravels it and holds it up.
I stop in my tracks and smile. In her hands is a gray t-shirt with two puppies wearing tutus hugging. It’s simple and yet a reminder of who we once were. I cut the distance between us and pull her into my arms.
Both of our shoulders shake as every emotion hits us all at once.
We are locked in a hug that we’ve both needed for so long. When we pull apart, our tears are dry and we are laughing.
“Missed you Lolo.”
“Missed you, Al. Now get your ass in the Jeep. I’m fucking starving. I haven’t eaten since yesterday because I was so nervous.”
We both chuckle and I load my suitcase into the Jeep and jump in. As soon as my butt hits the seat, a wet nose boops me in the back of the head and I turn around to see who I assume is the infamous Willow, staring at me. Her fluffy tail wagging a million miles an hour.
“Hi. You must be Willow?” I say.
“Yep. That’s her.”
“Can I pet her?”
“Yep. She has to have her vest on to get into public places, because she is an emotional support animal and therapy dog. Before we came to get you, she spent time at the children’s hospital a few miles away and got all kinds of kiddo love.”
As if she can understand Logan, she nudges me and I give her the pets she is asking for.
“Alright Willow. Place. Mama is hungry.”
In an instance, Willow lays down on the floor.
We have been driving for hours, talking about nothing of importance and I don’t mind it. It feels nice to catch up before jumping into the harder conversations, ones that I don’t necessarily want to have driving down the tree filled highway.
“So we are going to be back in Cliff Haven soon and there is absolutely no pressure, but I wanted to offer you to stay with Gray and I? The cabin is done and ready for you to stay in, but I wasn’t sure if you were ready to go back there yet.”
Definitely not. I may be far from where I once was, but I am not ready to go back to the cabin right now. Maybe ever.
“There are a few other options. We could get you into a hotel. You could stay at The Hideout. Or you could stay at Landon’s. Wes told us he offered his place to you and when he got back, he would stay at The Hideout or his parents.”
My stomach fills with butterflies at the mention of Landon. We have been sending letters back and forth for months. I learned so much more about him. Way more than I did before. The idea of staying in his place feels right, but I’m nervous because the last time I was there, everything started to crumble.
“I just stayed in an unfamiliar place for six months, so I would rather not stay in a hotel or the Hideout. And with Landon being gone, it feels odd being there without him with how we left things. So it’s best if I stay with you and Grayson.”
“Of course. There is a lot of uncertainty right now and I never want you to feel pressured to stay anywhere. I can make Gray go stay at Lan’s or the Hideout if you want me to.”
I chuckle and shake my head. “No. You don’t have to do that. I’m not going to kick your safe person out of his own house. If I feel odd or uncomfortable, I will tell you. I know I am not trapped there. It’s my decision, not anyone else’s.”
“He is, but you are my best friend and we have a lot to discuss. Gray is currently on a mission, but he will be home in a day or two, so if you do not want to talk around him, that is okay, too.”
Reaching over, I tap her arm. “Lo. I swear, it’s okay. I’ve worked through a lot the past few months and I can tell you with confidence, it was never being around men that was a trigger. It was the fact that I let someone put their hands on me and play puppet with my mind to the point I forgot who I was.”
Subtly, she adjusts her body to hide the look of sadness on her face. “I’m really sorry, Al.”
“I know.”
Tapping both hands on the steering wheel, she says, “Alright. Let’s get home. Get comfy and talk. I have a million and one things to say and I am ready to be out of this car and so is Willow.”
Falling onto the comfiest couch in the world, I let out a contented sigh. “Damn Lo. This place is incredible. And this couch? I would never leave.”
Logan tosses a blanket on me and pats the couch for Willow to jump up. “I know right! I can’t even tell you how many days Gray left me on the couch reading and came back after spending all day at work to find me in the exact same spot.”
I nod and pet Oliver, who attached himself to me as soon as I walked in the door.
“So. Do you have questions, or do you want me to just jump in and tell you why?” Logan asks.
Taking a deep breath, I mentally prepare myself for this conversation. It’s been a long time coming and I know it’s necessary. It just feels odd saying everything out loud, even if I’ve done it a million times with Dr. Kim.
“I don’t need you to tell me why, Lo, but I do have a lot of questions. He messed with my mind for weeks and I had to spend a lot of time trying to figure out what was the truth or something he made me believe. But I will say this before we get into anything. I forgive you Lo. You were my best friend and still are. I just wish you would have told us because if there is anything we have learned from all of this, it is that we are stronger together. They may not be here anymore and they may not be able to speak for themselves, but I know if you would have told them a sliver of the reality you were facing, they would have moved mountains to help you.”
Logan swipes at the first tears of many to come and nods. “Thank you for your forgiveness. You did not have to do that, but I have to admit, it feels great to hear. But just know that I will always regret not speaking up. Stella and Shepard were the best adoptive parents I could have ever asked for and I leaned on them in so many ways. I have thought so many times if I would have just let my fear fall away for a second and told them, they would still be here. I have made a ton of mistakes in my life, but that will forever be the worst one and I am so sorry Allie.”
I swipe at the tears sliding down my face. “I know, Lo, and I really appreciate that. I know now that you were just trying to protect us the best way you knew how.”
We both sit in silence for a moment, allowing each other to gather ourselves before I look at Logan. “Can I ask how he died ?”
Logan chuckles. “I killed him the same way he killed my mom.” Her eyebrows raise and she gives me a questioning yet sympathetic look. “How much detail do you want to know?”
“Everything. I need to know everything. The past year has been the toughest game of mental gymnastics ever. Information equals clarity, and that’s all I want right now.”
Logan pats her leg for Willow to come closer and runs her fingers through her hair. “My mom had a lot of mental health ailments that made my childhood rough. She tried her best, but at the end of the day, it was always me that had to take care of me. She would disappear into herself and alcohol, which meant that I had to fight Mike on my own. So when she said we were finally escaping on my birthday, I was ecstatic. It didn’t last long because on my birthday, I walked in to find her dead in my living room, her arms and wrists cut.”
She pauses to collect herself. “I had a feeling it was him , but never knew for certain until he almost killed me. So when I finally had the chance to meet him on a level where he was the smallest in the room, he confessed. So I let him go out the same way he took her away, just a little more…unhinged. I let him have all the pain and hurt he caused my mom and I and possibly caused you and your parents.”
Holy shit. I know I should be upset or even scared at the fact that my best friend was capable of such things, but I’m not. I’m proud of her. She got the revenge she and her mom so rightfully deserved.
“Wow. He deserved worse and part of me wishes I was there to witness the look in his eyes when he finally met his demise, but I am happy that he didn’t get off easy.”
“I know. And I’m sorry, but just know if I could bring him back and allow you to get your hands on him, I would.”
“I’ve thought about that a lot the past few months. I’ve wondered what it would be like if I ever had the chance to get revenge. What would I say or do? Trust me, Dr. Kim had to listen to me go into detail about what I would do to that man, but after weeks of going over everything in my mind, I realized that revenge isn’t what I need. What I need is clarity and to move forward, knowing that he tried to take me down, but he was no match for my inner strength. Me surviving was the best version of revenge.”
Tears flow down Logan’s face and she leans over Willow, bringing me into a hug. “I am so proud of you, Allison Paige. You are the truest definition of a warrior.”
Sobs overtake both of us. I know this is just the beginning and we have so much left to say, but I can say for certain, I am happy to be here in this moment, because to think I almost missed this chance at forgiveness would have meant that he won.